Dating Sexy Single Moms Gets Sirius
Rachel Sarah, of Single Mom Seeking and Christine Coppa, of Glamour’s Storked! are sexy single moms who were featured yesterday on Maxim’s Sirius satellite Sex Files radio show. I tuned in, and I must say, they were both great – composed, articulate, insightful. And me being Dad’s House, I just had to get in the mix.
I called in. (1-888-99-MAXIM, for future reference.)
(I swear, if I was in a Mark Twain novel, I’d be dunking Becky Thatcher’s pigtails in the inkwell right about now…)
“David from San Francisco, you’re on the air,” one of the sexy female hosts said.
The show replays all weekend, so you can listen and make fun of me all you want. Or listen and feel great that Rachel and Chrissy represented the single mom blogosphere so fantastically well. No one could have done it better! And for the record, the show itself is very well done. Props to the hosts.
Roughly, I said something like this:
I’m a single dad, and actually, I author Dad’s House Blog dot com (shameless self promotion – ding! ding! ding! Gotta love it!) I said hi to Rachel, then…
I have no problem meeting single women who want absolutely nothing to do with my kids. They see me as a friend with benefits, or booty call partner.
Sexy groans by the hosts. Or at least, that’s how I remember it. Maybe those groans were them throwing up. (Check the tapes.)
They see me as mature and experienced, and they can have fun without screwing up their careers with a relationship. And that kind of sort of works for me sometimes. I want to know whether the single moms run into these situations, and how they react.
Sexy host says something like, “Oh, you gotta love the friends with benefits.” Then she lets out an orgasmic “YES!”. (Check the tapes.)
Chrissy chimes in first. Something like, “I am so over boys who text me for booty at all hours of the night. I need a man.”
Okay, I get what she’s saying. She’s at a place in her life where she wants a real relationship with a man who respects her as a woman and a mother. But at the same time, I’m thinking, WTF! Boys?! I’m a middle aged man. I’ve had my share of booty call partners. Having sex is healthy. Wanting it when it’s not built into your life (i.e. you’re in-between relationships) can be frustrating. That I engage in booty doesn’t make me a boy.
I realized I’d put the wrong terminology out into global satellite land. (Cathouse Teri would be proud of me for this awareness. She hates the term ‘booty call partner’.) I cut in.
Maybe I used the wrong term. What if instead of ‘booty call partner’ I’d said ‘lover’? There are plenty of mature (oh yes, I just had to use that word!) adults who take on lovers. It can be healthy.
The sexy voiced hosts ate it up. “Oh, yes. A lover. Everyone needs a lover!” (Check the tapes.)
At that point, the producer of the show HUNG UP on me. Damn! I had more to say!
Chrissy and Rachel both waxed philosophical on booty. (And I’m not talking Brazilian wax.) They basically said, very respectfully, that they were past the booty call stage of their lives, and looking for something more real, more fulfilling. Well put.
Dad’s House readers will know that I’m past that stage, too. Or at least, I want to be. Or understand it would be healthy for me to be. Damn – hang on. Just got texted. (Booty? Right now? Um….) Let me wrap this up.
And that’s my Sirius satellite radio debut. (Check the tapes.)
Single parent dating:
- Single Parents are Missing Out on Intimacy
- Single Mom Dating a Single Dad – A Month Between Dates?
- You-Know-What-us Interruptus
- Jon and Kate Gosselin Dating Craziness
Sex and dating:
- Where’s the Happy Ending?
- Putting the EX in SEX
- Beginners Tantra – Sexy and Heartfelt
- Hooking Up – I Just Want To Be Your Lover
- Your Friend is Cuter – Online Dating Photo Problem
- Taking Third-Date Sex to a New Extreme
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Comment by Debsylee
| September 25th, 2008
I wish I could speak for all single mums, but I suspect mine is only the opinion of a fraction; booty calls only work for me when I’m in that zone… You know the one? The zone when suddenly you’re 19 again , reponsibility falls away from you like the flimsiest of negligees and…well, you just don’t care anymore.
The “zone” generally happens in moments of high frustration in my quest to achieve what I really need in my personal life.
I’m with Chrissy here; I’ve had my share of boys who visibly shake at the word “commitment” as if you’re suggesting they denounce all that is sacred. Give me a man who will let me run free but know that occasionally I need (and want) to be reined back in, a man who isn’t threatened by the fact that I want to wear lipgloss even when I’m not with him and a man who wants to be in bed with me more than with his colleagues on some boozy lap-dancing night out.
