Dad's House

Single Parent Dating
& Parenting Teens

54 Responses to “Relationship Dating 101: First Meeting”

1. Comment by mad cartoonist | August 27th, 2008

   I think you called it: she wanted the Saturday night date–a “real date”, not just a casual meeting after work. Enjoy!

2. Comment by lisaq | August 27th, 2008

   Good for you! I’m glad she called back. I think you’ve got it right too…a Saturday night date was what she wanted. Can’t wait to hear how it goes!

3. Comment by The Exception | August 27th, 2008

   Was this last Saturday? So there is “more” to the story!! ;)

   Why did she have to have a motive regarding Monday? Could it be as simple as the reason she gave? Unless she says otherwise, I am believing what she actually said – not reading anything into it. (I am totally glad she called!)

4. Comment by vinomom | August 27th, 2008

   I agree with The Exception – I’d take her word for it.

5. Comment by T | August 27th, 2008

   It is so refreshing to know that a guy will pick apart details of a conversation if things don’t happen the way he thought. Yet another reason why I love reading you, DH.

   I am so excited to hear that she called and you guys are going out!! Or did you already? Hmmm…

   You’re a sneaky one, aren’t you?!

   Can’t wait to hear more.

6. Comment by laurakim123 | August 27th, 2008

   Have to agree with T on the guy picking apart the conversation – I really thought it was just girls ;-p

   I figured it was this sat coming but not so sure now!!!!

   I have no doubt we will hear more though either way!

   Its all very exciting ;o)

7. Comment by mama llama | August 27th, 2008

   It is really funny to read how others go through the entire second-guessing process and deconstruction–all for nothing–and that this is a cross-gender phenomenon as well.

   Enjoy your drinks! I am sorry she smashed her finger. Maybe you should think of some little novelty gift for her…something having to do with dangerous car doors–or an innocent “kiss” to make it all better.

   Or just maybe your charm and attention will be just what the doctor ordered. Have fun!!

   Be well, Dads.

8. Comment by Cathouse Teri | August 27th, 2008

   You are such a smooooooth operator! ;)

   I can almost guarantee you that she assumed they were your kids and that you were not married. She was just confirming it (and making conversation). I don’t suppose it led into your asking her whether or not she is married or has children of her own? Just asking.

   Anyway, enuff of that fluffy, mushy stuff. I just have to ask, what the f%(k class are you in that you think she may be worried that you outclass her? And this:

   “I’ve dated nannies and executive admins before, and while they may not have been as educated as me…”

   I’m supposing you mean as formally educated as you are, but seriously ~ it does seem you are making some sort of backhanded complimentary (wonderful, compassionate, sexy) concession in “accepting” these less educated ladies. At any rate, you know as well as I do that education doesn’t make one more smarter. :)

   Perhaps you were attaching this to the “class” thing. Saying she may be concerned that you make more money than she does. Which is weird. What woman is afraid of that? Ha ha.

   But I do thank you for the little window into the world of the upper class so I can know how they think when they meet the lowly nanny/executive assistant women of my kind. :)

   All of this aside, I also think it’s just darling that you played the conversation over in your mind to see what you did wrong. I do believe men do this as much as women do. They just don’t often tell anyone about it.

9. Comment by dadshouse | August 27th, 2008

   Teri – she’s never been married and has no kids. As for the “class” comment – I have definitely run into women who, as soon as they find out what town I live in, pigeonhole me as a boring old fuddy-dud (which isn’t the case). Some women want a bad boy. People do this sort of categorization all the time. For instance in NYC, the Upper East Side has a reputation of attracting one type of tenant, and the Upper West Side another.

   Also, if this woman did work as a nanny in my town, I might be friends with her employer.

   Finally, education-wise – yes, I am very well educated. I have found it’s hard for me to date a woman who has not attended college, simply because I like the occasional intellectual conversation. Just like someone in great shape probably likes dating another person who works out so they can go on runs together, or at least admire each other’s bodies.

   Sorry if my comments came across as condescending. I live in Silicon Valley where a vast majority of people are way too smart, and quite a few others are uneducated service workers. There is a class difference. I have dated women from all walks, but I know some people have issues with the differences, including women when they consider whether to date me.

