Dad's House

Single Parent Dating
& Parenting Teens

32 Responses to “Men Suck”

1. Comment by mama llama | August 20th, 2008

   Agreed and well-put, Dads. We all must guard against absolutes..

   ..always.

   Be well.

2. Comment by lisaq | August 20th, 2008

   Nicely put! Gender is definitely not the issue here. You absolutely hit the nail on the head. Like attracts like. Period.

3. Comment by laurakim123 | August 20th, 2008

   LOL I have done all those things you mentioned – except lie about my age (I see no point of that).

   But you are so right – I chat on a forum where men (husbands) are slated daily and grouped together as ALL MEN!

   Even after my bad experiences I have never hated men, or felt men are lazy etc – that particular person may be those things tho!

   Suppose its pretty similar to what Rachel was talking about in her blog about the perception of Single Moms vs Single Dads!

4. Comment by debra | August 20th, 2008

   My current stereotypes regarding men….
   Men rock!
   Men are motivators
   Men are insightful
   Men are amazing!

5. Comment by The Exception | August 20th, 2008

   Like attracts like – so if you put it out there people – if you think it, say it, write it, guess what it attracts!

6. Comment by singlemomseeking | August 20th, 2008

   I’m glad you put this out there Dad’s House. Right on. And I couldn’t agree with The Exception more: like certainly attracts like.

7. Comment by Shannon | August 20th, 2008

   Excellent post DH! I had a bad habit of doing the opposite when I first became a single mom though. I gave everyone a chance. I was too open-minded. I ended up hanging out with this group of guys who took me under their wing and protected me like a little sister (which I so needed at that time) and partied it up with me like rock stars. And yeah, I had a sexual relationship with one of them. Although this went on for just under a year, I never knew they were doing hard core drugs when I wasn’t around. Way later, when I asked, they told me they were ashamed and didn’t want me to know that side of them because I looked up to them so much. Seriously, that could have wrecked my rep for sure, but I still thank them for being so supportive when I needed it. Additionally, I’ve dated some people that I found fascinating and heard my friends and family say “We never could figure out what a girl like you was doing with someone like THAT!”. I love people who are passionate…about sports, life, books, their job…anything…and sometimes it gets me carried away.
   By the way…I think some women really suck. :) Like the ones who sleep with married men. Or the ones who betray their best friends over a guy (that one hasn’t happened to me, but I see it with some of my friends and I’ll never get that).

8. Comment by Jeff Mac | August 20th, 2008

   Yeah, this type of comment about men always cracks me up a little. What, every man who isn’t your ideal, perfect-10 mate “sucks” then? And the male side of this one would be in the “Ugh, women are friggin’ crazy,” area — equally nonsensical.

   I think this stuff is just another way to comfort yourself when a would-be relationship goes awry. I think it’s easier to say that the entire gender sucks than to say, “Crap…I wanted XYZ and he/she didn’t and now I’m by myself again…crap.”

9. Comment by justrun | August 20th, 2008

   This is a huge pet peeve of mine. I hate generalizations for either sex, and especially those that are demeaning, not to mention ridiculous. (I happen to be a great driver!) :)

   I understand where it comes from, though. Sure, there are some women that are haters and they do tend to give us a bad name. But as for most of us, we’d usually follow that heat-of-the-moment comment with “but I love them anyway.”

   Wait, did I just generalize?

10. Comment by MissB | August 20th, 2008

    There are a lot of guys that suck. I’ve dated a few. But there are lots of women who suck, too, and I’ve been friends with a few of those.

    it’s a pretty big generalization to say that a certain gender sucks. But I guess I can understand it when the statement is preceded by a bad breakup or something. Usually that pain is mixed with past pain (probably involving the generalized gender) and it’s easier just to say everyone sucks instead of focusing on the one disappointment.

    of course my last relationship (before MrB) showed me that it was better to realize the other person wasn’t any good for me and why (as oppose to blaming it on myself or an entire gender) and to learn about what I really wanted from a man, and what I didn’t.

11. Comment by Cathouse Teri | August 20th, 2008

    First of all, this is not something only cropping up in the single parent blogosphere. David, sometimes I think you get so focused on your own circumstances, you forget that the entire world is having the same issue.

