Beach Date Pickup
My kids and I were enjoying a glorious day at a San Diego beach. I was reading, they were boogie boarding, the sun was shining, I felt complete and content. When my son came over and asked if I wanted to go in the water, I said “sure.” I love body surfing with my kids, and I was more than ready to cool off.
But I worried – why was he alone?
My kids are 12 and 16, old enough to handle the waves without my constant watch, especially when there are other swimmers and boarders in the water and a lifeguard nearby. Plus, we always use the buddy system. We swim in pairs or threes and look for each other after every wave crashes. No one goes in the water alone.
“Where’s your sister?” I asked.
“She’s boogie boarding with a boy,” he said.
A boy? Interesting. I scanned the waves. Sure enough, there was my daughter with a boy around her age slowly paddling their boogie boards and chatting. I smiled. I knew this would happen at some point. She’s an attractive, confident, athletic girl who regularly turns heads.
But then it struck me how easy it had been for her to meet and flirt on the beach, and how hard it now is for me.
While I agree with SingleMomSeeking that a single-parent family can feel complete on its own, so much so that the kids and parent may not want the family to change with the introduction of a dating relation. I also know change is inevitable. Especially when romance is concerned. Kids grow up. Parents need to let go. Everyone deserves to end up with a partner.
When my kids were younger and just sticking a toe in the water, I had no problem chatting other moms up, especially when our children engaged each other in play. Granted, most of the time these moms were married, but sometimes they weren’t. Either way, the conversation was polite, like any two parents might make.
Now that my kids are teens and taking to the waves on their own, it’s harder for me to meet people on the beach. With no children by my side, I can’t approach a woman with younger kids and suggest a sand castle building instant-playdate. Hitting on someone cold can be awkward.
I got up from my towel and joined my son in the water. We body surfed until he got tired and left to skim board. As I headed for shore a woman smiled at me. She was in a bikini, standing in ankle deep water. Dark hair, olive skin, just my type. She was alone and didn’t seem to be watching over any kids.
I hesitated. A conversation would be easy enough to start. Great day, isn’t it? The waves are perfect. Are you heading out? But there was so much I didn’t know about her. Was she a mom? Was she single? How old was she? Twenties? Thirties? I’m forty-four. Did she live in San Diego? I was just visiting.
My son called out for me to watch him. He slid his skim board across the slick surface of the sand, jumped on it and expertly rode. I was truly impressed. I turned back to the woman, but she was moving away toward the deep, stepping gingerly into the ocean. Beyond her, my daughter was still out with the boy she’d met.
A wave crashed, the moment had passed. My son called for me to watch him again. The single-parent feeling of complete and content flickered back into existence. But I know it won’t last. At some point, a crashing wave will wash it away for good.
Dating:
- How To Pick Up a Woman in Front of Your Son
- Best Places for Singles to Meet – The Apple Store?
- Napa and Sonoma Aren’t the Only Places to Meet Singles Wine Tasting
Teens:
- My Teen Daughter is Dating
- Fathers and Daughters – What a Dad Needs to Know
- Prom Night
- How to Pickup Women, Dad’s House Junior Edition
- Miley Cyrus Boyfriend Justin Gaston Too Old? Nah…
Beach:
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Comment by Tonya
| July 23rd, 2008
Great post. (and glad to see you’re back!!)
You give an interesting perception. I hadn’t thought about when my kids become teenagers and no longer have an interest in hanging around with me. Everyone always says “enjoy ‘em while they’re young!”
Thanks for the reminder!
Comment by debra
| July 23rd, 2008
Thanks for the little escape to the beach through your post! What a treat to have that time with your kids (and watching your kids enjoy themselves).
I’ve read, and heard from friends, a lot of a similar sentiment this week, the not-quite-complete, not-quite-content, who are we kidding, lets call it ‘borderline-lonely’ vibe from a lot of singles. I find myself wondering…is it that it’s more than half way through summer and the glorious summer romance hasn’t materialized, or ended far too soon? I find myself worried that I’ll miss the chance to really enjoy the last bits of summer with someone special if he doesn’t hurry up and magically appear!
Comment by Lance
| July 23rd, 2008
When those windows of opportunity open, jump through them. It doesn’t matter if you score a date or make a fool of yourself. Just say anything and roll with it. Sometimes you make connections in the unlikeliest of places, or at the unlikeliest of times. Always be ready.
Comment by The Exception
| July 23rd, 2008
I don’t know that there is anything much to say as you summed it up so nicely and succinctly. My daughter’s only 8 but sometimes I catch glimpses of that wave – it’s definitely out there and building!
It does sound like a wonderful time at the beach. Those boards that skim the beach are fun.
