Dad's House

Single Parent Dating
& Parenting Teens

33 Responses to “Is Dating Easier for Single Dads than Single Moms?”

1. Comment by Cathouse Teri | July 30th, 2008

   The kids have a mom and you take care of the house, what’s left for her to do? I think I’ll puke. Who says that shit? God help the woman who thinks that she has no part in that world. That there is a SMALL minded woman. Well rid of those scamps, I say!

   I think women ALWAYS have an easier time dating. But you seem to be asking if single dads have an easier time finding a long term relationship. I don’t believe that is easier for either sex.

   Relationships are hard, but especially where kids are involved. Even when the kids belong to the two of you! It can even be problematic when they are grown. One of my previous boyfriends, who wanted to marry me, had a problem with the amount of time I spend with my children. So… bye bye him! ;)

2. Comment by The Exception | July 30th, 2008

   So many things go into dating in general, throw in having a family and, the challenge is that much greater. In my experience, there is very little patience demonstrated by men toward the single mom – even by men who have kids. It is that immediate fulfillment/pleasure attitude. I can see that something similar could play into dating a single dad.

   I know some dads who were very involved with their kids until another woman entered the picture. At that point, the involvement with the kids diminished drastically. Perhaps it is less difficult for those who are not very involved and dedicated to their kids and maintaining an active role in their lives? It might not be about whether we are a single mom or a single dad, but more about our own priorities?

3. Comment by Me Thinks | July 30th, 2008

   I think could be “easier” depends on the circumstance. Your analysis of the examples you give is dead on (the widower especially appeals to a woman who has no family of her own and wants to be needed).

   But there are 2 other factors you didn’t really address:

   1. Most single dads have their kids way less than 50% of the time. They get the status of being a “good” parent without the work, commitment or demands placed on their potential partner.

   2. Age. If a woman is mid- late-30s or older and single, she is likely considering or decided she may not have kids of her own. Thus her parenting need/desire would be fulfilled by taking a “parental” role in a “ready-made” family. (I have dated a man who feels this way, he’s realistic that kids of his own might not happen and is fine with that)

   Conversely, a huge number of men hold out the hope they will marry and build their own families well into their 40s. Sadly genetics gives the dating edge men in this way.

   Anyway, all things being equal otherwise – say you’re a 30-year old divorced dad with 50% custody – I’d guess dating would probably be just a difficult as it is for a woman in the same circumstance. But then again, I don’t know ANY men that fit that bill….

4. Comment by Single Mom Seeking | July 30th, 2008

   Well said Dad’s House… indeed, as you point out, it’s not necessarily valid to compare “single dads” to “single moms” as whole sets. As “Me Thinks” points out, we are all so complicated as individuals.

   I wish there wasn’t a stigma about dating single moms, but it’s still out there. When I first started to date as a single mom — and wrote about it on WashingtonPost.com — I was called a “loser.” I was told that I should have had an abortion. I haven’t seen this backlash towards new dating single dads. I just haven’t.

   I agree with Matt, that we tend to fantasize about dating single dads (”You’re doing it all on your own, wow!”). If a single mom is dating, however, society raises its eyebrows (”Who’s taking care of the kids?)

   Nonetheless, as everyone points out here, time and circumstances are huge factors. Up until now, I’ve had no challenges meeting men who would like to have a LTR… the challenge has been this: these single, never-married men (usually in their 40s) often want a baby ASAP.

   Dad’s House, I don’t know if you’ve dated women in their 30s who would love to be in a LTR… but they really want to have a baby, too.

5. Comment by Phil | July 30th, 2008

   I won’t make any blanket statements on who has it harder, but single parents definitely have a tougher time than non-parents. “Me Thinks” is correct – most dads have their kids less time than the mother, so maybe they have it easier. Personally, my kids live with me about 6 out of 7 days a week – I wouldn’t change that, but it obviously makes dating difficult. I’ve found that that most single women without kids (my age range is in their 30’s) either want their own kids or don’t want the built-in family. There are exceptions, but they are rarer than I’d realized. Single moms are great – but it ends up being even more complicated.

