Comments on: Is the Dating Pool Really That Small? http://dadshouseblog.com/2008/02/27/is-the-dating-pool-really-that-small/ Single Parent Dating, Raising Children, Parenting Teens Sat, 21 Nov 2009 05:03:21 -0600 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc hourly 1 By: Laura http://dadshouseblog.com/2008/02/27/is-the-dating-pool-really-that-small/comment-page-1/#comment-37 Laura Thu, 24 Jul 2008 20:37:52 +0000 http://dadshouse.wordpress.com/?p=25#comment-37 I am entering the dating pool once again after ending a two-year relationship. I have no kids, just a dog. Now, I only want to start dating men who have been married once before because they will not have a false expectation of marriage. If I meet a wonderful man and he has children that is fine by me. My only concern is that he has a civil relationship with his ex-wife. I know it is tough to date single dads. I have done it and it has ended for other reasons. The kids need to come first and when you start dating, that can be a stress. I also realize that their mom is their mom and if I ever became a step-mom, I would have to look at it more as being an auntie more than anything. I think many women who are willing to date men with children, and have none of their own, need to take into consideration the children’s feelings as well the ex-wife’s feelings as being a new woman in the children’s life. Yes, I know I am rare, but we are out there. Now, where do all the single dads hang out? I am entering the dating pool once again after ending a two-year relationship. I have no kids, just a dog. Now, I only want to start dating men who have been married once before because they will not have a false expectation of marriage. If I meet a wonderful man and he has children that is fine by me. My only concern is that he has a civil relationship with his ex-wife. I know it is tough to date single dads. I have done it and it has ended for other reasons. The kids need to come first and when you start dating, that can be a stress. I also realize that their mom is their mom and if I ever became a step-mom, I would have to look at it more as being an auntie more than anything. I think many women who are willing to date men with children, and have none of their own, need to take into consideration the children’s feelings as well the ex-wife’s feelings as being a new woman in the children’s life. Yes, I know I am rare, but we are out there. Now, where do all the single dads hang out?

]]> By: chatanika http://dadshouseblog.com/2008/02/27/is-the-dating-pool-really-that-small/comment-page-1/#comment-36 chatanika Thu, 17 Apr 2008 07:10:46 +0000 http://dadshouse.wordpress.com/?p=25#comment-36 I do want to say that the best Brady Bunch story I have are my grandparents. Grandpa had three children (full custody in the 1950's which is telling) and Grandma had three as well. They met working second jobs at a drive-in theatre, fell in love, married and then had my aunt together. They are the most amazing, in love, phenomenal people I know. Maybe I'm just afraid I'll never rock it like that! I do want to say that the best Brady Bunch story I have are my grandparents. Grandpa had three children (full custody in the 1950’s which is telling) and Grandma had three as well. They met working second jobs at a drive-in theatre, fell in love, married and then had my aunt together. They are the most amazing, in love, phenomenal people I know. Maybe I’m just afraid I’ll never rock it like that!

]]> By: Jorge Fitz-Gibbon http://dadshouseblog.com/2008/02/27/is-the-dating-pool-really-that-small/comment-page-1/#comment-35 Jorge Fitz-Gibbon Wed, 16 Apr 2008 18:15:46 +0000 http://dadshouse.wordpress.com/?p=25#comment-35 I'm intrigued by your comment, Chatanika. But I come at this from a radically different perspective. I am a single dad who lives with a single mom, as we attempt to build a blended family and all that that entails. But after my divorce I dated quite a bit, and spent two years with a non-parent. It ultimately broke down because of my son. She had no issue with my son; she just simply didn't "get it." Hard as she tried to conceal it, she just felt uncomfortable in a parenting role, and with me having a child that wasn't hers. She and I remain friends, but it led me to a decision at the time that I would feel more comfortable dating moms. First of all, they understood the time demands, the crazy schedules, and, I think, had become more independent and self-assured about themselves. Mostly, they understood. That's not to say that I don't see your point of view. Most of my friends refuse to date single parents. So it is a matter of what fits for you. I also understand the sensitivity a parent would feel about introducing their child to a partner who doesn't hang around for long. I've erred there myself several times, and regret it to this day. I have one divorced friend who has dated for years -- at one point for two years with one man -- and she has yet to introduce her son to a partner. I consider that extreme, primarily since she dated one person for so long. But it is her rule. To each their own. For me, I think there are unavoidable emotional risks when you're a single parent who dates, both for yourself and your child. You work to limit them for the kids, but they're there. I believe my son is better off now because we both took those risks, and found a woman -- and another child -- who fits us. Could we have gotten here with a non-parent as well? Possibly. But why limit the field? I’m intrigued by your comment, Chatanika. But I come at this from a radically different perspective.
I am a single dad who lives with a single mom, as we attempt to build a blended family and all that that entails.
But after my divorce I dated quite a bit, and spent two years with a non-parent. It ultimately broke down because of my son. She had no issue with my son; she just simply didn’t “get it.” Hard as she tried to conceal it, she just felt uncomfortable in a parenting role, and with me having a child that wasn’t hers.
She and I remain friends, but it led me to a decision at the time that I would feel more comfortable dating moms. First of all, they understood the time demands, the crazy schedules, and, I think, had become more independent and self-assured about themselves. Mostly, they understood.
That’s not to say that I don’t see your point of view. Most of my friends refuse to date single parents. So it is a matter of what fits for you.
I also understand the sensitivity a parent would feel about introducing their child to a partner who doesn’t hang around for long. I’ve erred there myself several times, and regret it to this day. I have one divorced friend who has dated for years — at one point for two years with one man — and she has yet to introduce her son to a partner.
I consider that extreme, primarily since she dated one person for so long. But it is her rule. To each their own.
For me, I think there are unavoidable emotional risks when you’re a single parent who dates, both for yourself and your child. You work to limit them for the kids, but they’re there. I believe my son is better off now because we both took those risks, and found a woman — and another child — who fits us.
Could we have gotten here with a non-parent as well? Possibly. But why limit the field?

