Comments on: What’s More Natural Than Nature? – Confessions of a Serial Online Dater, part 3

By: Deb

Deb — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 20:30:28 +0000

I met a man in a park for a first date. Kids and moms pushing strollers everywhere. We walked behind a tree and he reached behind me and unhooked my bra and grabbed me. I smacked him and ran with him laughing behind me. I will never meet a man except in an indoor, well-lite, public place – like a restaurant or coffee shop – for a first date again. If you don’t want to put out a lot of money for a restaurant, tell her so and let her make a suggestion.

By: Becky

Becky — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 05:49:04 +0000

Been sifting through online dating narratives for some levity (new to online dating), and happily came upon yours. But your story is not about first-date hikes.
That’s a separate issue. It seems that you suggested hiking, without mentioning the place. She demures. You press on. At that point, what woman, or man, would agree to it, no matter how safe the destination? And yes, many women would accept your invitation. But how can you logically conclude that she should as well?
I had a similar experience: I mention on my profile that I love backpacking/hiking. So, a recent dude suggests hiking a local trail. I didn’t think much of it (the dude said he was 5′6, so, I figured I could take him on if need be). But when I told friends, they were horrified and instructed me to tell this guy that we can meet for coffee. By their reaction, I figured I might have been a little to incautious, so I call the guy and tell him that I’d rather not hike, and this guy kind of reacts the way you did. He wants to know what the problem is, and I tell him, somewhat jokingly, “How do I know you aren’t a serial killer?” That comment offended him and kept coming up in our coffee-date conversation–”Are you sure you want me to walk you to your car? . . .Well, aside from surfing, I’m also a serial killer,” etc.
I guess it must smart a bit to be considered a murderer first, good guy only after much evidence to the contrary.
So, again, your exchange was not about hiking, really.

By: Cathouse Teri

Cathouse Teri — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 01:08:22 +0000

Ha! Love it!

By: dadshouse

dadshouse — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 23:32:22 +0000

Thanks Deb! Just know that I’m way more evolved than my blog or this particular post reveals. I sometimes feel the need to defend myself, lest people interpret my writing in what seems an unfair light. Don’t worry, I have no intention of shutting off my emotional mojo anytime soon. I try to write honestly, but I don’t tell all, hence the “this blog isn’t me” comment.

I think if I start blogging about the Dalai Lama, Rumi, Ken Wilber, Paramahansa Yogananda, Thomas Moore, Carolyn Myss, Joseph Campbell, Eckhart Tolle, Gary Zukav, Herman Hesse, Thich Nhat Hanh, Krishnamurti, the Bhagavad Gita, The Tao, Reiki, and every other thing I’ve taken in over the years, you all would get bored. I like the grit of real life, even if it makes me look like a pushy creep who would be better off on a therapist’s couch. (And yes, I’ve spent time on that couch. I’m a big fan of therapy, self awareness, evolution of consciousness, spiritual energy.)

I am man, here me meow.

By: Deb

Deb — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 23:13:57 +0000

truly ourselves is what my post was supposed to say on that line. Sorry. It got deleted somehow.

By: Deb

Deb — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 23:04:44 +0000

Dads: I appreciate that you let my comments stand. You are right: a good writer connects with his readers emotionally and I was certainly responding to the emotions I perceived in your post and your readers’ corresponding comments. Although it concerns me that you are so willing to dismiss and abandon your blog’s emotional landscape [You wrote:" At any rate, I know my blog isn’t me, or anything like me, or even about me"] because of a few observations I made. Call my comments psychoanalysis, call it perceptive observations, or random guessing or call it anything you like but do not abandon the amazing emotional content you impart into your blog just because I held of it in a harsh light and commented upon same in a sincere effort to try and help you. For it is often those people who hold us at a distance and allow us to truly ourselves that can often pave the way toward self-improvement and allows us to become better people with an enriched emotional landscape. I don’t pretend to think I know you or assume that you put ALL of who you are in your blog for your readers’ daily consumption. But I do believe that what you do share with us is honest and genuine and it was in that spirit that I tried to offer my observations based solely on the information you provided to me in your post. I do hope I did not offend you. That was never my intent. I think you are an amazing and gifted writer with an intriguing emotional landscape as the backdrop of your blog and I would hate to think you are abandoning that or diminishing it in any way simply because I decided to analyze some of what you wrote. That indeed would be a tragic loss to the blog community. Hold fast, my friend. Hold fast.

Oh, and Cathouse Teri: Thanx. I appreciate your kindness and your perception and insight regarding my comments.

By: Cathouse Teri

Cathouse Teri — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 23:00:55 +0000

Oh, I remember now! It just seems like dating is being treated like it’s a national sport. It’s just two people meeting up. Very simple. There ought to be no stress about getting “stuck” with them for an entire evening. It should just be a night out. Just like you would want to do with a friend.

Meeting a person from online becomes tricky because people want to meet within their own comfort zones. And yes, that should be respected. If we can’t respect one another’s comfort zones at the get-go, then we really have no business meeting at all. Even for coffee!

Dating really can be fun and enlightening. You can learn about the sexes. You can learn about what you want and what you don’t want. No experience is ever wasted. So what if you spent a hundred bucks on a dinner with a woman you will never see again? You got something out of it. You got to experience some time with a human you didn’t previously know. AND you got a nice dinner! How is that a bad thing?

If a man suggested to me that he wanted to meet for coffee at Starbuck’s, I would most certainly turn him down. If I want to stand at a counter and fix my coffee, I’ll f*&kin’ stay home and do it! I’m looking for experiences. For connections. For the enjoyment you find when a man and a women get together. It’s not always ideal. It doesn’t always turn out that you like each other enough to date again. But it’s a cool experience.

With all of these “what ifs” added to the dating scene, I can see why I see so many newly divorced people lament that they are now BACK in that terrible dating world.

I have enjoyed every second of dating. And I believe that all of the men I’ve dated would say the same about having dated me.