10. Comment by Lance | August 27th, 2008

    @Teri, et al: If you had any idea how much us guys pick apart your convo’s, you would be AGHAST.

    Also, I’m a little concerned about her not calling or anything to bail on the date. She flaked, plain and simple, which is a bad sign. Also, why do women flake so easily? I hate that. I want to understand the rationalization behind a flake that makes it okay in a woman’s mind. I would never do what she did even if I broke leg…hello, send a text message!

11. Comment by NewWrldYankee | August 27th, 2008

    It did smack a little of condescension to me, too. And I normally do not take fault in what you have to say. But I have had class differences make an issue in a relationship. It shouldn’t matter, but most of the time it does.

    I earn on my own, and I have had friends and bf alike get uncomfortable when I can not afford to go out like they do. So it happens. But at the same time maybe I have been intellectually snobby with someone else, think they weren’t as smart. I don’t know.

    On the side, it is interesting to know that men analyze when women seem to disappear into thin air, just as much as women do. Why do people do that? Flurries of calls, msgs, or emails, and then nothing? Have they found someone else, and were you just a momentary mind occupation?

12. Comment by Cathouse Teri | August 27th, 2008

    I agree with Lance. This is a very bad sign. Right out the gate. Still, if it doesn’t happen again, then it could just be a fluke and she was a bit consumed with her situation (which is also a bad sign… hee).

    And Dads, I love how you apologize for coming across as condescending just after you make a statement like:
    “I have found it’s hard for me to date a woman who has not attended college, simply because I like the occasional intellectual conversation.”

    !!!!

    Shall I take this to mean that you think I’m not capable of the OCCASIONAL intellectual conversation??

    (To all ~ Dads and I really do have a friendly, playful, bloggy relationship. If I seem to come across as militantly provocative in my ideas, it’s only because he’s so much fun to razz!)

13. Comment by mel | August 27th, 2008

    question: if you thought she could be a nanny – is shea lot younger then you? nannies for me are usually in their 20ies… but ofc i can just have the wrong impression.

    GOOD LUCK FOR YOUR DATE!

14. Comment by singlemomseeking | August 27th, 2008

    I hope you bring something for her finger… a cute box of Band Aids? Ouch!!

    Re: women flaking… Guys, you wouldn’t believe the number of men who’ve flaked on me. Unfortunately, it happens with both sexes.

    The class issue discussion is very real — and not something that’s often talked about on blogs. Glad it’s happening here.

15. Comment by Cathouse Teri | August 27th, 2008

    Mel ~ I was a nanny just a couple of years ago. And I’m damn good at it! So I’m a nanny AND a granny!

16. Comment by Honey | August 27th, 2008

    I don’t think that I’ve ever flaked if I had definite plans with someone. If it’s a “maybe we’ll get together” thing then I read that as the person isn’t interested in me and I won’t contact them again. Which is why I have a huge problem with articles like Tenmagnet’s (http://pickuppodcast.com/blogv2/2008/08/20/never-treat-someone-like-a-priority-when-they-treat-you-like-an-option/)

    I think that kind of behavior *encourages* flakes and in any case I would rather be the person who gets flaked on than the flakee…

    I agree with Lance in this case, I’d've expected a text message at least…but it’s probably true because if her finger’s not all smashed up when you actually do go out than her whole maneuver is exposed.

17. Comment by Cathouse Teri | August 27th, 2008

    I just read your post again, just to see if we could give this gal the benefit of the doubt because no real definite plans had been made the last time you spoke. But you called her Monday morning? And she didn’t find the time to call you back until Tuesday? Because she needed to see a doctor Monday night? ? ? ? ?

    Okay, I’ve smashed my finger in a car door before. In fact, I have stepped on a piece of glass (while pregnant), wrapped my foot and went to a job agency to take a typing test before going to the doctor and getting stitches. So… what the hell?

18. Comment by Single Mom in New England | August 27th, 2008

    Did her phone button pushing finger get smashed? Regardless of if you are a nanny or the President of the United States, you should have the courtesy to call to cancel a date!

19. Comment by jenn | August 27th, 2008

    I’m trying not to come across as too argumentative or offended, because I’m really not. This probably isn’t a great subject for my first comment on your blog (I’ve been reading for a few weeks), but I have to put my 2 cents in.