Oh, and I knew that there would be an Olive skinned woman at some point on your vacation… I mean, this is Dad’s House! ;) (And your vacation wouldn’t be complete without one)
Comment by dadshouse
| July 23rd, 2008
Tonya – when my kids were younger, I focused all my attention on them. As for my girlfriends, my kids just want me to be happy, whether that means I have a gf or not. But this beach experience reminded me that at some point, my kids will both be dating and I’ll be on my own!
Debra – ah, summer romances. They are the best. I haven’t fallen into one yet, though I’ve been trying. Still plenty of summer left!
Lance – yep, I should have just talked to her. Maybe she lives in the bay area. Maybe she has a sister. Maybe she wants to move. Maybe should would have joined me for tequila shots and wrestling after dark. Who knows? You are right, when the moment is there just go with it.
The Exception – yes, I am indeed a sucker for dark hair and olive skin. I can’t help it, I’m genetically programmed to turn my head so hard for women like that, I get whiplash.
Comment by Single Mom in New England
| July 23rd, 2008
Gee, I was hoping for something a little bit more juicy than a “the one that got away” story after your vacation! You might have to start writing some fiction to keep the ‘other’ women in your life hooked — namely, your readers! :)
Comment by Single Mom in New England
| July 23rd, 2008
My last post might have come out wrong – obviously we ARE hooked on your blog, or we wouldn’t be here! You’re a great writer. And I really liked the deeper theme of your post – facing the reality of the empty nest syndrome as single parents. It definitely poses a different set of problems than it would to a 2 parent household! Thanks again for sharing with us.
Comment by dadshouse
| July 23rd, 2008
Single Mom in New England – haha, don’t worry, I have a “success” story I can tell soon. I tend to let those come out a little while after they happen so as not to “kiss and tell”. Maybe early next week…
Comment by Single Mom in New England
| July 23rd, 2008
Good, that’s more like it — looking forward to it.
Comment by Single Mom Seeking
| July 24th, 2008
Love the metaphors here! Well done. Thanks for the glimpse into the future.
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| July 24th, 2008
That was a very nice story. And I agree with Lance. Jump through the open windows. What can it hurt? You know, unless the window is three stories up or something. ;)
Comment by Kat Wilder
| July 24th, 2008
It’s true that our teens don’t need us in the same way; but just by your son’s asking you to watch him, they still want us there when they want us. We’re in the yo-yo time of parenting: look at me, get away from me, look at me …
No wonder we’re exhausted, more so than the diaper days! And they no longer even take naps!
But I think you need to get out of your head a little, my friend. Instead of projecting all that anxiety on the olive-skinned beauty, just see her as a person and be yourself (not a label: single dad) and talk to her. That’s why we see so many posts on craigslist’s missed connections: she’s just a woman, a person. A pretty one but still. ..
Comment by mad cartoonist
| July 24th, 2008
Oh, you should have gone up and talked with her!!
Usually it’s only the jerks and homeless who have the nerve to do it.
If she’s like me, she’d really appreciate being chatted up by any man who isn’t a complete disaster, for once. And who knows? Maybe you’d hit it off!
Comment by mama llama
| July 24th, 2008
I have to agree with Kat; establishing her as a beautiful woman is good but it is almost giving her–and you–a role rather than just allowing you both to be yourselves and chat.
Sounds like both you *and* your kids are going to opt for the Beach Vacation more often, ¿no? (wink) Can’t say I blame you there!
Be well.
Comment by dadshouse
| July 24th, 2008
It wasn’t her beauty that held me off (that’s what turned my head) It was the fact I couldn’t tell her age. I wanted her to be 30-something, but feared she was 20-something. More than that, I feared a husband or her dad coming to kick my ass! lol
But you are right – I should have just talked to her, see who she is, see what happens, what unfolds.
I have chatted moms up at the beach before, but they were clearly moms, there was clearly no man in site, and I did it in a way that was non threatening and open ended. I usually find out early on if they are married or not. (Sort of like when I hit on the women in the restaurant in front of my son, the subject of a different post)
Comment by TentCamper
| July 24th, 2008
Great post… It kind of hits hoe with me. We have a 16 year old and fear going t the beach with her cuz…the guys seem to either flock to her or just walk by staring. I hate it seeing those guys walking by with their smug “wannabe studly” smiles and winks. Espcially when they are directed at Inane Mama (or me) as opposed to our 16 yo.
I fear being a single guy in todays datig wrld. I do feel for you. It will come.
Comment by dadshouse
| July 25th, 2008
TentCamper – those winks are the worst! When directed at the girl it reminds me of a line from a Stone Temple Pilots song. “I know you want what’s on my mind”
btw – regarding my previous comment where I worried about getting my assed kicked. I was at a U2 concert in Honolulu, and a good looking woman and her boyfriend came and stood right next to me. I looked at her and said a few words to her (she was very friendly, and we both liked the music) – and her boyfriend nearly clocked me! She had to hold him back. Sheesh. I’ll wear blinders and a muzzle next time!