Craigslist Dating for Women
Think Craigslist dating is for low-lifes? Think again. A recent email from a Dad’s House female reader says it’s not only great, it’s ridiculously empowering. And I’m not at all surprised.
I’ve long been a proponent of Craigslist dating. While paid matchmaking sites might overall have higher quality clientele (though that’s an arguable point), the approach to dating is totally different.
On paid sites, you spend your time scanning profiles, focused on finding the one, while on craigslist the emphasis is on finding a companion for an event, and you simply see who’s free.
For instance, you can use Craigslist to find someone for…
- drinks tonight?
- coffee tomorrow?
- concert in the park Saturday?
- bike ride or hike on Sunday?
- booty call Friday night?
By focusing on the event, you attract people who are interested in doing that same thing, and who are local and available. Forget all the checkbox filtering and song-and-dance prose. Post an ad to do something, then do it.
Sure, there are misfits and neanderthals and spammers who respond to ads, and maybe even some flakes. But they are easily filtered. The rest of the guys responding might just be pretty darn great.
Here’s an actual email from a Dad’s House female reader (she allowed me to make minor edits for brevity and privacy):
I thought you might appreciate this experiment I did after reading about your Craigslist experiences. I have never even read Craigslist before except for furniture or tickets. But I have an extra ticket to a concert this weekend. A fantastic show, but no date and I didn’t want to bring one of my usual friends. It is fall and I need someone to snuggle with all winter.
So you totally inspired me to post an ad this morning on Craigslist saying I needed a partner in crime for the concert. OMG. The response is insane. I didn’t even post a pic. A whole book could be written about some of the hilarious responses, but also I’m sure a bunch of interesting dates will come out of this. I found a bunch of music lovers, readers, guys over 30 who seem pretty great . . . is this where all the men hang out now? Craigslist?
Later that night, she wrote me again:
Craigslist dating is really good for the ego and weirdly power trippy. It would be so good for so many women. These guys totally go to try to selling themselves and I did not post a pic. Like hard selling and boasting. Even guys that aren’t free that night. All of a sudden things shift to me feeling like I have the pick of the litter. All from three lines on Craigslist.
One caveat – she didn’t reveal in her post that she’s a single mom. She wonders whether she might have gotten fewer responses if she’d revealed that. But she told guys in followup emails, and the men who were fine with it stayed in pursuit. In fact, one guy she met was a single dad.
Perhaps she summed up her experience best when she wrote:
I’ve never had guys try to sell me so hard without ever seeing me. Ridiculous, but also a really nice way to cut through to find out who is willing just to meet and see where things go. Remember I didn’t tell them I was a single mom. I was just looking for a partner-in-crime to go to a show with, not a life partner. Big difference in attitude.
Bravo! This is not to say any guy on Craigslist would be turned off by a single mom. She’s just saying that she presented the concert as a fun event, and had no expectations other than someone attending the show with her. Guys responded!
Keep in mind, even Craigslist dates can turn into interviews. If you go on one, be sure to keep the “let’s just meet and have fun” spirit alive… Meanwhile, enjoy feeling ridiculously empowered by this free online dating tool.
If you thought this post was ridiculously fabulous, or you just want to see Dad’s House appear on Yahoo’s front page, then by all means click the button, cast a vote and Buzz up some love!
- Internet dating – sadly, I’m a bit of an expert
- Is Dating Easier for Single Dads than Single Moms?
- Is the Dating Pool Really That Small?
- Tis the Season to Flirt
- Dating After Divorce
- Hot, Sexy, Confident
- She Smiled, We Met
- Chemistry.com Profile – Maybe More Kids?
- Do Divorced Dads Need to Have More Kids to Find Love?
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Comment by SingleParentDad
| October 23rd, 2008
I don’t think Craigslist has really landed in The UK yet. There are some city site, but they are not heavily used.
Perhaps you could do the PR?
SingleParentDad´s last blog post..Patience Is A Virtue
Comment by lisaq
| October 23rd, 2008
You already know how my little Craigslist experiment turned out. Wonder if I should give it another shot? Hmmm….
lisaq´s last blog post..Decoding Manspeak
Comment by debra
| October 23rd, 2008
I used to read the craigslist personals for fun, even the women’s posts, to see what the ‘competition’ was like! One day, on a complete whim, I posted one. It was more of a challenge, to single Dads, to get offline and out into the real world with their kids on a beautiful spring day, to meet other single parents, looking for all the same things they were. Even though it wasn’t an actual quest for a date, it worked. I was swamped with emails, all from single Dads. I emailed several for a while and ended up going out with one. Though we didn’t hit it off romantically, we still keep in touch, 6 months later, because of the single parent bond. It was pretty flattering to have so many men respond to simply an expression of a positive outlook on single parenting. If anyone wants to pirate the post, I’d be happy to share it; worked like a charm!!