6. Comment by Occam's Razor | July 30th, 2008

   The dreaded Occam’s razor wouldn’t suggest that you’re un-dateable, merely that over the “long haul” something happens to make you undesireable in your potential partner’s eyes. Perhaps they eventually read this blog and get creeped out at the booty call posts. Perhaps they find you too insecure. Perhaps they find you too whiny. Who knows?

   But, Occam’s razor would probably debunk any attempt to dilute your personal lack of long-term success by couching it as part of some greater trend.

7. Comment by Single Mom in New England | July 30th, 2008

   This is a great discussion. In my experience it does seem that there is a double standard — that there is something sexy about a man that can take care of his children and it can be viewed as an asset, but a woman with children may be perceived as negative – as a liability or even extra baggage.

   Hopefully we can break those preconceptions as time moves on because single moms with children are rock stars. (as well as single dads) We may require extra energy, but we are so worth it.

   It does seem to me it’s a little easier for a dad with kids to date a mom with kids because both parties know exactly what’s involved. Has anyone been watching the new tv show “Must Love Kids”? It seems that’s what these women are finding so far when given a choice between dating a man with kids, vs. one with no children. The show is good – give it a watch! Tuesdays at 9pm East coast time on TLC

8. Comment by hawkfeather | July 30th, 2008

   The one thing I wanted to comment on here- or have the experience to really speak too.
   Is “setting dads back a century or two”

   while i am all for breaking down stereotypes- and living your life as one’s individual self- I also think that when any parent abandons the post -it is worth discussing.
   If more men are still walking away I think it needs open and honest addressing.

   I still think enough men are walking away- leaving children fully traumatized with their absence to still acknowledge the issue- I tend to think it speaks more to a truth that needs addressing rather than setting others back.

   I think if it is in you to parent- weather male of female it wont make any difference what books you have read about parenthood- or what celebrities do with their children- or how anyone else feels.

   Saying too many men are deadbeat dads- is not the equivalent of saying ‘no women are deadbeat parents’- or even saying ‘*ALL* single fathers are deadbeat dads’..

   single hood- i do believe hesitation to date parents might be more about avoiding dating the person’s ex.. while I can see dating a man with kids- dating a man who is obligated to continue his relationship with his ex partner is probably very threatening to women- who knows?
   Maybe the genders have different issues with being territorial about their partners?

9. Comment by Tonya | July 30th, 2008

   I think its great that you are not the norm when it comes to men. How wonderful that you cook and clean and care for children. There are those of us out here that appreciate you for being not-the-stereotypical-man. You sound proud of who you are and you SHOULD be!

   I agree that there are lots of stereotypes out there but as you’ve said before, everything in this world is neutral and we’re the ones who give it meaning. For some reason, society feels uncomfortable when something doesn’t fit into the “meaning” that was ascribed to it, be it men, single parents or what. We feel very uncomfortable when we can’t categorize something. Its just what our ego does. We should laugh at the insanity of it all. Why do we do it? And we ALL do it!!

   Awareness does help, don’t you think?

   With that said, I say continue to throw out the stereotyping and be who you are. Have fun! Dating as a single parent is different than dating as a single but you still have the chance to meet the person who will accept you and your situation. Like you tell me, be happy where you are! The rest will fall into place in its own time.

10. Comment by dadshouse | July 30th, 2008

    Great comments, all!

    Teri – you crack me up. Yes, that woman made me puke, too.

    The Exception – I think you’re right, it’s more about priorities. Moms have tended to shoulder the single parenting burden to date and put the emphasis on their kids. A lot of dads walk away and start a new family with another woman. I don’t get that, but everyone is different.

    Me Thinks – totally agree that most men have their kids less than half-time, but get “credit” for being a “good parent”. Not entirely fair to the mom (except that she gets to spend more time with her kids!) btw – do you have a blog? Love to read it. I like your insights.

    SingleMomSeeking – I didn’t read your WashingtonPost.com article. Curious what it said. I’ve been called a “loser” and worse here, but not very often. Maybe the Post has more reach than my blog and that’s why the rabble rousers haven’t started firing at me yet!

    Phil – sounds like you and I are in total agreement. Thanks for weighing in!

