Wanna Wrestle? (This is Not a Dirty Text!)
Wanna wrestle?
If that had been a sexy dirty text from an ex-girlfriend, I might have said yes. But today, it’s a question for my son and his junior high wrestling team. They had their first match yesterday, and I must say, it’s an interesting sport.
Until someone gets hurt.
I had never been to a wrestling match. There were two big mats on the floor of the basketball gym, and parents sat in four rows of bleachers on a stage. My son is so short and light, he’s in a feather-weight class. Still, five or six matches went before his, including some girl-on-girl action. (Who knew girls wrestled?)
Two matches ran simultaneously on adjacent mats, each match with its own whistles and bells. It was total chaos, like watching cock fights, or dog fights. These kids went at it! Sometimes they’d start on hands and knees, other times standing up. I kept wondering if someone would get an ear ripped off, or a shoulder dislocated.
My son’s match was coming up next when a scream rose out from the other mat. A boy was laying on his belly, writhing in pain. WTF? His left arm was totally crooked at the wrist, in a Z-shape. Was he born with a birth defect?
“He broke his arm,” the dad next to me said.
“You’re kidding,” I said.
“Didn’t you hear it? He was thrown to the mat and landed wrong.”
Parents all around me turned their heads away, squeamish. All the blood rushed out of my head, I thought I would faint. I put my head between my knees for a second, then looked up. The kid was in agony.
I suddenly felt like throwing up. There’s a reason I never went to med school. I simply can’t handle seeing someone in pain. I got off the bleacher and walked to the back of the stage. I wasn’t the only one – a dozen or so parents were visibly shaken. My eyes suddenly filled with tears. I wanted to leave.
But what about the kid? I turned back and looked – he was still screaming, his wrist mangled. No one seemed to be doing a thing. The coach had a hand on the boy’s back, but was looking around, helpless. Then I saw my ex-wife calmly get up out of the bleacher and walk down to the mat. She was always cool in a crisis. She said something to the coach, then pulled our her cell phone and dialed 911.
At this point, I figured I’d go outside and cry my eyes out. This kid’s injury had unleashed some deep emotions in me. I never wanted to watch another wrestling match, again.
And then they called my son’s name.
They must have decided that getting on with the match would calm the other kids. After all, injuries happen in sports. There was my son heading out to the other mat.
Crap. I wasn’t worried he’d break his arm. He’s strong and squirrelly and fights like a tom-cat. (He’s had plenty of practice on his sister and me. All in fun, of course.) No, I worried that now I had to stick around and watch.
I stumbled over to the bleachers. Feeling faint, I put my head between my knees. By now the injured kid wasn’t screaming so much, they were putting ice on his arm, and my ex was talking to a dispatcher. My son was shaking hands with his opponent.
I pointed my video camera at his mat, turned it on, then looked away. I couldn’t watch. I was trying not to faint, trying not to cry. Luckily, my son kicked ass and pinned his opponent in 20 seconds. Match over, I went outside, sat down and fought back tears.
Why did this kid, who I don’t even know, affect me so much? I’d been around broken arms before. My daughter slipped and broke hers on a hike, and I stayed calm that day. But this boy’s break hit me different. Harder. Deeper. I’m not sure why.
Maybe it reminded me that all the crap in my life that seems so important, and causes me pain when things don’t go as planned, all that stuff is nothing compared to breaking your arm in two separate places.
My thoughts are with this kid as I write this. I hope he heals quickly and gets to that point where his cast is something fun for others to sign.
As for my ex – when she was calling 911, she missed our son’s match. I gave him the video camera to take to her house. And I told him to give her a big hug, and thank her for putting that other kid first.
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Comment by Laura
| October 24th, 2008
This is a really sad post ;(
I would probably react the same as you did but being dramatic I wouldnt have held the tears back!!! I also can not take seeing someone in pain – especially a child. To hear the cries of a child hurt are simple heartbreaking!!
Well done to your ex-wife! I hope that one day if something like that happens to my kid and I cant be there that someone like her is!
Laura´s last blog post..Its Friday!
Comment by SingleParentDad
| October 24th, 2008
That sounds dreadful.
It is one of my biggest fears, watching my son get hurt. I remember seeing a couple of kids set about him in a soft play area when he was only little. And being as I couldn’t get to him very fast, it was a horrible feeling.
Surprisingly I’m pretty cool in a crisis, I normally hate blood and gore, but when I’m up against it, I’ve blanked all that out.
