Myers-Briggs Love Sexy Personality Type
(If you’re one of those ‘mature’ single parents who has sworn off sex, you might just want to skip this post…)
A woman and I met online at Craigslist, then met in real life at a coffee house. From the beginning, the intent was clear: flirt while we got to know each other, then if we’re both feeling chemistry, hookup.
I know, I know. Hooking up is a bad idea. Far better to meet someone you connect with on multiple levels – emotional, spiritual, intellectual, physical – and actually date. But sometimes a hug won’t do, and a good lay is exactly what you need. That’s true whether you’re married, dating, or in-between relationships.
“What’s your Myers-Briggs personality type?” she asked.
Why did that matter for a casual encounter? For me, the important questions to ask are: Are you an axe murderer? Have you ever been incarcerated? Were you ever sentenced to a rubber-walled room?
“Um, INTJ?” I said. “Or maybe INFP. I don’t really know.” I jokingly wondered which answer was more likely to score me some booty. Thinking or feeling? Judging or perceiving?
“Are you left-handed or right-handed?” she asked.
Another curve-ball question. What was going on? “A little of both,” I truthfully said. I write with one hand and throw with the other. I would have grown up left-handed, but my grandmother thought that meant I had a bit of the devil in me. (Some readers will applaud her insight.) Was my hookup woman wondering which side of the bed I’d prefer? For a casual encounter, we might just use the couch.
The more the interrogation continued, the more I felt this woman wanted a boyfriend, not a lover or a one-night stand. Especially when she referred to us as a couple, and how my introspective writer self was her perfect partner type.
Okay, I was willing to ponder the question – Would I date her? Hmm, not sure. In the forty-five minutes since meeting her, she’d shown signs of having a controlling personality, which is not the best match for me. She’d even said her ex had grown tired of her take-charge attitude. Maybe that’s why all that Myers-Briggs mumbo-jumbo was so important to her. Maybe it should be important to me.
I realized we weren’t a match.
By the end of the coffee date, she was more than willing to get it on at her place. But I couldn’t do it. I’ve been on her side of a mismatched hookup – when I ended up liking my booty call partner so much, I wanted to date. I knew the cold feeling when that partner said no, that it had only been sex. I didn’t want to force those bad feelings on this woman.
Sex or no sex? I politely declined, and went home.
I didn’t get laid, but I also don’t feel so desperate. Horny? Yes. Is there a Myers-Brigg personality type for that?
- Where’s the Romance?
- Single Parents are Missing Out on Intimacy
- Love vs Fear
- Online Dating Expectations
- Sexy and Funny Dating Stories
- Romantic Compatibility – On Paper
- Dirty Text Message Jokes
- Long Distance Dating for Single Parents
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Comment by Cathouse Teri
| October 8th, 2008
If someone asks me what my “personality type” of any kind is, my answer is “goodbye.”
Did this happen recently?
And whatever happened with Dreaming Woman?
Cathouse Teri’s last blog post..Beggars Would Ride
Comment by lisaq
| October 8th, 2008
Good call. That could have gone very badly. I think it helps that you’ve been on the other side and know what it feels like when it’s one sided. Sounds like it helped at least some. That’s a good thing.
lisaq’s last blog post..Reader Question-Why Doesn’t She Just Tell Me She Wants Me?
Comment by T
| October 8th, 2008
Ha! Myers-Briggs personality type for horny. That’s funny!
Yeah, it sounds like a good call on your part. Sheesh DH, even when looking for a booty call you’re still a thoughtful man. I like that about you!
And I’m with Teri… we want to know about the dreaming woman too!!
T’s last blog post..Receiving the love
Comment by Laura
| October 8th, 2008
I have no idea what the MB Personality is let alone what I am!!!!
I will join you in the horny personality type though!!!!
But I soldier on in my attempt to be good and not have meaningless sex for the sake of meaningless sex *sigh*
Comment by The Exception
| October 8th, 2008
Totally sounds like an interview of sorts. And T is right on – you were quite thoughtful in your response. There is something to be said about realizing that it isn’t working on honestly stepping back.
Personality types are fun but they are just that – fun. I wonder which combination of letters would have been golden for her?!
The Exception’s last blog post..The Mask
Comment by Single Mom in New England
| October 8th, 2008
… but it is better to be the one to turn someone down, instead of the other way around! Even though you didn’t sleep with her, it’s nice that you were desirable.
Speaking of desirable, WHERE IS that dreaming woman? That situation hasn’t seem to slow you down in your ever present booty search, or maybe she was a factor in you saying, “No, thanks!” ?? :)
Comment by Mad Cartoonist
| October 8th, 2008
Ha! I had a veeryy similar experience with a guy who asked for my MB type at first email (online dating).
