Putting the EX in SEX
An ex-girlfriend recently texted my cell phone asking for a booty call. I didn’t say no. She’d been sending me not-so dirty text messages on and off since we’d broken up a few months before, usually just saying hi, how r u, hope u r good. I sensed she wanted us back together, despite the fact she was the one who ended things between us.
We’d dated for six months last year, a summer fling that extended into fall. At some point early on, we both knew it wouldn’t last. I’m in my forties, she’s in her late-twenties, and we’re at different stages of life. While she wants a career followed by kids, I’m close to putting my teens through college. I don’t want to have a baby while sending grown children to graduate school. I’d reached an age where I want my next kid to be a grandkid.
Back in the summer, she and I blissfully ignored this difference of wants and embraced the pleasures of companionship and sex. It was more than friends with benefits – we cooked, hiked, went to concerts, dined out, saw movies, stayed up late talking, enjoyed sleepovers. We had fun dating.
At some point, though, she was ready for a man who did want kids and she had no choice but to end things with me.
Okay, so when she texted me she didn’t exactly ask for booty. She sent a simple miss u, and I invited her over. Bad idea? Years ago I’d slept with an ex in hopes of getting back together. We then tried dating again, and it didn’t work for all the same reasons as before. Why would this time with this ex be any different? I still don’t want more kids.
She came over. The sex was great. What now? I’d be content with a steady lover in my life, but I know she wants more – marriage, kids, a future. I can’t give her all that. Do I act the older, wiser partner and make her stay away? Or do I enjoy her company, her smile, her body, her laugh, until she really is ready to move on?
Some people won’t admit to sleeping with an ex. For me, sleeping with an ex is not a deep dark secret, but I don’t take it lightly. I know it re-opens a life chapter that was already closed.
Still, when booty calls, it’s hard to refuse. Especially when it’s good.
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Comment by singlemomseeking
| March 5th, 2008
“Putting the EX in SEX.” You are so darn clever. I love that. Thanks so much for being open.
Comment by sexplory
| March 5th, 2008
I really have difficulty with this subject – there is someone I’ve been sleeping with for the last year off an on. We dated for a period of time before it fell apart to to commitment issues (not on my side, mind you), and we are still great friends, however the physicality between us makes it damn hard to keep our hands off of eachother.
I’m really interested to see what happens, or how your two figure eachother out – I mean, is it cool that a random hookup happens? Is anyone able to keep the emotions out of a bootycall with someone you used to be emotionally involved with? What do you think?
Comment by modernsinglemomma
| March 6th, 2008
very true…love that last line your wrote =)
Comment by lance
| April 13th, 2008
Dude, I think this is great. This is a real life example of a FWB AND an older guy with a younger woman.
My advice, which is something I’m sure you know already, is just ride the train and be completely open with her (and yourself). Basically, she’s going to do the FWB thing until she finds herself same-age boyfriend. The sex will probably be totally sporadic. There’s nothing wrong with that. Focus on your friendship and make sure you allow yourself to remain friends with her (non-physical) after the inevitable happens. If either of you start to get too attached, you might have to be the one to shut it down.
If you don’t mind my asking, how did you meet her?? Was wondering if there was a blog post about it…
Comment by dadshouse
| April 13th, 2008
I met this ex at a friend’s birthday party. Funny thing is, the friend was hoping to set me up with another woman there – someone in her 30s who wanted a real relationship. But the woman I liked had this great smile and energy… couldn’t take my eyes off her. I approached her, flirted, got her number, asked her out, and our summer fling stretched into fall.
Since this post, she and I have reconnected as FWBs. We both know that’s all it is. Gone are the dinners, hikes, and concerts, replaced by text message booty calls. It’s a little odd since we did have a more meaningful relationship before, but this kind of sort of works for the moment. Like you said, just ride the train…
Comment by catscratch
| November 22nd, 2008
I keep reading about the stages of life.
I honestly wish I’d known how many differences there are between people who are in such different stages of life a long time ago…
Sex with an EX can be awesome, as long as it stays just that. I have to agree with you when you say that it obviously ended for a reason and why would anything be any different the second (third) time around.
catscratch´s last blog post..Slutty, Skanky & Into S & M
Comment by Ginger Magnolia
| July 26th, 2009
Amen to that, brother.
It’s nice when you already know how to please each other. Not so nice when one of you still has feelings, though.
It can be lots of fun, though.
Ginger Magnolia´s last blog ..Lying Liars and the Lies They Tell