Romantic Conversation Starters for Runners
When you lose faith in online dating and swear it off completely, you’re forced to meet people the old-fashioned way – by starting a conversation in real life. Over time I’ve become fairly decent at chatting up women in various places – bars, coffee houses, doctors offices, out on the road bike, in the gym. But when I’m out running, unless I’m in a race event where everyone’s excited and chatty, I find myself stuck for an approach.
Imagine you’re me, headed down a paved path next to a reservoir, and an attractive woman comes running the other way. You’d love to say hi, but how? Do you stop her in her tracks? Make a U-turn and run along side her? And what can you say besides “nice day”, “you’re gorgeous” or “wow, you’re in great shape.” It’s pretty dang awkward.
Or you’re running at an 8-minute-mile pace, and you pass an attractive woman who is jogging the same direction but more slowly. Do you slow down and bust out a romantic conversation starter? It’s not like she made eye contact with you, or even batted some flirty eyelashes. You checked out her legs and her butt. She’s just out running, maybe trying to unwind from a stressful day. She might even be listening to an iPod.
I know, I know – there are plenty of other places to meet women. I shouldn’t bother them if they’re working out on a trail. But I love being active, and appreciate women who are in shape. How else would I meet this particular woman? Chances are, I wouldn’t.
Several times I’ve chatted up women who were stretching before or after a run. This actually worked, and I was able to run with them that day or make a date for a future workout. One of these women even became my regular lunchtime running partner. I’ve also met women before and after races like the Angel Island run, Napa marathon, and San Jose 10K. But it’s far easier starting a conversation when you’re hanging out, stretching. Much harder when you’re both moving targets.
Why bring all this up? I was out cycling this week and I came across a woman I found attractive – olive skin, dark hair, athletic, pretty – going my same direction. If she’d been on a bike like me, I would have chatted her up, no problem. But she was running and I quickly rode by. I felt compelled to chat her up, so I pulled over to the side of the road and fiddled with my cell phone, waiting for her to approach. When she came by, I merely smiled at her. After all, what could I have said? “Nice day”, “you’re gorgeous” and “wow, you’re in great shape.” Or maybe -“Excuse me, can you stop your workout so I can hit on you? Thank you, very much!”
I put the phone away, got back on my bike, and continued my ride.
Yes, I’m in my forties and was caught at a loss of words. But that’s what women can do to us men sometimes. Especially when you’re out running.
- Using Sweet Talk Pick Up Lines in Front of Your Son
- Supermarket Dating – Cure for the Common Online Date
- What’s More Natural Than Nature? – Confessions of a Serial Online Dater, part 3
- Coffee House Pickup
- Shirtless Runner
- Three Great Places to Meet Women (On Paper)
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Comment by debra
| August 19th, 2008
This is great! I was having this conversation with my running partner this weekend. BTW, must ditch male running partner if I’m going to meet other men out running! I run the same trails about 3 days a week, so I sometimes see the same people. It’s almost impossible to get a conversation started mid run, like you said, you have to catch people before or after. Making fun eye contact is great though…..I nearly ran off the trail on Sunday, instead of the typical nod, this guy gave me the greatest smile! I didn’t run into him after, but you can bet I’ll be looking for him next time! If I were running alone, and someone I had seen on the trails before caught up (not slowed down DH!) or changed direction to run with me, I’d think that was pretty cool.
Comment by Marina
| August 19th, 2008
Well, eye contact is the key. I guess It’s difficult to approach someone who is working out without getting the akward feeling… you know “I busy, go away creep!”.
Uhm… I think the best options are aye contact and do the hunting before or after.
Comment by Liz
| August 19th, 2008
I was out running in my neighborhood the other evening and saw a guy pass me in a car, slow down and do the 5 glances over his shoulder thing. Whatever — I kept running.
About 20 minutes later, I ran past a house and there he was, in the driveway just getting out of the car. He waved, I smiled and kept running. Because really — what is there to say?
It got creepy when a couple minutes later he was back in the car cruising the neighborhood and passed me again.
