Burn After Reading Gets Online Dating Right
Have you seen the Coen brothers’ new movie, Burn After Reading? Let me tell you, they got the online dating right. (Thanks to one of my readers for pointing this out.) If you haven’t seen the movie yet, and don’t want it spoiled, stop reading now!
(Shameless name dropping: I was already a big Coen brothers fan, ever since Fargo, but even more so since I met Carter Burwell, the composer who scored most of their films. My garage band played a Silicon Valley party that he attended, and a mutual friend introduced us. He gave me tons of advice and encouragement to follow my artistic dreams, no matter what.)
Spoiler alert! In Burn After Reading, Frances McDormand’s character is a 40-something woman who is desperate to find a man to date. She ignores available suitors in real life and puts all her focus into dating online.
Watching her scan a list of online dating profiles was hilarious. Her reaction to the online dating profile photos spoke volumes. Loser. Creep. Ugly. Brad Pitt makes her stop and reconsider one potential match simply because the profile picture shows the man wearing an expensive name-brand suit. They make fun of the man’s glasses and some weird thing by his ear, but Frances dates him nonetheless. He’s a total mismatch, but she sleeps with him, anyway.
Later, she discovers he’s married.
I’m not surprised. Plenty of female friends of mine have met men online who were married and seeking affairs. A former buddy who is married was one of those guys.
It was funny how Frances’s character decides in a snap who she’ll date. She may have skipped over some great guys. Dating online makes it way too easy to judge and dismiss potential suitors as unworthy, and accept ones who maybe aren’t worthy enough.
When Frances goes to a park to meet a different online dating prospect, guess who’s sitting on a nearby park bench? Loser married guy in the nice suit! And he’s there looking to meet someone else. Too funny. Too true.
The previews for Burn After Reading show it to be a comedy about bungling spies. But the part I liked best was how it poked fun at online dating. Well done!
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Comment by debra
| October 10th, 2008
I still can’t get over how hysterical Brad Pitt’s character was, out of the ordinary for him lately. When he’s in the car with the guy he is blackmailing, and he giggles and says ‘you think my bike’s a Schwinn!’…too funny!
The scene you mention, when he and Frances’ character are scrolling through profiles….it’s so true….click/delete, click/delete, click/laugh hysterically/delete….like scanning a take-out menu and deciding you don’t want anything with an ingredient you’ve never tried before. How do you know what you’re missing?
As much as I agree that online dating isn’t the best way to meet people, it is convenient. You just have to be careful not to let it get to the point where you can’t strike up a conversation with someone in real life because you don’t know all their ’stats’ from having read their profile first!
Comment by pjmomma
| October 10th, 2008
Ok yeah, I expected this to be a movie about dating. The trailer looked nothing like that.
What is it about John Malkovich and Christopher Walken that make me love them so much?
I know Walken’s not in the movie, but I didn’t want to leave him out. He would be sad.
Comment by Kat Wilder
| October 10th, 2008
I loved this movie, but there isn’t much by the Coen Bros. that I don’t love (including the fact that they’re brothers … making movies … together).
But Dad, I have to disagree with you on online dating — and it’s dicey disagreeing with any Dad (they know best, right?)
All it does is put you in touch with more people than you’d ever meet the “old-fashioned” way. But it doesn’t guarantee that they’ll be honest, look like their photo, etc. So, you have to be smart and grounded and have no expectations. But, yeah, most of us look at the pictures. That’s how we size someone up in real life, too — “is she/he a hottie? I’ll go talk to him/her…”
But then again, there are really cool people online — like you (in the past) and … um … me? ;-)
Kat Wilder’s last blog post..Trust is the real key
Comment by The Exception
| October 10th, 2008
I have nothing of substance to say (it is a gorgeous Friday and my head is outside enjoying the clear blue sky and the gorgeous weather). I do want to see this movie though!!
The Exception’s last blog post..When a Parent Feels Helpless
Comment by T
| October 10th, 2008
I haven’t seen this yet! Now I must go!
I too love the Coen brothers. Its just nice to see any movie that isn’t predictable.
T’s last blog post..Random Friday Thoughts
Comment by dadshouse
| October 10th, 2008
Kat – I have long promoted online dating as a way to meet more people. If you’re craving company for a drink, or booty in bed, online dating helps you meet people you might not run into during your normal routine. I just think it sucks as a way to start a relationship.
