How To Pick Up a Woman in Front of Your Son
My son and I were eating at the bar in our favorite Mexican restaurant. The owners are fine with that on slow nights – tons of people eat at that counter solo – and we’ve done it before. Without my daughter along we thought we’d keep it manly and casual. Plus, there was a TV. Always an attraction for a twelve-year-old.
A woman sat down two seats away from me, along with two young kids and a man. Damn, a family, and she was hot. Slim, cute, sexy, olive skin, nice smile. Her husband was the luckiest guy in the room. But then she ordered a beer, and the man and kids left, and I realized she was alone.
Women NEVER eat out alone in Silicon Valley.
I worried it might be awkward talking to her with my son there, but what choice did I have? Chances like this come along once every couple of years (so it seems.) I absolutely had to chat this woman up. Besides, kids are sort of chick magnets. I’d need my best sweet talk pick up lines.
I asked her if she’d eaten at the restaurant before. A fair question, since we eat there a lot and I didn’t recognize her. Plus, she hadn’t ordered a margarita. Everyone orders a margarita here. This restaurant makes the best margaritas in town. (La Llorona is my fave.)
She was friendly, and we started to chat. Turns out she was in town visiting from Colorado on business. Her smile was killing me, and I couldn’t see if she had a ring or not. I introduced my son, and he seemed a tad embarrassed, then went back to watching the ballgame on TV.
I felt conflicted – I should bond father/son style. But WTF. If there was a chance with this woman, I had to take it. I wasn’t looking for an impromptu date, I simply hoped for a connection.
A group of guys came into the bar and one totally started hitting on her. No sweet talk pick up lines from them. She gave him the cold shoulder and changed seats to be right next to me. I was in heaven! (My son smiled. He knew I was pleased.)
We talked while we ate. She explained the meaning of my margarita’s name (La Llorona – the crying woman. Which I knew from reading Women Who Run With the Wolves, but I was impressed with her latina knowledge.)
My son was fairly quiet, but when I brought him into the conversation by having him brag about playing lacrosse or trumpet, he perked up. He’s extremely social, and has no problem talking to adults or girls. He did great.
I finally saw a flash of bling on her finger. Damn! Talk about mood killer, I know I should have looked beforehand. But she had her hand in her lap the whole time, and scoping out a ring would have been so obvious. Plus, sometimes women wear rings when they aren’t married, to ward off men. (Just as sometimes men don’t wear rings when they should.)
I’m pretty direct, so I asked if there’s a lucky guy in her life. Yep, she’s married. But she said she was totally flattered that I hit on her. She ordered a margarita to match mine (La Llorona!), and was bummed when my son and I needed to leave before her drink was done. We exchanged biz cards because she has a girlfriend (in Colorado) to set me up with.
As soon as we left, I talked to my son about what went down. I apologized for chatting so much with someone else, but explained there aren’t that many single women in Silicon Valley, at least not ones who put themselves out there. (I’m convinced they all hide out in the Googleplex.) I explained that when a beautiful woman sits down next to you, you don’t hesitate, you do whatever it takes to start up a conversation. He understood. He got it.
He’s not shy, he’ll be fine with the ladies when it’s time. But I feel it was good for him to watch me interact with this woman. My parents are still married, so I never got to see my old man in action. My son saw me stick my neck out with a woman, strike out, and still hold my head high.
In other words, he saw what it’s like to be a man.
- Flirting in Front of Your Ex
- Salsa Dancing – Hot Latina Nights
- Is the Dating Pool Really That Small?
- PreTeen Sex Talk With a Boy
- How to Grill Asparagus (pick-up potential here)
- Breastfeeding Your Man and First Date Casual Sex – While Kids are in the Next Room
- How to Start Dating a Single Dad
- Single Parent Movie Date
- Sexy and Funny Dating Stories
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Comment by mama llama
| June 20th, 2008
You have read Women Who Run With The Wolves? Okay, that totally skyrockets you in my book. La llorona is quite a haunting story; I’ve given many a student the heebie-jeebies just using it for past-tense practice.
What a great point of view on that story. I am always so ’shy’ when alone in a bar that my defenses are up and I’m sure anyone can see the wall. What am I afraid of? I’m not sure. I know that I am looked at but I remain so stand-off-ish that my shyness can easily be perceived as snobbery–which I am NOT.
Interesting story–good luck with the Great State of Colorado, my friend!
Be well, Daddy-o.
Comment by debra
| June 20th, 2008
Not sure I agree with your rationale on this one. I find myself looking back to your post yesterday, specifically this part…if the parent can be alert, still, completely present, not wanting anything other than that moment as it is – then you make room for Being….a hot woman, who you discovered is from Colorado anyway, or being completely present and involved in manly bonding time alone with your son. I wonder if what he learned is not that you held your head high, but that you prioritized chatting up a hot woman over spending dad / son time with him. I don’t have experience to rely on here for my perspective though…my son is only 6, so turning my attention to another person when I am out with him isn’t really feasible, since I know that would be his perspective, that the other person was more important. I’m sure your read on how your son viewed the situation is more accurate than my supposition. Interesting to think about, not sure how I would react, had I been on the receiving end of a dad out with his son in that situation.
