Eight Great Ways to Meet Someone New
With my kids on vacation, and given my dislike of online dating, you might wonder how I actually meet someone new. Here are some ways to say hello to a stranger.
1. I couldn’t help noticing you, and I wanted to say hello – when I first heard this, I thought it was the cheesiest pick-up line ever. But a former girlfriend of mine told me it actually worked on her, as long as it sounded heartfelt. And she’s right! It’s worked plenty for me. Use this in a bar or coffee house. Anyplace where you catch eyes with someone across the room.
2. You ladies look like you’re having fun – use this when you approach a group of women. It doesn’t matter what they’re doing; if they’re out together, chances are at least one of them will want to meet a man. And believe me, if there’s only one at the table who is available, if you’re a quality guy the others will let you know who she is. The great thing about this line is it doesn’t commit you to any one woman. It’s flattering to all of them and gets them all involved in the conversation.
3. Good book? – perfect for a coffee house, the park, or the beach. That is, if you can find someone reading. A lot of times people are staring at laptops, cell phones, and blackberries, texting away. But if you do find someone with a book, it’s a good start. If you haven’t heard of the book, ask them about it. Or ask them for other titles they’ve liked. An alternative to try with someone who is texting: nice text message? (Ha! Leave those tech gadgets at home!)
4. Have you been here before? – (or the cheesy counterpart, Come here often?) This is great when you’re in line, or at the bar, waiting to order. I used this line to hit on a woman in front of my son, and it works. What do you like here? is an easy follow-up. DO NOT ask What’s good, or What do you recommend, because those questions force the person to offer their opinion as a critic. No one wants to give bad advice. Telling you what they like tells you something about them, and that’s flattering already.
5. Hi, I’m David – just saying Hi and giving your name can actually work if you’ve made some eye contact, and there’s an obvious charge. I saw this in the film American Gangster when Denzel Washington meets Miss Puerto Rico. Whether art imitates life, or life imitates art, doesn’t matter – they’re one in the same.
For the single parent in the park or at the beach, say ANYTHING about the kids. For instance:
1. Which one’s yours? – you learn a lot by their response. The rascally boy (she likes a man who isn’t tame), or Miss Never Wants to Get Dirty (her own life is too tame, and she wants some action)
2. Cute kid! – complimenting a parent on their child is an instant winner
3. Can we pet your dog? – getting your kid to pet their dog allows you two adults to talk
Now put yourself out there wherever singles hang out.
Smile. Be noticed. Say hello.
- How to Pick Up a Woman in Front of Your Son
- Best Places for Singles to Meet
- Tis the Season to Flirt
- Three Great Places to Meet Women (On Paper)
- Thursday Night in Palo Alto
- Perfectly Normal Date
- Woman of My Dreams, Manifested
- Hot Mother in a Boys Clothing Store
- Art Fair Dating
- Meeting Women the Old Fashioned Way
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Comment by lisaq
| June 24th, 2008
Simple, but effective. Nicely done!
Comment by Single Mom Seeking
| June 24th, 2008
I appreciate the boldness! I’ll let you know what works this summer… I’m not going back online. No way.
Little tiny note: If a man ever calls me a “lady,” I give a slight smile, turn around and walk the other way… it has always been a condescending word. But maybe that’s because I’m a youngin’?
Comment by dadshouse
| June 24th, 2008
Single Mom Seeking – what is preferable to the term ladies? “Girls”? I think that’s more condescening. I stopped calling women “girls” in college, and I hate being called a “boy”.
I suppose if I approached a group of women, I would probably just say “you all look like you’re having a lot of fun”, and leave the “ladies” part out of it.
But what do you “females” think – how should guys address you when you’re in a pack?
Comment by pajama momma
| June 24th, 2008
I agree with single mom seeking, sadly the term lady just rubs me the wrong way. Maybe it has to do with being a lady of the night? Not sure.
Girl doesn’t bother me. And the Beastie Boy’s song “Girls” still makes me giggle. However, since I’m heavily involved with surf/skate/snowboard people I never minded being called a chick, so I guess I can’t give any good advice.
“You all” seems quite safe to me. Just leave out the “ya’ll”. ick
Comment by whatmenthink
| June 24th, 2008
HAHAHA
David, check out Demetri Martin (Comedian) on youtube.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=6_mR-Fhnc9o
Around 1:50 he does this bit about how saying Ladies makes you appear creepy.
