Dad’s House

When the male principal of my son’s elementary school gathered the older grade boys for a preliminary talk (as in, the talk, birds and bees edition), one of his PowerPoint slides focused on deodorant and the fine art of smelling good. My son came home with a sample stick of Old Spice and a recommendation to give other brands a try.

I’m all for experimenting when it comes to deodorants and anti-perspirants. After all, they’re chemically-based substances and everyone’s body responds differently to different brands. My dad uses Speed Stick, and I’m a Mitchum man (you know, the one with the ad campaign that says if your socks almost match, you’re a Mitchum man.)

But a classmate let it be known that Axe Body Spray was the cool thing to get. He’s one of those too-old-for-his-age Romeos who’s been seducing women from birth, who already knows that when it comes to boy/girl interactions, chemistry is key. Apparently, the way to a girl’s heart is through her nostrils.

We drove to Long’s and bought some Axe, and right away my son put on way too much. “You just need a little under the arms,” I told him. “But it’s body spray,” he said. He pointed to those very words on the canister, and who was I to contradict such marketing genius?

Musky. Leathery. Sandalwoody. I’m terrible with scent descriptions. Let’s just say Axe was concocted for men by Venus herself. Sexy. But over the top.

My son sprays it on in the morning, and sometimes at night. For him, pre-teen aromatic bliss; for me, a stinky room. His sister and I can smell him coming from 100 meters. Worse, the scent lingers in his clothing even after I do the laundry.

But who am I to criticize his hygiene? He’s 12 now, an awkward age for a lot of boys in his class who act like girls are the grossest thing on earth. But my son is confident in his social interactions, comfortable with friends of either sex. At a recent family-focused event, while most boys hung out in packs, talking about sports, my son chased and had fun with girls.

There’s no Casanova attitude, he’s not trying to date (let alone, date four women at once), so it all seems healthy to me. I just wish Axe would tone down the body spray, and sell a little-dab-will-do-you version of its product. My daughter’s and my noses would be so happy and grateful.

Pepe le Pew image, some rights reserved.

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