Feminine Energy is a Very Good Thing
This past weekend I attended a kid-focused event with my children and 1,400 other families. Talk about feminine energy. There were moms everywhere. (Dads, too. I’ll get to that.)
The last time I was surrounded by so many women was last fall at Book Group Expo in San Jose. The expo allowed book lovers to discuss books, drink wine, eat chocolate, and rub shoulders in a salon setting with authors like Po Bronson
I hadn’t gone to the expo to meet women, I was merely a writer who loves books, and as it turned out most of the women were married. But I couldn’t ignore the magical feeling of being in the company of so many women. I even texted a female friend of mine who couldn’t make it, and told her, I’m in heaven!
As a single parent I of course miss having a built-in partner, companion, lover, and friend. The expo reminded me of another thing – simply, that women are different than men. Women add different energy, thoughts, emotions, cares, concerns to my male perspective. I left the expo inspired to find a girlfriend, someone I could bring around my kids and allow fully into my life. (Being in Silicon Valley where the ratio of single men to women is about a zillion to one, this is no easy feat.)
So this past weekend when I found myself once again surrounded by estrogen, I was reminded of the lack of feminine energy in my life. This time, though, with husbands and kids around, I felt a melancholy twinge of sadness. These were people who’ve been married a decade or two. No one was bickering or fighting. Everyone was enjoying a beautiful day, celebrating their kids. I used to have all that. While I have a great life with my children, I admired the love, respect, admiration, and support the moms and dads gave each other.
I wish I could say I left the event inspired to find a girlfriend. But after eight years of divorce, and as I move through my forties, I find it tougher to meet single women I’m attracted to who are okay with my having children and would welcome an instant family. For me to continue accepting my situation, and to thrive as a single dad, means not getting my hopes up.
Still, as empowering as it is to be a single parent, I’d totally welcome a woman in my life. Feminine energy is a very good thing.
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- Tantric Sex for Beginners
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- Woman of My Dreams, Manifested
- A Happy Couple – Stories from Marriage
- Play the Game of Life
- Is Dating Easier for Single Dads than Single Moms?
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Comment by Aprille
| April 28th, 2008
As a young single mom (26) I find I have very similar problems. Trying to find someone who is somewhat in my age group, who is responsible (harder than you think), wants two toddlers, doesn’t want anymore kids (no thank you!) and has no problems with my crazy ex-husband is much harder than I thought it would be. I mean I’m young, cute, responsible, I have a great paying job and I don’t need to be taken care of not to mention my children are adorable and well behaved…. most of the time. They are toddlers! But good luck on the lady search! :)
Comment by Honey
| April 28th, 2008
I think it’s SO important to have a balance of lots of different people in your life. That’s why I’ll be so glad to move in with the BF permanently–ironically it’ll be easier to make and maintain friendships with people outside my relationships. Right now I’m not in his town often enough to make my own friends and I’m not in my town on the weekends, so I never get to see my existing ones. Some stability will really let me get involved with my sorority and undergrad alum clubs, and once I get a job I can start befriending those people, too. I’m very excited about it.
Comment by debra
| April 28th, 2008
David, there’s no funny here…..can’t start the week with no funny! Seriously, I empathize with you completely. I find myself shifting back and forth between wanting to focus my energy on enjoying the freedom and luxuries of being a single parent and having my son all to myself, and wanting someone to be a family with again. Not to say that a single parent and their child(ren) aren’t a family in their own right, but I long for a more traditional (and fulfilling and satisfying), two parent model. There is a fine line between being guardedly optimistic that we won’t spend the rest of the prime of our lives single and, as you put it, ‘not getting your hopes up’. Today, I hate dating, can’t imagine I’ll ever find the wonderful single father (and his children) that will be my best friend and partner for happily ever after and I want to forget the search and go paint my bedroom lavender. Tomorrow, I’ll see a handsome man at REI (without a wedding ring) with his kids in tow picking out camping gear and dating will seem like a fantastic idea again! Who knows….but it sounds like I need to start shopping at REI in Silicon Valley, sadly, that would be quite a haul from the East coast!
Comment by dadshouse
| April 28th, 2008
Yeah, sorry to start the week without a witty post, but the experience this weekend was deeply felt and I figured I’d share since I’m sure others can relate. I’ll get back to the funny soon, I promise!