    You said “Finally, education-wise – yes, I am very well educated. I have found it’s hard for me to date a woman who has not attended college, simply because I like the occasional intellectual conversation.” I had to mention this because it does bother me a little bit. I never finished college (fell in love, quit school, got married, had baby, got divorced…), but I don’t consider myself less intelligent than those who did. Do I regret not finishing school? Yes! Would I jump at the chance to go back? Definately. But that isn’t an option right now, since I’m raising and supporting my daughter on my own. I’m not saying that I’m smarter than everyone else, but I definately know some college graduates that probably wasted their money. Education is so important, and I’ll stress that to my daughter as she gets older, but just remember that you might find that you can have a decent conversation with someone without a degree. We don’t just sit around and watch Oprah all day.

    This is your blog and you can say whatever you want to. I’ll still be reading and enjoying it. I just wanted to put another perspective out there. Hope I didn’t offend you.

20. Comment by dadshouse | August 27th, 2008

    Lance, Honey, Teri – exactly. I think it sucks she left me hanging Monday night. Plenty of time to have called or texted. Even if she was busy all day and planned to call later but then banged her finger and saw a doctor, wouldn’t she have texted or called that night? Then again…

    I once had a date planned to see an 8pm movie with a woman. I went to the beach that day with friends and got stung on the tongue by a bee that had flown into my soda can. I went to the hospital, they drugged me up, I went home and slept. At 8pm I get a call from this woman wondering where the hell I was – I felt TERRIBLE. It’s not like I was dissing her on purpose, I was simply knocked out from meds. I got dressed and went on the date with my swollen tongue. We saw a later show. The movie was “The Natural” with Robert Redford, and I was so groggy I don’t even remember it!

    Jenn – I agree that you don’t need a college degree to have a great intellectual conversation. I have dated women who did not have college degrees. So you’re right that a hard and fast educational-class distinction is unfair. Please know that I don’t impose that distinction on women I date. But several women I’ve met who didn’t have degrees, once they found out I have an ivy graduate degree, they had ZERO interest in dating me because they thought I’d be too much of an intellectual snob.

    If you’ve been reading my blog for weeks, you hopefully have seen I’m not snobby like that. I try to be grounded and open minded, a mix of high brow and low, Pulitzer winner and pop culture.

    Thanks for chiming in! Hope to hear more from you.

21. Comment by loriann | August 27th, 2008

    You have made reference to dating an EA before ~ and now again. Having been an EA myself, one that was extremely adept and well compensated, I take notice. DH everyone has gifts to offer and share. We all have strong points. What do you offer?

    I consider myself fairly well read, your blog notwithstanding :-), well spoken, I’m up on current events. I was delighted to have recently evoked some thought on your part as to your true relationship goal. And, along with other readers, to inspire a recent post.

    I guess it’s a good thing that at my age of 46 I just began attending community college as a full time student ~ for the first time in my life !

    I’m curious, do all “very well educated” people spend as much time thinking about S-e-x? Here’s to higher education !

22. Comment by Marina | August 27th, 2008

    Oh jojojo, this is fantastic.
    Yes, the class distinctions are there, is just that we don’t talk too much about it even though we think about it once we start to evaluate a relationship prospect, I think it’s not about being snob but about what you have in common with the person, I agree with DH here “I have found it’s hard for me to date a woman who has not attended college, simply because I like the occasional intellectual conversation. Just like someone in great shape probably likes dating another person who works out so they can go on runs together, or at least admire each other’s bodies”.
    Oh, well… I’ll be here waiting for updates ;)
    Saludos!

23. Comment by Cathouse Teri | August 27th, 2008

    I have found that it’s unrealistic (and pretty unfun) to expect your “mate” to be your main source of intellectual stimulation. I’ve met people from all walks of life. In many places in the world. Some of them highly “educated” and some of them haven’t even graduated high school. I find that neither of those things accounts for their ability to hold a passionate and interesting conversation or not. And as far as intelligent conversation goes, I have yet to find a willing to hold one with me on the subject of the identity of Shakespeare. So should I just say I will only settle for the man who can do this? I can’t find a man OR a woman who can!

