Tale of Two Couches
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I was newly divorced and setting up my own place, and I took my kids furniture shopping at a nearby consignment store. By involving them in furnishing our apartment, they’d feel the place belonged to them and that they belonged in this strange new place called home.
“Pick any couch you like,” I said.
I had pre-screened the inventory. There were maybe a dozen couches, all of them comfortably frumpy, and most important, all a neutral color that hid the dirt – oatmeal beige. Whatever they picked would blend in fine with the other furniture we’d yet to buy.
“How about this one?” they asked. They pointed to a pink and teal paisley couch, stiff and formal. Where the hell had that come from?
My kids must have noticed me balking, because they immediately launched into a chorus of “you said any!”
We bought the couch. (It was actually quite comfortable. We kept it for five or six years.)
Later, we moved to a house, much bigger than our apartment with more rooms to furnish. I was dating at the time, and the relationship was quite serious. This was a woman who had met my kids, got along great with them, blended right in with our family. We were headed toward marriage, or so I thought. I couldn’t wait for her to decorate the house, give it her style.
But soon after I bought the house, we broke up.
It took a while to get over that heartbreak. In the meantime, I didn’t furnish the living room. I figured – either I’d work things out with this ex-girlfriend I’d been so sure I was going to marry, or I’d find someone new. Either way, whatever woman entered my life would want a say in how the home was decorated. Any couch I bought would be discarded as soon as a woman became a fixture in our lives.
The living room was empty for a year. Every morning when I walked through that empty space, I was reminded that I didn’t have a woman in my life. Talk about starting your day with a negative attitude! This made me the opposite of happy and grateful.
Eventually, I hired a decorator. She helped me furnish the living room, and refurnish the TV room, with my tastes and her artistic flair. The house looks great!
Sadly, she made us get rid of the pink and teal paisley couch. But my kids were okay with that. They loved how I painted the TV room a bold sangria red.
- Single Parent, Empty House, Full Life
- Is Dating Easier for Single Dads than Single Moms?
- Dating After Divorce
- Feminine Energy is a Very Good Thing
- Single Mom, Empty Nest
- A Holiday Custody Schedule That Sucks
- Men Who Read and Cook – Sexy or Unmanly?
| 
Subscribe | © 2008-09 David Mott, DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.
Comment by lisaq
| September 23rd, 2008
Ugh! That would be a horrid reminder. Glad you got it decorated. It looks great! Condolences on the pink & teal paisley couch.
lisaq’s last blog post..The Bitch That Is PMS
Comment by SingleParentDad
| September 23rd, 2008
That’s a nice, if not a little sad, post. The end is very positive, so good times. I understand where you come from. Having built my own house, I got a bit stuck at the decorating part. I mean a whole house from scratch, not every man’s dream, well straight ones anyway. But people do now comment on how nice they think it is and but still find it difficult to accept it is to my design and specification.
I suppose we can do anything if we put our minds to it!
SingleParentDad’s last blog post..Alright Sweetheart
Comment by debra
| September 23rd, 2008
It’s such an awful feeling to live as if everything is temporary. The thoughts of not wanting to make an investment to update or remodel your home, in case you meet someone and end up selling it, not wanting to buy new furniture to replace what was split up in the divorce, not knowing if you’ll be living in the same neighborhood for soccer/ baseball/swim season next year, whether your child will go to the middle school you had planned on, or, or, or, or…….I feel like if I do these things, I’m resigning myself to staying alone, not meeting someone, not restarting my life as part of a family. At some point, I know I’ll have to adjust my perspective, right now, remodeling my kitchen seems like the ultimate jinx to my chances of meeting the man of my dreams!
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| September 23rd, 2008
I totally want that couch!
Cathouse Teri’s last blog post..This…
Comment by Single Mom in New England
| September 23rd, 2008
Wow – aren’t you glad that you DIDN’T let your significant other decorate your house before you two broke up? THAT would have been a daily reminder of something that didn’t work out! Your living room looks awesome – mine is decorated very similarly – leather couches and wrought iron tables with bold warm color – love that I could decorate it and not ask anyone’s opinion about the style… or the cost!! :P
Comment by T
| September 23rd, 2008
I love Sangria Red…. great color and great looking room. Now when you walk through it, you can be reminded of how full your life already is!
T’s last blog post..Roller coaster… of love (say what?)
Comment by PT-LawMom
| September 23rd, 2008
I think the current look is wonderful. Glad you realized that you really need to please yourself. I agree, this post was sad. :(
Comment by Laura
| September 23rd, 2008
I LOVE the colour of the walls! LOVE IT!!
And its TOTALLY how I would have imaged your living room to be!!!!
Laura’s last blog post..Our President Resigned
Comment by The Exception
| September 23rd, 2008
Kids always pick and see something that adults don’t… it is inevitable!
The room looks nice. Great job – very bold and passionate!
The Exception’s last blog post..A Tuesday Reflection on Love
Comment by Mad Cartoonist
| September 23rd, 2008
What a nice room! & a great post.