Let me ask: how many new people do you really need to meet? Look back on your past year – how many of the new people you met online are still in your life? One? Two? If you stop online dating, and get out there and do things you love, you’ll meet other people who love those same things. And they are more likely to stick around.
I do recognize that meeting new people online can help you learn new things about yourself. So even if they’re one and done, their brief appearance in your life can have lasting affects.
Comment by staciesmadness
| October 10th, 2008
hmmm, now I am interested in seeing this movie…so thanks!
staciesmadness’s last blog post.."It" skeptic
Comment by debra
| October 10th, 2008
I think the value of the people you meet online has to do largely with what your goal is. If the objective is to meet someone to hook up with, or just go out and get drunk and flirt with, I think that is all that you will realize. My goal was to meet someone I wanted to be in a relationship with. It took a lot more looking, and there were a few ’someone to get drunk and flirt with’ kind of people in there, but I found a man, online, that I wanted to be in a relationship with, and I have to believe it was because I tried to keep sight of my goal. Or, perhaps, it was just dumb luck!
I don’t agree that meeting online sucks as a way to start a relationship. I think that the attitude that some people have about those they meet online sucks.
Comment by dadshouse
| October 10th, 2008
Debra – I agree there are people who have a blanket negative attitude towards anyone they meet online. That’s not me. I have met lots of great women online.
As for keeping the goal in mind – I just didn’t have the luck you had, I guess. In eight years of online dating, much of it serious with match.com, chemistry.com, eHarmony, salon.com – I only met one woman who I dated for any length of time. That sucks.
And statistically, Jupiter Research has done studies that show a vast majority of people who date online are not satisfied with the process. So, consider yourself one of the lucky few!
Comment by Lance
| October 10th, 2008
Haven’t seen it, love Coen Bros, it’s on my list.
I did recently see In Search Of A Midnight Kiss, which is a very good indie flick. The premise is a slacker guy who meets a troubled girl on CRAIGSLIST on New Years Eve. They spend the day and night together. There’s a lot of great dating and relationship hijinks stuff going on in the film that really resonated. I recommend it.
Lance’s last blog post..I PWNed this Blog, Bitchez!!
Comment by Mad Cartoonist
| October 10th, 2008
Online dating is just like any other process where you try to “meet” people you don’t otherwise know. Of course you judge them on what’s most obvious! Like how they look, obviously! Just like singles bars, no surprise. Nothing particularly evil about online dating, IMO.
Comment by Katherine (SOLO dot MOM)
| October 10th, 2008
ok – now I am going to have to see this movie!
Katherine (SOLO dot MOM)’s last blog post..Bedtime Puppies… from Youtube.com
Comment by Kat Wilder
| October 10th, 2008
Dad — OK, well it all starts with meeting people, right? You can’t even think about moving forward until you meet them.
And, yes, many of my online dating meet-ups ended up as a FWB thing. Of course, I was only looking for that, coming out of a marriage, so it worked for me.
If you’re looking for a LTR? Well, one online guy and I went out for several months and we’ve remained friendly. Others lasted for brief periods, and I would have liked to stay in touch with some of them. The other is Sean — and he and I have been in each other’s lives for years now. I have a few friends who met their sweeties online.
And there were some men I really liked and who liked me and who had the potential to be “relationship” material. But I wasn’t looking for a relationship when I met them. I was interested in dating and not committing, and they were in a different space.
Meeting people is what it’s all about. Then, who knows? I believe the online world allows you to meet many people, which means there’s more potential to meet more people with whom there’s no spark. Then you can look at it and get disappointed. It probably relates to some math problem I never paid attention to in high school, but … does that make sense?
And I didn’t let online dating get in the way of doing what I love; it’s just one thing of many things that I do. But I also happen to love meeting people — everyone has a fascinating story — so maybe that’s it.
I dunno. I think it has its ups and downs, but I find ups than downs. Am I weird? ;-)
Kat Wilder’s last blog post..Trust is the real key
Comment by Mad Cartoonist
| October 13th, 2008
Also, the married/involved guys are relatively easy to spot. Of course, you do have to have some common sense, as in any other situation.
I personally never had a problem getting involved with anyone online who was already married/taken. I found it was pretty easy to spot those.
My “problem” was rather the opposite—the (2) men I dated for a while that I met online were truthful and basically nice, but kind of sad, actually, in their extreme workaholism and lack of any kind of a viable social life outside of their families. They were looking for a women to rescue them, somehow from their self-imposed social exile.