    Occam’s Razor – you fascinate me. I will forever be trying to outwit you now, and I’m pretty sure you’ll still catch me up!

    Single Mom in New England – Single Mom Seeking just interviewed one of the men from that show, then blogged about it! http://singlemomseeking.com/blog/2008/07/28/must-love-kids-exclusive-interview/

    HawkFeather – my setting dads back a century or two was a little tongue in cheek. I think dads only started to get really involved after the 1950s. Anyone care to toss out a date? I write like that to encourage forward thinking. I loved this point you made: Maybe the genders have different issues with being territorial about their partners? I’d crack a cat-fight joke or something here, but I think delving deeper into this topic is probably really worthwhile. (I won’t delve in this comment, but maybe someone else will)

    Tonya – thanks! I do know some aspects of my personality, like taking care of my kids, don’t fit the stereotype. But other aspects – chasing booty, shaking cocktails – totally do. I don’t want to create a fantasy white-knight image. I’m a man who happens to really love and enjoy taking care of my kids.

11. Comment by Honey | July 30th, 2008

    I think those people who observed that men feel like they MUST have their OWN children (even if they don’t start doing so until their 40s) are right on–even though, as others have noted, many of those same men are seemingly okay with walking out on a family or starting a new one. The biological imperative is different in that way, and it seems to me (though admittedly I am very uninformed) that most men don’t want to raise kids who are not their own, while the reverse situation doesn’t bother women nearly as much.

    I do want to say that I watched the season of The Bachelor where DeAnna got her heart broken and when I watched The Bachelorette I LOVED Jason–DESPITE the fact that he was a single dad. (Sorry DM, but I don’t want kids.) I was absolutely FLOORED that she chose Jessie instead.

12. Comment by The Exception | July 30th, 2008

    My daughter thinks the world of her dad, who chooses to spend less than 2 hours a month with her and rarely talks to her on the phone. His behavior is something I accept and is something that has forced me to examine what it truly means to be a dad. I don’t know that men have become involved in their kids lives since the middle of the 20th century – there may be exceptions (such as yourself) throughout the ages. I would suggest that as long as the majority of men choose to have kids and be okay with shirking an active role in the lives of those kids… things are not going to change quickly.

    Despite my experience, I believe solidly in the role of dads and that they should be involved equally and that society should accept them as a primary caregiver/active part of the child’s life.

    As for territory – I always thought that men would take issue with another man raising their off-spring, but sometimes I think it is the reverse… women have more difficulty with the step-mom than do men with the step-dad?

    Active dads are attractive probably because they are the exception. As single moms, we want to believe that a dad who is involved with his kids, despite being divorced/two houses, will be involved and active with our own kids.

13. Comment by Crazy Computer Dad | July 30th, 2008

    Society stereotypes and prejudices are mostly to blame for the apparent misperception between single moms and single dads dating. They are everywhere. Men leave families. That would be the first one. Men can’t perform domicile tasks, feed kids, etc is another. Therefore, when a man is the sole caregiver for a family, that must be one incredible man.

    How do these things get reinforced into our mindset? Media. Primary one that jumps to mind when this comes up, Sleepless in Seattle. Widowed man’s son calls into a radio station and women across the country start throwing themselves at this truly unique gift from the Gods. There are plenty that display the ineptitude of men too. Just look in the comedy section of any movie list. You’d be hard pressed to find emailed jokes that don’t take pot shots at men. Again, the perception is that a man that can truly take care of a family by himself must be an incredible catch and women must be throwing themselves at him. This just isn’t the case.

    I haven’t met any women that couldn’t wait to take on the responsibility of co-parenting someone else’s child. I’ve had women say “you have to have a fix your son before we can move forward in a relationship”, or that I need a nanny or a boarding school so that I can spend more time with them. I am a child of divorced parents and I lived with a step mother nearly full time. The evil step mother myth is not groundless. Between that and some women I have met I would almost say that for women that either can have children of their own or have children it is more difficult for them to become attached to another woman’s child(ren). I haven’t done a scientific study, but I would be interested in seeing the results of one. I would say it is more an outcome based on our society than a particular gender trait because there are many notable exceptions. Men don’t give birth and therefore bond with children in a different way. I cannot say it is easier for men, but because of some of the differences it might be. This is total conjecture based on what few experiences I have.