I think as human beings we are affected significantly by our surroundings. Too often fixing our place up seems frivolous, but we kind of need it (I think) to feel whole.
Also, some people are stuck still living in the house where they previously lived with their ex! (my situation) In that case, it is essential for your mental health (in my opinion) to redecorate somehow.
My house used to be such a downer for me–everything in it reminded me of the 10 + years with my ex. I dealt with it first by throwing/giving away lots and lots (and LOTS) of stuff–of course, all of his stuff (which he left), but also old wedding presents, any toys the kids had grown out of, old clothes, formal entertaining items, artwork we had purchased together, etc. I pretended that I was moving across the country, and then I got rid of anything that I wouldn’t have bothered to move.
I also got rid of lots of furniture (the entire bedroom set, of course, but also the couch that my ex used to relax on all the time, the stereo equipment he liked). I just lived with the bare bones (like a mattress on the floor in my bedroom!) until I could afford to replace the furniture. I also repainted several of the rooms and redecorated in a different style, more modern and less formal. And finally after several years I remodeled the kitchen, which really made it seem like a new place.
Economically, staying in the house was by far the best route for me (even with the kitchen remodel), and also my kids were very adamant about me not moving–they are elementary school age and they really enjoy their friends in the neighborhood and the local school. Also, their Dad moved quite far away and he has also moved very frequently between different apartments and houses and once his house burned down and my children lost all their stuff they had there. So I think my staying put has helped my kids adjust and deal with all the changes in their lives.
Comment by pajama momma
| September 23rd, 2008
Wow,
your decorator hasyou have really great taste.I know you’re an alcoholic though because you called your wall color sangria.
You best get thee to an A.A meeting right away.
hhhhhmmmmmm, I should really post a photo of the Newcastle brown walls….in my daughter’s room.
Comment by Nette @ Smiling Mom
| September 23rd, 2008
Beautiful new room!!
Nette @ Smiling Mom’s last blog post..Sexy is as sexy does.
Comment by dadshouse
| September 23rd, 2008
I agree parts of this post are sad, but that’s why I shared it – I’m guessing there’s at least one single parent who felt the same way. Debra gives some great insights on the “temporary” phenomenon – that taking permanent steps on your own solidifies your singleness. That said, I bet if Debra does that kitchen remodel, she’ll attract a guy who loves her ability to create a warm, inviting, homey space!
PJ Momma – Sangria in the TV room for me, Newcastle Brown Ale in your kids bedroom for you. Um… maybe we should pick popsicle colors instead? I’ll call mine cherry red and you can call your rootbeer.
Then again, I love the Guiness color of my couch…
Comment by Mad Cartoonist
| September 23rd, 2008
Go for it, Debra! I started dating a really great guy in the midst of my kitchen remodel….it’s good karma!
Comment by pajama momma
| September 23rd, 2008
“cherry” red? Now that’s a whole ‘nother can of worms.
Comment by Edgar
| September 23rd, 2008
Excellent choice on the TV room walls – and the leather sofa looks great, as well.
Having moved more times than I want to count, and having paid for furnishings in more than one ex’s abode, I have done my share of furniture shopping and wall painting. I’m glad you decided to define your own space the way you want it. If you do find someone with whom you want to share your home (and presumably your life), you can always negotiate the results. Irish women love red, I hear (maybe because of the prevalence of redheads on the Emerald Isle?)
I think that color, fabrics, design and all that reflect one’s values and outlook, so it would make sense that someone who matched you well would not require a lot of convicing of the merits of your choices. I like the colors and bay windows of the Victorians in San Francisco, but anyone who would want to furnish her place in that cluttered, fussy style would not be for me. Thank goodness the last couple of women whom I have loved (and ultimately lived with) have been aficionados of Arts and Crafts aesthetics, because that’s my favorite. Which includes bold colors like sangria red.
Comment by Honey
| September 23rd, 2008
But the real question is, is it negotiable if your dream lady hates it? I love the BF and we have his furnishings now, but if we get married the black leather furniture, black plates, black bathroom towels have got to GO.
Honey’s last blog post..You Think You Know Someone
Comment by dadshouse
| September 23rd, 2008
Honey – before you chuck all that ruggedly manly stuff your boyfriend owns, have you considered doing a His and Hers thing? It works for towels, it could work for plates and couches. I’m just saying…
(Dad’s House readers know well enough not to take decorating advice from me.)
(I hope.)
Anyone for a pitcher of sangria? It’s almost Happy Hour on the east coast!
Comment by Mad Cartoonist
| September 23rd, 2008
LOL!! Why is that so many single men have to have black *everything*?!
But at least …if has black plates and black sheets on his bed, you can be sure his ex didn’t buy them!
Comment by Mad Cartoonist
| September 23rd, 2008
Another thing I’ve run into at least twice: men living in homes for years….that are still decorated the way the real estate agent originally “staged” them for the sale!