    Also, regarding the “someone in great shape” argument, you are off base there, as well. There are many people who are passionate about running and lifting weights, etc. But they are not necessarily looking for someone who matches them in this category. In fact, it’s often the reverse that is true. They want a SOFT body, because they have a HARD one! Sure, they don’t want a sloth. They want someone who has energy and can keep up the stamina to do the things that make life interesting (notwithstanding SEX!) ~ but a man and a woman are very rarely in the same condition physically, regardless of how active they are. I would venture to say that even this “woman of your dreams” couldn’t keep up with you on a run. She would wind up overdoing it to keep up with you or you would slow down to match her pace. It’s just silly.

    So I’d say we are not generally looking for our twin, but rather someone quite different.

24. Comment by The Exception | August 27th, 2008

    Education is just something that people might have in common. In the end, as I think DH would agree(?) it comes down to the person and the conversation compatibility etc. I know amazingly intelligent men and women who are well read and can hold their own with anyone only to find out that they didn’t attend college at all!! Right or wrong, education is a filter that we tend to use… like the woman who attended a low grade law school and yet rejects hiring lawyers who aren’t ivy league… It is an easy filter, an easy “let’s see what we have in common” and yet, at the end of the day, it might be completely irrelevant!

    The flake factor is possible but… we can’t say as none of us were there nor did we walk in her shoes. All can be forgiven anyway as she has an olive completion! and an amazing smile and there were sparks at the restaurant!

25. Comment by dadshouse | August 27th, 2008

    Loriann – my most significant relationship post-divorce was with an EA. We almost got married. She didn’t have a college degree, but she was the most compassionate, vibrant woman I’d ever met to that point. That’s probably why I listed those traits in this post.

    My girlfriend last year was a nanny who didn’t go to college. I had a great time doing fun things with her, but we struggled to connect conversation-wise.

    Teri – I agree opposites attract, but I think a guy in shape wants to be with a woman in shape. I’ve read articles that says it’s different for women – look at Salman Rushdie’s ex, Padma Lakshmi. Talk about different body types!

26. Comment by Cathouse Teri | August 27th, 2008

    Again, let me point out that I quite recently was a nanny who didn’t go to college. I have not one ounce of doubt that we would be able to connect conversation-wise. Or, if we did, it wouldn’t be because I wasn’t learned enough!

    As for guy in shape looking for woman in shape, I agree ~ someone who is active usually wants someone who is active. But not necessarily in the same “shape.” After all, men and women are supposed to be shaped differently! It’s what we like about us! ;)

27. Comment by loriann | August 27th, 2008

    Compassionate and vibrant are wonderful qualities you will recognize in another DH.

    As for myself, I will take intelligence over a hard body in a heartbeat. Stimulate the mind and you’ve stimulated the largest sex organ.

28. Comment by Lance | August 27th, 2008

    The college thing is no big deal to me, although class/education/intellectual distinctions are very real in dating. I’ve dated plenty of girls who “only” had a bachelors degree, or no degree at all. Are they curious and can they hold a conversation? That’s all I need. Hell, I’ve dated some girls who I thought were too educated, like they didn’t know jack shit about the world and that’s a big turn off.

    On the subject of flakers. Usually the flaker has something else going on, like other potential partners, or they simply decided that they weren’t attracted to you once you left her sight. We make strange rationalizations when all we have is a memory of the person we picked up. This is why pickup artists try to make some kind of physical close NOW (kiss or sex), because once you’ve done that, flaking % goes down drastically.

    I still maintain that women flake more than men.

29. Comment by jenn | August 27th, 2008

    I will admit that we all have some preconceived ideas when it comes to different “classes” of people. I’m not immune to this. I grew up in Seattle and now live in TN. When I talk to someone with a very strong, southern accent, I automatically think they are less intelligent. It’s something I have to work on. Hopefully we can all look past our personal prejudices and see people for who they really are.

    It’s definately true that some people with Ivy graduate degrees would be intellectual snobs, and many wouldn’t be. It’s also true that some people without a college education would be a bit stupid, and some are not. People without a degree can be prejudice against those with more education also. This is just as narrow-minded. They can also be intimidated, and that might be due to low self-confidence.