]]> By: dadshouse http://dadshouseblog.com/2008/02/27/is-the-dating-pool-really-that-small/comment-page-1/#comment-34 dadshouse Wed, 16 Apr 2008 17:43:22 +0000 http://dadshouse.wordpress.com/?p=25#comment-34 Hi Chatanika - thanks for sharing your thoughts. The "boom, sisters? no more" comment really stood out. That would be very hard on kids to think they had step-siblings only to lose them. I also like your insights about separately-evolved parenting styles. Brady Bunch families seem harder to get right. I know there are some blended-family readers out there. Love to hear comments from them. Do you have a blog? I'd enjoy reading you more. I hope you'll keep commenting here. Hi Chatanika – thanks for sharing your thoughts. The “boom, sisters? no more” comment really stood out. That would be very hard on kids to think they had step-siblings only to lose them.

I also like your insights about separately-evolved parenting styles. Brady Bunch families seem harder to get right. I know there are some blended-family readers out there. Love to hear comments from them.

Do you have a blog? I’d enjoy reading you more. I hope you’ll keep commenting here.

]]> By: chatanika http://dadshouseblog.com/2008/02/27/is-the-dating-pool-really-that-small/comment-page-1/#comment-33 chatanika Wed, 16 Apr 2008 17:31:53 +0000 http://dadshouse.wordpress.com/?p=25#comment-33 Confession- I'm a single mom that doesn't date single dads. Here's the deal. I've seen the failed relationships when two independently evolved parenting styles clash. I don't want to deal with the unintentional but natural favoritism for one set of children over another. I've seen my children heartbroken when their father broke up with his single mom live-in girlfriend and her children. Boom, sisters? No more. Hypocritical of me? Sure. I expect men to date me, a single mom. And I'm not saying that IF a great single dad with a sympatico parenting style and funny kids came along, I wouldn't give it careful consideration. So far, though, better safe than sorry. Confession- I’m a single mom that doesn’t date single dads. Here’s the deal. I’ve seen the failed relationships when two independently evolved parenting styles clash. I don’t want to deal with the unintentional but natural favoritism for one set of children over another. I’ve seen my children heartbroken when their father broke up with his single mom live-in girlfriend and her children. Boom, sisters? No more.

Hypocritical of me? Sure. I expect men to date me, a single mom. And I’m not saying that IF a great single dad with a sympatico parenting style and funny kids came along, I wouldn’t give it careful consideration. So far, though, better safe than sorry.

]]> By: Dating Goddess http://dadshouseblog.com/2008/02/27/is-the-dating-pool-really-that-small/comment-page-1/#comment-32 Dating Goddess Thu, 20 Mar 2008 04:12:49 +0000 http://dadshouse.wordpress.com/?p=25#comment-32 I've been on the other side. Being a 52-year-old childless woman, I was pretty sure I wasn't interested in a man with at-home kids until I had a first date with a man who brought along his 3-year-old! She was tired and cranky and wouldn't let Daddy get a sentence out without interrupting. That cemented my feelings that I wasn't prepared to date a man with little kids! I just didn't have the tools to cope. Regarding your comment about the dating pool being small, I unfortunately found out how small when I was chatting with a newly wed (18 months ago) friend and inadvertently discovered I'd gone on a date with her new husband -- 3 months ago! Yuck! She was aghast -- as I was -- that he had listed himself on a dating site and was wooing women. She was grateful it was me as she now had the evidence -- pictures, cell phone number, emails -- to confront him. Dating Goddess Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40 http://www.DatingGoddess.com I’ve been on the other side. Being a 52-year-old childless woman, I was pretty sure I wasn’t interested in a man with at-home kids until I had a first date with a man who brought along his 3-year-old! She was tired and cranky and wouldn’t let Daddy get a sentence out without interrupting. That cemented my feelings that I wasn’t prepared to date a man with little kids! I just didn’t have the tools to cope.

Regarding your comment about the dating pool being small, I unfortunately found out how small when I was chatting with a newly wed (18 months ago) friend and inadvertently discovered I’d gone on a date with her new husband — 3 months ago! Yuck! She was aghast — as I was — that he had listed himself on a dating site and was wooing women. She was grateful it was me as she now had the evidence — pictures, cell phone number, emails — to confront him.

Dating Goddess
Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40
http://www.DatingGoddess.com

]]> By: Katrina http://dadshouseblog.com/2008/02/27/is-the-dating-pool-really-that-small/comment-page-1/#comment-31 Katrina Fri, 07 Mar 2008 20:27:35 +0000 http://dadshouse.wordpress.com/?p=25#comment-31 Single mom here with the same story...just a different place in time. Dated a wonderful man for six weeks, to only call me at work one day and say, "sorry, can't do the ready made family thing." It didn't matter that he thought I was "wonderful, sexy, charming, and intelligent." He wanted a "fresh woman." Gosh...I didn't realize us single parents had an expiration date! Love your blog! Single mom here with the same story…just a different place in time. Dated a wonderful man for six weeks, to only call me at work one day and say, “sorry, can’t do the ready made family thing.” It didn’t matter that he thought I was “wonderful, sexy, charming, and intelligent.” He wanted a “fresh woman.” Gosh…I didn’t realize us single parents had an expiration date!

Love your blog!

]]>