Single Parent
This past weekend I was reminded what it means to be a single parent, running a household solo. I’m divorced with half-time custody, and my kids are older (12 and 16), so you’d think I could just sit back and let things run themselves. You’d think…
• Friday evening – kids are home from school, making plans with friends. I run errands that need to get done. No time to cook before the night gets rolling. Thank goodness for pizza!
• My son goes to see a high school football game with another family, and my daughter invites a friend over to hang out and watch DVDs. I’m tethered to home, a responsible anchor. Exhausted from a busy week, I fall asleep on the couch and wake when my son gets home and my daughter’s friend leaves.
• Saturday – I drive the kids and one of my daughter’s teammates to an away soccer game. My son and I grab sandwiches to eat during the game, then take the girls to a taqueria after their match (yes, I ate again!)
• Time to catch up on some reading in the afternoon, while my daughter does her school work. We both should get our chores done. At least my son does his – dusting and swiffering.
• I cook lentil pasta and artichokes for dinner, then watch a bit of soccer on Tivo.
• Sunday – I’m up early for an adult league soccer match. Both kids had promised to come watch me play, but they are tired and I let them sleep in.
• Home from soccer, I cook my kids breakfast. Bacon, and blueberry chocolate-chip pancakes. (I don’t always eat Quaker oatmeal!)
• My son’s fish tank is disgusting, and I help him clean it.
• I’m worn out from my game, but there’s no time to rest – my son needs to cycle 25 miles for a badge he’s working on. I hop on my bike and go pedal with him for three hours. (We had a blast)
• I cook barbecue chicken, grilled asparagus, rice, and bruschetta for dinner
• I drive my son to a youth group meeting.
• My daughter is done with her homework, my son is back in the house, and we finally can spend some quality time together (away from the dinner table) as a family.
As for the house? The rugs need vacuuming, the bathrooms and kitchen need cleaning, the hedge needs pruning, the garage needs a good cleaning out. But those chores will be there tomorrow.
My kids are here now.
Hats off to full-time single parents. I don’t know how you do it!
- Summer Lunch Date With My Son
- When a Single Dad’s Daughter Needs Girl Stuff
- Moist Banana Bread Recipe (Cooking is Sexy)
- When Single Parents Need a Hug
- Single Parent Success Secrets
- When a Single Parent and Child Both Get Sick
- About the Newly Formed Single Parents Connection Group on Facebook
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Comment by NewWrldYankee
| September 22nd, 2008
Oh, can you post the lentil pasta recipe?! Sounds like a crazy weekend. I had a odd weekend where it feels like I did a ton, but looking back, not so much. Has that ever happened to you? A father’s job is never done. How goes it with your dream woman?
Comment by lisaq
| September 22nd, 2008
As much as I miss my girls, you just made me remember how nice it is to have the house to myself these days. The cats don’t take nearly as much of my time and energy! :)
lisaq’s last blog post..Not Today…
Comment by debra
| September 22nd, 2008
I’m exhausted just reading that! I guess if I thought about how overwhelming the single parent schedule is, it would feel more overwhelming than it does. But I do love the sense of accomlishment of getting it all done and looking back at the weekend knowing every minute was filled with things both my son and I enjoyed doing, if for no other reason than we did it together.
Hope you get some down time today!
Comment by liz
| September 22nd, 2008
Full time single parents get it done because what option is there? Is my kitchen floor often dirtier than I would like? Absolutely. Are the clothes always folded and put away as soon as they dryer stops? Goodness no.
But we all survive!
liz’s last blog post..Busy, Busy
Comment by The Dotterel
| September 22nd, 2008
Makes me tired just reading this, but it got me thinking: if I write out my days like this, they’re busier than I ever was when I was out ‘working’!
Comment by mama llama
| September 22nd, 2008
I find that, when I don’t have someone else around that I’m (half) expecting to help get things done, I do much better managing my time and actually accomplishing the menial tasks.
Funny, my bitchy blog is about that very topic today. Co-habitating sucks.
Be well, Dads.
mama llama’s last blog post..rights and responsibilities
Comment by Laura
| September 22nd, 2008
Must say I felt like this this weekend!
It was a rush from here to there! and then a sick child on sunday night – meant I had 2 consecutive nights with little sleep!
Kinda do feel like I had a tag team partner right now cos it doesnt seem to be easing up anytime soon!
You did well considering you cooked ALL the meals – I think I managed one and it was toast!!!!
Comment by T
| September 22nd, 2008
Yep… sounds familiar to me too. But I did finally get my office organized this weekend!!! Its only been 6 months since I moved in. Yikes!! The kids enjoyed being together and giggled a lot. I actually get more done when they’re home with me, I’ve noticed. When I have my weekends free, I go on strike and do nothing… just because I can!!!