SingleParentDad´s last blog post..His Bark Is Worse Than His Bite
Comment by Mad Cartoonist
| October 24th, 2008
How sad, and honest. It’s especially sad that almost no one thought to go help the hurt boy. Just hard to imagine.
I’m very squeamish too, getting that ol’ nasty vagal response with fainting etc. in injury situations and the like. I fainted once while just looking at an x-ray! So I really sympathize with your struggle to stay upright and function.
I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to deal in case my kids needed me, but strangely, the few times my own kids have managed to get injured, somehow I’ve been supermomma and my “peculiar affliction” (passing out!) doesn’t kick in until we get to the ER & the doc is sewing up the split forehead or splinting the arm or whatever. I think how it works is that if I have something critical to do, I won’t faint, but when I don’t, then my body says “OK, go for it!”
Question: exactly how, during evolution, was this type of fainting response selected for? You’d think that anybody with tendency to faint in a crisis or in the middle of a battle wouldn’t survive to pass it on!
Comment by mama llama
| October 24th, 2008
Sad and scary. A frat brother of mine was involved in a football accident–the season that my uni cancelled its football program. Brain injury and lied in a coma for four years, until his parents finally decided to pull the plug.
It broke the hearts of an entire campus. I wonder how many of us will refuse to let our children play in remembrance of him?
*—*
Everyone has their strenghts and weaknesses. I can be very cool in a crisis, but cannot handle confrontation well. Post-crisis I tend to fall apart, but at least I made it through with a brave front. We all do what we can–but when your own child or peers are involved, the question hits so much closer to home, doesn’t it?
Congratulations to your son, and to proud Papa. Be well, Dads.
mama llama´s last blog post..my greatest teacher
Comment by debra
| October 24th, 2008
“it reminded me that all the crap in my life that seems so important, and causes me pain when things don’t go as planned, all that stuff is nothing compared to breaking your arm in two separate places”
Great point, witnessing a more ‘emergency-like’ crisis, in comparison to the day to day single parent household type crisis, certainly puts things in perspective. But, have you considered, maybe this was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back? That ‘all the crap in your life’ has built up to the point that it demanded more emotional attention than we typically allow it, as single parents holding it all together? A pressure valve reaction? The tears were certainly for the boy, and his pain, but maybe they were tears for you, that you hadn’t let happen? Just a thought.
Perfect timing on this post….I found myself thinking, as I clicked the bookmark this morning, ‘I hope it isn’t a cocktail recipe (though I do love the recipes!!)….I need some of David’s wisdom today!’ Thanks for sharing this.
Comment by Graham
| October 24th, 2008
I think when something like this happens to your own child you go into a state where you don’t really feel anything except the desire to help and protect your child. When it happens to another child that’s when your good ol’ imagination goes to work and you feel that fear of never wanting it to happen to your own. That has been my experience anyways.
I feel for you as I fought back tears just reading the story. It must have been a very hard experience to go through.
Comment by lisaq
| October 24th, 2008
My high school boyfriend wrestled so I watched plenty of matches back in the day. But the first time I went to watch one when my daughter made cheerleading and I saw that girls were wrestling, it blew me away! I can’t imagine that girls would even want to wrestle. Crazy crap!
Hope the kid is okay!
lisaq´s last blog post..Control Your Kids!
Comment by Exception
| October 24th, 2008
Oh, I hope that the child is going to be okay. I broke my ankle 7 weeks after the Diva was born – I remember hearing the “snap.” It was awful. When I was little, and my dad was coaching baseball, I remember going with him to take one of the boys home. The player had been hit, by the ball, in the head. To date, I remember the huge lump.
When kids get hurt, it goes directly to my heart.
Exception´s last blog post..Teaching Partnership – A Blog Blast for Education
Comment by Single Mom Seeking
| October 24th, 2008
In tears over here, too. You really let us feel what you were feeling.
Wrestling and football are two sports I will never understand. I simply can’t watch them, for the reasons you explain.
But as you say, injuries can happen in any sport.
When my daughter first started to take gymnastics, I took her to a college gymnastics competition. Within 20 minutes, a young woman had fallen off the bars. They thought she’d broken her neck — The ambulances came, the competition continued… but I was so damn shaken up.
Single Mom Seeking´s last blog post..When your blog intersects with real life
Comment by krn
| October 24th, 2008
It is shocking that no one got up to help. Yay for your ex-wife! I’m glad she got to watch the video of your son’s match later on. :)
We walked into a video store not long ago and a woman was lying on the floor unresponsive. Someone had called 911, thank goodness. But, the really shocking thing was that people were standing in line about four feet away chatting about the movies they were planning to rent and watch. Being a medical type, I took her pulse and counted her respirations until EMS arrived and reported off to them. I kept wondering whether someone would have initiated CPR if she would have needed it before I came in.
