Texting for Chemistry – Confessions of a Serial Online Dater, part 2
I first encountered SingleAttorneyMom on match.com. She was just my type of woman – educated, athletic, attractive, sexy, with a killer smile. She lived in the East Bay, forty minutes away. And as a single parent she’d know there were great reasons to date a single dad. I sent her a message and waited for a reply…
Two weeks later I was still waiting. Ah, the joys of internet dating. I figured she was either
a) not interested
b) busy
c) bombarded by other men on the service
d) not a paying member
There was no way to tell which was the case. Her lack of response was typical of women I’d contacted on match.com. Yahoo personals was different – there I’d get responses all the time. Mainly from spammers asking prying questions like what was my home address? What were the names of my children? Could I please send money to help a princess in Africa? At least with them I felt acknowledged.
A few months later I found SingleAttorneyMom on salon.com. (I know, I know, too many different online dating services. But when one doesn’t work and you buy into the marketing bull that your dream partner is just a click away, you toss sensibility into the shitter and sign right up. The crack habit of a serial online dater.) I sent her a message through salon. This time I hit the jackpot. Not only did she write back but she sent her phone number! I called that night.
Voicemail. Of course.
But hey, she was a single mom. She was probably changing a diaper or reading a bedtime story or catching forty winks. I left a message with a cheery voice, and asked that she call me back. Two weeks later… you know the drill.
Then out of the blue, a text message arrived: sorry, was busy. Let’s talk.
Now call me old-fashioned, but I actually like spoken word conversations, so I was thrilled with her use of the word talk. You can tell a lot about a person by hearing their voice, especially when their voice is sexy as hell, as I was sure SingleAttorneyMom’s would be. I figured since she’d just texted me, her cell phone was in her hand. I called her right back.
Voicemail.
Okay, so maybe she was in a partner meeting, or in court, or sitting next to her sleeping kid. No telling the reason she didn’t pick up. Rather than leave voicemail, I sent a text message back: no prob. call anytime.
I generally hate putting the phone-calling ball in a woman’s court like that. Men are the pursuers, and we can’t pursue when we’re sitting idle waiting for a call. But I felt I had no choice. The thing is, she texted me right back: call me 2nite at 8. Jackpot!
I called, we talked, she sounded sexy as hell. Grounded, compassionate, hip. Turned out her match.com experience was no more than a 1-week free trial and she hadn’t even seen me there. She liked salon so much better (I did too). We made a date to meet for lunch the following Tuesday.
But Tuesday came and went without a peep from her, despite me texting and calling. (Not texting was rude, but whatever.) Two more weeks, same thing. Finally, a text message from her: sorry, slammed @ work. Big case. Can’t date for months.
Oh, well. I shrugged it off to bad timing. I’d endured more than my share of mishaps (sadly, I’m a bit of an online dating expert), and as mishaps went, this was pretty minor.
So a few months later when she reappeared online and chemistry.com said we were a perfect match, I bypassed the dating service and texted her cell phone directly: chemistry.com says we’re a match. Let’s meet!
As I googled for East Bay lunch spots, she texted me a reply: who r u?
No worries, it had been months since our phone conversation. I texted: David, the writer.
Ten minutes later, she texted me back: sorry, I’m just not that into you.
Sigh. If only she’d told me that months before… But what am I saying? Screw online dating. If only we’d bumped into each other in everyday life, exchanged glances, flirted, went for coffee, got to know each other in person.
After all, you can’t text for chemistry. It has to be felt.
- Dirty Text Messages
- Some Rude Text Messages Deserve a Truckers Salute
- Is The Dating Pool Really That Small?
- Sexy and Funny Dating Stories
- When Dirty Text Messages Turn Clean
- Dirty Text Message Jokes
- Confessions of a Serial Online Dater, part 1 (Craigslist coffee date gone bad)
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Comment by QTMama
| April 10th, 2008
Damn. She’s stupid.
Comment by mssinglemama
| April 10th, 2008
Yep. Stupid. Stupid. What a beeeatch. I need to write a post about dating kharma. Hers? Not so good. She’ll get it back two-fold.
We all have to be fair and courteous when we’re dating … because we’re all in the same boat. I loved this post David. Hate that kind of calling, no calling, texting b.s. Be real people or get off of my island.
Do you believe in dating kharma? Post…post…I’ll get on it – as soon as I get all of my real work done (which I’m way behind on.)
Comment by brenda
| April 10th, 2008
Thank you for this post! I agree! I wrote recently about this very same sort of issue. I just want REAL LIFE. Enough electronic communication :)
Comment by Backpacking Dad
| April 10th, 2008
I was all-kinds of ready for a happy ending to that one.
I’m a rube.
Saw you on alltop and clicked on over. Good stuff here. I read the DadGoneMad post first. Way to man up and not fall into the online douchebag category of hit-and-run commenters.