T’s last blog post..Disaster Recovery
Comment by Kat Wilder
| September 22nd, 2008
I don’t know how we do it .. frantically, I suppose .. but not all of us get to eat so yummily.
Lucky kids …
Kat Wilder’s last blog post..Virginity, going once, twice, sold …
Comment by Single Mom in New England
| September 22nd, 2008
“Tethered to home” is exactly how I feel having a 3 year old. It’s very hard not having the freedom you once had. I have my son every night except for 4 nights a month — after he goes down to sleep at 8pm, I miss having the freedom to go out and just get errands done, run to the book store, or even meet someone for a drink. I do get a babysitter occassionally, but as you all know, it’s pretty expensive. Believe me, there are ways around the boredom at night without becoming tv or internet junkie- I invite people over after he’s gone to sleep, get the housework done, or sometimes just pass out with him after reading bedtime stories after a long day at work!
I agree with Mama Llama too – I love being responsible for everything in my house that gets done… or not. I only have myself to blame if my house is a mess. AND I LOVE not doing someone else’s laundry and constantly picking up after them or resenting them for not doing more housework!! That is one thing that’s great about being single – plus you can decorate it inside, plant your garden beds, paint your house, or get as many pets as you want without having to consider someone else’s opinion!
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| September 22nd, 2008
This all sounds not at all unlike what it was like for me raising three kids. But I wasn’t single. I kinda wish I had been. I think it would have been much easier. I’d have the same amount of work and stress, but wouldn’t have to also put up with the added work and stress required in having an asshole husband.
Comment by The Exception
| September 22nd, 2008
Parents, in general, just rock!
I just don’t think about all the things that have to get done. Those that NEED to get done will, those that don’t, well, they aren’t a big deal. The priority is the time spent taking care of each other and having fun together.
That said, after reading your list, it is no wonder that full fime single parents find it difficult to have a social life. People want to chat or visit with me, I tell them to catch me at work because by the time I get home and everything is quiet, I am exhausted. I would love to IM and chat and… date… but it isn’t always in the picture with everything else that we do.
A friend asked me one time what I do when I get sick… I told her, I just don’t get sick. There isn’t time!
The Exception’s last blog post..What is the Modern Dating Age???
Comment by Kitkat4real (SOLO dot MOM)
| September 22nd, 2008
We were on the same tangent this weekend!… check my blog I posted this morning from the mad dash of a weekend… although my was slimmer than I planned… it was still quite the marathon :)
You just didn’t share about any frustrating moments…. oh well… I am still working on that :)
Kitkat4real (SOLO dot MOM)’s last blog post..Time for the TALK
Comment by singleworkingmommy
| September 22nd, 2008
Add me as another person who wants the lentil pasta recipe! It sounds like this delicious dish the homeless kid who was crashing with my guy friend made me when I was visiting said guy friend. I’ve been trying to re-create it for years…
As for being a FT single parent–you just do, because you have to! There is no other choice in the matter. Also? My house is filthy.
singleworkingmommy’s last blog post..Power is Good
Comment by Single Mom Seeking
| September 22nd, 2008
You just reminded me that our fish tank is quite yucky, too…
Single Mom Seeking’s last blog post..Must Love Kids: The finale
Comment by dadshouse
| September 22nd, 2008
Great comments, all. Single Mom in New England – great idea having friends over late night. I do that, as well.
Plus, now that my kids are older, I can actualy run errands when they are home alone.
Or better yet, I send my 16 year old daughter to run the errand. She’s more than happy since she’ll get to drive!
Comment by Mike
| September 22nd, 2008
It was not too many years ago I was in your situation as well. Divorced and trying to figure out how to run a household. My wife did it all until we divorced. Now I needed to figure out how to care for teenage daughters. Somehow we find the energy to carry on. And we eventually get rewarded for it…
Mike’s last blog post..She’s Not Going to Like This Post
Comment by justrun
| September 22nd, 2008
Most days, I have no idea how any parents do it.
Comment by jenn
| September 23rd, 2008
So what you’re saying is that it doesn’t get any easier? *sigh* I was hoping once we got past the “terrible twos” it would be less hectic. Oh well… Thanks for visiting my blog.
jenn’s last blog post..The Monday Blahs
Comment by Sturatt
| September 24th, 2008
I thought it was busy when they were toddlers, but teens are worse. At least you get a break every other week! Before I got mine full time, I could plan something fun with them on the weekend’s. Now there is so much to do, that the weekends seem to be catch-up days and as busy as the weekdays. Dating and socializing is almost an afterthought. When I do get out on a date and it goes well, I don’t have the time or energy to put much effort into it. That doesn’t usually bide well for a developing relationship. Oh well, bottom line is hopefully the kids will develop into healthy, happy, responsible adults. Thats the goal and they will be off on there own in no time at all. So I’m making the most of it while they are still here. Gotta go now, cheer practice is almost over and MX practice is about to start.