Nothing wrong with booty calls; nothing wrong with calling time on them too..
Debsylee’s last blog post..Seeing is believing…
Comment by Laura
| September 25th, 2008
I so wish I could have tuned in! Sounds like it was cool!
I am floating somewhere in between wanting booty and wanting more! Think I float more on the booty side at the moment though!!!
Comment by Conservative Belle
| September 25th, 2008
These things definitely come in stages. I’m firmly rooted in my “more fulfilling” stage now and stubborn about it.
Sounds like a fun phone call/radio show experience.
Conservative Belle’s last blog post..This Made Me Laugh
Comment by mama llama
| September 25th, 2008
I will have to find the airing, maybe on iTunes?!
The idea of FIB is not for me. I konw it works well for others; it would be interesting to study if there is a definite gender/age divide between those who accept/practice FIB relationships and those who crave/solely engage in a more serious approach.
I don’t see “lover” and “booty call” being synonymous. But I suppose that depends upon one’s interpretations of “lover”..I consider being a lover an aspect, a part of an entity, of a complete relationship. Definition based on experience; others (including yourself) see them being one and the same.
Very nice. Be well, Dads.
mama llama’s last blog post..my new song
Comment by lisaq
| September 25th, 2008
Mostly I’m over the booty call thing too. The FWB definitely does not work for me. That being said I have recently discovered that once in awhile a well timed one night stand does wonders for me. That’s really saying something for a girl who normally abhors them. Apparently, I’ve grown up a little and figured out that you can have sex for the sake of having.
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| September 25th, 2008
We always have more to say! :)
Yes, using the term “booty call” and calling “girls” to set them up makes you a “boy.” I’m glad you’ve moved on into the grown up world of lovers.
Cathouse Teri’s last blog post..Across the Universe
Comment by single mom with tiny tot
| September 25th, 2008
Alrighty, since I’m a single mom who is currently dating a single dad I’ll put my two cents in: I love the booty call dates. I currently have absolutely no interest in a “relationship” but I also happen to really like the fact that I am dating a “man” who treats me like a “woman” and knows how freakin’ hard it is to find a sitter so doesn’t get all weird when I have to cancel. And, personally, I have no problem with the term “booty call.” I haven’t listened to the conversation myself, but, seriously, if you’re going to say things like “You gotta love friends with benefits,” then what’s wrong with using other over-used generation-X/Y sexually-implicit phrases?
single mom with tiny tot’s last blog post..Getting my Craft On
Comment by The Exception
| September 25th, 2008
Okay, you have to post the clip of the digital file… it has to be somewhere out here in cyber space. You know, for those of us who live in the 20th century and don’t have access to the station/show or for those of us who are running around with our kids all the time and can’t listen!!
We all want to hear you and Rachel in action!
The Exception’s last blog post..Finding Perspective in Northern Virginia
Comment by Single Mom Seeking
| September 25th, 2008
Ah, thanks Dad’s House… but (check the tapes), the hosts must have called Chrissy and me “MILFs” ten times or more. Please. Enough already!
Thank you to Cathouse Teri for helping Dad’s House transition into the world of lovers… Right on.
P.S. I’m going to email Amy Spencer and Anna David — the sexy hosts — to request a digital download for all of you. Stay tuned.
Single Mom Seeking’s last blog post..Single Dad Seeking advice… and more
Comment by T
| September 25th, 2008
I look forward to hearing this. I do like the term “lover” better than “booty call”…. at least its sounds better and it sounds like sex with respect and admiration instead of just looking to get your rocks off. Heh, maybe its just me.
SMS… I agree with you on the term MILF too. Its funny to be called that once or twice but sheesh!! Again, it makes you sound cheap and sophomoric. We’re much more “mature” than that, right? :)
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| September 25th, 2008
Reminds me of the movie, “The Rocker,” wherein a dumbass is referring to Christina Applegate as a MILF. She says, “Oh that is so flattering! Reminds me of another acronym. Do you know what PILS means? …………
Person I’d Like to Stab!”
Cathouse Teri’s last blog post..Across the Universe
Comment by Single Mom Seeking
| September 25th, 2008
LOVE that one Teri! Ha, you made my day!