    Most of the women I run into want a lot of attention and they don’t date men with children because they know they can’t give them that.

    Overall it is an incredibly complicated situation when you consider the personalities and logistics of the partners and children involved and I think we take it a little more lightly than we should at times.

    I know my statements make the case that it is more difficult for single dads than single moms,I agree with you DADSHOUSE that it probably is about the same. It is just difficult sifting through the stereotypes and prejudices we have.

14. Comment by Kat Wilder | July 30th, 2008

    Interesting post and comments.

    I’ll add something that some 50 percent custody single dads have told me, and which I don’t see addressed here: finding a woman to have a relationship with becomes much, much harder if the man doesn’t make enough (whatever that means to you) money.

    That is exacerbated if a single dad has to pay alimony/child care.

    I don’t know if single moms have it any harderr or easier, but single older moms do. Just my observation. However, harder doesn’t mean impossible.

15. Comment by Crazy Computer Dad | July 30th, 2008

    Kat,
    I know that I often feel that I am at a disadvantage when it comes to competing with men that don’t have children. A successful person that doesn’t have children and other responsibilities is usually perceived to have a lot of disposable income. A single father has child care (or support), possibly alimony (though I didn’t), medical insurance, and a wide variety of other expenses that are involved with maintaining a family home. When just dinner can easily exceed $60 at a normal restaurant dating can be a major financial burden. I’ve met probably two women that have been somewhat insistent on paying their share. The rest (again not all that many) pretty much expect the man to pick up the tab.

16. Comment by Cara | July 30th, 2008

    “Is Dating Easier for Single Dads than Single Moms?”

    This is because it is usually the woman who has custody of the child…and it is generally easier for those who don’t have custody to date. They don’t have to worry about baby sitters and their dates bumping into their children at home etc.

17. Comment by Hip_M0M | July 30th, 2008

    David,

    I want to agree with you in that it should be equal for both single moms and dads but you hit the nail on the head when you pointed out the fact that even you – who are actively involved in your children’s lives – get left out when it comes to getting the school notices, etc.

    I feel (and feel free to argue) that moms are expected to be more involved and therefore take on this double duty – even in situations where the father is involved. I think this added responsibility (aka stress) makes it that much more difficult for men to want to be involved as well as making the single moms more guarded and picky about who they let in.

    I’m in the same situation as you, David. Dad and I split time and responsibility 50/50 and yet the paperwork from school, doctor’s office, etc. all come to me. And I take that responsibilty, no questions asked. (This is one of the key things that I hear many divorced women complain about…)

    I hope that I’ll be able to find someone who is able to join my family someday but for now, I’m enjoying the dating life.

    Ironically, I don’t think I would choose to date a man with children of his own. How’s that for a double standard?!

18. Comment by dadshouse | July 30th, 2008

    A lot of great points made here. Rather than address each one, I’ll add this – some single men who date single moms are looking to be immersed in that loving family feeling, but without taking on any of the responsibility. (Perhaps the same can be said for a single woman dating a single dad, but men are traditionally looked to as providers, even if the woman works)

    As for money – my ex works and her boyfriend works, and together they have a ton of disposable income, especially since I’m footing half the bill for the kids. My BVI sailing trip a few years back aside, they take way more exotic trips than me simply because they have the money to do so. When I dated single women, I footed the bill solo even if they work. I think my ex got a pretty good deal from the financial perspective. (There’s way more to parenting and life than money, so I don’t stress about it. It’s merely a talking point)

    Crazy Computer Dad – great observations on the media and on wmoen wanting more of your time. My situation has been similar.

    Kat – in terms of money, Silicon Valley women I’ve met have such unreal expectations, and the ratio of men to women here is so out of skew, a lot of them are waiting for a billionaire to land in their lap. I advertise my groundedness, intelligence, wit, etc rather than the size of my wallet, simply because I don’t want to compete for a woman’s attention based on money. But you’re right, it’s a real issue in divorce.