Comment by Melany
| September 27th, 2008
I agree. Hats off to full-time single parents. From the sounds of it, you are a GREAT single-dad
Melany’s last blog post..Holiday at home AGAIN?
Comment by single mommy
| September 28th, 2008
We do it in “mommy chunks”
In other words we don’t do it all, somethings got to give…. in my house the dishes are dirty and there’s dog hair on the floor.
single mommy’s last blog post..How do I fix this one?
Comment by Jenelle
| September 28th, 2008
Cute! You are doing a great job! Good for you and your children are lucky.
Comment by Kristy
| September 30th, 2008
It’s all in good fun .. or at least it better be or you won’t make it until tomorrow. :-)
You can always tie swiffers to the bottom of your slippers to clean the floor while you’re cooking or wash dishes while you call out spelling words and “read” with your kids.
It’s a fantastic mix between creativity .. and insanity!
Kristy’s last blog post..10 miles and a restraining order
Comment by SDMktg
| September 30th, 2008
It’s mostly about setting priorities and doing the important stuff first. My mom always said…”the dishes can wait”. Of course she also felt the laundry could wait, which meant I ended up learning to do my own in high school (hmm…a plan perhaps?)
I was actually fortunate to some degree in that in my house I was the one that cooked, bought, groceries, and did laundry. I took a few parenting classes right after I moved out and saw that I knew as much as anyone else married or not and I learned a few things that really helped with the kids. It does feel good knowing that if I want my place to stay clean, it’s my responsibility and I can pretty much cook whatever I want. In some respects it’s easier when the kids’ mom goes on a long trip and I have them for 10 or more days straight as opposed to every other day. We get into more of a routine then and get to do more stuff.
I just wish I could pay someone to come in once or twice a year and get rid of everything that doesn’t fit and all of the toys that aren’t played with anymore. Clutter is my downfall.
SDMktg’s last blog post..NFL Week 3 Tailgating Menu – Tri Tip Sandwiches with Grilled Onions and Peppers
Comment by dadshouse
| September 30th, 2008
SDMktg – I’m the same way! I have clutter in my garage, in my bedroom, in my kids’ bedrooms, on my couch, kitchen table, everywhere. I need someone to come in and clear shit out for me! Why I can’t do that for myself is a mystery… But it’s nice to know I’m not the only one.
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| September 30th, 2008
I think all children should be doing their own laundry by the time they are twelve.
Cathouse Teri’s last blog post..Am I My Brother’s Keeper?
Comment by SDMktg
| September 30th, 2008
After the third time my mom shrunk one of my shirts I never let anyone do my laundry for me again. I usually had to do a lot of other people’s laundry too because we always tried to do full loads to conserve water and energy.
I’m trying to get better at clearing out clutter but it’s hard. I have to be ruthless and give stuff to charity or throw it out. I throw away a lot of happy meal toys when the kids aren’t here and when they leave them in my car.
Comment by Mad Cartoonist
| October 1st, 2008
Cathouse, that’s totally my situation! Housekeeping is soooo much easier without my ex being around.
‘Tho it is still a constant race to keep up.
I can usually keep up with the basics, like laundry, grocery shopping, and cleaning my kids’ bathroom, but everything slightly more “optional” never gets done. De-cluttering, minor home repairs, hemming my work pants, finishing copying the kids’ baby pictures to send to their Dad–they never seem to get done. And I am ashamed to say that I bought a new printer 6 months ago, and I have STILL not taken it out of the box and hooked it up!
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| October 1st, 2008
SDMktg ~ I know what you mean. That totally happens in the grown-up world. Winding up doing other people’s laundry while you’re at it, to save water and energy. It only makes sense. Which is why I feel that by the time you are twelve you should be learning this. I am sick, SICK I SAY, when college kids bring home their laundry for mom to do. I just wanna grab that woman and shake her. “What the hell are you doing? Are you eternally the laundress of this person??? Do you want him/her to think you are? And god help the next person in their life who gets that job!” Ugh.
MC: Time is an issue, for sure. Again, that’s why I think kids need to learn their own part in helping “keep” the house from the time they are in the crib. I’m not kidding. The crib. Kids are definitely not being taught the meaning of the word “family.” Family means that everyone has a part in the function of the home. The most fortunate thing about single parenthood is that it often promotes more training of the children, due to necessity. It also promotes more indulgence, too. So it’s a double-edged sword. And sadly, it’s the children who wind up being sliced.
Cathouse Teri’s last blog post..Am I My Brother’s Keeper?