Since When Are Dads Not Important?
Two weeks ago I checked the online homework message board for my son’s sixth grade class and saw a curious thing – plans for a field trip the next day to the Monterey Bay Aquarium. This was news to me.
Granted, my son lives in two homes and sometimes Friday Folder messages end up at the other house and get lost in a mass of paperwork. (Sort of like the Nordstrom bags stuffed full of unopened mail in Jonathan Franzen’s The Corrections. Too much information to sift through can be overwhelming.)
But a field trip the next day that I knew nothing about was a problem. My son was with me that night and I was responsible for getting him onto the field trip bus at the right time, with the proper mix of sweatshirts, snacks, notebooks, spending money, lunch.
I emailed the teacher for information.
Didn’t you read my emails? she wrote back. I’ve sent several these past few weeks.
I hadn’t seen a thing. She poked around her account and suddenly realized I wasn’t on her email list. Worse, I hadn’t been on it all year!
Apparently, she’d been sending weekly updates to “all” the class parents keeping them abreast of study topics, test dates, homework projects, etc. My ex-wife got all the emails, but since the email list wasn’t public, she had no idea that I wasn’t receiving them. (She might have checked with me early on in the year to make sure I was receiving emails, but why would she think it’s a problem?)
The teacher apologized saying it was a mistake on her part. She knew we lived in two houses, but she didn’t think to add two emails to her list. After all, communication with pretty much every other family went to the mom. (The local doctor’s office does the same thing. Wouldn’t both parents be concerned about their children’s health? Then again, Dad Gone Mad and his readers would probably be thrilled to not have to deal.)
Sigh.
For the record, my son comes to my house most weekdays after school to do his homework, regardless of whether he’ll be at my house or his mom’s that night. I work from home, so this is a good deal for all parties. His mom can focus on her job and know our son is safe. My son gets homework help from me when he needs it. And I get to see my kid a lot.
To find out now that the school has kept me out of the loop all year is frustrating. It’s also not surprising. It’s been a constant battle for the ten years we’ve been part of this school district. Test scores and important notices are usually sent to only one house, usually the mom’s. I’ve talked to teachers, principals, and district administrators including the assistant superintendent to get the problem fixed. I even offered to give one teacher a pile of stamped envelopes addressed to me so she could send me any notes she sent home. (She said that would be more work for her, and refused to do it.)
We aren’t the first two-home family the school has ever dealt with, but apparently I’m the first dad to complain. It sucks to try to be deeply involved with your kids, only to be discriminated against for being a man.
- Wouldn’t Both Single Parents Be Concerned About Their Children’s Health?
- A Great Child Custody Schedule for Divorced Parents
- Auto Insurance is Double for Teens of Divorced Single Parents
- Single Parents Connection Facebook Group
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