A New Earth – Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose
If you’re like everyone else and his brother (or you’re a 2008 Stanford grad), you know all about Oprah’s book club selection earlier this year of Eckhart Tolle’s best-seller, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose
A New Earth is Tolle’s follow-up to The Power of Now
What on earth does this have to do with parenting and dating? A lot.
If you’re pissed off about your circumstance – being a single parent, being divorced, lacking a relationship, enduring online dating, lacking booty, lacking intimacy, having a sexy moment interrupted by kids, feeling your opinions attacked, whatever it is – and you’re wanting, craving, lashing out, demanding change, then you’re stuck in thought and missing out on the simple joy of Being.
As Tolle writes, The joy of Being, which is the only true happiness, cannot come to you through any form, possession, achievement, person, or event – through anything that happens. That joy cannot come to you – ever. It emanates from the formless dimension within you, from consciousness itself and thus is one with who you are.
This doesn’t mean your situation won’t or can’t get better. It just means for right now, life is what it is. You exist. Why not enjoy it? Stop minding so much.
There are tons of books on learning to live a heartfelt life. What I like about A New Earth is Tolle’s mix of philosophy and straight-forward advice. For instance, he suggests when a parent is with a child, if the parent can be alert, still, completely present, not wanting anything other than that moment as it is – then you make room for Being. You stop being a father or mother, and you become Presence, beyond form, the timeless I Am. When the basis for your actions is inner alignment with the present moment, your actions become empowered by the intelligence of Life itself. Applied here, it sounds like a prescription for getting along with and loving your kids.
These concepts may be heady stuff for anyone who hasn’t delved into spirituality, especially Eastern modes of thought. But Tolle breaks it down further, suggesting there are three modes to help you enter life through the present moment, and align your life with the creative power of the universe.
- Acceptance – accept life as it is. Don’t assign blame. This doesn’t mean things can’t or won’t change for the better. It simply encourages a stillness to emerge. That peace is consciousness. Consciousness is your own responsibility, and it’s the first step toward self awareness.
- Enjoyment – enjoy what you’re doing. Don’t wait for something joyful to happen. You don’t need an event to occur. Joy is an aspect of Being. Infuse your activities with joy. It comes from within you. Allow yourself to feel that deep sense of aliveness.
- Enthusiasm – this is joy directed toward a goal. You’ll feel intensity and energy behind what you do. That’s the universal spirit. If the goal becomes more important than enjoying what you are doing, you’ll feel stress.
Things, emotions, thoughts, struggles – these come into our lives, seem all-important for a time, then disappear, dissolving back into the nothing-ness from which they arose. Resistance is futile and leads to intense unhappiness. Non-resistence brings freedom.
So – got a pile of dishes to do and no spouse to do it for you? Don’t bemoan your lack of a partner, or the present mess. Accept that you’re on your own right now. Enjoy the act of creating a clean and healthy environment for you and your kids.
Friday night and no date? Embrace it. Pay attention to sites, smells, sounds around you. Maybe you’ll read a good book, hit a coffee house, have fun at a bar, meet someone new at the supermarket. You won’t do any of those if you’re sulking, angry at the past, wanting a different future.
Cranky kids got you down? Acknowledge they are young, immature, childish. Be happy and grateful they are exploring their lives and surroundings, discovering their feelings, dealing with emotions, whatever it is. They are living. You are present.
I can’t possibly boil down Tolle’s book into a single blog post, but hopefully I’ve given a fair overview. It’s definitely a good read. And on that note, it’s time to get off my new-age soap box. Dad’s House will now return to non-Oprah programming.
(Is texting an ex for booty okay if it’s done with joy and enthusiasm?)