Please, guys, throw out the dusty dried flower bouquets already and put your own stamp on your place. It’s OK, I won’t think you’re gay.
Comment by krn
| September 23rd, 2008
“Wow” on the paisley teal sofa. It’s wonderful that you held to your word on letting your kids choose the furniture. That makes it a great sofa even if….welllll, I might have been tempted to place a small SOLD sign on that one when they weren’t looking. ;)
Your place looks ready to entertain in now. Or, at least someone might be dreaming about it?
Comment by Single Mom Seeking
| September 23rd, 2008
Happy Hour? Thanks for having us over…
P.S. Doesn’t it feel weird that we all know what your living room looks like? I feel like I’m there!
Single Mom Seeking’s last blog post..Dating, sex, and the single mom: Interview on Sirius Radio
Comment by dadshouse
| September 23rd, 2008
Mad Cartoonist – my sheets aren’t black, they are midnight blue
Krn – I have to admit, my kids loved that I stuck to my word. every day they sat in that sofa was a reminder that they got to pick it out, and I let them.
SMS – not only that, now you all know where my You-know-what-us Interreupt-us post took place…
Comment by justrun
| September 23rd, 2008
I sort of want to hire a decorator now, and I have no paisley furniture.
Comment by Single Mom in New England
| September 23rd, 2008
Ew tmi on the love couch! Your new lady might be replacing THAT couch soon!
Comment by Susan
| September 23rd, 2008
I love red accents in my house — in fact, last year I painted half of my LR and kitchen red. (An accent wall, looks better than it sounds!) Funny thing is that I would never have thought of myself as a “red” person. It was only a few years ago I discovered how good it made me feel, also coincidentally after MY divorce.
Way to move forward. Way to go red!
Comment by Cheery-Wise
| September 23rd, 2008
I know this boat.
I have these temporary ‘foreign’ items in my temporary apartment, that I’m only keeping temporarily until I move again (too many times in just over 2 years).
In my case, when I split with my husband, I got all the old furniture. All the beat-up, bought-in-Toronto, scratched-up-by-the-cats, full-of-memories, comfortable old furniture that no one would claim, nor did I want to get rid of (a security thing, maybe?). Then, I inherited all my dad’s ‘things’ one year later. And.. moved again. I had to chuck so much. And none of what’s left is really mine. Not my style, not my choice, just temporary things surrounding me (with the exception of this fabulous bed I bought last year!).
I’ve been thinking how nice it will be to really move on, and move in. Get rid of the old, and create my own space; well, with room for my teen. To be honest, I haven’t a clue what style is “me”: after 25 years of motherhood, marriage, and compromise, I’m still figuring what I like. In so many ways. About so many things.
A decorator, eh? What a brilliant idea! Did you say she comes with Sangria? :)
Comment by NewWrldYankee
| September 24th, 2008
Seriously when do you post? This is the prob with being 6 hrs ahead, I feel like always come wayyy late the party at Dad’s House.
In comments related to this post, love your living room. I hate the idea of living in a temporary place, but I am used to it after having moved nearly 20 times, in my less than quarter-century life. Imagine trying to take your whole life to Europe! I love moving and packing, and can pack my whole place in a day. I unpack as soon as possible – I need things that are comforting – pictures, letters, make it seem like home. So even if it is temporary, it doesn’t feel like it!
Comment by SingleCustodialDad
| September 24th, 2008
That living room looks very cozy and love the color combo! Masculine yet stylish.
When my son’s mother purchased another house and moved out, she took EVERYTHING. My son and I came home to a 6000 sq ft home almost as empty as when I first purchased it. She even took family heirlooms that had been in my family for over 200 years. But aside from the material objects, what was most disappointing was that she did this despite the fact that our son would be living in this house.
I’ve refurnished the essentials but most of the house still sits empty and it definitely feels like something is “temporary”. The upside is that my son can ride his tricycle around the house without running into things and he probably has the largest setup of Geotrax in the state (for those not familiar with Geotrax, it’s a modular train set that can eat up floor space as quickly as divorce attorneys can eat up a life saving)! :)
He asked me one night why mommy took everything. I hesitated a little and just replied “because she needed it for her new house”. He smiled and said “that’s ok, we have each other”.
Comment by dadshouse
| September 24th, 2008
New World Yankee – you could try the Dad’s House RSS or email feed, then you’d get the post when it’s published!
I tend to schedule things to go out between 4-7am EST.
Comment by NewWrldYankee
| September 24th, 2008
I have had you on my feed for ages, just that I always read it first thing in the morning, and that is 12AM EST, rather hours after you post. Guess I need to check in at nighttime at Dad’s house. =)
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| September 26th, 2008
I keep forgetting to tell the story of a part of the movie “The Brothers Solomon.” They are talking about how when they were little, their mother died, and dad wanted to console them by letting them choose anywhere they wanted to go to live. They chose the North Pole!
Cathouse Teri’s last blog post..Am I My Brother’s Keeper?