Comment by The Exception
| June 20th, 2008
I am torn here. Part of me says “yea… you did that with tact and your son saw so many things that are important.” (And you met a nice woman and that is great in itself.) The other part of me wonders what I would have done in such a situation. I am friendly enough when men flirt when I am with my daughter, but I am also more guarded than relaxed.
And yes, a man interacting with his kid(s) is very attractive. Definitely chick magnet – like a puppy or cute dog. ;)
Comment by Kat Wilder
| June 20th, 2008
I’m with TE on this one. It feels somewhat awkward if my son senses I’m having a sexually charged conversation (not because I’m saying something sexual or flirty, just because he’s a man and I’m a woman and, well duh!) with someone because I wonder, what is he thinking about that? That whole “mom is sexual” thing. Even if I’m very relaxed and casual about it (because I very often chat up strangers, male and female, with kids and without).
Maybe it’s different because you’re a man. Double standard? Probably. But your son most likely learned a little from you that night, as he learns every day from watching you.
However, why must a woman be “beautiful” to talk to? Would it be wrong or bad to strike up a conversation with a Plain Jane? Jus wonderin’ …
Comment by QTMama
| June 20th, 2008
Dadshouse, my dad use to try all the time when I was your son’s age, and I never thought anything odd of it. It never bothered me. I believe now, that perhaps it gives me the courage I have sometimes. And the most important thing? You spoke to him of it. I heart you.
Comment by Tonya
| June 20th, 2008
That rocks. What a great story.
Comment by katherine.
| June 20th, 2008
since I’m new to the site I don’t remember how old your kids are…and too distracted to look…but I’m curious how different it would have been if your daughter had been with you instead of your son?
there have been times one or both of my girls are with me (20 and 26) and some guy strikes up conversation…its kinda a riot cause we usually really give him a hard time. More often than not…as my oldest says…”too old for us…too young for you…”
smile.
Comment by Honey
| June 20th, 2008
It’s Friday. Your story has made me want a margarita.
In other, more relevant comments, my dad has been single for over 10 years since my mom died. I think he has had one sort-of girlfriend because I found a very sarcastic card about her hoping he finds what he wants. I think he is shy and will never date again, which I think is very sad. I very much suspect that my mom was the aggressor in their relationship.
I know she “proposed” to him, which is a strong word because after 3 years of living together she said, “I’m pregnant. We’re getting married. Next month.” And he said, “Okay.” His nickname for her was “the boss.”
Comment by Single Mom Seeking
| June 20th, 2008
First, you cracked me up by using that ol’ pick up line, “Come here often?” (Fine, you “asked her if she’d eaten at the restaurant before.” Slight twist, so sweet.)
Then, I love the fact that you were so honest with your son, that you acknowledged what happened, you talked. You’re a great dad.
I also love the question that Katherine poses: if you’d had your daughter there — instead of your son — would you have hit on this woman? Hmmmmm.
Lastly, I concur with Kat (as usual). I’m super conscious about having my daughter witness me — her mom — if I’m having a charged, sexual conversation with a man. My kid is watching my ever move, and I’m more aware than ever that if I act that a ditsy dimwit around a hot guy, she’s going to model this…
Comment by dadshouse
| June 20th, 2008
Mama Llama – yep, I’ve read the book. I’m trying so hard to understand how women think/react.
Debra – great point. I’m the first to admit I don’t put Tolle’s wisdom into use 24/7. I do try to keep it in mind. That said, sometimes life comes at you, and you have to react. You can’t live in a coccoon with your son and ignore all around you.
The Exception – I’m torn too. I had only ever flirted with a woman once in front of my kids, and I was far more discreet. I usuall lead a split personality life – when with kids, be a single dad; when without kids, be a single man. It can be maddening.
Kat – I get your point, but this conversation was definitely not sexually charged. Just me talking to a stranger. As for her beauty – I need for there to be more going on with a woman than just her looks. Intelligence, compassion, sexiness, sweetness, for starts. But men are visual creatures and we definitely notice beauty. Plus, tossing a line like that in a story is de rigueur when you’re telling a barstool story to buddies. (You female readers are getting a glimpse into the male mind)
QTMama – well, I don’t do it all the time, but thanks for leeting me know I didn’t scar my son for life!
Katherine – my son is 12, my daughter 16. Not sure how things would have played out with daughter there. I probably wouldn’t have started the conversation. BUT if I had, my daughter is smart and savvy, and chatting up boys these days. I wouldn’t be surprised if she had dived right into the conversation. Both my kids enjoy talking to adults, and have no problem having real conversations with people they’ve just met. Part of their day-care upbringing, part of their mom’s big family, part of me being forced to do that since I’m completely solo with no family in the area.
Honey – margaritas on my front yard at 5pm today. Be there!
Comment by dadshouse
| June 20th, 2008
Single Mom Seeking – I hadn’t even thought about the fact I was using a tried and true pick up line! Too funny. My favorite pick-up line, which I only use when it’s heartfelt, is: I couldn’t help noticing you and I wanted to say hello. Now THAT would have given the conversation a sexual charge.