I would agree that during the run is not the time to chat it up. Save it for before or after. And definitely don’t follow her in your car or on your bike. It’ll just make us run faster back home to a safe place.
Comment by t
| August 19th, 2008
So Dave here is this single sailor rocker mom’s pickup line tip for you. The greatest line I have heard in the past two months that made me literally turn in my tracks at Trader Joe’s and and and a week later while I was sitting on my bike at traffic light was “You have a great smile!” It was simple and the greatest compliment I could have gotten. And of course, it made me smile even more . . . all day in fact! And both worked like a charm. They got digits, dates were had, etc. Now you just need to do a post on: Why single dads have such a hard time moving from email communication to picking up the phone? What are you they afraid of? Can’t you just call and ask us out the old fashioned way? The guy i really like keeps trying to arrange a date by email, which is not working due to scheduling/timing issues, despite my continued giving him my number . . .argh. The guys I date who don’t have kids always call, but the two recent single dads seems to only text or email.
Comment by The Exception
| August 19th, 2008
I second T’s question there about the e-mail thing. Why can’t single dad’s use the phone?
Other than that – I had nothing to say about this post because it was just… perfect!
Oh, and the smile thing works every time. Even hours or days later, it is a complement that is not threatening or creepy. It is just nice and wonderful. Even in memory, the complement (and often the man who gave it) brighten the day.
Great post
Comment by Shannon
| August 19th, 2008
Ok, so I would be creeped out if someone approached me running the first time I saw them. BUT, if we repeatedly ran into each other on the same trail and said hello…well, over time we may chat a bit more or it may be less awkward for you to say something further. And it also may spur her to provoke more if she’s interested. For me, running is very much my stress reliever and I’d hate to think that I have to worry about anything when I’m out there. Maybe she’s like that? In that case, you may actually have to be patient and see if she notices you…after quite a few more runs. (Strategically planned of course).
Comment by T
| August 19th, 2008
Wow. That’s a good question. Especially if they’re listening to an Ipod! That’s a real toughie.
I would assume if they have earbuds in, they probably don’t want to be disturbed. I can’t imagine you would get a positive response in that situation. I do agree that a smile does wonders.
What about, “Isn’t it a beautiful day?!” and a big smile. That shows you’re a happy man who truly enjoys life. Maybe notice the running shoes or shorts and comment on them.
I’m over here trying to think if something would get my interest when I’m on the bike or running. I’m usually so into what I’m doing that I don’t pay attention to anyone else.
It sounds like you’re doing well with the pre and post run pickups though! ;)
Comment by Phil
| August 19th, 2008
I hear you! Long-time runner and single dad and I’ve almost never met someone while running. I’m slow picking up hints, so by the time I’ve calculated that this woman just smiled and said ‘Hi’ in more than just a passing way, she’s long gone…
I usually start and end my runs at my house, so unless she’s stretching in my driveway, I probably won’t meet her.
Comment by Holly Hoffman
| August 19th, 2008
Oh, gotta second Liz here. Whatever you do, don’t be creepy!
As a runner, I’m not really sure what the answer is… most likely, oh well. I’ve been training for a half-marathon and the most I can manage on my runs is a half-smile that is more wince than wink. And while I’m fit and reasonably cute, I’m not sure I really look my most dateable after a 10-mile jaunt. Unless guys really dig the out-of-breath lobster-colored girls who’s only thought is “Where did I put that other gel pack?”
I think a smile would do it, maybe something along the lines of “are you training for a race, or just ought for a run?” I’m also psyched to meet other runners who training to get tips & moral support.
Comment by T
| August 19th, 2008
By the way, the little “t” on comment #4 isn’t me. Just to clear up any confusion… and confused emails! :)
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| August 19th, 2008
The last thing I want to do while working out is chat. Perhaps some people like to, but I’m there to work out and get it done with so I can go on with the next part of my day. For instance, I have people who know I swim every day and they want to join me. So they do. And they want to talk and laugh and stuff while we swim. I’m not there just frolicking in the water! I’m doing laps! With concentrated movements! (It’s also my medidation time.)
I have had a number of men say hello to me before or after a swim (or tell me I have a great smile) but I just give them a friendly response and head on my way.