Single Mom Seeking’s last blog post..Single Dad Seeking advice… and more
Comment by Mad Cartoonist
| September 25th, 2008
I don’t consider being called “MILF” a compliment—it’s disrespectful, like getting wolf whistles and come-on’s from strangers on the street. I always think in reply, “Damn right I’m good looking, but no way a clod like you has a chance. In your dreams, loser!” Why would I ever want to date a man who would disrespect me that?
I’m similarly baffled why some women use MILF to refer to themselves. It seems to me to be a an attempt to define an entire woman solely by her sexual attractiveness, like nothing else comes close in importance or is worthy of being mentioned. I’m a person, a scientist, a woman, a mother, a citizen, an intellect, a baby boomer, and many other things first–my sexual attractiveness (or lack of!) should be relevant only far on down the list.
Re booty calls….Yes, at times, no strings sex would be wonderful! I once long-ago knew (!) one man who was able to do this (and yes, it was absolutely great!) But oh well, he eventually married his long-term GF and that was that.
But in my experience, it’s a rare man who truly wants no strings. Most men want to think that the woman is “hooked” emotionally on them, even if they don’t intend to reciprocate. I think it’s an ego thing. And if you tell them you never want to see them again (turning it into a one-nighter), they get all offended.
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| September 25th, 2008
We sometimes refer to ourselves as MILFs in good fun. Very tongue-in-cheek. (Except that I refer to myself as a GILF, when I’m doing it, because I’m a GRANDMA!)
It’s kind of like how I call myself a whore. I do not at all think this defines me, but I go ahead and play their silly little game. ;)
Cathouse Teri’s last blog post..Across the Universe
Comment by Mad Cartoonist
| September 25th, 2008
Oh, and I forgot to add…..at this point in my life the “booty call” sex holds little appeal anymore.
This is probably because my life is so busy and so wrapped up in my kids’ needs now. So in my very limited “non-kid” time I really need both sex and a close emotional connection with an adult because I’m starved for both! I just don’t have enough time to get these 2 things from different people “a la carte”
The single moms on the show may feel the same way, which may explain why they kind of shot down your “booty call” comment.
“Lover” is different, meaning to me a friend with whom you have a sexual connection, much close to what I’m talking about.
Comment by Mad Cartoonist
| September 25th, 2008
It’s just my personal preference I suppose. But I would never refer to myself as a “whore”, “slut”, or “c*nt” either. But not because I am against sexual freedom for women!
In my opinion, the negativity and mysogynist associations of those words are too strong for “reclaiming” of the words to work. Many, many men even in the U.S. (let alone 3rd world countries and the middle east) still persist in using them absolutely in a non-ironical manner (and in killing women whom they define this way). I don’t think it works to trying to reclaim these words while they still retain their original negative meaning for so many people. But that’s just my opinion.
I’m proud to call myself and be called a “bitch”, though. An opinionated women who won’t shut up about it? Yup, that’s me!
Comment by dadshouse
| September 25th, 2008
I dislike the MILF term, too. But if it helps a middle aged women reclaim her sexuality, then who am I to tell her not to use it? I can choose not to date a self-proclaimed MILF, and she can be chased by other boys.
Does anyone remember the film Same Time, Next Year, about a couple who fall into an affair. They meet on the same weekend each year, and otherwise have no contact? Seems the perfect set up for no-strings-sex, yet there’s an emotional attachment that forms, and they help each other through personal crises.
In some respects, their once a year meeting is just a booty call, no? At least it starts out that way. If a booty call is just hit-it and quit-it sex, I’m not a big fan. But if it’s a respectful meeting between two people whose schedules or life stages otherwise preclude a real relationship, they aren’t horrible. In my parlance, “booty call” means “let’s schedule a night of sensual fun.” I guess the problem is Gen X/Y use it to mean “I’m drunk right now and I have no options but you,” and the term gets a negative connotation.
I’ll have to run that one by my lover… lol
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| September 25th, 2008
MC ~ I completely understand.
My acceptance of the whore/slut/c*nt names have some personal history. And are also rooted in the idea that I do not accept the world’s standards when it comes to deciding who is “good” and who is “bad.”
Also, similar to the “bitch” concept, it does depend on the spirit in which the name is stated. I’ve had friends call me a whore or a bitch and I am entirely unoffended. But someone can condescendingly call me a perfectly acceptable name, even as simple a term as “woman,” and I know they are saying it in a demeaning way and am highly offended. (You should have seen me react the other day when I was called a “bible thumper!” I would have much referred that c-word!) :)
Cathouse Teri’s last blog post..Across the Universe
Comment by Mad Cartoonist
| September 25th, 2008
Hey, Dadshouse, you slipped up–the M in MILF stands for Mother, not Middle-aged!