Seeing another human being in crisis is emotional, especially when that person is a child. It can bring up a lot of feelings, including our own wounds and a sense of gratefulness for our own blessings.
Thanks for sharing glimpses of your family life with us, DH. I enjoy the humor, openess and warmth of your posts.
Comment by Vinomom
| October 24th, 2008
I think I would have reacted like your Ex-Wife (don’t divorce me for it!) Your reaction is natural though. I’ve never seen anyone break their arm either, and I’m sure it would have been gruesome. You’d think the coaches would know how to react quickly to something like that!
Girls Wrestling – they were doing it in my HS back in ‘99 they play football now too ya know!
Vinomom´s last blog post..The Socially Retarded (we all know one)
Comment by Katherine (SOLO dot MOM)
| October 24th, 2008
Hello! You know I would have reacted… I couldn’t even handle Batman and Joker on the big screen! Yes I would have been in the back throwing up or already passed out on the bleachers… Yes there are reasons why I didn’t become a doctor or a nurse… I feel their pain when I see stuff like that.
Great Blog.
Katherine (SOLO dot MOM)´s last blog post..Females are Finicky
Comment by SDMktg
| October 24th, 2008
Wrestling…ugh. In 9th grade I had to wrestly a guy 20 pounds lighter than me and he was a lot faster. He flipped me and I not only chipped a bone on the side of my left hand, I sprained every muscle in my hand and wrist. I had a cast for 3 weeks; and I’m left handed. The same week I got my cast off my brother snapped his leg skiing. Spiral fracture at the boot top. My mom was great but my dad couldn’t believe “his” bad luck because the trip was ruined.
Seeing kids hurt is heartbreaking and terrifying. First aid classes really do help because you have a sense of knowing what to do rather than panicking and that allows you to stay more calm. And similar to MC, I was calm right up to the point they wanted me to hold my 2 year old daughter on the table so they could staple her head when she fell in the kitchen. I asked for an orderly and nearly lost it.
SDMktg´s last blog post..Sweet G’s Shot of the Week – Scooby Snacks
Comment by Lori
| October 25th, 2008
I shuddered just reading this, and I’m in the medical field. My son at age 5, broke his arm during a skating field trip. Luckily I was there when it happened and was able to wisk him right off to the ER. It’s just so hard to see a child suffering.
ps it’s really cool how your ex just calmly walked down there to help.
Comment by Solomon King
| October 26th, 2008
I’m not really squeamish, but I thought it was a little weird that no one seemed to be doing anything about the kid. And the way the matches just continued… maybe they’re used to stuff like that happening.
Solomon King´s last blog post..diwali, walk of life and free robotics lessons from Stanford
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| October 26th, 2008
How darling, you were all nauseous and teary-eyed! And no one did a thing except your ex wife? I mean injuries happen all the time in sports. Especially contact sports, of which I believe this is one. :)
You’d think that the people in charge of the damn thing would know what to do in the case of such an emergency.
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..If Living is Without You
Comment by dadshouse
| October 26th, 2008
Wrestling update – last I heard, the kid had the bone reset, then was scheduled for surgery the following morning. My son wasn’t freaked out at all about his own match. He said he saw the kid fall wrong on his arm, and felt bad for him but wasn’t fazed.
As for me, I was fine the next morning. I felt really bad for the kid, and encouraged my son to call and check up on him. I tend to get squeamish around anything medical, and the tears may have been just because this was a child in pain. It put the daily crap into perspective, but also elicited a deep feeling of compassion.
Comment by T
| October 27th, 2008
Ouch! This made me cry too!!
I agree with Teri. You’d think someone would’ve stepped up sooner. Sheesh!
Me? I simply can’t stand to see any child in pain. That’s why I was crying.
Besides, I needed a good reason to let the tears flow. Thank you.
T´s last blog post..Sensing and Learning
Comment by GG
| October 27th, 2008
I think it’s almost worse to see another kid hurt. When you see your own kid hurt, adrenaline kicks in and you know you have to be super-strong for your child. But when you see another hurt, your mind goes into overdrive and you think of the other parent, the pain, etc. At least I know I do, especially when it comes to death of a child or serious illness/injury. I’m a crier. Don’t watch the news anymore because at least with online news, I can pick and choose what to read.
GG´s last blog post..Head, Meet Wall