19. Comment by Me Thinks | July 30th, 2008

    Hmmm… This comment strikes a chord with me:

    “Maybe the genders have different issues with being territorial about their partners?”

    Should be its own post, its not really about whether you’re a dating parent per se. I’d be interested to hear what people say and reserve my opionions for now :) .

    Back to the topic at hand -
    After my post I realized I DO know a guy who is 32, has 2 kids and 50% custody. He fell for a girl who is 34 and pushing to get married, seal the deal and pump out her own kids. Guess what? He dragged his feet for a year (why not, no rush) and she “got” pregnant. WTF? I can’t help but think it was not an accident…

    Anyway, personally I’ve dated both parent/non-parent and I used to think dads were better, they get my challenges, respect my family time, aren’t too pushy and demanding, etc. But both have advantages. Single guys are usually available around my schedule (hello? makes getting laid frequently way easier!), we mutually respect each other’s personal time and yes, financial ones can’t be discounted (although personally I care nothing about that, its a nicety. But its an issue for lots of women- I have friends who would not date a guy seriously if he couldn’t be a “good provider”. Ugh, I don’t care how much they make, where is their self esteem?).

    Sooo… I reiterate that the age/biological clock/need to be needed/etc issue is driving a lot of this.

    And DM, thanks for the compliment! No blog, fun idea but its too much work at this point in my life so I’ll just bite on yours (and Honey and Lance’s and Vix’s :)

20. Comment by Shannon | July 31st, 2008

    Great conversation starter DM!
    As the recently remarried, previously single mom of five years, I think I’ve got a bit of a different angle to look at this topic. My new husband has full-custody of his six year old son (but being a small business owner new hubby is very busy and it means a lot of the traditional “mom” roles in child care fall to me) and I have full-custody of my nine year old little girl.
    My daughter’s daddy is the guy with the every other weekend visits who gets to be the “good” parent, while I’m the day-to-day strict mama. Fortunately, with our open line of communication, little B knows why I’m this way and seems to understand. She’s one smart cookie. My stepson goes to his moms quite frequently. Especially on school breaks. This summer, it seems he is there more often than here. (She wants custody back, but my husband doesn’t trust her). I don’t want to replace his mom. I don’t want that role at all. His mom loves him, she wishes she was waking up with him every day-as a mom I can totally empathize. She made some unwise choices, but she’s trying to make amends and is now living a better life. I can’t imagine being away from my baby like that. So I try to make sure when she misses events that I videotape them and send them to her, or take pics and email them. It’s her role-my role is something different. As a stepmom, I hope to be more like a friend, maybe even a confidante as he gets older and needs to talk. Guidance is my role, I guess.

    That’s what I want for B, as she grows older. She already has a Dad and although he’s not my ideal notion of a male role model for her, she loves him. I drop her off so he can drive her to school each morning and make sure she talks to him every day. When she wants to go there, I’m always willing to bring her. My husband criticizes his ex-wifes every turn on any child care issue and I’ve tried to get him to loosen the controlling attitude a little. It’s easy to look from afar and say “What, she lets him stay up that late? What, he’s eating dinner at seven? What, she let’s him do THAT?”. Those things could be said of all of us when looked at from afar. No one wins when we all judge so much-don’t we just want the same thing in the long run? Kids who know they are loved and have someone they can count on.

    One critical point though, is when DadsHouse, you say that any woman coming in would play second fiddle to the biological mom, WHEN IT COMES TO THE KIDS. That’s exactly right. But that is the only place any woman should accept “second fiddle”. The marriage must remain strong and intact and that benefits the children as well. It’s been hard for me to come to this viewpoint. It doesn’t mean I love my baby any less-it just means sometimes I must tuck her in and go spend time with my husband instead of lying in her bed with her for an hour (even though I used to do that as a single mom). It’s tough choices and lots of compromises, but I have faith that everyone can benefit from remarriage and blended families.

