Supermarket Dating – Cure for the Common Online Date
Suffering from a common online date? Symptoms include:
• Coffee date drudgery – you meet (ignoring all other available singles in the café because this person’s online checkboxes matched yours), and you go through your standard Q&A bull session like it’s a job interview because you haven’t learned how to pump up your conversations, and despite quickly realizing there’s no chemistry, you keep talking until you’ve run out of latte.
• Fuzzy photos – irregularities like pics that don’t match the person who showed up to meet you.
• Unfulfilled expectations – you wink at, favorite, or email someone you like, then you wait. And wait, and wait, … and wait… Chances are you’ll never hear back. Maybe they aren’t paying members. (Then why is their profile still up showing all those cute hottie photos? Um, because it attracts new subscribers?) Maybe their inbox is full. Maybe they just suck at being nice.
• Dinner whores – sorry, it happens too much not to mention. A dinner whore gives you dining companionship in return for you picking up the tab. [Ed. Note: I'm old school and believe the man should pay. My problem with dinner whores is the women who have no intention of dating you or even considering you as a relationship option, they simply want a free meal from whatever man will pay.]
• Feelings of de ja vu – didn’t you see that exact same person’s photo on the other dating site you subscribed to three years ago? The dating pool is only so big.
• Scanning profiles on a Friday night – when you could be hanging out with friends, sharing a cocktail, enjoying a meal, watching a show, or just plain old reading a good book. But dammit, you don’t want anyone to know you’re dateless.
The cure? Head to your local supermarket and shop for groceries. When you see a sexy person you find attractive, smile, flirt, say hello, ask if a melon is ripe, ask how to roast a chicken, etc. Conversate! (I love that word.)
Doctor’s Rx: take one phone number and call it in the morning.
- Eight Great Ways to Meet Someone New
- When Online Dating Doesn’t Work, Use Your DNA
- Texting for Chemistry – Confessions of a Serial Online Dater, part 2
- Three Great Places to Meet Women (On Paper)
- Coffee House Pickup
- Calling vs Texting for a Date
- Chemistry.com Profile – Maybe More Kids?
- Online Un-Date
- Online Dating Search Criteria – A Contradiction
- OKCupid Review – Shoot That Arrow!
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Comment by debra
| June 3rd, 2008
Thursday nights are great nights in my neighborhood for this…single Dads stocking up on more than beer and mustard for their weekend with their kids! I do always wonder who the Captain Crunch is really for! :)
Comment by Shannon
| June 3rd, 2008
Grocery stores are the best for that. I met some wonderful people in Price Chopper! (Most of the time though, I had my little B and we were getting snacks for our girly movie nights!).
Comment by Susan
| June 3rd, 2008
I passed up a chance to do the grocery shopping pick-up not too long ago — I chickened out. No pun intended. I’ll have to work up the nerve and try again.
Comment by whatmenthink
| June 3rd, 2008
Yes, theres something very domestically sexual about the grocery market. I’m not sure why.
Comment by Hadley
| June 3rd, 2008
I’m amazed that you’ve run into so many dinner whores! I went to graduate school where you live–an affluent area. I can’t imagine the price of dinner being worth the time and effort spent on a man who isn’t really of interest, or especially the loss of self respect that must come with being a dinner whore. What a repugnant interaction! Here’s hoping that you never get stuck with one again.
Comment by dadshouse
| June 3rd, 2008
Hadley – I’ve personally only run into a few, but buddies have told me their stories. Dinner whores are out there. I see it most with San Francisco women using Silicon Valley men to foot the bill. I’m guessing those artsy slacker City boys are fun for cocktails and sex but can’t afford to pay for a meal. (Not every woman in SF is like that, and not every SF male is a slacker. I’m just saying the dinner whores I’ve seen are SF women praying on SV men.)
I’m not advocating the bill be split. I’m old school and think the man should pick up the tab. But a woman should only allow a man to buy her a meal if she’s serious about giving him a look relationship-wise. If she’s just in it for the food, shame on her for making him pay. She can get her handouts elsewhere.
Comment by Honey
| June 3rd, 2008
Next time I’m in SF, we’ll have to go out. I’ll even pay my way!