Personally, I think that if you show sincerity, they are less likely to nitpick at your words. All of these suggestions would work great if you are sincerely trying to meet someone special and not just trying to hook-up.
Comment by Honey
| June 24th, 2008
In a pack, I don’t know that you have a choice other than “ladies.” Girls is AWFUL, and I can’t imagine saying, “how are you women doing tonight?” Haha!
Comment by Single_M0M
| June 24th, 2008
I agree with Honey. I’d rather be called a lady than a girl. Even though I consider myself very “girly” I don’t look for boys to meet when I’m out.
And for me, a simple smile and eye contact (when across the room) works just fine. Of course, I don’t smile at just *anyone*!
Comment by Single_M0M
| June 24th, 2008
Teri – Yes, seeing a man having “textual intercourse” is always a turn on for me.
I usually say something like, “Wow, you’re good with your hands aren’t you?” and that usually is a great introduction.
Comment by dadshouse
| June 24th, 2008
I love it when Cathouse Teri comes to play – LMAO!
Comment by Lance
| June 24th, 2008
I opened an 8 set of dressed-up girls on the street last night with, “Which one is the bachelorette?” Assuming of course that it was a bachelorette party, which it wasn’t. What I didn’t assume was that they were 16 years old, which they were. OOPS! The funny party was, after I left the set to meet my friends, they got onto a BUS to get transported to wherever their next stop was.
I also opened an off-duty stripper last night with, “Hey, how has your night been?” That worked also.
I’m a big fan of situational openers, like the good book opener from David’s #3 above.
Comment by mama llama
| June 24th, 2008
Ah…The Joys of TextSex. Fun.
Children and dogs are great conversation starters. When moving to a new place, it is much harder for me now than when younger to extend myself and put the energy into meeting new people–friends to hang with–but kids help bridge that gap.
Interestingly, so has juggling.
I learned to juggle and stand on my head last year (35 was a big year for me). So when out with the kids, at the park for example, I can whip out my Guatemalan hacky-sacks and practice my juggling…and everyone comes to talk to me, men and women alike.
Kind of off-the-wall, but a great conversation starter. They will come with me to Perú. (48 hours!!! am I ready?!)
Be well, Daddy-o.
Comment by mama llama
| June 24th, 2008
Oh yeah…I don’t mind “ladies”, “guapas” or “you all.” Blood alcohol level at the time could make a difference to me as well, I suppose…
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| June 24th, 2008
NOTHING works better to disarm a woman from her suspicions about pick up lines than for a man to ask her for help with something. Unless his delivery is very poor.
Regarding the texting, one can always say, “Oh I love to see a woman finger-f@*king her phone!”
True, you might get slapped, but it is a good line! ;)
Comment by katherine.
| June 24th, 2008
well….when I am “in a pack” (rolling my eyes) or hunting out on my own…I probably won’t be overly attracted to someone who says “lady” (thinkin’ Jerry Lewis here)
“girl” doesn’t bother me…but it bothers many of my corporate friends…its kind of a surfer term so I am use to it….
“you guys” works verbally. In writing it leaves a different impression than when I say it….”it looks like you guys (or you all) are having a great time”
I had a big ole dog visiting me for a few days last week….and she brought me LOTS of attention….it was actually a great way to meet a couple “guys”…smile….
(I am never EVER gonna think of texting in the same manner again….)
Comment by Single Mom Seeking
| June 24th, 2008
I’ve always been partial to that southern “Y’all”… it’s a long story.
As I said, “Lady” rubs me the wrong way, like PJ Mama. I have a girl. I’m not one anymore. See my post about that today….
Comment by dadshouse
| June 24th, 2008
Y’all ladies are acting girlie today!
(haha, just kidding. couldn’t resist)
You guys (and I mean that in the all-inclusive gender-free sense) ROCK.
Comment by singleworkingmommy
| June 24th, 2008
I really like the first one “I noticed you…” but I guess it could come off stalkery.
I *HATE* the “You ladies/girls/women/females/XX chromosomes look like you are having fun.” one It doesn’t matter how you refer to me and my friends–that’s not what I dislike–it’s the line itself. I’ve never liked it. It’s like *collective groan* “We WERE having fun until someone tried to come hit on us!”
