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Good one.

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It’s like: Sex! It’s a big part of being human! But OMG, we have to stop it at all costs!!!! And make people feel guilty about it, so they are f*cked up the entire rest of their lives.

Such a great concept! (not!)

It’s really weird that our society has a specific word for a person who hasn’t had sex yet. It’s as if afterwards they are suddenly a totally different person–and most definitely worse. Why is it good to define people by their sexual histories and ignore the rest of what makes them human? It’s so very reductionist, so very denying of everyone’s humanity. It’s exactly like defining a woman as “good” or “bad” by how much of her hair is covered/ankle is showing blah blah blah. Just. Stupid.

This stupid idea is the driving force behind all those perverted “purity” pledges: to emphasize the really sick and distorted idea that everything important about a person’s morality and worth rests on One Physical Event that may (or may not!) occur in a person’s life.

But of course the Physical Event usually does occur, since it’s a major part of being human. But hey, we should all of course be made to feel like crap about that!

Why this focus on making people feel guilty about wanting it, about doing it? Why are we supposed to suppress it for the good of our moral souls? It’s really twisted.

I have 2 kids entering the teen years. We talk about sex. I try to answer their questions accurately and honestly and appropriately, without toxic moralizing. I don’t want them to grow up hating their bodies, feeling ashamed of their human wants and needs. I want them to be able to fall in love and experience the joys of spiritual love combining with the physical.

Honestly, it doesn’t matter to me *when* my children start experiencing this part of being an adult human—I just want them to be OK with it (and safe!) when they do.

What my children don’t need? Toxic, self-hating, anti-human, moralizing and negative attitudes towards sex! So keep your purity pledges and “virginity” away from my kids!

Personally, I think it’s ill advised to wait until marriage. A good sexual relationship is so much a part of a healthy marriage. If you’ve chosen your life partner before you’re had a chance to discover if you’re compatible in the intimacy department – or never having explored the different kinds of touch and pleasure and ecstasy that a variety of partners can bring before you ‘settle down’ – well then, I’d say you’re lucky if the relationship lasts five years.

Don’t get me wrong, I still believe in advocating for a “wait til you’re in a loving, committed relationship” argument with my own kids. The thing is, nowadays kids don’t wait until they have a boy/girlfriend to take it to the next step: they just ‘hook up’. Sex without strings. Sex without love. Sex more for the sake of doing it, than any kind of great spiritual awakening or fulfillment. (Gosh, that sounds a lot like booty call!)

I wish they taught a class in high school about this Tantric philosophy (along with balancing your checkbook and auto repair)… well, okay, maybe adult ed?! LOL

I have never regretted it — it was with my boyfriend whom I loved.

What does being “ready” emotionally to have sex mean, anyway? I have friends in their 40s who are now divorced and no more “ready” for sex than some of my friends and I were at age 15. That’s not to say that I’m encouraging or even want teens to have sex. I think you sort of know when that’s right for you if you’ve been fortunate to have been raised by a parent(s) who talks about sex and pleasure and honesty and love and respect. Sadly, a lot of kids haven’t …

Kat Wilder’s last blog post..Time to vote — hot or not?