    Second of all, what makes you think I need to be encouraged to speak up? haha

    Actually, the dumbshits who write these comments are not worth noting.

    As for negativity making you ugly, I used to visit a site called Men Are Better Than Women. I thought it was kinda fun, because it seemed to be intelligent men, griping about women, sort of tongue-in-cheek. But if you are a woman visiting there, they are downright hostile. And after going to visit a few times and trying to talk some sense into some commenters, it started affecting me. It started making me dislike men a great deal. So, as curious and interesting as it was, I had to stop going there entirely.

12. Comment by littlemansmom | August 20th, 2008

    You are right honey, not all men suck, are lazy, dense, and jerks…. and some woman simply are!

    I think that in the beginning of becoming a single parent when the ex-significant other does not turn out to be as responsible as we expected them to be, we tend to but our guards up and vent. That usually means clumping them all together. It took me over 2 years before I thought that just maybe there was going to be some decent guy out there and trust enough to begin dating again. Maybe generalizing is part of the healing process for some. Hopefully, (as in my case) once the healing begins, we stop generalizing and start individualizing…..I man CAN be simply….wonderful :)

13. Comment by il | August 20th, 2008

    I do think that it’s strange that it’s socially acceptable to rip on men as a group, but utterly chauvinistic to rip on women. In a former workplace, women would comment on the butts of male interns. If I had done the same for the female interns, I’d have been out on my ear.

    There’s some sort of sense that we have to tolerate women evening the score these days. As if it’s somehow not unfair for us to pay for our fathers’ sins.

    That said, I will say anything for sex. Women rule. Men drool.

14. Comment by Kitkat4real (Katherine) SOLO dot MOM aka THUMBNAIL Glimpse | August 20th, 2008

    I don’t believe in making blanket statements, either. In that fact you are right and yes women do these things as well. I am sure if you read some guy’s blogs you would see the accounts of the same scenarios with the female gender.

    But since you referenced my recent blog about the lies of this guy’s age, I wanted to share that my point was to simply lay out the facts in this one case, and the persistence of the continual cover up even when he knew I had evidence proving otherwise. The blatancy was what I was sharing, and for this one account – not to imply that this is every guy’s attitude or tendency. I hate that you got that implication -that it was a blanket statement. But I have had other guys to lie about their age on a profile, but very soon after meeting them, it was confessed and never brought up again. Just a clarification… nice blog, btw… very ‘in your face’… but nice blog. :)

15. Comment by Cathouse Teri | August 20th, 2008

    ( I can’t believe I just advertised that f*$king website. )

16. Comment by T | August 20th, 2008

    Of course you know I love this post.

    It comes down to this: we all want to put blame on someone else. All of us. Because its much easier to point the finger at someone else and make yourself the victim rather than take responsibility for what you have created in your life.

    When we take responsibility for our thoughts, it can be a painful process. We hate ourselves. We feel guilty. But ultimately, we can be empowered enough to realize that we really do choose what we see in life. Everything that happens to us or has happened to us has made us who we are today.

    If you choose to see everyone as a victimizer, then you will always be a victim. If you can choose to see the positive in every situation and the good in everyone, even those who let you down because we are all doing our best with what we know now, you will see more good in yourself as well. We always get what we give away.

    Thanks for the shout out too! :)

17. Comment by Marina | August 20th, 2008

    Many many people say things like that after a bad experience while others do different stuff, like writing songs. Listen the episode 339 of This American Life.

18. Comment by Lance | August 20th, 2008

    Chicks always flake. Women are too emotional. Why does she say one thing and mean another? Woemn are bitches. Women are psychos. Etc.

    When we’re blogging and giving dating and relating advice, we have to work in generalities and assume there are always exceptions, or else our writing gets confused. Personally, I don’t have a problem with generalizations because there’s truth buried in there for a huge chuck of people.

    I also always assume that my audience, ie bloggers and blog readers, are the exceptions too.

19. Comment by Single Mom in New England | August 20th, 2008

    I think that a lot of men AND women go through a hateful period shortly after going through a divorce. I remember thinking that I hated all men and that I would never like men again. And not being a lesbian, that made the future look pretty bleak. But when I moved through that phase and did some internal growing, I can now see it was just a self protective cocoon phase. Now I love men again and life is grand!!