Comment by Hadley
| June 3rd, 2008
Agreed on all counts. And regardless of income levels, meeting for drinks or later night “still out?” messages figure prominently in what passes for SF dating!
Comment by Lance
| June 3rd, 2008
I’ve never had any success in a grocery store, although the area I live in is slim pickings for high value women.
I hope to never meet a dinner whore. Ugh, that would really bother me.
Comment by dadshouse
| June 3rd, 2008
Hadley – too true! That’s a great comment. I’m glad I’m not the only one running into it. Texting and hooking up can be fun, but it’s not dating.
Honey – love it! But if you’re paying your way, does that mean you’re not serious about giving me a look? I’m wounded… oh wait, you live with your boyfriend. Never mind.
Lance – the Safeway in the Marina neighborhood of San Francisco is a legendary pick up spot. Whole Foods has tons of high value women. I’m told Trader Joe’s is pretty good. I’m partial to a local fresh produce market, where I’ve flirted but haven’t scored a phone number. Yet.
Comment by mssinglemama
| June 3rd, 2008
You forgot the Laundry Mat – I picked up a guy there once…
And, like Lance – never actually had success in the grocery store, but I couldn’t live without my grocery store eye candy!
Comment by OneManThreeKids
| June 3rd, 2008
I am all about window shopping at Target and Whole Foods for those sexy N.Dallas females. Target has several diverse areas that equate to equally diverse women.
As for the dinner whores…I am just old fashion and prefer to pay and even open the door…guess I am a sucker for pain.
Comment by singleworkingmommy
| June 3rd, 2008
A radio station actually sponsored one of those “minute dating” thingies at a local supermarket in my town. The store was notorious for being the hot pick-up spot, so a local radio station used the reputation to their advantage?
I’m either lookin’ way nast in the grocery, or trying to wrangle my very upset 22-month-old after a long day of work/daycare. Not really a practical pick-up spot for me. Although I once met a guy in line who ended up giving me a whole bunch of free Diet Coke coupons. He worked for Coke or something. Weird, but nice surprise.
Comment by katherine.
| June 4th, 2008
I rarely let a man pick up the whole tab on the first meet. At that point I would rather pay for my own dinner, coffee, groceries, hiking fee…whatever
I actually enjoy shopping for food…and when a guy tries to flirt with me in the market I kinda think “ewww…you’ve read this in a book haven’t you….?” NOW I know he has read it here!
just kidding…well…sorta….
Comment by chatanika
| June 6th, 2008
I once read a wedding announcement that related the story of how the couple met in the produce aisle at the local Fred Meyers. Until then, I thought the grocery store hook-up was an urban legend.
Comment by Single_M0M
| June 24th, 2008
I went to the grocery store last night – Monday – which apparently is childless couples’ night. I have never seen that many hand-holding, newlyweds/lovers, kissing and groping in the aisles. Every time I turned into another aisle there was another couple selecting their items – together. I was truly horrified.
Comment by Tony
| March 31st, 2009
Many put all the blame of the dinner whore situation on men. Every dinner whore situation I’ve been in was been manipulated by my date (woman) into it. But now I’ve learnt the tell-tale signs. Every time I met a dinner whore and planned the first date, first off, she will insist having the date in the evening. To provoke you, she will also send pictures of her (a bit more revealing – cleavage, thighs etc., ). It doesn’t matter what you do do set the date to afternoon or coffee, she will push it to the evening by giving some excuses. It took me 3-5 times of scamming to identify this pattern.
During the date, they will be reserved at first, won’t get casual or close, but soon they will be cheering about everything you say. Very less contracdiction. They will also insisit if you’re spending too much time on the cocktail, that you rather get to the dinner part quick or make a reservation. Some of these women even will set tell you to pick a certain restaurant they like and reserve for dinner. All these are signs that the man is going to absolutely lose 100’s of dollars on a single evening dinner.
The lesson is that if anyone has such behavior just stay away. Take a chance on a cocktail date, but that is it.
Having dinner on a first date, is not what real dates are about. Until two people can get closer to each other in 2 or 3 dates, there is no point in having a dinner date.