PreTeen Sex Talk With a Boy
My twelve-year-old son entered the kitchen the other morning with his shirt off, flexed an arm, pointed to his muscle and said, “Know where I got that? Wrestling.” He’s on the junior high wrestling team.
Not to be outdone, I set down my coffee cup, rolled back my shirt, flexed an arm, and pointed at my muscle. “Know where I got that?” I asked. Before I could answer, he injected some of his dad-given wit. “Typing?” Touché!
Besides paying attention to the shape he’s in, my son is going to dances, texting friends, and wearing body spray. So I figured it’s time I had “the talk” with him. Sex education 101.
“Did they talk to you in school yet about the birds and the bees?” I asked.
“Huh?” he said. “No, we’re learning about rocks.”
“No, I mean boys and girls bodies, and how they change,” I said.
“Oh, yeah. They told us that last year.”
“And sex? How babies are made?” I asked.
“You told me all that.”
“I did?”
Oh, boy. I don’t remember a thing. I wondered if he was getting some other talk confused with this facts of life sex knowledge I wanted to impart.
“Yeah,” he said. “We sat in my room. You told me everything.”
“I did?”
My daughter chimed in. “Don’t you remember? You gave him the same sex talk you gave me.”
I had talked to my daughter for an hour about sex, back when she was entering sixth grade. I wanted her armed with knowledge, not only about biology, but also love, marriage, pleasure, peer pressure, disease, safe sex. We even talked about oral. (Cliff Notes are available: How to Talk to Your Daughter About Sex.)
“I did?” I asked.
“Yeah,” my son said. He laughed at my not remembering.
I sipped my coffee. Apparently, my sex education dad duty is done. At least until the day I notice condoms missing from my bedside table. Which, if you think about it, isn’t the worst thing. No, I’m not advocating teenage sex! But if they’re going to do it, they should do it free of disease and without making me a grandpa.
Well then. How does one segue out of a delicate discussion, especially when one has entered it under false pretenses? I used my best British Officer voice. “Carry on.”
And that, gentle reader, is how to explain sex to a preteen boy.
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Comment by lisaq
| October 21st, 2008
Haha…Carry on. I love that! How funny that you forgot you already talked to him. Looks like he’s good to go Dad!
Comment by mama llama
| October 21st, 2008
HA! Just the laugh I needed to get me going this beautiful Tuesday morning!
You see–I can laugh only because I am not there yet. Just wait…
Be well, Dads.
mama llama´s last blog post..just plain tired!
Comment by Tricia
| October 21st, 2008
How could you forget something like that? I’m sure the day will be burned into mine & my son’s brains for the rest of our lives.
I got all excited when I saw the title to your post. Alas, I’m at that point with my 11-year-old. It’s time. I thought you were going to impart wisdom that would make this easy.
Geez.
Tricia´s last blog post..And the hits just keep on coming!
Comment by Mad Cartoonist
| October 21st, 2008
Funny! And typical for a parent. You must be as busy as I am!
At least he didn’t parrot it all back to you—my kids seem to have my lectures (that I forgot multiple times that I gave to them already) memorized!
Comment by SS+1
| October 21st, 2008
Although my little boy is about ten years from this talk…I dred the day it finally arrives! Thanks for sharing :)
SS+1´s last blog post..Turning Back Tuesdays
Comment by LisaBinDaCity
| October 21st, 2008
The rocks line is hysterical!
Found you via Kat Wilder, I’ll be back :-)
Comment by Exception
| October 21st, 2008
Even though you forgot (sign of your age?) I am glad that he remembered!! ;) He sounds like quite a kid!
Sex seems to be an ongoing conversation in my house – it just pops into conversations, which is fabulous as it keeps me from having to sit down and have “that talk” all at one time!
Exception´s last blog post..Sharing the Love
Comment by Graham
| October 21st, 2008
Was talking to your son the first time so hard that you had to purge it from memory!? Thankfully I got 10 more years before I need to tackle this overwhelming topic with my own. Great story!