And certainly “yay” to everyone claiming (re- or otherwise) their sexuality! Feel free to use whatever terms you want!
It was just my personal take on the term MILF, and more broadly, a protest against the trend of using vulgar sexual terms as common slang. Which I think is lazy and kind of anti-human (= anti-male and anti-female).
For example, can’t we think of something to call male jerks besides terms relating them to women’s genitals and the like? “Douches”, “pussies”, etc. It’s boring. Was it even funny the first time you heard it? eh, probably not, unless you’re in the 5th grade.
Can’t we come up with a put-down that’s a bit more witty and intelligent? That makes us sound a bit smarter than the people we’re putting down?
Similarly, I would like to call my middle-aged self something more witty and intelligent than, “MILF”. And less inaccurate than, “Goddess”. I’m still thinking about what exactly to call myself, though….
:)
Comment by Mad Cartoonist
| September 25th, 2008
Yeah, context is everything!
I hate it when my kids’ pediatrician calls me, to my face, “Mom”.
And I as once called a “woman scientist” when “scientist” was all that was needed.
Comment by dadshouse
| September 25th, 2008
Mad Cartoonist – oh, I know the M is for Mom. I’ve just never heard the MILF term used self-referentially except by middle-aged women. Could be the crowd I hang out with, though.
I agree, “Goddess” is a reach. I “get” why it’s used, but come on, we’re all people!
Or perhaps when I meet a “Goddess”, I should refer to myself as a “God”… (smile)
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| September 25th, 2008
I have definitely heard the term MILF applied to a young mother of 22. It got started, I think, with the movie “American Pie” and was specifically in reference to a woman who has grown children and is still sexy.
Cathouse Teri’s last blog post..Across the Universe
Comment by Mad Cartoonist
| September 25th, 2008
dadshouse, or should I say, “God”? LOL!!
So…do men ever feel like they have to “name themselves to reclaim themselves”, or is that exclusively an obsession of (middle-aged?) women?
Could some men prominently calling themselves “Dads” be part of that?
Sad, how our society seems to use stereotypes to deny many of us our essential humanity and identity, so we feel we must “fight back”/go against type in order to be seen as we really are.
Comment by Lance
| September 25th, 2008
I actually rarely use the term booty call, maybe only when referring to a late night, drunken phone or text trying to get hooked up. That’s kind of collegey to me. With my FB’s, there’s no need for a last ditch thing…we plan “dates” and hang for the evening, and it happens to involve sex at the end. To tell you the truth, I’m not into booty calls, I really prefer having fun before and after. In that regard, I guess I’m kinda like a chick.
I never use the term lover either, it sounds a bit too romance novel for me. Sex partner, FB, f_^k buddy, FWB, or hell, “friend” works too.
Lance’s last blog post..A Rough Night
Comment by dadshouse
| September 25th, 2008
Mad Cartoonist – do you work for Mad magazine? Because if you do, I might be familiar with your work. My son, too.
The “God” reference cracked me up. LMAO. Should I change my blog domain now? Nah…
I think middle aged men (or younger) go through a midlife crisis. Do they “name” themselves? Not sure. Do they look for arm candy in the form of a sexy beautiful woman? That’s the stereotype. So maybe men reclaim themselves through action rather than words? Dunno… just throwing it out there. And broad generalizations are never accurate. And there are women who act. “Cougars” I think they are called (haha – I’m laughing because I just “named” them)
Lance – see, I much prefer the term booty call partner to FB. I too make plans for an evening where we have fun before sex and after. That’s way better than a late night text asking “r u horny?” I sort of like the term “lover”, but I do agree it sounds old-fashioned.
Maybe this is why the Dalai Lama says you shouldn’t categorize and label. (I wonder if he has a FB/FWB/Booty Call partner? Nah…)
Teri – as for the term MILF, it’s sort of silly. If you burrowed into the mind of most men, you might find the term WILF, and it would apply to 99% of the Women we see. (At least that’s the stereotypical male brain)
Comment by Mad Cartoonist
| September 25th, 2008
Ha, I wish I worked for Mad!
