Be Wary of Dating Expert Advice Sites
So, you’re thinking about giving online dating a try, but you have cold feet and you google for expert dating advice. Be wary – some sites offering free advice are really there to sell you on the idea of internet dating, and make money off you in the process. Without you giving them a dime.
How do they do it? Many of the leading dating advice blogs and websites provide links to online dating sites like match.com, chemistry.com, and eHarmony. Some of those links are clearly ads, but others look more innocuous – simple text pointers to helpfully guide you through the vast array of matchmaking options. But click on one of these links, and the blogger or website can earn a referral fee.
While writing this post I looked into making Dad’s House an affiliate of MillionaireMatch.com. (Click that affiliate link to see an image of business people jumping with glee for some mega-sized piles of cash. It might just motivate you to become an affiliate.) The affiliate application asked for my social security number, and I chose not to join, but had I become a member – every time someone followed a pointer from my blog to the “award winning” Millionaire Match website and joined the service, I’d earn a $30 commission for pointing the way. (Their user agreement refers to this commission as a Bounty Fee.)
(Random thought #1: with regard to Millionaire Match, it seems to me that any guy who thinks that advertising his net worth is the top criteria for finding the love of his life might just have ego issues. But hey, who am I to get in the way of Cupid’s arrow?)
(Random thought #2: the $30 commission I’d get as an affiliate who referred you to join MillionaireMatch.com would buy me three strong martinis at my favorite bar. If enough people joined, we could have a martini party!)
Back to the Dating Expert Advice blogs – knowing that a blogger can make money when you sign up for an online dating service, do you really think that blogger will say anything bad about online dating? Hardly. There’s too much at stake.
Instead, they will hold your hand (online dating sounds scary to some…), stroke your head (but if you really want to meet the right person, you have to put yourself out there…), give you a pacifier (internet dating sites aren’t equal; here are my favorites…), encourage your first steps (go on, you can do it, just click one of these links), and congratulate you for finally taking the online dating plunge.
I prefer my expert dating advice unfiltered.
For single parents trying to date, online dating is sometimes the only viable option. But how many online daters truly have success? TIME magazine named eHarmony one of the five worst websites of 2007.
One blogger suggests that “if you’re a woman in your mid 30’s – mid 40’s, online dating is a wasteland, no matter how good looking you are.” She also advises that most quality guys “probably don’t take online dating seriously.”
Single Mom Seeking’s readers ranted about online dating “lifers” who have had profiles posted on the same dating sites for years. So many people lamenting their disappointments and lack of success with internet dating…
And of course, my own experiences have led me to believe that internet dating doesn’t work. It’s an efficient way to meet someone, and a terrible way to meet the right one. As Malcolm Gladwell points out in Blink, research suggests that attraction and chemistry are things felt when people meet, not attributes thought about and articulated beforehand. In short, finding love online sucks.
You might want to take dating expert advice sites with a grain of salt. When you click a link, watch out for referral IDs (random looking numbers and/or letters that are part of the URL address, e.g. http://matchMakingSiteDotCom/af-1234567) And by all means, join an online dating site like MillionaireMatch.com.
If it was me who earned the referral commission, I’d definitely think of you while enjoying my three martinis.
- How to Start Dating a Single Dad
- Dating Tips for 40-Something Men
- Can Dating Single Parents Be Vulnerable?
- Three Great Places to Meet Women (On Paper)
- Online Dating Expectations
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Comment by singlemomseeking
| March 18th, 2008
Well said. But please enlighten us: how are you meeting women?… Seriously, between this week’s parent-teacher conference, my full-time editing job, maybe working out at the women’s gym, helping the kid with homework… I want to know.
Comment by dadshouse
| March 18th, 2008
Great question. How do single parents meet adults for dating? (And how many do we have to meet?) Like you, I lead a busy life, with work, kids, cycling, cooking dinner. When I was internet dating, I was putting effort in every single day to try to meet women online. While internet dating did make it easy to meet people, it was exhausting trying to find a good match.
Looking back, my best and longest lasting relationships arose mainly from meeting people off-line – friends’ parties, neighborhood barbecues, professional contacts, coffee houses, being set up.
So, how am I meeting women? I’m not actively searching right now. I’m going through my days with an open mind and a positive attitude and letting life unfold.
Comment by mssinglemama
| March 18th, 2008
Awesome post! It’s true … most of the online dating sites are scams. E-Harmony for example keeps profiles up long after the users have become inactive. Sigh.
Comment by Dating Goddess
| March 19th, 2008
Hi David:
Thanks for your comment on my blog. And we have Rachel Sarah in common!
I agree about eHarmony. None — zero — of the men I met F2F from there went farther than a coffee/lunch/drink date. I’ve had better luck with Match or even Yahoo! I’ve met some wonderful men in my 3 years dating men I’ve met online — and some I’ve dated for several months. But then one or both of us realized we weren’t really long-term material and called it quits. Or they just went poof — unfortunately all too common behavior, even among educated, successful midlife men.
I think “success” depends on your definition. Have I met my soul mate? I may just have, connecting with a man who’s been quietly pursuing me for 18 months. If this doesn’t work out, will I consider online dating a failure? No. I’ve learned a lot from dating 88 men in these 3 years and feel I know a lot more about myself, what I want, and men than I would have if I’d just waited to meet men the “natural” way. I would have had far fewer dates since I work alone from home, and my work doesn’t allow me to date my clients. So online dating has been worth it for me.
Dating Goddess
Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40
http://www.DatingGoddess.com
Comment by dadshouse
| March 19th, 2008
Hi Dating Goddess – thanks for checking in. I admit, I’ve learned a lot from dating these past years. In that respect, internet dating has been worth it. But now that I know myself better, quality of connection is more important than quantity of women I meet. Online dating may be an efficient way to meet new people, but it makes it way too easy for both parties to simply click “next” and move on to someone else. Like you, I’ve had my share of dating relationships simply disappear… When there’s a mutual friend, people tend to be more respectful.
Comment by whatmenthink
| March 26th, 2008
Dating experts, image consultants, online dating, speed dating, etc. They can help to an extent. I know plenty of people who have had much success with them. However, they normally had succes with the opposite sex. The reason they took on these services was to compound their success or because of time restrictions. I think its reasonable that they charge for these services. They are valuable resources of used correctly. Ultimately, success in dating comes from within. Confidence and self esteem are key. After that hygeine and fashion greatly increase your success rates.