Comment by KD @ A Bit Squirrelly
| October 21st, 2008
OMG I am NOT looking forward to these talks. Luckily I have time…Mine are only 5 and 2
KD @ A Bit Squirrelly´s last blog post..Blue-Eyed Brainstorm
Comment by justrun
| October 21st, 2008
Well at least you both didn’t try to block it from memory.
justrun´s last blog post..Making Scenes, Numbers 14, 28, 11, 16
Comment by Big Papa
| October 21st, 2008
Bravo Dad! Keep your stash of “jimmies” in stock and buy him his own. His buddies will need ‘em too and they will seek them from him, or the next guy or gal who has a supply.
I made sure my older daughter has some nearby and I intend on ensuring the same for her younger sister who is just around the corner from personal experimentation.
“THE TALK” should begin to take place just prior to, or just as our children become teens and should continue from then on…
…that’s just one dad’s opinion…
Big Papa´s last blog post..I’m calling an Ex
Comment by dadshouse
| October 21st, 2008
Big Papa – I totally agree that “the talk” needs to happen early, then continue through the teens.
Tricia – notes from the talk are here: How to Talk to Your Daughter About Sex. Apparently, I said about the same thing to my son.
I have no idea why I can’t remember it. Talking to my daughter about sex is something that was burned into my memory. I do vaguely remember the moment of being in my son’s room and chatting about this topic. Just don’t remember the specifics. Who knows why. Maybe the first time, when I talked to my daughter, had way more nerves and emotional charge, so it created a more lasting memory.
Comment by SingleParentDad
| October 21st, 2008
I’m not looking forward to that.
Perhaps you could just email Max for me when the time is right?
SingleParentDad´s last blog post..You Are What You Eat
Comment by SDMktg
| October 21st, 2008
Mine are 7 tomorrow. I’m not looking forward to the talk with either of them, son or daughter. Of course we talk about a lot of stuff in the car where they are a captive audience. I guess we’ll work our way up to that.
Comment by Twenty Four At Heart
| October 21st, 2008
As a mom of 3 teens, let me tell you the sex talks are an ongoing thing. There’s “the talk” and then there’s a lot more specific talks as they go thru stuff. Like the girl last year who told my son she wouldn’t be happy till they did “everything” together. (I believe they did!) And the boyfriend my daughter had for 3 years. (I put her on the pill). And for girls there are now vaccines for cervical cancer that they should get in their early teens. The list goes on and on. I don’t condone teen sex either, but let’s face it — it’s going to happen.
Comment by Treemama
| October 21st, 2008
Whew! Sounded easy enough. Already touching on little things with the girls, but have a little bit of time, though, not much from what I hear, Em’s is seven.
Treemama´s last blog post..Em’s Letter to The Tooth Fairy
Comment by T
| October 21st, 2008
You so rock as a daddy. I wanna be just like you when I grow up. :P
Thanks for being a good friend too.
T´s last blog post..300th post: Lessons and Aches
Comment by Solomon King
| October 21st, 2008
LOL. Awesome stuff.
Not yet married, but dreading some aspects of parenting n stuff.
First time here, but I’m drinking up the posts like a parched man.
Cheers!
Solomon King´s last blog post..o! for a horse with wings!
Comment by Single Mom Seeking
| October 22nd, 2008
You are such a great dad.
It’s clear that your kids feel incredibly open with you, and comfortable. Wow.
Single Mom Seeking´s last blog post..The ex and I had dinner
Comment by Leah
| October 22nd, 2008
Thanks so much for the great story. You and your kids are awesome :)
I will file this information away for a decade or so!
Leah´s last blog post..Unconditionality
Comment by Lance
| October 22nd, 2008
Well, then, that was pretty painless!
Lance´s last blog post..Help! I’m Getting Laid Too Much!
Comment by Scott Askins
| October 24th, 2008
Good content. Especially this post. I write along similar lines sometimes.
Scott Askins
http://life-reflected.blogspot.com/
Scott Askins´s last blog post..The Apprentice Helmsman’s Test
Comment by Mark
| September 7th, 2009
Carry on! Yes, he will do that in time. Great that you re-opened the conversation, that way both your son and daughter know they can talk with you if they need to.
Mark´s last blog ..Conscious Thoughts on Subconscious Thoughts