As for your other comment that I “use” women – hmmm. I disagree. Most of my booty calls in the last few years have not been one-night-stands. I take on a lover for months at a time. We simply don’t do stuff together besides get together for an evening involving conversation and sex. I’m not “using” her, we are “having fun” with each other.

That said, we also care for each other and are respectful in a way the woman in this post wasn’t. We send text messages to get together, but we also talk on the phone. While our situation isn’t ideal, at least we’re not fighting and engaged in power struggles like some couples, and I’m able to raise my kids without worrying who I’m bringing into their lives.

Simple fact of life: men forget the girls who they can hook too easily. The ones they remember are the girls who “got away.”

She doesn’t sound like a bunny boiler to me. She sounds wise to the game and is just using you like you used her.

It’s obvious that DM is monogamous minded. From what he writes, it sounds like as soon as he begins a serious relationship with someone, the booty calls would end. (Perhaps to his readers’ dismay, me included – truth be told, I look forward to the spicy stories!)

And I’d probably appreciate it if every potential partner I met came with such a well documented past. Overall DM sounds like a straight shooter, not a game player.

Also, who’s to say that having sex on a first date wouldn’t eventually turn into a fulfilling marriage? Yes, it’s rare, but it has happened to 2 of my friends, who’ve both been married for years…

Just thought I would play the Devil’s Advocate.

@DM: You’re on the right track, next this girl. She doesn’t seem worth your time.

I’m not worried about what a potential soulmate thinks about my blog. I’m not looking to marry anyone from the evangelical right. That I’ve had some one night stands in eight years of divorce makes me no different than a lot of other divorced people. And in blogging about those experiences, I am relating to people who feel similarly unfulfilled. I’ve also blogged quite a bit about the positive aspects of relationships, raising kids, feminine energy, self awareness. Readers tend to latch onto the booty calls and forget the rest.

I do want to find a significant other. In the first few years post-divorce, I almost remarried twice. In more recent years, I’ve entered lighter relatonships. But it’s not all booty – last year I dated a woman (monogomously) for about 6 months. No one wants to hear about that. As Tolstoy said, Happy families are all alike.

Theory 1: Not only are you bad in bed, you’re forgettable.

Theory 2: The bitch is a total whack job, and you should change your locks. She could be peering in your window… right… now.

And, DM, all kidding aside, you should consider the notion that Loriann and Teri are on to something. When you find your next soulmate, what do you think her reaction will be when she comes to know one tenth of what’s written in this blog? And she will. It’s a small world, and she’ll find out. And if you evade reasonable questions, or provide bluff answers about your history and habits, or refuse to let her meet your friends because you’re scared of what they may let slip, she’ll likely get second thoughts about you very quickly.

I’m a guy, so I can’t say for sure, but my guess is that your behavior is perfectly okay with women wanting to hook up for a night, but the sort of woman you claim to be looking for is not going to believe that you’re a really caring, honest, sensitive, perceptive soul who just happens to audition potential soulmates by hopping into bed. For the sort of woman with whom you (again, claim to be) looking to fall in love, my guess is that the emotional trust and connection should come before the sweaty sticky stuff. Sometimes that takes more than three dates, damn it all. And while an occasional one night stand is cool, the general pattern you’re setting here is unlikely to be appreciated or respected by the mythical woman of your dreams.

And I wouldn’t think of trying to play it off as marketing either. “Hey, baby, sex sells, and I’m trying to get my books published.” The only problem with that is, if the stories are true, then you’re lying to her. If the stories are truly false (ha! I love appropriate oxymorons!), then you’ve been lying to your entire readership. Either way, my guess is, you won’t be able to see her for dust.

If I were you, I’d start thinking a bit about what’s most important. Your attempts to make this blog an entertaining and effective marketing tool and your need to feel wanted by someone, even if it’s just for one night, may be getting in the way of finding love again. Loriann and Teri are starting to question whether your behavior is at cross-purposes with your stated goals. If they only know you through this blog as opposed to in real life, that should serve as a huge flashing red warning sign to you. If you can’t fool casual readers, there’s no way you’ll be able to fool someone with whom you’re trying to rebuild your life.

My honest hope is that this blog is total entertainment-and-marketing bullshit, and that you’re happily married or re-married as we speak.

Be well, chief. If your blog is for real, you can swallow this advice or spit it out.