My Daughter’s On Facebook – Can I Still Join?
Friends are encouraging me to join Facebook. I admit it’s tempting, but I’m not sure it’s the best idea. With 64 million active users, the social networking site is one of the most heavily-trafficked websites in the world. It could be a great way to meet and interact with people online, especially ones interested in Dad’s House blog topics like single parenting, two-household families, online dating, relationships, and booty calls.
The problem? My sixteen-year-old daughter has a Facebook account.
Granted, she and I run in different circles, but there’s bound to be crossover at some point. The last thing she needs is for one of her high school friends to stumble upon my Facebook account and jump over to my blog and start following the sex-capades of ex-girlfriends texting for booty and dinner dates turned into one-night-stands.
(Tangential note: I don’t mind them discovering video links I’ve put in my posts. To help people find these, I’ve started adding a play button when there’s a video to watch, like this Legion of Rock Stars classic 
. If you haven’t yet experienced LRS, you’re in for a treat. I also recently added play buttons to older posts, for fans of Radiohead, Eric Miyashiro, Queen, David Bowie, and Smashing Pumpkins.)
I realize the internet is already an open book and anything I blog can be read by anyone, including my kids or their friends’ parents. My kids know about Dad’s House but choose not to read it. (Kind of like choosing not to watch me shower, sh*t, and shave in the morning. To them, avoiding my blog is a no-brainer.) But it’s one thing to come across a site randomly, and quite another to be connected in a traceable way.
Let’s put it another way – if my daughter and her friends caught me in real life stealing a kiss from a woman at a concert in the park, it would be no big deal. But if the same thing happened on the quad at my daughter’s high school in front of her classmates during lunch – there would be hell for me to pay!
And so, for the moment I’m not joining Facebook. Tell me I’m wrong.
- MySpace, Facebook, Yahoo IM - How Do Parents Eavesdrop Anymore?
- Facebook – Single Parents Connection Group
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Entries
Comment by Erin
| April 4th, 2008
So I was checking out DGM and saw you. I’m always amazed at single parents and how they handle life.
About the facebook thing…My aunt has a My space page, and her son’s friends are her “myspace friends” but her son is not. Don’t know how your daughters would react.
Looking forward to reading more!
Erin
Comment by liz
| April 4th, 2008
My initial reaction is no to joining Facebook.
But I think if you are careful about what you put on there it could be alright. And given the kind of traffic it receives you would certainly meet some new people.
Do your kids’ friends know about the blog? Although your kids avoid it, will their friends? With tags like first date sex and booty call, these maybe not the details of your life you want spreading about the jr. high.
I think you’re right for now…so I’m not going to tell you you’re wrong.
Comment by dadshouse
| April 4th, 2008
Hi Erin, thanks for stopping by. Your blog looks great! I’ll be visiting more.
Liz - as for me spreading details about first date sex and booty calls, not exactly what I like telling people about me. But, I’m not shy about saying this is what modern dating is like. It’s really frustrating. I think part of the reason I’m blogging is to share the twisted state of modern relationships. It’s so tech-focused, instant gratification based, nothing permanent. Kind of like blog posts… maybe it’s all part of the same social phenomenon.
As for high schoolers and sex - Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Laura Stepp wrote a great book called “Unhooked” that discusses the hookup culture permeating high school and college campuses today. I let her know it’s not just the teen and young-20s crowd - it’s everywhere in modern dating, and she said she was hearing a similar message from other “older” people on the dating scene.
Stepp’s book is a must read for any parent who has a kid in high school or college, and anyone dating these days.
I blogged about all of this here: http://dadshouseblog.com/2008/02/29/hooking-up-i-just-want-to-be-your-lover/
Thanks for your great comment!
Comment by amy
| April 4th, 2008
I have a facebook account but I don’t put my blog info on it… Most of my (real life) friends don’t know about the blog & I almost find it easier to keep it that way.
So, if you feel like just doing facebook for the networking & cheesy quizzes, but not so much for blog promotion - then it’s definitely fun.
My boyfriend’s daughter (22) told me that if I try to friend her she will ignore me. I informed her that I actually do NOT want to friend her… as I don’t really want/need to know that much about her life. (Along the same lines as the shower/sh*t/shave scenario…)
Comment by brenda
| April 6th, 2008
You can hide everything in your profile there except for your name, from anyone who you haven’t added as a friend. There are all sorts of privacy levels, even within your friend network. So you can be on there and not let your daughter or her friends have access to various things about you. Or anything at all :) I’m on it :) Though I’m not really using it to connect with new people, just see what’s up with my real life friends who are there :)
Comment by mssinglemama
| April 9th, 2008
No! Don’t do it. I regret joining Facebook just for the sheer fact that all of these people I never, ever wanted to talk to again contact me there. Just annoying.
And, yeah, your daughter’s on it. Stay away. Stick with Iheartsingleparents.com - much better.
Maybe MySpace though? Oh - and whether you’re on Facebook or MySpace you can set your profile to private so your daughter and her friends could never get in there.
Comment by Cara
| April 11th, 2008
Facebooks sucks because the world finally gets a way to know about your family/friends connection. And I hate that.