Comments on: There’s an Order to a Single Parent’s Relationship Universe

By: Derek

Derek — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 06:35:09 +0000

I’ve been a single dad for two years. Ive been a full-time parent to my child for three. I thought that I had found the right one and we discussed me taking full custody of my child. When it initially begun the three of us were very happy. He was my child and I made it clear that I’d give her as much responsibility as she wanted. She elected to have none. I half expected that from a 20 year old girl. So, I learned to seperate the two as much as possible. When it was unavoidable, she had to interact with him.

Almost a year later, a four year relationship ended. Wedding ring hiding in safety deposit box. I was crushed. She moved on and its now been two years of just my child and I.

I have dated two women over the past year. Neither worked out because I was more dedicated to my child. They both claimed that they were accepting of my child. But, neither were truly happy because they werent my primary focus.

So I wonder if at 26. I’m right in my decision to give up on women for a while?

By: dadshouse

dadshouse — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 16:25:16 +0000

Sue – good for you dating a single dad! You sound a little like my first serious post-divorce girlfriend. She never imagined dating a single dad, but once she got to know me as a person beyond that label, and got to know my kids, she fell in love (and I did, too) We dated for over a year before things ended.

I’m guessing he is throwing up a defense mechanism. Maybe he is scared of getting too close. Divorce is painful and very hard to get through, and maybe he fears if he falls in love but things don’t work out, he’d suffer through those feelings again.

Or maybe he’s being cautious about bringing a woman around his kids. It seems to me if he’s dating you for 3 months, he must like you. Actions are stronger than words. As long as it’s a real dating relationship, rather than a booty call/friend with benefits thing, there’s potential.

Have you talked to him about his saying you can’t “handle it”? Maybe address it directly. Tell him “when you say that to me, I feel this..” and encourage him to stop saying those things. If you ask him why he’s doing it, he’ll give you reasons, building up his defense. So I think it’s better to get him to see that it makes you unhappy to hear, and you’d rather he say things that make you happy. Then maybe you’ll start getting that chance to show him things can work.

By: Sue

Sue — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 14:49:10 +0000

Great post. I started dating a single dad about 3 months ago. I did not think I would ever date a guy with a kid, but I fell in love with him quickly and I’m doing my best to adjust to a new sitiuation. It’s one I never imagined myself doing and there are setbacks but I really want this and I’m committed to doing the best I can do. He, on the other hand, takes every opportunity to tell me how he doesn’t think I can “handle it” or how I’ll never make a good parent(after only 3 months people!) Help! How do I make him see a good relationship with both him AND his daughter takes TIME! I gave the single dad a chance but he’s not giving me one back… Is this a defense mechanism??

By: Shannon

Shannon — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 14:06:11 +0000

It’s good to find someone who has the co-parenting relationship with their ex that I do. As a single mom for five years, I really nurtured that. I just got married in January and sometimes I think my husband is a bit threatened by that…even though he has absolutely no reason to be. I just feel that my daughter should have two parents who can at least agree on one thing-her well being. And her well being is best served by her parents being amicable.
Love your blog. Found it via singlemomseeking and Ms.SingleMama.

By: lance

lance — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 22:09:56 +0000

Very concise and written with a sense of humor. I wasn’t aware that single dads had booty calls, but there you go…Great stuff!

By: dadshouse

dadshouse — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 00:41:41 +0000

Hi Allison – thanks for visiting!

Auntie Gwen – I hear you. I love the time I get with my kids, but also appreciate the time I get to myself. I truly admire full-time single parents. There are some full-time single moms with great blogs – http://singlemomseeking.com and http://mssinglemama.com are my faves.

SMS – the particular former girlfriend I had in mind when writing that part of the post still holds a very fond place in my heart… I’ll leave it at that.

By: singlemomseeking

singlemomseeking — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 00:35:18 +0000

Okay, so what happened to that amazing girlfriend? She sounds like a catch!