I used to be a Huuugge fan of the old Mad Mag way back when, when I used to skip school and etc, back in my misspent youth (the one that I hope my kids don’t find out about in much detail)! But alas, my current job demands I be smart but not especially funny, darn.
I agree, actions are always so much better than words. I don’t know why women are so stuck on words/labeling themselves. I’m racking my brain here, but men don’t seem to do that.
Maybe because many of those same woman’s labels (cougar, milf, whore, bitch etc etc) were originally used by men who were trying to put women down by using these labels on them. Perhaps some women then purposely use these labels with pride as a way of defending themselves against the put downs?
But this seems like kind of a bad strategy…I mean, what would you think about a group of guys who proudly claimed to be “losers”, “red flags”, or “undate-able”?
Comment by SDMktg
| September 25th, 2008
Most of the time guys who define themselves as “A**holes” are just that. I’ve found in many cases the only people that see the humor in the self-labeling are the labelers themselves and they almost use it as an excuse for their behavior. When my marriage ended I was just happy to be known by my own name again and not ____’s husband.
I definitely prefer dating (when I’m single) and a committed reltaionship and I’ve really never known anyone that’s going to drop everything to come over in the middle of the night. I’ve also never been asked but once I’m in bed (alone) I’m out for the night.
SDMktg’s last blog post..NFL Week 3 Tailgating Menu – Tri Tip Sandwiches with Grilled Onions and Peppers
Comment by MissB
| September 25th, 2008
I read Chrissys blog, too…
heh…so you were the one calling in about the ‘lover’.
does that make the women who want booty calls girls? I disagree with them.
MissB’s last blog post..7 Years Ago
Comment by Damo
| September 25th, 2008
Well done Dave,
Stumbling into your blog I found myself absorbed, I can relate so many stories.
I’m an Aussie (how’s that for a label!) In reading everyone’s comments it’s obvious you all have great attitudes and a sense of humour.
As for some of the terminology (i.e. booty call and the like) it must be creeping into Australia cos I am hearing it more and more.
Regards
Comment by Mad Cartoonist
| September 25th, 2008
SDMktg, oh, you’re definitely right about men who label themselves like that! If he refers to himself as “an a-hole” he just might be right.
Come to think of it, there’s a lot of self-labeling that falls into the category of being an excuse/warning of toxic behavior. I guess it pays to pay attention to statements like the following:
“Don’t mind me, I’m just jealous!”
“I’m really bad at relationships.”
“I hate all women/men. But you’re an exception!”
“I’m terrible with money.”
and of course, my favorite (not!):
“I can’t help it, women/men just throw themselves at me!”
…so are we to conclude that self-labels are usually accurate? If I call myself a MILF, am I more likely to be one?
Comment by Cheery-Wise
| September 26th, 2008
This thread got me thinking about definitions of the various combinations of “relationship” sex. Open for discussion, but here goes:
One Night Stand: you meet, you screw. end of story.
Booty Call: someone in a similar boat as you, available for sex on an ‘as-needed’ basis only. someone with whom you don’t really like enough to have a real date.
(I suspect some cold marriages think they are saved by this ’sneaking out’ kind of activity. Others are ruined by it.)
Fling: (did anyone mention this?) someone you spend fun quality time with… but just for a weekend, here and there, an occasional break from reality. usually reserved for the person who travels for work, with lonely hours to kill in the evenings. but can be a short lived passionate interlude with someone nearby.
Friend with Benefits: someone you can talk to, easily, about many things, even other partners. who also happens to enjoy your company in bed. no plans to move in together. not a romantic interest.
Lover: a physical relationship that’s all about the romance. Someone who knows how to make you feel special, attractive, appreciated. rarely do you bother to talk about mundane day-to-day events, the point is to escape from such routine for sensual time.
(sometimes people marry their lovers, but this isn’t a good basis for a long term relationship. once the thrill of the romance is gone, thus ends the marriage.)
Friends AND Lovers: a treat! a great combination, a juicy mix of two people who can talk about anything, accepting each other just the way they are, and also enjoy the physical connection, when sex is simply another aspect/expression of a really good conversation. The kind of relationship that deepens as it ages.
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Comments?
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| September 26th, 2008
Cheery ~ I like your definitions! Although I think the term “lover” is much broader. Still, you are very accurately precise in the general meaning of all of these terms.
Cathouse Teri’s last blog post..Across the Universe