    I do enjoy your blog, and from what I’ve read, I don’t think you’re a snob. Keep up the good work. (And thanks for not being offended.)

30. Comment by Hadley | August 27th, 2008

    I don’t think you meant to be as condescending as this sentence sounded:

    “I have found it’s hard for me to date a woman who has not attended college, simply because I like the occasional intellectual conversation.”

    Blog posts are short and I am sure you are just generalizing and would easily identify the women who are exceptions within ten minutes of conversation. Just like you don’t like being lumped in with single Dads who are the dreaded stereotype, it is bad to say that someone who hasn’t been to college can’t hold up her end of the occasional intellectual conversation.

    I am an academic scientist so many people I interact with have PhDs or MDs or both or are working towards those goals. One of my closest friends who I met when we were postdocing (a woman) is married to a steel inspector who finished his formal education with high school. He’s plenty intellectual and I like to listen to him talk about logic and philosophy.
    Many of our colleagues never see that side of him because they are too busy acting as if he is invisible or an embarrassment and are even so rude as to ask my friend if she wishes she’s married someone she had something in common with (they have plenty in common).

    My mother put off college and worked menial jobs to help pay the bills while my father went to graduate school and postdoced and then stayed home with us kids. She went to college when I was 10 or so. She’s a painter and a sculptor and looking back, I think college was kind of a waste for her and something she did in response to being condescended to by academics for decade or more. Before she had any formal education, she had bookshelves of beautiful art books that she often looked at with my brother and me. She taught us about art history and what was going on politically, economically and socially in the world at the times when various art movements came about. She had highly sought after gallery representation and regularly got her work into juried exhibitions before starting her degrees.

    Those are the two examples that are closest to my heart, but there are countless others that I’ve personally interacted with–women who choose to raise families instead and contribute their time volunteering in schools and communities, women who choose to teach yoga or other spiritual/fitness classes, pet sitters, contractors, facilities managers, skiing and climbing guides, boat captains…the list goes on. Many people are intellectual but choose to pay the bills in some other way.

    (Obviously this topic gets my goat!)

31. Comment by dadshouse | August 27th, 2008

    Hadley – your mom sounds awesome! My mom was an artist, too, though more a teacher than someone who practiced art professionally. She has a grad degree from UC Berkeley, so maybe that’s why I value educated women so much.

    I dated a Stanford educated surgeon, and we had a really hard time getting along. I dated an executive admin who attended college but never finished, and I almost married her. So while I think and write about education being important, in practice I’m more open minded.

    Jenn – just remember, Al Gore is from Tennessee!!

    Loriann – I’m looking for a mix of intelligence and beauty (as well as self awareness and emotional balance). But hotness turns the head when someone enters a room, and that’s how this woman and I met (I think the whiplash in my neck has finally healed)

32. Comment by loriann | August 27th, 2008

    Here’s to hoping your enchantress is a masseuse to boot!

33. Comment by loriann | August 27th, 2008

    Curious ~ dare I ask in a public forum ~ was your “almost married” the one you brought home to Mama and Mama didn’t warm to her? Couldn’t help but ask. I’m fascinated by family dynamics.

34. Comment by dadshouse | August 27th, 2008

    Loriann – no, the one I almost married was adored by my family. I would be doing her and our relationship an injustice if I tried to explain in a comment how/why things ended. It could take an entire chapter in a book!

35. Comment by loriann | August 27th, 2008

    I’m sorry DH. Bad form on my part. Curiosity got the best of me and the submit button was clicked before I thought better! Please accept my apology.

36. Comment by mad cartoonist | August 27th, 2008

    Ok, Dadshouse, I’m here to offer you kudos on your honest “education level” comment.

    That is so true, even if some people think it is in un-PC to say so.

    Basically, wanting someone with a similar education isn’t all that different from wanting to date someone with a similar cultural background or religion. It really helps to have things in common, you know?

    I recently just gave up on dating guys without advanced degrees (yeah, and I did try, for like 20 years! I’m approx your age, I think.)

    I’m not saying that a person without a PhD is inherently less intelligent or anything like that.

    But you do need something to talk about with your partner!