- Single Parent, Empty House, Full Life
- How to Date Four Women at Once
- Tantric Sex (Dad’s House post on Silicon Valley Moms Blog)
- Play the Game of Life
- Couples Tantric Breathing Exercise
- Trading a Can of Whoop-Ass for Compassion
- Great Books for Relationship and Divorce Advice
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Comment by Susan
| June 18th, 2008
I just wrote a post about wanting/needing to take a step back to find some balance. I’ve discovered that staying present (or, for me, even TRYING to stay present) is one of the keys to achieving balance. As a planner by nature, it’s hard for me to not think ahead, but I’ve been getting much better at enjoying the moment and — surprise — finding that it works like Tolle says! I also tend to re-examine past events to the nth degree, and you know what? It doesn’t change anything, so I’m also trying — and getting better — at just accepting what is.
The Power of Now was much better for me the second time around. You know, after I stopped skipping through the pages to get to the end :) I’ll have to check this one out, too.
[Ed. Note: here is a link to Susan's blog post: Balance, Enlightenment and Other Unholy Grails] http://susancourtad.com/wp/2008/06/17/balance-control-and-other-unholy-grails/
Comment by dadshouse
| June 18th, 2008
Susan – I’m with you, it’s definitely a process. I find myself second-guessing past choices and getting caught up in achieving goals rather than enjoying the moment. But just catching yourself and being aware is helpful.
I liked this better than Power of Now. My fave spiritual/philosophy/psychology book of all time, though, is Ken Wilber’s “A Brief History of Everything”.
Comment by Susan
| June 19th, 2008
Thanks for the link, D. I have yoga and a girls’ cocktail party to attend later today, so hopefully some deep breathing, down dogs and booze will help the process :) Appreciate the other book suggestion, too.
Comment by The Exception
| June 19th, 2008
Living with the moment and accepting one’s life… I wonder if that could also equate to accepting those around us as they are without wishing the them to be something they aren’t? There is something about that feeling of content peace when one stops worrying about the future and what is missing from one’s life. I wonder if one can note the desire and yet accept the moment and be content?
How does this work compare with The Secret?
Comment by dadshouse
| June 19th, 2008
That’s a great question about The Secret. I think both strategies encourage you to quiet the chaotic thoughts and focus on inner energy/feelings, but in different ways. Tolle is all about accepting the moment, experiencing joy in the present.
The Secret is power of positive thinking, with a twist. You quiet the mind, but then picture some thing/state/experience you want to have in the future (Tolle gasps!), for instance a car, spouse, money. Then you let yourself feel the feeling you want to have once the thing you picture comes true. Really feel the joy.
What this does is condition your mind/body to accept that feeling and allow it as being okay. If negative thoughts from past experiences make you think you don’t deserve a spouse or pay raise, this reconditioning breaks that down so that when the thing/event does occur, you won’t reject it. You’ll attract it, as The Secret’s producers like to say.
The video for the Secret is compelling. I’ve had my kids watch it. Haven’t noticed huge results (where’s that pile of money I keep picturing?!) but I do believe in the reconditioning aspect of it.
btw – there’s a book from the 1920’s by Florence Scovel Shinn called “The Game of Life and How To Play It.” And it’s the same technique as the Secret…
Comment by dadshouse
| June 19th, 2008
Here’s a nice example of enjoying the moment: My Frog Prince at Modern Single Momma.
Comment by Honey
| June 19th, 2008
I’m so not good at this, though I keep trying…
Comment by Tonya
| June 19th, 2008
I love this post!! Saw you on Susan’s One Woman Show blog.
I have just begun reading A New Earth (it will be going with me on vacation this weekend) but I am a long time fan of Tolle and a student of A Course in Miracles (where Tolle gets his inspiration).
These are excellent words to live by. Thank you for sharing!
Comment by The Exception
| June 19th, 2008
There is much to reflect upon in A Course on Miracles. Worth the time and focus it requires.
I may have to read the book, now (thanks to this) to gain a further understanding of the concepts, the differeing points between this and The Secret, and how it is similar to Course on Miracles.
Each seems to suggest that the focus of life should change from “want” to “accept” and appreciate.
Comment by dadshouse
| June 19th, 2008
I think acceptance is indeed key. That doesn’t mean you have to be happy with your circumstances. It means you allow life as it comes to you to flow freely through you. Spiritual non-resistence. When you fight that flow and try to control it, you get stressed, your body breaks down.
