Backyard Leads to Love Pondering
David Mott is on vacation this week, but he left the keys to Dad’s House with some of his favorite bloggers (they’re behaving, right?). Today Laila, the sexy author of Lulu Notewordy, relaxes in the backyard and ponders love…
I was sitting on Dadshouse’s patio(not really) and thinking about the differences between men and women. I pondered the wonderful, sloppy, mistake-ridden trapse through the backyard of love and relationships…
The crisp sound of chirping, and sight of humming birds bring to mind the flutter and sail of one’s heart; the quest for that calming and chaotic feeling in a new crush. I see ants marching in lines dutifully; and I think of the sometimes inevitable fall into line of marriage, child-rearing in tandem, and the lost sparks necessary routine turning to mundane. I lean back into the beaming rays of the sun, knowing its rays (like an ex) can burn me, or brighten me with equal measure.
The art of attraction has always seemed infinitely flawed to me. I am the first to raise my foolish hand in a crowd asked: “Do you know what you want in a partner?”. It seems simple enough. Right? Just by looking at my handy-dandy Spectrum of Ex you can see I have tested that silly question with equal measure of face-plant falls into love-lust fantasy long distance relationships, and real founded(albeit, ultimately unsuccessful) connections.
Sitting here I find a very small clarity in moment of stillness. I realize that it is so easy to project your best self out to the dating world. Why wouldn’t I? I am still learning, but I think there can often be a great divide between the The man you want and the man you need. I guess self-awareness plays far more into all of it than I originally expected. I am a married commitmentphobe (one of my many personal oxymorons). I have read more books than I will ever admit. I have too great an understanding of the obstacles the human heart faces. The passive avoider, the needy, the active runner, the sex-a-thonist…just checking that you are paying attention.
I write with honesty, I suck at relationships most of the time, but I am smitten with the concept of love, so I say with a rueful smile and the hope that every day is some small step of improvement. Life is short. Love is so rich with experience, finding someone to share your conversations, grilled veggie burger, orgasm(why not)…in the backyard is fun. It is part of the “good stuff” that helps us maintain a level of sanity managing the bad.
There is no doubt we can do it alone, sometimes even enjoy it…but I once heard a quote that stuck with me. I will paraphrase: “Falling in love is learning someone else, hard and fast. If it is real love, you start to see your best self through their eyes, almost as if you are falling in love with yourself….”
It is summertime. You are ripe with the possibility of yourself. That is far greater a tool than anything else. Grab a drink, a patio chair, and take the time to notice what you need vs. what you want. Take the time to find the beauty in the moment and spinning world around us. Love outwardly if you feel the inclination, if not, love inward. There are no wrong turns there.
- Where’s the Romance?
- Love vs Fear
- Woman of My Dreams, Manifested
- Thursday Night in Palo Alto
- Backyard Sex, with a Voyeur Wild Animal
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Comment by The Exception
| July 16th, 2008
Attraction boggles my mind. Two people that one would never put together click while the two that seem “just right” are like oil and water. A friend spent her whole life being with men and then… snap… found her love in a woman. Attraction… can anyone figure it out?
Enrichment is what I believe love should ring; that is what I want to find!
Best of luck.
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| July 16th, 2008
I like, “You are ripe with the possibility of yourself.” That’s a nice thing to ponder. :)
Comment by justrun
| July 16th, 2008
So nicely said.
I’ve always loved the piece about falling in love with yourself through someone else. I can’t say I know it, but it’s good to know you want it.