    I went to school for so long because I liked studying and learning all the academic subjects and particularly my specialty. I like stuff like that. I’m a professor, so I’m still kind of doing it! And I want to talk and discuss with my sweetie about the things I am interested in–it’s my life.

37. Comment by Veep Veep | August 27th, 2008

    Dude, what’s with the flippin’ Upper East Side / Upper West Side reference… Decades on the West Side… moved to the East Side in December.. And I’m still the same tenant as I was before. ;)

38. Comment by dadshouse | August 27th, 2008

    Veep Veep – according to Wikipedia Manhattan: The Upper West Side is often characterized as more intellectual and creative, in contrast to the old money and conservative values of the Upper East Side, one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the United States. It being Wiki, maybe you should go update it!

    Mad Cartoonist – in my match.com profile I always looked for women with college degrees. In real life, I’ve dated quite a few women without. Go figure.

39. Comment by Kitkat4real (SOLO dot MOM) | August 27th, 2008

    Oh I am so glad she wasn’t brushing you off! We are all rooting for you – keep us posted!! ;)

40. Comment by Margi | August 28th, 2008

    Very interesting discourse. I think that education matters not so much (hubby is college-educated, I’m more trade school but well read) as whether or not you have similar interests and really, if you like to talk. One of my most favorite (and exasperating!) things about my husband IS his desire to talk.

    It’s what kept us up until 3:00 a.m. on our first date (which was drinks at a local dive), as well.

    I understand exactly all of the list you ticked off about class/why she stood you up, etc., etc., and I will tell you this:

    All of that will fall by the wayside if she IS the Gorilla Your Dreams.

    If not? You will consider it the first in a series of Things That Hurt You.

    But you won’t know any of this until you actually go on the date and speak with her in depth and in person.

    Signed,
    Been Around Too Many Blocks, Herself

41. Comment by Cathouse Teri | August 28th, 2008

    Gorilla Your Dreams… love it! I like how Margi thinks.

    My father is a man of few words, but on his first date with my mother, she couldn’t shut him up! I think they talked until the sun came up. Same goes for my guy. He is not exactly a social butterfly, but when he and I are together, he can go on and on about something he is passionate. So it’s more about RELATING, than having the same level of education. I think the formal education thing is a smokescreen and crutch (and quite frankly, I thought you were way too smart to fall for that one, David) meant to impress some prejudices that we THINK will protect and help us, but in reality it does not at all.

    Here’s something funny. I used to have a rule that a person I dated had to be good at spelling and grammar. I would not even respond to someone who couldn’t communicate well utilizing the written word. I realized this was idiotic on my part. Losing that rule opened up my world to a ton of great guys.

    My ex-sis-in-law wouldn’t date a man who was divorced. She just didn’t want the trouble and the baggage and she did have less respect for a man who couldn’t hold his marriage together. I tried and tried to convince her that this rule was making the market very small and she was missing out on some fantastic opportunities. She wouldn’t budge. She’s fifty years old now and still single. I am not aware that she has had even a single significant, long-term relationship with a man and is likely still a virgin.

    We’ll be making her a saint.

42. Comment by Margi | August 28th, 2008

    Teri, thanks. And you said exactly the word I was groping (!) for – “relating.”

    I, too, lay across my teenaged bed and decided what I wanted my Perfect Husband to be.

    It was a lot of embarrassing-to-note-now things like “Must be in rock-n’-roll” (Tried it. Broke up with it.) but I ALSO had the “spelling and grammar” clause in my dating contract!

    You see, that’s the silly part. You can have a general idea of what you’d like in the opposite sex but if you’re totally blown away by a blonde professor with peaches-and-cream complexion? Do you say to yourself, “Newp. No olive skin.” Riiiight. That’s because FLEXIBILITY is the key to air superiority.

    Or something.

    Nice to meet you.

    You too, Teri.

43. Comment by dadshouse | August 28th, 2008

    Margi – welcome to the blog! You and Teri are hitting on a point that relates to online dating. You don’t know what qualities you’ll be attracted to until you meet someone and they rock your world. Like Teri says, if you confine your choices to a pigeonholed set ahead of time (think about all those match.com checkboxes), then you may miss out on whoever was meant to be “the one”.

44. Comment by Margi | August 28th, 2008

    I went on a Match.com date once.

