Dad's House

Passion, Talent, Heart and Soul – My Legacy for a Song

I’m not one of those Little League dads who forces his kids to excel at sports, be the star, and win at all costs with dreams of one day turning pro. I’m also not one of those Ivy-obsessed parents who demands straight-As from every AP course, and kindergarten graduation with honors. I’m a firm believer in kids being encouraged to discover and pursue their passions, even if the outcome doesn’t match the parents’ view of what’s best for the child. Why push someone to prepare for a lucrative biotech career if their passion is art?

I should know, I experienced this firsthand. Good grades and my parents’ guidance led me to a successful and rewarding engineering career, but my heart and soul eventually steered me to writing.

And so when it came time for my son to choose electives for middle school, I let him fill out the selection sheet by himself. Drama, Spanish, Engineering, Art.

“What about band?” I asked.
“I don’t want to play anymore,” he said.

Really? He’d been playing trumpet for two years and had always been first chair. He was the only trumpeter selected from his school for a district-wide jazz band. He has a big fat sound, and can hit a high-C. He has real musical talent.

“But you’re good at it,” I said.
“I don’t like practicing,” he said.

I was skeptical. He often practiced without being reminded, and he loved performing solo for family and friends. When Johnnie Comes Marching Home, La Cucaracha, Theme From Hawaii Five-O. After enjoying front-row seats for Eric Miyashiro , a Maynard Ferguson protégé playing in concert with a local college jazz band, my son doubled the length of his practice times.

“But you have fun when you’re playing,” I said.
He thought for a second. “I don’t want to have to carry my trumpet to school every day.”

He was throwing up a wall of excuses. Maybe music had lost its allure. Or maybe he’d simply had a bad week in band. At any rate, who was I to push him to keep playing?

I’m his dad, and trumpet is my legacy.

My son had chosen trumpet because of me. I played trumpet from fourth grade all the way through college; playing in band while studying computers had kept me sane. And I’d picked trumpet because of my dad, a former trumpet player and band director. Music was in our blood, in my son’s blood.

I wasn’t being overbearing, pushing him toward Juilliard. I just didn’t want the trumpet legacy to die.

“Don’t you want to play trumpet in high school?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” he said.
“It’s really fun,” my daughter said. She wasn’t in band, but she’s in high school and she knows. She started naming friends who were in the band.

“Maybe I’ll play in high school,” my son said.
“Then you have to play in middle school,” she said, “or you won’t be good enough.”
She was a good ally for me, but my son sighed and shook his head. “Spanish is fine,” he said.

My legacy was languishing, gasping for breath.

“Band is pretty social,” I said. “It’s not like sports where boys and girls play on separate teams.”
“Oh my God, everyone in band dates,” my daughter said.
“Really?” my son asked, perking up.
“Absolutely,” I said. “It’s where I met my high school girlfriend.”

My son grinned broadly, clearly pleased with his own prospects. For music, for girls. He said the magic words.

“Sign me up for band.”

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy:

• You-Know-What-us Interruptus
• Name That Tune
• Why Am I So Tired? My Kids Did All The Work
• My Golden Retriever is Smarter than Your Honor Roll Student
• That Boy Has Chops
  
• Happy Latchkey Kids
• Father and Son, Sharing a Passion One-on-One

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March 16th, 2008 Posted in family | Tags: dating, Eric Miyashiro, heart and soul, high school girlfriend, legacy, Little League dad, parenting | 2 comments