Dad’s House

Dating & Parenting by a Single Dad

Texting for Chemistry – Confessions of a Serial Online Dater, part 2

texting, online dating, text messaging, first date, single parentI first encountered SingleAttorneyMom on match.com. She was just my type of woman – educated, athletic, attractive, sexy, with a killer smile. She lived in the East Bay, forty minutes away. And as a single parent she’d know there were great reasons to date a single dad. I sent her a message and waited for a reply…

Two weeks later I was still waiting. Ah, the joys of internet dating. I figured she was either

a) not interested
b) busy
c) bombarded by other men on the service
d) not a paying member

There was no way to tell which was the case. Her lack of response was typical of women I’d contacted on match.com. Yahoo personals was different – there I’d get responses all the time. Mainly from spammers asking prying questions like what was my home address? What were the names of my children? Could I please send money to help a princess in Africa? At least with them I felt acknowledged.

A few months later I found SingleAttorneyMom on salon.com. (I know, I know, too many different online dating services. But when one doesn’t work and you buy into the marketing bull that your dream partner is just a click away, you toss sensibility into the shitter and sign right up. The crack habit of a serial online dater.) I sent her a message through salon. This time I hit the jackpot. Not only did she write back but she sent her phone number! I called that night.

Voicemail. Of course.

But hey, she was a single mom. She was probably changing a diaper or reading a bedtime story or catching forty winks. I left a message with a cheery voice, and asked that she call me back. Two weeks later… you know the drill.

Then out of the blue, a text message arrived: sorry, was busy. Let’s talk.

Now call me old-fashioned, but I actually like spoken word conversations, so I was thrilled with her use of the word talk. You can tell a lot about a person by hearing their voice, especially when their voice is sexy as hell, as I was sure SingleAttorneyMom’s would be. I figured since she’d just texted me, her cell phone was in her hand. I called her right back.

Voicemail.

Okay, so maybe she was in a partner meeting, or in court, or sitting next to her sleeping kid. No telling the reason she didn’t pick up. Rather than leave voicemail, I texted her back: no prob. call anytime.

I generally hate putting the phone-calling ball in a woman’s court like that. Men are the pursuers, and we can’t pursue when we’re sitting idle waiting for a call. But I felt I had no choice. The thing is, she texted me right back: call me 2nite at 8. Jackpot!

I called, we talked, she sounded sexy as hell. Grounded, compassionate, hip. Turned out her match.com experience was no more than a 1-week free trial and she hadn’t even seen me there. She liked salon so much better (I did too). We made a date to meet for lunch the following Tuesday.

But Tuesday came and went without a peep from her, despite me texting and calling. Two more weeks, same thing. Finally, a text message from her: sorry, slammed @ work. Big case. Can’t date for months.

Oh, well. I shrugged it off to bad timing. I’d endured more than my share of mishaps (sadly, I’m a bit of an online dating expert), and as mishaps went, this was pretty minor.

So a few months later when she reappeared online and chemistry.com said we were a perfect match, I bypassed the dating service and texted her cell phone directly: chemistry.com says we’re a match. Let’s meet!

As I googled for East Bay lunch spots, she texted me a reply: who r u?
No worries, it had been months since our phone conversation. I texted: David, the writer.
Ten minutes later, she texted me back: sorry, I’m just not that into you.

Sigh. If only she’d told me that months before… But what am I saying? Screw online dating. If only we’d bumped into each other in everyday life, exchanged glances, flirted, went for coffee, got to know each other in person.

After all, you can’t text for chemistry. It has to be felt.

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April 10th, 2008 Posted in dating, internet dating, online dating | 18 comments