Comment by Single Mom Seeking
| April 28th, 2008
David, such a sweet, genuine post, you got me all teary.
And how about male energy? I spent a good part of yesterday at my first-ever Pump It Up party with 15+ eight-year-old boys. I was in charge of bringing the three girl invitees to the birthday party. Oh my.
I know that you do have some of your own feminine energy, and I hope you take that as the highest compliment. Really.
Comment by Kat Wilder
| April 28th, 2008
I understand that feeling.
This is when it’s helpful to have female friends — you can enjoy their energy without all the complications of dating; plus, then they go home ;-)
I get built-in male energy with my kid, but I also have male friends — plus I’m seeing someone now so I know I’m in a different situation than you are.
But when I wasn’t, I liked to be in places where men and women gathered — music clubs, author talks, hanging around the coffee houses — more intimate places than, say, and expo, because I talk to everyone. It was a way to connect.
But don’t be too impressed by the happy couples; who knows what goes on behind their picket fences. We divorced folks know that you can’t always tell.
I blogged about that awhile back — “If I’m So Happy, Why Am I Sad?” http://blogs.marinij.com/katwilder/2006/12/_if_im_so_happy_why_am_i_sad.html
Anyway, you have estrogen coming to you through your blog. That OK?
Comment by mssinglemama
| April 28th, 2008
You know what’s funny. I don’t miss having a man around until I go to a festival or some other “family” event. It’s like out of sight – out of mind – then I see them (happily married couples)- and I’m like, okay, maybe it would be nice… and then the next day I hear a couple walking by my house fighting like cats and dogs and it’s the opposite.
Comes and goes …
Nice post!!!
Comment by Datingatforty
| April 29th, 2008
I know exactly what you mean, but we have to stay positive. I see no other option!
Comment by America
| April 29th, 2008
I had a *somewhat* similar experience. I was supposed to go to a big Earth Day park thing with a platonic male friend and then my ex left my son with me, so I ended up bringing him. And the day just went so smoothly with someone else there to grab the stroller when the kid went running and I chased him down, another set of hands to hold him up to see, and sometimes just a different perspective to answer a question and keep the 4 year old mind interested.
And maybe it was a little bit of the masculine energy too. Boys playing together at the fish pond while I stood to the side and watched. It was a glimpse into that other world of a family that feels so closed to me – I’d say that I gave it up, but in truth, the ex and I never functioned like that, I always felt like I had two of them to take care of (and in all fairness he probably felt the same about me).
Maybe some day…
(and I don’t know if I have commented before, but I have been reading for some time – wandered here from Ms Single Mama or Single Mom Seeking – and don’t remember which one!)
Comment by lance
| April 29th, 2008
Two words: bridal show. They had one of these in the building I used to work in and there were THOUSANDS of hot women there. Obviously, most were about to get married, but they had brought plenty of their hottie friends too. Unfortunately, this was before I got into PU, so I didn’t hit the place up. Could have been a goldmine. But talk about feminine energy.
Comment by dadshouse
| April 29th, 2008
America – you have some HOT shoes on your blog. Talk about feminine energy.
Lance, as always, you rock.
Comment by The Exception
| May 14th, 2008
For the most part I love being a single mom. My closest friends are men, each of whom I could not live without as I value the male perspective and sense of humor (and non-emotional discussions). But there are times when, if only for just a moment, I wonder what it would be like to have that friendship living in my house and around all the time? *sigh* It sounds so wonderful sometimes… and then I consider all the energy I don’t have for a relationship and am content with life as it is – if only for the moment!
Comment by lisa
| May 16th, 2008
Go to meetups.com and experience life through an array of people with similar interests. Get out and live
Comment by Shelle-BlokThoughts
| March 16th, 2009
This is my first time reading your blog…and as you have said in some of your posts that you are a writer, you probably won’t be surprised when I say that I enjoy your writing!
About this post…I lived across the street with a single mom with two young girls to raise on her own…she became one of my CLOSEST friends…and she felt the same way.
SHe had only been divorced for 5 years…but she felt like she wasn’t ever going to meet someone who would take on her girls…
Just this last weekend I attended her wedding!
If you are chill and cool enough…you’ll find someone that will all too soon bring that feminine energy around…be careful what you wish for! lol!
Shelle-BlokThoughts´s last blog post..To the Lady who Fluffed in my Face