20. Comment by dadshouse | August 20th, 2008

    Great comments here – some really had me laughing. I love the sense of humor floating around. Some responses:

    Katherine – your blog post was great! I didn’t feel you made a generalization at all. You were genuinely frustrated with someone who lied, and I understand how disappointing that is. What got to me was a commentor who immediately said “Men are jerks”, and another who echoed that chorus. That’s the unhealthy part, the generalization that because of the one bad experience you had, you should avoid all men. That’s crazy advice! As I recall, your post itself had none of that. And I’ve seen similar comments on other blogs, so felt it was time to call it out.

    JustRun – I’m sorry, did you just suggest that women can drive? Hahaha. I’m KIDDING. Generalizations suck, don’t they?

    Debra – you’re awesome! Or should I say, women are awesome!

    Shannon – yeah, we can be trusting with the ‘wrong’ crowd sometimes. But it didn’t leave you feeling that ‘all men are druggies’ or ‘all men suck’, did it?

    Jeff – I agree it’s just comfort statements. Fine, say them in private to your girlfriends. But blog about it? Blogs are a sort of permanent record, part of the media, which means you have a chance to program the thoughts of readers. Want to program good healthy thoughts, or sucky ones? (I realize readers are smart enough to make their own choices. But do we really need a Jerry Springer mentality around her?)

    Lance – gotta disagree with you on this one. I think you can blog up a storm and use words like “some” and “few” and “maybe” and get your point across without hammering an entire group.

    Imagine a Presidential debate and in response to some question, Obama or McCain answers “Women are nuts.” There’d be outrage! Whoever said it would never get elected. Blanket statements are ridiculous.

    T – I agree, choose to see the positive. But how do we see the positive in comments that say “men suck”? That’s one situation where I don’t see a positive, and I have to respond.

21. Comment by Maren | August 20th, 2008

    Oh! I hate when people generalize men. My husband and brother are both better cooks than me and clean house, change diapers, do laundry, etc… When my husband and I are each carrying a baby (we have twins) I get tired of hearing how great a dad he is for helping me w/ the babies, how lucky I am. He is a great dad, but “helping me w/ the babies”? They are HIS babies! And no one ever tells him how lucky he is that I watch his kids. :)

22. Comment by Me Thinks | August 20th, 2008

    There is plenty of this type of negativity on the net and otherwise by both genders. My guess would be that there are more blogs by women than men (certainly “parenting” ones) and that is why you see man-hating more. And at risk of sounding like an asshole, I’ll say it:
    This is a good example of why I, a single mom, don’t really like most single mom blogs. Yes, there are some interesting ones but I find the majority B-O-R-I-N-G and not thought-provoking in any way.

    You are 100% correct that toxic begets toxicity. Or as I always say “you get what you give”. Call the karma police on them!

23. Comment by Kat Wilder | August 20th, 2008

    It’s always tricky to talk in absolutes — always, never, all (even this sentence!) — because we aren’t “all” or “always” or “never,” etc.

    We are each a person, a not the same person as your ex, the last person you dated who lied to you, etc. Each person has to be seen as just that, one person., and not all of humanity or the representative of his/her gender. And, so, the people who talk like that are all jerks (OK, OK, just kidding. But, you know … )

24. Comment by T | August 20th, 2008

    Well, DH, I was actually addressing the ones who say “men suck”. It sounds to me like the people who are saying “men suck” are basically saying that all men are the ‘victimizers’ and they are the ‘victims’.

    In regards to you seeing the positive in the situation with them?

    This is an opportunity for you to learn something about yourself. An opportunity in forgiveness.

    As I stated above, we are all doing our best with what we know now. This can be said about those who are making the generalizations, no? They only know that they feel pain or are not at peace with “men” in general. They don’t quite understand why they feel this pain but they would very much like to project it onto someone else.

    Now, let’s “generalize” that a bit too.

    You may also find something in your life that disturbs your peace in some way. You may also find that you throw anger or frustration at something, a situation or a group of people. In effect, you are doing the same thing, right?

    Here’s where it gets good… if you can feel compassion or forgive those who say “men suck” because you understand that they are feeling pain, you can also forgive yourself for allowing something to disturb your own peace. You now understand that your reaction is based on your own pain. And then you can laugh at yourself for allowing your anger to take over which will, in effect, diffuse your anger and the situation! Suddenly, less and less will disturb your peace and you will indeed be a more joyful, blissful being!!