Comment by dadshouse
| April 11th, 2008
Backpacking Dad – why hit-and-run when you can get called an “idiot” who is “taking out his ass” by another blogger? I mean, who wouldn’t want that? I really do love my time with my kids, and I don’t get fulltime parents who say they “dread” their kids. Maybe they don’t get my dating stories. Who knows?
Ladies – thank you all for your support! You’re wonderful. I agree, phone/no-phone/text b.s. is not nice or respectful, and will come back in a karmic way (if not in real life) to all who practice that nonsense. Sadly, it happens a lot!
Comment by Cara
| April 11th, 2008
Great post!
What a time-wasting BITCH!
Comment by NML
| April 11th, 2008
Thanks for stopping by my blog. I came over to find your post and ended up reading this instead and it was hilarious! I will be back again. 1) I can’t stand online dating, 2) I agree that conversation is key. Texting and email is the hideaway of many a playa and emotionally unavailable person, and 3)that woman sounds like a tool!
Comment by A Girlfriend
| April 11th, 2008
Aww. That’s too bad. She even used the cliche I’m Just Not That Into You, made popular by Sex and the City, a book, and Oprah!
Comment by Backpacking Dad
| April 12th, 2008
No, if you had been a hit-and-run commenter you’d never have noticed the people calling you an “idiot”. Or, if you had, you would have giggled, because that’s exactly what you would have wanted to happen.
I hate those guys.
Comment by abloodredbird
| April 12th, 2008
Oh the perils of online dating… I’m in the midst of it too…
Comment by creative-type dad
| April 12th, 2008
Wow, it’s so complicated these days with this “texting” and all.
I prefer the old days where they just said “no” or “I would rather date Gary Coleman” to your face and walk away.
Comment by singlemomseeking
| April 13th, 2008
It hurt me to read this.
Yes, karma will come back to her, no doubt — as you said.
Hey, what happened to the photo with the red cap?
Comment by dadshouse
| April 13th, 2008
My red cap photo has been retired (well, pushed into my about The Author page where it’s displayed in its contextual entirety). I got so much abuse from all the women in my life, including my daughter, that they hated that red hat pic. And here I kind of liked it! I’m working on better home page graphics…
Comment by Susan
| April 14th, 2008
Ouch. I guess texting at least cuts to the chase, doesn’t it!
I feel like a veteran of online dating, too, although I didn’t try Yahoo or Salon. Hated e-Harmony, thought Chemistry was just as much bull-hooey, SingleParentsmeet (I think that’s the name) was ok, and Match…well, I had the best results there. Sort of.
Fortunately I’m not a veteran of text-dating. A few months ago one guy refused to call me; he only seemed to want to text. One day he sent me a text with “hey,” nothing more, and I decided I had had enough!
PS. I laughed at your spam comment. I even dedicated an entire blog category to it. Sad, sad state of my life…
Comment by Ida
| April 26th, 2008
that was a pretty messed up thing she did to you and perhaps hunderds of other men. this is why online dating is not for me ever. just dont have the time to waste with it. good luck. write more about it. pretty interesting.
Comment by David
| August 13th, 2008
Dear David:
First of all, you’ve got a great name — David — it means “beloved” in Hebrew — and you definitely deserve someone that will truly love you. I definitely feel for you and can understand your hurt, confusion, and bewilderment. I have been there myself with a single mom who I’ve known for over 10 years that I initially met at church. She would withdraw at times, say she’s been “busy” and then want to reconnect. I’ve been really hurt twice by her, and this is a person who I thought was a friend. Same MO — she didn’t have the wherewithall to talk directly to me, but e-mailed instead. It seems that some single moms are quite simply emotionally unavailable to be dating and will try to date (online or otherwise) simply to appease their own ego and hurt, and do not show others the simple respect. And while it still hurts, you will be better off in the long run without her and her games. The games are not malicious, but simply the product of a defense mechanism of a hurt person who doesn’t really love herself and can’t really love anyone else. It is very sad and it really hurts, but some good single mom friends of mine gave me some great advice and told me not to put up with the excuses — if a woman is really into you — it will show and ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. If the single mom doesn’t make a good effort from the beginning to keep in good contact and simply show respect, move on to someone else who has integrity. I wish you all the best David.
Best regards,
David
Comment by The Exception
| August 14th, 2008
I don’t know how I missed this post, but am glad your recently commented section brought it to my attention!
Texting is a crutch – give me a phone call anytime! It is the next best thing to in person, is more direct, and I happen to be a big fan of voices which can provide depth etc. Okay, I enjoy talking to men in general – and they have had no complaints about talking to me (my voice is apparently sexy, who knew?) ;)
Comment by Kathy
| November 16th, 2008
I have never done online dating. You being an expert and all I was wondering if you had any advise for a shy, single mom, engineer starting a new chapter in her life.