Boys are the New Girls, Women are the New Men
The mother of one of my son’s friends called the other day to pass on some troubling gossip she’d heard. It seems another boy who used to be good friends with her son told her son that my son said some not-very-nice things about her son behind her son’s back, and her son was understandably confused and unhappy because he had thought he and my son were good friends.
Say what?
I talked to my son about all this, and he denied having said a thing. It made no sense. He wouldn’t diss a good friend.
I called the mom back and we tried reading tea leaves. We wondered, was jealousy involved?
The other boy (call him Fred) and her son (call him Bobby) used to be close friends, playing on the same sports team. But now my son and Bobby are teammates and good friends, and Fred is odd man out. Maybe Fred is trying to stir up trouble so Bobby will ditch my son and be his buddy again. Who knows for sure?
This is new territory for me. When I was a boy, my buddies and I never gossiped or made little cliques. That was something the girls in our neighborhood did. My daughter and her friends did it, too. (Thankfully, she shed that behavior while growing into a mature and confident teenager.)
In short, I thought this sort of he said, she said rumor mongering was strictly the domain of girls. Apparently, I was wrong.
Boys are the new girls.
Meanwhile… I’m disappointed and frustrated with the behavior of some women I’ve met. The same situation has played out so many times, I’ll describe in general terms what transpires: We meet at an online dating site, agree to a restaurant date, flirt and get to know each over drinks and dinner. There’d be mutual attraction, shared interests, witty banter, sexual innuendo, undeniable chemistry. Some even called me a hot dad. I’d swear there was real potential for us to pursue a relationship.
Then the woman would invite me back to her place. I’m a man in-between relationships, enduring my share of cold spells. Who am I to say no? We’d sleep together, the sex is great, and in the morning (or worse, that night!), she’ll kiss me on the cheek and show me the door, telling me that a) she’s too busy with work to be able to date, or b) she travels a lot and doesn’t have time for a partner, or c) she doesn’t want to bring a man around her kids, or d) she just doesn’t do relationships.
Once again, new territory. When I became of dating age, it was the guys who tried to score with as many women as possible. It was men who acted like wolves, players, and jerks who objectified the opposite sex for their own wants and needs. Joyce Carol Oates, in her Pulitzer Prize-finalist novel, What I Lived For, went so far as to give Corky Corcoran the thought that “women are Kleenex”, saying you use them and discard them when you’re done.
In other words, I thought this stereotypical sort of hit-it-and-quit-it behavior was strictly the domain of men. Apparently, I was wrong.
Women are the new men.
Which makes me wonder, as a single dad who cooks and cleans and runs a household solo, and with a confident and intelligent daughter who seems destined for a lucrative and powerful career, Are girls the new boys, and men the new women?
- Mean Kids, Nice Kids
- Is Dating Easier for Single Dads than Single Moms?
- Dating Tips for 40-Something Men
- Single Parents are Missing Out on Intimacy
- Discreet Affair
- Sexy Flirty Dirty Text Messages
- Physical Intimacy
- Funny and Sexy Dating Stories
- Dirty Text Message Jokes
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Comment by mssinglemama
| March 17th, 2008
Very possibly. Ever watched Sex and the City? Might enlighten you a bit to the way us women are thinking. I LOVE this post. I don’t know how I’ll handle those school situations … friends and quarrels. Yikes.
Comment by mssinglemama
| March 17th, 2008
Oh and a hint – b/c women are like men – DO NOT sleep with them on the first date. Must be a bit of a chase involved. If you’re too easy they won’t be that into you. Just a tidbit.
Comment by dadshouse
| March 17th, 2008
I was more of a Sopranos guy than a Sex and the City fan. But I do enjoy being enlightened, so I love hearing comments like yours. And thanks for the tip – I’ll try being more chaste!
Comment by Angie
| March 21st, 2008
Maybe we’re all people and we’re finally losing those old school boundaries that tried to pigeonhole us into certain male/female characteristics.
Of course, the release of boundaries will only do us good if w are accepting and compassionate…
Comment by PLHolliday
| March 28th, 2008
Hi,
am a widower, single dad raising kids on my own.
Have done the dating thing on the internet, a lot of time wasters who deserve to be permanently on these sites.
They are interested until you mention the Children. Hey
, i am ok, i am not looking for a mother for them, although this would be nice, i have been doing it for too long now to let some1 of the internet sites have a go at it(parenting). I bring my children to school, have interacted with lots of school mums, married, divorced,, separated, single. All have varying pasts, I now date 1 of these delightful ladies, she has 2 children, single mum.
Basically what i suggest is to forget the internet sites,
look for a great mum already, have great times, have space,
have a great cook, kids have more friends. She has great times in return as i return these favours as well as doing her (male) choirs around her house. Hey these ladies have so much to give in every way. I highly recommend single mothers. A tip to single mothers though, Do not tell us you are manhaters, we will not be able 2 get away quick enough.
Comment by dadshouse
| March 28th, 2008
Thanks for reading and chiming in. I enjoy hearing from other single dads. And I couldn’t agree with you more! I’ve been frustrated by internet dating, as have more than 75% of people who have tried online dating sites. And single moms are great!
Comment by andrei
| August 30th, 2009
it’s crap. it all depends on people.