    Once.

    *shudders*

45. Comment by pajama momma | August 28th, 2008

    You picked apart the conversation Dave? Do you also eat chocolate certain times of the month? :P

46. Comment by Cathouse Teri | August 28th, 2008

    I went on matchdoctor.com and found my boyfriend. :)

47. Comment by Bobby Rio | August 29th, 2008

    There is one thing I try to tell people… its you can never analzye someone else’s actoins… Why? Because half the time we don’t even know why we do the things we do…

    Glad she wound up calling… but never waste time trying to figure it out when they don’t call… you’ll probably have figured wrong anyway..

    best of luck.. and looking forward to the continuation…

48. Comment by mad cartoonist | August 29th, 2008

    Dadshouse- yeah, I know. My first marriage was to a guy without a college degree but in retrospect I think I should have known better.

    I thought that because we were in totally different fields (I’m a scientist, he was a musician) that there would be no competition or issues because of that. I really enjoyed our differences (I like to experience life out of the lab sometimes!), but he felt defensive about them. My gradual academic success as I worked my way though school seemed to bring out a really mean and controlling side of him. And no, I didn’t “rub it in!” In fact, I hardly ever said anything at all about my research or academic achievements because he’d fly into a rage (which made me sad–it was like he was allergic to a big part of my life).

    More recently I’ve also dated two other less educated guys, where the same issue also eventually surfaced. In addition, since I’m not a student anymore, I was earning quite a bit more than these men, and that seemed to add to their insecurity with the situation.

    I think it’s a rare man who can handle his GF/wife being better educated and/or making more money than him. So I decided to face facts and only date men with roughly similar income and education. But maybe it should be more of a case-by-case consideration?

49. Comment by mad cartoonist | August 29th, 2008

    I was never a person to have any “rules” about who I wanted to date—only that I never wanted to be with anyone who bored me!

    But after all my experiences (consisting of two marriages–one to a musician, and one to a South American scientist, and lots of dating in between), I’ve decided that *some* rules are probably a good idea for a change. So here’s my personal (& fairly new!) dating rules, in order of importance:

    1. If he ever acts like a jerk to me or anyone, lies, or makes even one racist remark, goodbye.
    2. He has to have a job.
    3. No drunks or men who take illegal drugs. Not even pot smokers. (So yes, I am reluctantly giving up rock musicians!) My last husband was a drunk (a major bummer), and the legal implications of other drugs are too big a risk for me now that I have kids.
    4. And I’m considering adding this one: similar income and education as me.

50. Comment by dadshouse | August 29th, 2008

    Mad Cartoonist – I agree that we all have our individual comfort zones of who we want to date. Sure, we’d be more open-minded to go out of those zones, but those zones are where we tend to get along. If more/less money and more/less education are things anyone wants, I won’t begrudge them!

    Bobby Rio – welcome! Nice to have you here. I agree it’s not worth the time analyzing what other’s thoughts might have been. Actions speak loudly, and sometimes it takes time for those actions to act out.

51. Comment by singleworkingmommy | August 29th, 2008

    Would you believe that my SO didn’t even graduate high school while I have a master’s degree? In my insanely idiotic youth, I would’ve never given him a chance (he also worked a blue-collar job! Ack!), but I’m sure glad I grew up a little, and DID give him a chance. Otherwise I wouldn’t have my son.

    And while our relationship has had it’s rocky parts, we’re trying to work things out. I think we’ll get there.

    Also? He’s WAY smarter than I am.

    The whole, “Don’t judge a book by its cover,” adage, I suppose.

52. Comment by singleworkingmommy | August 29th, 2008

    See? He would’ve never used “it’s” when he should’ve used “its.” :)

53. Comment by The Exception | August 30th, 2008

    If tonight is the night… I mean “the” night… then I am sending you that many more good vibes! Have fun. Remember to be in the moment not seeing a future! ;) (That’s what some of us girls have been known to do)

    (I think I was caught in Camp Mom with my dates way, way, up there in the comment section)

54. Comment by Cathouse Teri | August 31st, 2008

    Oh for goodness sake! Last night was Saturday night and the whole day of Sunday has gone by and not a word from you about Ms. Wonderful? ……………………….

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