Also, if I’m out with my dog and my kid–don’t mention my dog before you mention my kid. Instant turnoff. I’ll think you’re one of those types that loves, loves, LOVES dogs–more than humans. And I love my dog–but my child takes up way, way, WAY more heart space. Unless you have a dog *and* a kid with you, too. Then I’ll know YOU know dogs are dogs and humans are humans.
And here endeth my rant.
Comment by Cara
| June 24th, 2008
Hiya Dadshouse,
How are you? I’m back from my long spell away from reading or writing blogs. Life is still crazy, but way better than it was last month.
I love this blog entry of yours. I think it’s a great entry!
x
Cara
Comment by Kristin
| June 24th, 2008
I don’t know, “ladies” just reminds me of a group of huddling, chain-smoking cougars in too-tight pants. But I have this thing with inappropriate imagery, so there’s that.
Comment by dadshouse
| June 24th, 2008
SingleWorkingMommy – you know, actually, I noticed you across the blogosphere… (is it working?)
Cara – welcome back! Missed you. (And your rockin legs)
Kristin – maybe huddling, chain-smoking cougars are exactly my kind of girls/ladies/females/xx/women! (not)
(can you all tell I’m in a good mood tonight?)
btw – when my daughter, who is 16, plays soccer, all the parents on the sideline say stuff like “let’s go, ladies!”, to empower them as women. We’ve been doing it since they were 12 or so. The girls just roll their eyes… (Then again, tell that to the University of Tennessee Lady Volunteers)
You all can call me Dude. My kids certainly do.
Comment by Kat Wilder
| June 24th, 2008
Well, maybe it’s just me but I have to wonder why does it have to be so … premeditated?
Can’t it be organic, and relate to whatever’s happening in the moment?
Or is that just a local, organic, sustainable, fair-trade, Zen Marin thing?
And, for the record, I am a lady, girl, woman, lady, whore and “love thang” — and other things — whenever appropriate. And, of course, organic.
Comment by dadshouse
| June 24th, 2008
It’s premeditated because a high value woman (whatever that means to the man – beauty, intellect, sexiness, financial status, whatever) – renders some men incapable of thought. And so we program our tiny little brains with 8 opening lines for 8 situations, and let the organics be divisible into a finite number of responses that hides our inability to function at that moment.
I jest, of course. But seriously – I’m not shy, I have a ton of nerve, I’m pretty darn direct, and I can still be rendered dumb-struck by a woman.
And besides, too many people rely on the internet to meet these days. I’m just trying to encourage folks to get out there in real life, make some eye contact, smile and say hello.
My kids love organic bananas, btw.
Comment by Kat Wilder
| June 25th, 2008
Never buy any other kind of banana; I’ve heard stories ….!
But … do men and/or women not know how to meet people the old-fashioned way? Have we forgotten (or never learned) how to flirt and chat someone up?
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| June 25th, 2008
Whether a man calls me a lady or a girl or whatever entirely depends on his charm and delivery. I have had a person call me girl or lady in a very demeaning way, yet someone can call me a bitch (among other things) and I will take it as nothing but an endearment.
So words aren’t really the key. There are some who take offense to certain words, but that is their problem. And were I a man, I would honestly want nothing to do with a woman who shuts me down at the get-go because I called her a lady (or a girl) and it’s a term she hates.
It’s all in good fun. And if a woman can’t respond in good fun, then I would take it as a sign that she needs to be moved right on past. A good sense of humor is ESSENTIALLY attractive.
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| June 25th, 2008
I think I’ll just let the whole “banana” conversation go without comment from the cathouse. ;)
Comment by dadshouse
| June 25th, 2008
Kat – I think that’s part of the point I made earlier about Santa Barbara. For some reason I find it incredibly easy to chat women up down there. Maybe it’s the beach vibe. Maybe people aren’t as stressed about work or getting ahead.
One major difference, NO ONE there ever asks “what do you do for work?” It’s a taboo subject. Here in Silicon Valley, you’ll find that out before you learn a person’s name. So, yeah, I think people have forgotten how to chat/flirt on a human level, at least here in Silicon Valley.