Kid-Friendly Companionship With Benefits
Warm weather has hit the Bay Area, and you’d think I’d have spring fever right now. Especially when a sexy ex-girlfriend lands back in my lap, eager to resume last summer’s torrid affair. What guy wouldn’t want to put and end to the madness of internet dating, get out of a too-small dating pool, steer clear of the hookup culture, walk away from a Silicon Valley singles scene that is woefully devoid of women.
But something inside me has changed. I need more than built-in sex and companionship from a partner. I want someone I can bring around my kids. (The ex in question just wants a lover right now. Eventually she wants kids of her own, after her career is established, but by then my children will be grown and in college. I don’t plan on fathering more kids when I’m in my 50s.)
In eight years of divorce, only two of my girlfriends have met my kids, mainly because I’ve been protective of our family unit, selective about who comes around. I’m not going to settle for someone who doesn’t fit in. (Modern Single Momma nailed it when she blogged about a single parent’s need for protective armor. And Single Mom Seeking talks about the downside of settling on a mate.)
We might have a non-traditional family structure, (making us socially less attractive to other families, especially ones with moms who love to chat with other women – and believe me, there are lots of families like this; one blogger suggests women prefer talking to women because they exude more empathy than men); but at home my kids and I are happy as clams.
When the two women entered our family life as my girlfriend, my kids embraced them wholeheartedly. The women joined us for dinners, hikes, ski trips, Disneyland vacations, and just plain hanging out on the couch. While they didn’t move in, they did occasionally sleep over. They were included in everyday family life. (Reading this paragraph out of context sounds like I’m a polygamist. Don’t worry, I dated these women separately, two years apart.)
I’m not going to bring a lover around my kids if there’s no potential for that woman to remain part of our lives. What would I tell the kids? Here’s the woman I sleep with, my friend with benefits, my booty call partner; but don’t worry about how she fits in, she won’t be around five years from now.
Maybe it’s the nostalgic romantic in me, but this spring weather has me wanting to do things as a family – picnics, hikes, bike rides, outdoor movie nights – but with a beautiful, intelligent, confident, compassionate, sexy woman joining us. This after eight years of going it solo, being the lone adult for the half time my kids are with me.
Is it me wanting to merge my lives as a single man and a single dad? Or me wanting to model a loving romantic relationship for my children before they head to college and enter adult life on their own? Or is it me just wanting someone else to make the egg salad for a change?
Whatever it is, spring has sprung, and this single dad is seeking kid-friendly companionship. With benefits.
- Ten Great Reasons to Date a Single Dad
- Single Parent, Empty House, Full Life
- There’s an Order to a Single Parent’s Relationship Universe
- Relationship Compatibility
- Long Distance Dating for Single Parents
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