You-Know-What-us Interruptus
Imagine you’re a single parent. You have your first free night in a week without the kids. You enjoy a nice evening date with someone you’re attracted to and have been around the block with more than once. You’re on the couch together, ignoring whatever’s on TV, engaged in some serious lip-lock, hands well beyond the fumbling with zippers and buttons stage, all systems go to take things from PG-13 to XXX.
When all of a sudden, there’s a knock on the front door.
WTF?! It’s dark out. The porch light is off to discourage salesmen, missionaries, and other visitors. Who could it possibly be? Screw it. You don’t have to open the door everytime someone knocks. If you ignore them they’ll go away. Besides, your pants are at your ankles.
Ring-ring-ring goes the doorbell. Pound-pound on the door. Ring-ring-ring.
“Daaaaaaad!” your son’s voice calls out.
You have no choice. He might have his key. You dress in a flash, smooth your hair, hope nothing’s hanging out that shouldn’t be, and head to the front hall. Your date grabs her garments and dives behind the couch.
You open the door, and there’s your son and his friend. You’d heard they were having a sleepover at their mom’s house, and can’t imagine why they’re here now. “Hey, what’s up?” you ask.
They try to bound inside, but whoa-whoa-whoa! you stop them. The last thing you need is them meeting your not-quite-girlfriend (more like friend-with-benefits), especially since she might still be half-dressed.
“Can’t we come in?” your son asks.
“No,” you say.
“Why not?”
“I have a friend over.”
“Who?” your not-shy son asks.
The ex is supposed to call whenever she or the kids need to come over and pick something up. Exactly to avoid awkward moments like this. But the car idling in the driveway isn’t your ex’s. It looks like her boyfriend’s.
“No one you know,” you say. “What do you need?”
“My new toy,” your son says.
“Stay here and I’ll get it.”
Remember when you were married, and the kids always needed something right when you were trying to sneak in some much needed nookie? This is a little different. It’s your ex’s custody night. You’re supposed to have your own house to yourself, until morning. You’re not exactly dating four women at once, so evening’s like this are rare. And what exactly is your son doing riding around this late?
You get the toy and send your son and his friend on their way. Then you call your ex and ask if she forgot the call-before-coming rule.
Ah, but she knows the rule. In fact, she’s confused as to what’s going on. Your son was supposed to end up at her house from wherever he and his friend had been. She has no idea how he ended up at your door.
In the dark, the car in the driveway looked like her boyfriend’s. Sigh. Sure, you could blame your son. He wanted the toy, and he certainly knows about the call-first rule. But he probably doesn’t really know why it’s in place. Besides, who’s supposed to be more responsible, a preteen kid or an adult? [Ed. note: later we figured out the car belonged to a neighbor who had driven my son.]
Back in the TV room, your date is dressed and ready to roll. For her as a woman who doesn’t have kids, the you-know-what-us interruptus made for mood-us disappear-us real quick.
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- Long Distance Dating for Single Parents
- Hooking Up – I Just Want to Be Your Lover
- Breastfeeding Your Man and Blind Date Sex – While Kids are in the Next Room
- Dating After Divorce
- Funny and Sexy Dating Stories
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Comment by The Exception
| June 17th, 2008
Definitely a cold shower moment!
Comment by debra
| June 17th, 2008
People without kids have no sense of humor! :) If every date (or un-date) doesn’t get interupted by a phone call, text or email from one or the other of our exes (or the exes’ signficant others) the night is just not complete!
Comment by Shannon
| June 17th, 2008
Well written. And such a pain. I know this all too well. We lock the door when my daughter is at her Dad’s just so we have the doorbell ringing time to get “put together”.
Comment by pajama momma
| June 17th, 2008
Just see those blue balls ringing,
a ting-ting tingling too
Comment by Lulu
| June 17th, 2008
Pajama momma is hilarious. I am so sorry that happened! That was a great post. “hope nothings hanging out that shouldn’t be” made me uncomfortably giggle.I bet you will have a pilot-worthy checklist next time they go to ex’s house. Happy Tuesday.
Comment by Lance
| June 17th, 2008
Wow, did this really happen to you recently? Sux!
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| June 17th, 2008
It sounds like a very harmless mistake. The boyfriend took your son and his friend somewhere. Your son said, “Hey, can we stop by my house? I forgot something.” And so they did. Neither the boyfriend nor the son being privy to “the rule.”
Yeah, it’s frustrating. Being a parent is HARD. In fact, I can’t even really recommend it. :)
I’m all for boundaries. And it’s good you brought this to Mom’s attention.
How old is your son?
Comment by Honey
| June 17th, 2008
:-(Yeah, that’s a frustrating one…
Comment by dadshouse
| June 17th, 2008
Yes, it really happened. And I know it’s just an ‘oops’. However, my son knows the call-first routine.