I actually ended up dating him for a few months, but yup, he was majorly controlling. And very insecure at his core.
Why would anyone focus on such reductionist definitions of another person? What’s wrong with actually getting to know someone and then making up your own mind what they’re really like and if you are compatible?
I now think people who focus on star signs, MB, whatever, as a judge of compatibility are actually just terrified of relationship risk–they want to “know” for “certain” ahead of time that if they get involved, this time the relationship will last forever.
Before they even date you, LOL! I’m now avoiding these types….
Comment by dadshouse
| October 8th, 2008
Dreaming woman had to delay her visit. She told me why, and I’m respecting her privacy.
It’s weird blogging right now – I do intend to meet dreaming woman when she finally gets here, and I’m looking forward to the chance that we might date. That said, I can’t sit pat doing nothing. I’m always on the lookout for a vibrant woman to enter my life. How to blog about my escapades without screwing up any potential with dreaming woman or anyone else who might be lurking? It can be tricky. But until I’m in an exclusive dating relationship, I’ll certainly keep chasing and flirting with women, and being open to wherever things lead.
Comment by loriann
| October 8th, 2008
DH
The disclaimer aside ~ I loved this post for two reasons.
“A bit of the devil” is a saying my family uses. Maybe it came from my Italian Grandma but it’s something I’ve heard and used all my life. Makes me smile ~ I think a bit of the devil is a good thing :-)
After posting how much you needed a hug ~ and the need for physical connection, the fact that you didn’t go home with this woman really was, as others have said, thoughtful.
You are staying true to your goal, wish, intention of having someone special in your life and you didn’t settle.
Signed, ISFJ :-)
Comment by Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass)
| October 8th, 2008
And here I was thinking that “What’s your Myers-Briggs personality type?” is some kind of code for randy acts that all the kids are using these days.
I kid, I kid. The bottom line (ahem) is that casual encounters are not meant to be too serious. That’s the fun, right? That lady was far too serious. Easy, but too serious.
Comment by Jessica Gottlieb
| October 8th, 2008
Hysterical.
Husband did meyers brigg at HR event… his group is something like 3% of the population and they all disagree with one another.
My group wasn’t flattering.
Your hookup coulda been Fatal Attraction, she sounded scary/weird.
Jessica Gottlieb’s last blog post..Today I Wore Three Pair of Panties: I Wanna Be Barbie (Mom don’t read this one)
Comment by SingleParentDad
| October 8th, 2008
Good call.
That is some weird stuff, especially under the circumstances of your meet.
Hope she finds the right man or profile fitter!
SingleParentDad’s last blog post..Bachelors’ Pad
Comment by Single Mom Seeking
| October 8th, 2008
Hey, you’re not referring to me with that Intro line in italics, are you? Please no.
Single Mom Seeking’s last blog post..Is the economic crisis stressing you out?
Comment by SDMktg
| October 8th, 2008
I might be coming out of left field with this comment but with respect to the question of how to blog about escapades without screwing up any potential, my thinking is that it might be prudent to hold back on posts related to “hooking up” or “booty calls”. Maybe it’s because I’m 38 and date women in their early 30s but I haven’t met any women who are impressed with stories of booty. It’s generally a turnoff aside from a few women that have made it most clear they aren’t looking for relationships.
Not that you can’t or shouldn’t stay out there, just maybe use a little self-censoring when necessary. Just my thoughts.
SDMktg’s last blog post..Whatever happened to Lowenbrau?
Comment by staciesmadness
| October 8th, 2008
good call on not pursuing that “booty call”
staciesmadness’s last blog post..Many bumps in the tree of life
Comment by katherine.
| October 8th, 2008
well done passing on this one.
Never found craigslist to be a good source for dating.
katherine.’s last blog post..wordless wednesday ~ still walking
Comment by PT-LawMom
| October 8th, 2008
Good call. Definitely sounds like a control freak.
Comment by SINgleGIRL
| October 8th, 2008
Sounds like you dodged a bullet. And c’mon, you can do better than craiglist.
SINgleGIRL’s last blog post..Dating Update
Comment by justrun
| October 8th, 2008
Seriously, how do parents keep up with things like this?
Comment by dadshouse
| October 8th, 2008
SMS – I’m just being my usual cheeky self. No worries!
SDMktg – hooking up is a definite reality of modern dating. Pulitzer winner Laura Sessions Stepp wrote a whole book about the hookup culture in colleges. Sadly, I’ve found it applies to all ages. And I’m definitely not trying to impress any women with my blog, that’s for sure. Just putting the honest truth out there.
As for Craigslist – don’t knock it! I’ve met a lot of nice, normal women that way. More on CL next week…
Comment by Occam's Razor
| October 8th, 2008
DM, please notice:
1) Although you continue to write about booty, or the potential of booty, or the desire of booty (what next — the scent of booty?), you reportedly, willfully passed up the whack job booty… this time.