21. Comment by Single Mom in New England | July 31st, 2008

    That’s refreshing, Shannon, thanks for the hope for the future. :)

22. Comment by dadshouse | July 31st, 2008

    Wow, Shannon. You are setting the bar for all of us. Sounds like you’re doing a really great job. I agree, it’s so important to remember the adult relationship needs nurturing apart from the kids. Thanks for reminding us what’s in store when we allow ourselves to enter a great relationship again.

23. Comment by QTMama | July 31st, 2008

    Why is dating so damn hard? Single, divorced, widowed, we all sit around and bitch about it, don’t we? I mean, really, if dating were easy? Well hell, I don’t even know what to say after that. ;)

24. Comment by Shannon | July 31st, 2008

    Oh it’s not all roses Single Mom in New England (I’m in New England too!)-but I just think that it’s a tough situation for every single participant in the whole divorced with kids or single with kids dilemma. The non-custodial parent has their share of complaints, custodials do…it’s impossible to please everyone and easy to lose sight of how much we all love the kids-even if the other parent does love differently than us, it’s not always better or worse…it just IS. And I think what we all learn as single parents makes us partners who are much more willing to compromise and tackle the tough issues.

    DM always has the best topics for us! I wish my new husband respected others views like he does!

25. Comment by Lance | July 31st, 2008

    Great thread. I’m not a parent, but I’ll happily give my two cents. Dating is indeed complicated, but generally speaking, single, childless women have it easier than childless guys when trying to find dates and LTR’s. The “dating value” of a woman plummets if she’s a single parent. If we’re speaking purely about online dating, the majority of guys will filter the mothers right out. I used to do this, but I’ve grown a bit of a MILF fetish lately, so now it’s a different story. Why? Because successful single guys don’t want to deal with kids…and they don’t have to. No commentary there, but you can fill in the blank however you want. The equation is balanced though because attractive, single, childless women have a massively inflated value online.

    The older a guy gets, the less it’s about his looks, and the more it’s about life success. The older a woman gets, the more of a factor her looks count (and count against her). Remember, generally speaking, older guys go for younger hotties?

    Oh yeah, I’d date an attractive mother, but I wouldn’t get into a serious relationship with her. I’m just not at that point.

    I’m not privvy to DM’s dating life, but I imagine most of his challenges stem from geography, which he alluded to in his post. If he lived in a target rich environment, like where I live, he’d probably have chicks out the wazoo.

26. Comment by dadshouse | July 31st, 2008

    Lance makes some good points, as usual. But I wonder if this thread is starting to paint a doom and gloom picture of single parent dating. I don’t want that!

    I’ve dated a few single moms. I never met their kids and they never met mine. The biggest challenge we had was making our schedules mesh, especially since I have 50/50 custody and these women had their kids full or nearly full time.

    That said, these single moms and I definitely understood each other. It was great! If I said “oh, I’m not free because there’s a thing at my son’s school”, they got it, they didn’t panic and worry I was ducking out and avoiding them. I’ve dated plenty of single women who didn’t get it w.r.t. my kids.

    I definitely think single parents have a lot to offer in a relationship that singles without kids don’t have. (I’ve blogged about great reasons to date a single dad)

    As for my own dating life these days, Lance is right on about geography. Silicon Valley already sucks for dating if you’re a guy, and more so if you’re a dad. Whenever I visit other places in California – San Luis Obispo, Santa Barbara, San Diego, Santa Monica – I have NO PROBLEM meeting women. People in other places seem so much more friendly and approachable and willing to connect. That makes it easier to chat someone up and get a phone number.

27. Comment by dadshouse | July 31st, 2008

    This is a little strange – someone emailed me privately today for advice. (You know who you are). I replied without any problem. They wrote back with some followup questions. Now when I reply my email bounces. Perhaps the work email address they were using has decided to block personal emails for that person’s account.

    If you’re that person and can email me from a different email address, I can try sending my reply again.

    Nothing like using blog comments to circumvent an institution’s email server filter!

28. Comment by laurakim123 | July 31st, 2008

    Gosh what an interesting read – both the article and the comments!

    Possible single parenting is new to South Africa or we have a different perspective. In our media one is not portrayed as easier or harder so I have always assumed it was hard both ways!

    I will say my married friends look at a single dad thats out with his kids in AWE. He does everything their husdands dont which does obviously make him more appealing! So I will agree with that point that was made!