    I am, of course, only speaking from my own experience. ;)

    We all do it. We all allow our ego to translate situations and groups of people instead of seeing things as they truly are. All of what we see is based on our ego which is nothing more than our past thought system. All of it based on what we have been through already in our lives.

    I just know that my only choice is to have the willingness to see it differently. That little willingness/awareness will lead you back to the peace that is rightfully yours.

    (hope I didn’t get too woo-woo on ya!) :)

25. Comment by dadshouse | August 20th, 2008

    T – great insights! I like this line especially: Here’s where it gets good… if you can feel compassion or forgive those who say “men suck” because you understand that they are feeling pain – pretty darn close to what the Dalai Lama would say. The forgiveness part is what throws me – it seems to imply you are letting someone off the hook, which sounds to me like it comes from a judgemental place. Compassion means you genuinely don’t want another to suffer, and you give unconditional love just because.

    We’re getting all Buddhist here… hope that doesn’t put-off anyone who feels like ranting!

26. Comment by T | August 20th, 2008

    I wouldn’t say you are “letting someone off the hook”. There’s nothing wrong with pointing out the behavior to that person, especially if it could be deemed hurtful to another. I’m simply saying to react in a loving way instead of another hurtful way. Else you are doing the same thing as they are!!

    We are getting all Buddhist, aren’t we? I think its glorious!!

    Thanks for letting me go on!!

    I’ll step off the soap box now.

27. Comment by Shiona | August 21st, 2008

    This is a great post. I enjoyed reading it and realize I have been doing that a bit myself. This also applies to any group I think. If you were talking about a certain race or left handers or teenagers or brunettes this would apply. Generalizations are no good for anybody no matter who it applies to.

    We are bitter when the pain is still fresh but I suppose that’s just human nature.

28. Comment by dadshouse | August 21st, 2008

    Here’s a blog post rant that’s somewhat related to my Men Suck post: http://rachellucas.com/index.php/2008/08/19/not-all-children-are-annoying-some-are-dead/

    Rachel Lucas comes down hard on man-hating women, which is nice. But her reasons for doing so seem a little strange to me. She wrote: “These ra-ra man-bashing “sentiments” drive me absolutely nuts, mostly because it makes women look so very, very stupid.”

    In other words, she’s not against man-hating because it’s harmful to men, but because it makes women look bad.

    Um, okay. Whatever. Halfway there!

29. Comment by SGT Ted | August 22nd, 2008

    Men suck.
    Men are lazy.
    Men are dense.
    Men are jerks.

    Why? Because thye are raised by women!

    /duck and run

30. Comment by dadshouse | August 22nd, 2008

    Apparently Sgt. Ted didn’t get the memo. What did we all say about blanket statements? I suppose his is just a lame attempt at humor. And he wasn’t brave enough to leave a blog URL. Hit and run commenting sucks!

31. Comment by singleworkingmommy | August 22nd, 2008

    MANG! I was going to write something like SGT Ted did (minus the “raised by women” part) because I thought it would be funny. Or lame. Take your pick. Althoug, I would’ve done it TONGUE FIRMLY PLANTED IN CHEEK though, and not for reals, b/c you know I lovz you DH. Sgt Ted ruined it all though… what a ruiner. But maybe he saved me, b/c you might’ve called me lame.

    I wrote this somewhere else, and someone might’ve said it already (I’m being lazy and not reading all the comments), I think it might just seem like there’s more of the generalizations about men v. women, b/c there tend to be a lot more women in bloggyland then men.

32. Comment by pisceshanna | August 26th, 2008

    System of a Down kicks ass! I’m currently trying to get rid of the toxicity of my own life. Obviously I can’t get rid of the man who I’m blaming the toxicity on, since he is my daughter’s father. Maybe I can find peace of mind and ignore the toxicity, or somehow rise above it.

    Thanks for standing up against ignorance. I know my gross generalizations come from the anger that still resides in me. A woman scorned….creates a hell of a lot of pissed-off blogging eh? Maybe we should all take up hunting instead.

Leave a Reply

Name (required)

Mail (will not be published) (required)

Website

Dad's House
© 2008-2010 David Mott, DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved. Privacy notice. Terms of use.