Like I explained in my previous comment (which it turns out I was writing when you were writing yours, so our comments are getting crossed up a bit) – there was no sexual charge to this conversation. The few times I complimented the woman on her looks/smile/necklace, I leaned in close so my son didn’t hear. I suppose the leaning in can be construed as sexual charge, but it’s just body language, so I’m not too worried.
Comment by The Exception
| June 20th, 2008
I hear you about the split personality. Sometimes I feel like I am living at least two lives… mom, professional, and then there are those times when I can be “woman”. At some point, I would like to see what it is like to have them mesh!
Comment by Lance
| June 20th, 2008
I’m drinking a homemade martini right now. It’s 2:18 pm my time. I’ve got a buzz.
DM, that was a perfect interaction. It’s also a memorable experience for your son, and I’m sure he’s appreciative of the knowledge. See, now he knows he can ask you about socializing with women when it comes time for that. These are the types of things that fathers should be teaching sons. Well done.
Also, from a social artist perspective, that interaction played itself perfectly. You don’t have to close every women you meet. In fact, you won’t close MOST of them. Make friends and let them introduce you to their cute single friends. Boom!
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| June 20th, 2008
I’m with Mama Llama. I am totally floored and mind-spinning impressed with your comment that you’ve read Women Who Run With The Wolves.
I hear men all the time saying they have no clue about women. When I recommend they read something like WWRWTW, they NEVER do it.
So if it’s true that you’ve read it, I’ll be wanting to discuss it with you.
Sounds like the encounter didn’t trouble your son at all. I rather see it as it having been an opportunity for your son to experience social situations. It’s not always about being a man and a woman, ya know. It’s just about being people.
Comment by dadshouse
| June 20th, 2008
Cathouse Teri – I did indeed read Women Who Run with the Wolves, and even took notes! I really liked how the author based it all on folk stories and myths. The power of storytelling is amazing, especially when it taps into universal truths.
Now if I could just start understanding you beautiful creatures called women, I’d be set. How much longer till Happy Hour today? (I know it already started for Lance)
Comment by Adam
| June 20th, 2008
Can’t fault you – I know guys in your position that would have been happy to use their son as an ‘excuse’ to avoid approaching. Glad to see you have your approach anxiety sorted. Life’s too short to be passing up potential opportunities!
Comment by Gunfighter
| June 20th, 2008
Right on, brother!
I think that was a great story. It doesn’t seem like you ignored your son, and you weren’t using him, either.
Sorry she turned out to be married, but you gave your son a good example of talking respectfully to an attractive woman instead of making an arse out of yourself or embarrassing him in the process.
Rock on!
Comment by whatmenthink
| June 20th, 2008
THIS is exactly why boys need fathers! Cheers David! I applaud you! *stands up clapping with gusto*
Comment by Kevin (ReturnToManliness)
| June 21st, 2008
Great post. You handled this perfectly. The world needs more information on this as our society has more and more people in your situation. You also gave you son a great gift. You gave him the gift of confidence in his ability to handle himself correctly. He came through and you reinforced that he did great. You also allowed him to form his own opinion (and did not ask for his permission on any of it). That is priceless.
Comment by Kai
| June 21st, 2008
I think it’s great! I’d MUCH rather have kids these days learn to treat/chat with a women from someone like you/their dad than from TV or their peers.
Speaking of which, I have to admit, I do the “wear a ring on my left ring finger” thing myself….sometimes it’s just easier than spending the evening warding off the droves of men who think “The Game” is a religion. (sorry lance!)
Comment by Eathan
| June 22nd, 2008
I say, nicely done. I’m a single dad and there’s always a good way to do it. Keep it casual and social. That’s my rule. Once again, good job.
Comment by Shannon
| June 23rd, 2008
I’m torn too. Not exactly sure how I would have handled it. It always depends on the situation. But you know your son better than any of us and the fact that you talked to him about it after, was a lesson in truthfulness and honesty and a father-son bonding moment all in itself. I’m all for parents being more open and truthful (as age permits). As always, you are a great role model.
Comment by Rebekah
| June 23rd, 2008
I really liked this post. Makes me wonder if my son will be watching his father… and learn from that… YIKES, the thought disturbs me a little. His father doesn’t have as much social grace or class.
Great post!
Comment by vinomom
| July 23rd, 2008
I liked the post and I think it’s a real moment, father w/ son. The fact that you adressed it made it even more valuable. Maybe one day your son will take a chance w/ a girl who would otherwise have been “the one who got away”.
So what if she was married? She obviously appreciated the company which showed you made friends w/ the opposite sex in a non-creepy way. Something many men have yet to master.
Comment by Sara Reed
| January 26th, 2009
This was an absolute pleasure to read! I love the little convo you had with your son at the end. It’s a shame all men aren’t as confident, yet polite, as you.
Sara Reed´s last blog post..Valentine’s Day and the Recession
Comment by Amber
| July 31st, 2009
Great Story!!
Yr a good dad!
Carter is lucky to have you~