Carolyn Myss has a great book on that topic: Anatomy of the Spirit. And if you’re ever blocked and need healing, there’s reiki (a technique used by nurses in places like Stanford’s neo-natal unit. I’m a reiki master, so I know a bit about this)
I think it’s still fine to want things, but you can’t control outcomes. You set goals that are aligned with your inner purpose, you feel energetic and enthused, and that’s when the universal spirit joins forces with you, or actually takes over and flows through you to manifest things in the world.
If anyone wants some of the Kool-Aid I’m drinking, let me know…
Comment by Lance
| June 19th, 2008
I read Power of Now last year and it was mindblowing…I mean, I was moved by it. You have to be sorta in the mood to digest it, but he’s got some amazing ideas in there. What I got out of it is to thoroughly live in the present and enjoy your every day experience as much as possible, and not stress about the past.
Comment by dadshouse
| June 19th, 2008
Lance – agree you have to be in the mood to read Tolle. But he has good stuff. Seems the Power of Now and New Earth concepts would work great on the pick-up/social scene – put aside fears and just go with the flow of the moment.
Comment by justrun
| June 19th, 2008
Stop minding so much is excellent advice. Not that I have mastered it, in fact I mind today a LOT, but nonetheless.
Comment by mama llama
| June 20th, 2008
TE and Tonya made mention of the Course in Miracles and, although I cannot attest to Tolle aside from what all have said above, I can also see definite similarities. I did not know that TCIM was his inspiration.
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In my years living in (rural mountainous) Japan (NOT Tokyo) I was struck by the hard work ethic of everyone, from the Town’s mayor (who happened to be the brother of the Prime Minister) to first grade children. Yet what struck me more was the intensity with which the Japanese lived their lives outside of the office/workplace/school. Whether it be party after party followed by karaoke followed by more party on a Thursday night, tending the family rice paddy, intense games of baseball or Mah-Jong or preparation for the next Town Festival, the Japanese taught me so much about living life in the present–it is necessary to complete one’s responsibilities but it is also necessary to remind ourselves that we are still alive and not mere rats on a wheel.
The Japanese have a saying that is deeply rooted in their Bushido Samurai code: Sho ga nai. It can’t be helped. As a relatively uptight Westerner, I was met with that response with many questions and frustrations I could not immediately reconcile. “Sho ga nai” is what I would be told.
Just let it go. Relax. Live the moment, because fighting the moment will not make Life any easier.
–
Hard to keep that up. No longer teaching at the Uni and working out of my home has definitely made living in the present and embracing our momentary dynamics much easier, and my relationship with my children and my friends is now much less stressed with no more pressures, time limitations, etc. from Above.
It is up to us to carve this into our lives, isn’t it? My double-mantra of Joseph Campbell’s “Follow your bliss” and Jonathan Swift’s “May you live all the days of your life” help remind me to stay on track, but just as justrun says above, mastery is a different issue altogether.
Nice food for thought. Be well, Daddy-o!
Comment by Larry
| October 8th, 2008
Hi David,
We came across the great art image on this article and found it would be perfect as cover art for the study guide we just created for a series of lessons we are starting this Sunday based upon A New Earth. We’re wondering if it’s your image, and we could have your permisssion to print it on our study guide. (not for sale) If it’s not your art work can you tell us whose so we can request permission from them.
Thanks very much…and btw you’re a good writer!
Larry
Rev. Larry Schellink
Unity Center of Davis
Davis, CA
Comment by Reiki Tutor
| November 1st, 2009
Could you recommend any specific resources, books, or other blogs on this topic?
Comment by Nicki
| November 17th, 2009
Thanks so much for the information on A New Earth. I have picked it up many times and not brought it home from the book store. I did pick up some other books by Tolle last night at a huge warehouse sale. I am not looking forward to reading them even more.
I so agree that we need to live in the present and accept what is here. When we do that, we experience things more deeply and do not constantly question if this is really meant to be. And, I am off to disinfect from a sick teen and do dishes but will do both with acceptance this morning. :)
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