Comment by Lance
| October 23rd, 2008
I’m glad it’s working out for your reader, but I have a huge problem with her attitude. I don’t believe in “pursuing” women, and I think it’s a bad thing when chicks get a big head because they’re getting 100s of emails from desperate, needy dudes. It’s an ego trip, and I’ve heard the same sentiment from TONS of chicks who try online dating. They’re like, “OMG, I’m so popular now!” It’s not a true reflection of your value as a person.
Ideally, the market would be balanced and men wouldn’t have to pursue and sell themselves.
Fortunately for me, this imbalance in the marketplace allows a guy with good game to stand out, work the system, and get the picks over the regular, needy dudes.
Lance´s last blog post..I Met My Girlfriend On Match.com
Comment by T
| October 23rd, 2008
Wow. I never even thought of this for attending concerts and events. What a great idea. Veeeerrrrrrry interrrrresting…..
I also like Lance’s perspective on it. True. So true.
Ah… it feels good to be back with you guys! :)
T´s last blog post..Healing over
Comment by Exception
| October 23rd, 2008
It works well for those kind of meetings – and having no expectations is key. In my experience – it doesn’t matter what a woman wants or posts for, the men are all looking for one thing… ;)
Exception´s last blog post..Answering a Reader’s Question
Comment by dadshouse
| October 23rd, 2008
Lance – great point. Getting all those emails isn’t a true reflection of her value as a person. Just as sitting at home alone on a Saturday night isn’t a true reflection of her value. Who you are and how you feel comes from within.
That said, craigslist is a handy tool to meet up. And it’s more focused on events than finding the perfect soulmate, which can lead to more relaxed and fun dates. True, she had to filter through some needy guys, but she found three men who she wanted to meet.
Bottom line – if you date on craigslist, don’t go all ego-trippy when guys respond in droves. And don’t feel super depressed on nights you’re hanging out alone.
Comment by Julie
| October 23rd, 2008
Seriously? Craigslist? Well, who knew???? I am shamelessly going to check that out!
Julie´s last blog post..Holy shit…what’s that feeling? Wait…am I "happy"??
Comment by QTMama
| October 23rd, 2008
Admittedly, I saw the title to this post DH, and thought I wasn’t going to like it. I’ve officially changed my mind, women tend to do.
This girl is inspiring in and of herself. You’ve inspired her and she’ll inspire others, methinks. :)
QTMama´s last blog post..Emotionally Speaking … Are You Open or Closed for Business?
Comment by Honey
| October 23rd, 2008
Well, I can’t imagine a posting like, “my boyfriend can’t join me at this concert, so I need someone to fill in for me until I go home to him” would get many responses.
Or maybe it would?! Disturbing…
Honey´s last blog post..Falling Asleep While Having Sex?
Comment by chi
| October 23rd, 2008
So, Dave posted this about an experiment I did maybe a week ago. He did a great job of editing my ad a bit and some lengthy email exchanges that shared a lot more about me and my experience. I am fairly new to the city where I live and I thought it would be fun to try. I am gal who is always on the go and meeting people. I meet tons of single, charming, well to do men through my work in philanthropy. I just hadn’t met a smart guy who was into indie music lately.
I was also being pretty sarcastic about the ego. This was all about having fun and just trying something new. It was a personal dare to get out of my comfort zone box. I had a couple of great dates, met a really fun show buddy and met another guy (on one of my dates) that I am seeing again tom. night.
Yes, ladies it is possible to be asked out while your date is in the bathroom! He had some confidence didn’t he?
I would recommend only doing Craigslist if you are a girl who is really content with her life, has something you want to do that you are really into and very open to meeting new people. It is important that the only expectation you have is to have some fun and go to an event. I tend to have good intuition and gut feelings about people. i have actually in my whole life never dated “a jerk.” I have ended up friends with all my exes, including my ex husband.