29. Comment by Lori W. | August 1st, 2008

    I’m a single, childless woman and I’m dating a guy with kids. I’ve dated two other guys with kids. I have to say (and I am trying not making generalizations), dating these guys showed me that there’s two sides to every situation. I worked with a woman whose husband didn’t want visitation or anything but the ones I dated were crushed when they couldn’t see their kids, etc. I’ve also seen some of the moms just call and say, “take the kids, I have to go to a concert/other thing this weekend” out of the blue. They’ve been happy to have their kids for an extra weekend but they’ve also been a little peeved at a lack of planning and/or a bit used. (Not everyone does this and yes, these are their children and sometimes emergencies do occur.)

    I sometimes do feel like my current BF compartmentalizes his life: work, kids, me, house. Some of it I understand; if you only see your kids two weekends a month, is it worth it to introduce another person in the mix (esp. when they are teenagers). But sometimes I do feel frustrated with the segregation. I have met his kids; gone to the movies with them once or twice. I hang out with his mom a lot. And I’ve been included in house projects. (Lucky me, I know!)

    I think all of us have something to contribute whether we’re single or not. I’ve been rejected because I wasn’t a mother and “wouldn’t understand what it’s like to have kids.” I’ve not rejected any guy because he had kids; in fact, I’ve judged men on how they parent or treat their kids and/or exes as possibilities. (Bad-mouthing will lead you to the Road to Nowhereville with me.)

    I think single men with children in my area will win out over single women with children in dating just because it seems as if there are more women looking for men than men looking for women. I don’t think it’s because they are dads but because they are men, period. (BTW, Dad’s House, we’re in the area of your in-laws, if I remember correctly.)

30. Comment by Holly Hoffman | August 4th, 2008

    Coming in rather late in the conversation, but just had to throw my two cents in.

    I’m not sure it is the same. For nearly every single mom out there, there’s some guy who didn’t feel like being a dad. That’s why (for some women) it’s heartening to see a dad doing what he’s supposed to, even though it didn’t work out.

    On the other hand, no offense to present company, but it would be tough for me to be in a relationship with a single dad. My current BF has a kid and if she weren’t an 8-hour drive away, I’m not sure we would’ve made it this far. I had to do a lot of soul-searching before I could pull out a throat-choking, If this gets that far, I’ll love her because I love you but I’m still a little resentful of the 20% missing from your salary. It’s true that it’s just easier, especially if you’re still not sure whether or not you even want kids.

31. Comment by dadshouse | August 7th, 2008

    This just in: Men More Likely Than Women to Adopt Children.

    “It may be partly due to men getting married and adopting their spouse’s children from a previous relationship, the report said.”

    So, single moms – maybe you do actually have it easier… ?

32. Comment by hmm yeah | September 16th, 2008

    Well i was in the same situation. i dated a single dad of a 6yr old girl. There really was no custody arrangement. The mother got the girl about 1x a month. i lived with him so i became the mom. Mind you i am 24 and he is 27. The ex destroyed him financially so when i came into his life, i was seen as a rescuer to rebuild his life. I was glad that the little girl filled an emotional and nurturing need in my life but just having her and the mess her mother caused them both sent me packing. i did all the mothering: driving her to school, bathing her, doing laundry and everything else while mom who is the same age does nothing just because she does not get child support. well i basically got tired and figured you don’t want any kids with me since you have no money anyway and just want to use me. i moved out on him and told him to go find a 50yr old sugar mama with lots of money to adopt his daughter and marry him. In that sense, i will not date single dads with kids or divorced dad with kids until i’m at least 50 unmarried with no kids.

33. Comment by dontask | September 6th, 2009

    Why would I date a single dad?? They have too much baggage,still hung up on the ex,etc.The only time I deal with secondhand goods is when I am shopping at the local thrift store.

    Besides,I deserve better than sloppy seconds.Perhaps if I weigh 180 pounds,shopped at Lane Bryant, and been divorced 3 times then I would have to lower my standards.

    I just allow single dads to think I’m interested in them, but that’s until I meet somebody better

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