But the very best pick up line in my opinion is when a man asks for some kind of help. Asking about the area, or whatever. But it has to be something you really want help with. Not a line like, “Do you know a good place to get a glass of wine and would you like to join me?”
Women hate pick up lines. It’s too contrived. Be natural and say hello. If she’s interested, she will respond in a way that lets you know she wants to talk more. And i’m pretty sure the meet-on-the-trail options are sorely limited. Best just get busy enjoying what you are there for.
Comment by laurakim123
| August 19th, 2008
I have to agree with little t on the “you have a great smile” – gets me EVERYTIME!!
I dont have any real advice – I gym and havent really had an encounter yet – purely cos I tend to shut out when I am working out so dont notice much!
But like the rest said – eye contact is a good place to start!
Comment by dadshouse
| August 19th, 2008
I’ve used the “You have a great smile!” line with great success in the past – and I only use it when it’s heartfelt, so I don’t think of it as a “line” per se.
The “are you training for a race or just riding for fun?” line is one I often use when I’m cycling and catch up to another cyclist. But actually, when I’m cycling I don’t even think about lines – if there’s a cute woman riding, I catch her and talk to her about whatever. It just flows.
I totally get the “creepy” factor with runners – I think that’s part of what makes it so awkward. If I chat someone up on a bike, one of us can easily pedal faster and is quickly gone up the road. Happens all the time with cyclists, no matter the gender, because so many people cycle at different cadences and speeds. But with running – it’s hard to kick it into a new gear without looking like you’re trying to get away as fast as possible! So when a woman is running and approached by a guy running, I totally get that she might feel cornered. This is why I usually talk during stretching.
Phil – I cracked up at what you wrote because I identified with it completely. Sometimes a woman will give me all sorts of signals and I’m just too dang slow to process it all. Then when I figure it out, she’s gone! But I will say, if a woman turns my head completely, I lock in and pay attention, and process those signals much more quickly. I usually run from home, but I try to run at a trail every now and then simply to give me a chance to meet other active singles.
Teri – you don’t chat while swimming laps? How strange! (I’m teasing! I can’t imagine how others can talk and swim at the same time)
Comment by Lance
| August 19th, 2008
Here’s a great little tip: I’ll open girls who are sitting in their CARS at stoplights or pulling out of a parking lot. If they see me coming, I’ll smile and look friendly. If they aren’t looking, I’ll simply ask for directions. This works best when their windows are down, but can also be pulled off when the windows are up. If you do this on a nice fall day, the window will almost always be down. Just ask for directions, and if they give a positive vibe, escalate the convo.
I’ve never PU’ed a girl on a run, although never really tried. I’ve talked to dozens of girls in the gym working out and never gotten past the opener with much success. I do like DM’s idea of talking to chicks post-run who are stretching. If you’re a guy and you have a nice body, it’s VERY helpful to go running with your shirt off. I get catcalls and honks everytime I do this. No bullshit, I got picked up by a chick once while I was out running! We ended up dating for several weeks.
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| August 19th, 2008
See! Toldja! Asking for directions. The perfect opening line for the social artist. ;)
Comment by dadshouse
| August 19th, 2008
Okay, Lance has pulled a story out of me – I used to run with my shirt off all the time. I’m in decent shape from cycling and running, and loved getting all tan. Anyway, I would run through this one neighborhood and I kept seeing a woman – super attractive, athletic, South American. But she was always carrying groceries into the house or something, and the timing wasn’t there to approach her.
Until one day I run down the street and she is gardening. I stopped and chatted her up. Here I am, sweaty without a shirt on, in marathon shape, and she’s in a tank top and shorts. I was in heaven, and she seemed happy enough I had stopped to talk.
To make a long story short, it turns out she was engaged! Getting married in a few months. But at some point in the convo, I apparently said just the right things (or maybe it was the lack of shirt! haha) because she said “I’m not the type of girl who thinks there’s only one person I could marry” or something like that. The way she said it made me feel she was throwing the door open for me to ask her out, wreck her engagement, and marry her myself.
I didn’t.