And Lance, as for guys “with gam”e and maega charm they don’t interest me much. I was married to one before. Been there done that. He is so charming still that my other single mom friends beg to be set up with him. To each their own. And to each person knowing what type of person they enjoy being with and what they are attracted to.
QT thanks for the compliment. It is fun to meet new people and try new things. We should all do more of it as long it is something you feel good about.
Honey, I didn’t say anything about a boyfriend. I said I have plenty of friends, but would like to go with someone new.
I would like to add that if you never get out and meet new people you can miss out meeting some really great people. You are not going to meet someone in your living room. Don’t judge people you don’t really know. Be thrilled there are so many ways now to meet all kinds of great people you might not otherwise through technology you might not meet any other way, Like Dave!!!! YEAH DAVE!!! Thanks for connecting this great community and chearleading us through dating!
Comment by Sugee
| October 23rd, 2008
What a cool blog, found you through 24 at heart. Check out this serial dater’s blog! The title says it all. http://craigslistwhore.blogspot.com/
Comment by Leah
| October 23rd, 2008
I love this positive spin on the CL experience. Dave and I have had some exchanges about CL as well… I am keeping an open mind about it. Dave – you are an awesome dating cheerleader.
I really like your take on it, chi. I think your theory about only doing CL if you already feel content with your life spills out into all kinds of dating, period. Right on and keep having fun :)
Leah´s last blog post..He called me a “milf.”
Comment by Twenty Four At Heart
| October 23rd, 2008
I wonder if Joe The Bigamist used Craigslist?? Oh cool – I see Sugee was here. She’s great!!
Comment by alansoo
| October 24th, 2008
i dont undertand why people hate social networking sites. they are the truth of the today! i use eupee and facebook. they are both cool and i m glad to have them in my life!
Comment by Lori
| October 25th, 2008
I’ve been checking out Craigslist in my city of 100K and mostly it’s guys posting for NSA sex, and the ads from women are mostly spam. I’m in a military town and I’ve noticed quite a few ads from guys at the base just looking to hook up. Then there was the 22 yr old (male) virgin looking for someone to help him lose his virginity. ha!
Quite frankly with the smoking hot bods on some of these young military mens ads, I’m half tempted to answer them. I’m 43.
Comment by Cheery-Wise
| October 25th, 2008
Thanks for sharing that story.
I too went through an ‘itchy’ period a while ago where I wrote curious notes to a bunch of respectable-sounding blokes who were posting on Craigslist; posted one for a hike myself. Had some interesting email exchanges, but not a one made it past my comfort zone filters.
I tend to proceed with caution in the preliminary “testing phase” of the dating ritual. In other words, I need to feel ’safe’ before I’ll agree to meet a total stranger out in the woods. [HINT: Much better idea to meet someone in a public place!]
Then, for my birthday last year, my ex gave me two tickets to a Dave Matthews Band concert. My first choice wasn’t available, so just like CHI, I posted an ad on CL: three short sincere paragraphs, including the “single mom in her 40’s” detail (TMI?). The event thing worked, I’ll vouch for that.
I weeded the list of dozens of guys down to 7 and literally had to break out a spreadsheet to keep their email conversations straight. Was about to invite one rather high-profile guy, when another candidate slipped in (was it a witty turn of a phrase, or the great smiling photo with his kids, I can’t remember now). Though he was slightly crazy, lives an hour away, and I never would have met him if it hadn’t been for the randomness of that one time posting, it turned into a fun ongoing thing for several months.
You just never know where you’ll meet a nice fella – I find it wise to be open to a variety of avenues.
Comment by Hip_M0M
| October 27th, 2008
This is great! I only wish I had read this post a few weeks ago when I had an extra ticket to the Lakers’ game. I’ll have to try this experiment out for myself at a later date. eHarmony just didn’t work since I’m not looking for a life partner but someone to hang out with every other Friday.
Thanks for the info on this new online dating technique.
Hip_M0M´s last blog post..All About You
Comment by Matt
| October 30th, 2008
Interesting strategy she has, though not too sure it would work well for guys, I may have to test it out sometime.
I’d have to agree with Lance above. The empowerment from Craigslist or any dating site for that matter is only on the female side.
Comment by Sese
| December 7th, 2008
i use http://www.eupee.com and its better as myspace hi5 and facebook togehter its the best social networking site all over the world because eupee has class and its very funny i love eupee ;)