2) Your female readership is, for the moment at least, unanimously applauding your *judgement*.
3) Your next soulmate would likely applaud as well.
Always trust Occam’s Razor. :-p
Cheers, mate. Be well.
Comment by Lance
| October 9th, 2008
Sweet! Controlling, alpha chicks are usually pretty fun to f*ck with on first dates. Just turn the table, confuse, and goof on her and she’ll get rattled. It actually generates attraction. So, when she asks about Myers-Briggs, say this:
You: “I’m a FSCB.”
Her: “What the heck is that?”
You: “Fun-sexy-cool-bad-mutherf*cker.”
When they start asking probing questions, they’re trying to generate rapport too soon, and it’s super UNattractive, so everyone note. That’s when good game kicks in and it’s your job to play it off.
Peeps, what is the primary goal of a first date? Generate attraction. Save the rapport and pair bonding for later. Booty on the first date is fine, too. I would have nailed this chick
Lance’s last blog post..Morning Sex (And Other Sex)
Comment by dadshouse
| October 9th, 2008
Occam’s Razor – I get your point, but I beg to differ on the reason for the applause. It seems to be directed at my distaste for Myers-Briggs personality tests rather than skipping booty. Believe me, I get fan mail from women who have no problem with me taking a lover (where ‘lover’ is a more mature way of saying ‘booty call partner’). Some even ask for advice on how to nab their own lover. Or nab me.
Comment by Attainingme
| October 9th, 2008
Dadshouse-
Booty or no booty, I agree with T- it is evident, that you are thoughtful. And I believe blogging about your escapades will do you no harm when the right vibrant women comes around.
I just wish figuring out what to do in the meantime would be easier. Booty is great . . but it’s not as easy as it sounds, right? “I knew the cold feeling when that partner said no, that it had only been sex. I didn’t want to force those bad feelings on this woman.”
Is there really such a thing as mutual booty? It seems impossible to fathom. In my experiences, one heart always gets involved.
Attainingme’s last blog post..What I want in a man
Comment by Honey
| October 9th, 2008
The BF and I took Meyer’s Briggs tests when we started dating (maybe 2 months in?). I’m an ENTJ and he’s an ISTJ. We also took these “love style” quizzes and even though my love style is touch (his is quality time, which I also scored pretty high on) he always teases me that my love style is receiving gifts (because, shockingly to me, that was actually a category). It’s all pretty interesting stuff.
Bravo to you for turning down someone that you weren’t into and knew you would disappoint :-)
Honey’s last blog post..Morning Sex (And Other Sex)
Comment by NewWrldYankee
| October 9th, 2008
God, did she ask you what your favorite color and ice cream were too? Can anyone spell L-A-M-E? Lance is right, those type of questions are such a turn off in the beginning.
I don’t know if any of you read Cosmo, but you ever notice in the sidebars, they always have some “Unlock his mind – Ask him…” suggestion, and it always is something like, “If you could pick one food to represent your childhood, what would it be?” Would any man appreciate that question?
Sidenote – I was an INTJ, when I first took it, and now an ENTJ. Go figure.
Comment by dadshouse
| October 9th, 2008
Attainingme – great point. In my experience, I’ve had a handful of long term lovers, which in Dad’s House parlance might be termed “booty call partners”. The intent by both parties was for a physically based relationship, i.e. intimacy without emotional commitment. In every case, over time, one party fell hard for the other and wanted more from the relationship. Usually, it was the woman falling for me, but sometimes it was me falling for her (I blogged about a lunch encounter like that)
Yank – yes! yes! yes! She asked my favorite color. Also, my zodiac sign. And she read my palm. Maybe she got it all from Cosmo…
Honey – I had a girlfriend who had me take zodiac quizzes with her. She focused on the compatibility part of the report, and tried to ignore the potential problems part.
Lance (sorry, didn’t address you earlier) – in the past, I probably would have slept with the woman, regardless. But like Honey said, I knew I was going to disappoint her at some point, and I just didn’t want to do that.
Comment by Honey
| October 10th, 2008
I think the things that will really annoy you about the other person you have to learn the hard way!
Comment by krn
| October 11th, 2008
Myers-Briggs, multiple favorite questions, your zodiac sign AND a palm reading? Yikes. That’s nearly first meeting identity theft. ;) Good job passing this one up as it sounds like she was clearly looking for something other than simple fun. I agree, very thoughtful of you. And smart.
Comment by single mommy
| October 12th, 2008
Sounds like she weeded herself out. Good thing I guess, right?
single mommy’s last blog post..Looks like this will be my first Thanksgiving alone