I ran into her a few times more, including after she was married. She always gave me this look like I could have been the man to get her if I’d only tried. And now I totally regret not going for the kill. (Of course, as friends point out to me, if she’s the type to break off an engagement for one guy, she might break off a marriage for another)
And my shirtless conversation starter that day while she gardened: “What are you planting?”
She said “Cabbage.” I asked if she was raising rabbits. She smiled and thought that was the strangest thing for me to ask, and from that moment she was hooked.
Comment by Kitkat4real (Katherine) SOLO dot MOM aka THUMBNAIL Glimpse
| August 19th, 2008
Wonderful blog – because I can relate! I am so tired of online dating… have several experiences blogged on my site as well.
Thanks for sharing – I just found you and will be adding your site to my blogroll. This is good stuff!
Comment by pajama momma
| August 19th, 2008
I think that if you tripped her as she was passing by, that would show her you have really quick reflexes and she would be impressed by that.
The more you know.
Comment by Phil
| August 19th, 2008
I’m very surprised about the shirtless comments. Sweaty guys without shirts never seemed like a good look to me, but what do I know? Any women here want to comment on guys running shirtless?
I’ve read about the higher rates of melanoma in runners, so I don’t think it’s a great idea. I don’t run to pick up women anyways, so I guess I’ll keep my shirt on.
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| August 19th, 2008
It is of no matter to me whether or not a man is shirtless. It would hold no value in whether or not I am interested in him.
Comment by dadshouse
| August 19th, 2008
Phil – I actually feel totally awkward approaching a woman when I don’t have my shirt on. In the story I told in my last comment, after so many near misses of chatting her up I felt I had no choice! I too run with a shirt now due to skin cancer concerns. (Yes, I wear sunscreen, but still… )
PJ Momma – love the idea! Not only could I show off quick reflexes, but I could come to her aid with any injuries she incurred. Maybe she’d need mouth to mouth… you never know
Comment by debra
| August 19th, 2008
I think there are a few training for marathons and halfs here, maybe they’ll back me up. After about 10 miles, I’m looking for anything to take my mind off of how many miles I’ve got left…..at that point, bring on the fit, shirtless, tanned, sweaty, running and cycling men!! Actually, funnier story, at about 10 miles is when my running partner (a guy) and I start rating and quietly commenting on the cleavage that runs past us….passes the time!
Comment by Me Thinks
| August 20th, 2008
I gotta agree with the others, if I’m running alone and some dude follows me, its creepy. Its one of the reasons its great to run with a dog, she is a wimp but I feel safer. Also people may chat me up about the dog even if I’m mid-stride and its not creepy at all, would be a good way to meet if I were trying to do that. Of course I can’t imagine there are dogs on a trail? maybe run where there are?
Gym – I get hit on at the gym all the time. BF is still perplexed by the gym pickup phenom. Best time would be either when the girl is between machines or better yet if you walk out at the same time as her. I’ve even met one of my best friends at the gym, if you go at the same time regularly you start to know people.
What about a runners group? I have a GF who has been in them in several cities she’s lived in, she is married now but used to have guys asking her out all the time and has made some really close girl friends that way too. They can be quite social as I understand it. That or some type of co-ed sports league (the non-collegiate aged ones, ick) would be perfect for you.
Comment by Lance
| August 20th, 2008
@Cathouse: I’m calling BS on you not getting aroused by thinking of shirtless, sweaty men on the run.
@Methinks: Running groups are definitely hotbeds of dating activity. I have several friends involved in them and they’ve all dated within the group. I’m also a big proponent of sport & social groups. I belong to one now and it’s a virtual date swap.
I have no concerns about cancer and running shirtless, although I only run 3-5 miles per session.
Comment by Holly Hoffman
| August 20th, 2008
@Phil: Hell yeah, if he’s got a hot body, bring it on (or off for that matter)! I dated an Air Force guy for a few months who was lukewarm in bed but had the hottest body ever.
@Lance: I totally honk & cat call. It happens to me, I’m just giving some gender equity. Firemen especially. I blow them kisses.
@Cathouse: I’m seconding Lance’s BS.