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| June 17th, 2008
Why do you think they purposely ignored this routine? Is it possible they were trying to sabotage? Or just lacking respect?
Comment by dadshouse
| June 17th, 2008
Teri – that’s a great question. I think in my son’s case, he doesn’t understand the importance of calling ahead. He’s very much an in-the-moment, go on a whim sort of person. (You’d love him!)
Comment by Single Mom Seeking
| June 17th, 2008
Oooh, this made me mad!
But c’mon, where’s this woman’s understanding? Don’t tell me she took off—??
Comment by Lance
| June 17th, 2008
Yeah, that’s a major bummer. I supposed that comes with the territory of being a single parent, but damned that’s rough. If your FWB took off, I’d laugh but I think I’d be a bit upset also. I would also give it the old college try to get something started again. I want probably be REALLY pissed if your ex’s bf had premeditated the interruptus, too.
Comment by dadshouse
| June 17th, 2008
The FWB was just freaked about meeting my kids. This is why she’s just an FWB and not a girlfriend. To be put on the spot like that would be rough for anyone. So, she didn’t meet my son, but she felt out of sorts. We’ll see each other again.
No pre-meditation on the visit, just a “I need my toy and we’re going by Dad’s house, let’s stop” sort of thing. No malicious intent. Just dumb luck for my evening.
I suppose it’s like a single person who has a roommate – if they bungle home right when things are hot and heavy on the couch, the romance goes out the window.
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| June 17th, 2008
I had to freakin’ scroll back up and figure what FWB means!
Comment by Kat Wilder
| June 17th, 2008
Oh man, I have experienced this! My kid’s a teen, and he knows the drill — call first and when I don’t answer that is not an invitation to come on over! It means I’m busy. Doing whatever! You don’t want to know!
Has be broken that rule? Yes
With his dad (who should know better)? Yes.
On his own? Yes.
It makes for very awkward moments.
So, because he’s old enough to understand I said (after the last time), “Look, you gotta call first and have me answer in person because I don’t think you want to …”
“Mom! OK! I get it!”
And that was the end of that.
It’s not just a FWB thing. It’s the “parent being sexual” thing, which to all kids, big and small, is a gigantic, ewww!
Pingback by Do You Let Your Kids Know You’re Getting Nooky? | Honey and Lance | June 18th, 2008
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Comment by katherine.
| June 19th, 2008
so…if they had called first…would you have (in the heat of the moment) actually answered the phone? Hope so…overwise they would have thought….hey dad’s not home, we can just go on in…smile.
Comment by dadshouse
| June 19th, 2008
Yeah, that kind of defeats the purpose if I didn’t answer! They’d call the home phone, and the answering machine would pick up and blare the message, so I’d definitely hear and know. The heat of the moment would still go away, but at least there’d be no diving behind the couch and hoping things are all zipped up.
Comment by A Girlfriend
| June 19th, 2008
wow, that’s funny, and yet unfortunate
i date a single dad. we would never do anything in a family room. that’s what the bedroom is for. why would you not exit after a bit to something more private?
Comment by dadshouse
| June 19th, 2008
We were in the family room because the kitchen had dirty dishes and the dining room table was a mess.
kidding! I must have movies like Body Heat on my mind. Ah, summer…
Comment by Gunfighter
| June 23rd, 2008
Duuuuuuuuuuuude!
Comment by Jaclyn
| July 1st, 2008
Man, that sucks. My ex has sort of done this to me (though he doesn’t know it) by showing up a half hour early to drop off our daughter back to me. Hopefully, this won’t happen again or a better system can be construed.
Comment by PT-LawMom
| December 26th, 2008
Well you read about my broken toe from the kid-and-Granddadus-interruptus a few months back. THAT was fun! But at least the hot stuff was out of the way. We were just naked and sleeping. Suuuuccckkks.
PT-LawMom´s last blog post..Immigration Reform and Obama Cabinet Picks
Comment by Lisa
| June 25th, 2009
My ex did this a few months back. The kids later admitted *he* encouraged them to come round, it was 11pm FCOL. The house was in darkness, my partner and I were in ‘post fun, sleep mode’ and..bang bang on the bedroom window “Muuuuuum. Muuuuuum.
I went to the door, my ex was conveniently parked back down the driveway. My daughter, who hadn’t spoken to me in about 6 months since going to live with her father, had come for a really random reason. She also had a friend with her. Her younger brother said ‘oh Mum are we interrupting something’. We’d just recently had a discussion about respecting privacy mutually so I said ‘Yes, yes you are’.
I said some well chosen words to my daughter, apologised to the friend and suggested they go home with their father as it was time they were in bed. Friend looked at me like I had two heads, but I was unrepentent!