Comments on: Love vs Fear

By: GG

GG — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 03:29:16 +0000

Ditto Lance. I think if nothing else, physical intimacy is important while you are looking for that emotional and spiritual intimacy with someone else. As a single girl, I have no problem with an FWB. When I was a married girl and my husband was traveling, well, there's a reason they invented toys and webcams. No need to go without. GG´s last blog post..Orgasm Therapy

By: krn

krn — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 22:52:47 +0000

Hmmmm, so much to think about here. This post and the comments are just what I need today. My thanks to loriann and House Dad.

Wendy~ Sending you a big *hug* across the miles. So glad you are seeing the light again.

Mike~ Some military spouses can handle it. There were very, very long stretches for us. Still, I made a promise and I meant it. Reconnecting after the long absences proved very difficult and like T. mentioned, the person that came home often wasn’t the man I was looking forward to seeing again. While that was sometimes exciting, it was also very bittersweet when small glimpses of the “old he” I fell in love with reappeared several weeks later.

Honestly, I have fear, lots of it. But, choosing to honor and experience love instead– for as long as I can sustain it, provides so much hope and energy that I can’t resist all those good feelings. Without the underlying fear, I’m not sure love would be as nice. Anyone know what I mean?

By: Wendy

Wendy — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 14:48:26 +0000

I went almost four years without sex in order to focus on myself. My circumstances were needless to say extreme….I lost my 11 year old daughter to brain cancer. I knew though that to try to mask any single horridly dark and deep pang of grief that set upon my soul with the caress of a man would be dishonoring the process…and myself.

I had to sit with it, I had to feel it and embrace it in an attempt to walk through it to the other side.

Now that I am seeing the light again….hmm….I realize I am still alive.

By: Honey

Honey — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 22:11:24 +0000

I definitely couldn't imagine going a year without sex...but I also couldn't imagine being with anyone but the BF. So if anything ever happened, I'm sure there would be some sort of significant waiting period while those two warring desires battled it out. This post reminded me of one of the two worst breakup lines ever used on me. This one...guy I've been dating a couple of months asks me to have a picnic lunch with him by a lake. After we eat, Him: Do you know how, when you masturbate, you have an orgasm and it's nice, but you feel all hollow and empty inside afterwards? Me: Umm...no. Him: Oh. Well, that's how I felt after the last time we had sex, so I think we should break up. awkward pause Him: I'm so glad that we're such close friends, so I can be honest with you about these things. Years later, I'm still like, WTF?!?! Honey´s last blog post..He Ripped My Clothes Off!

By: Mike

Mike — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 14:41:02 +0000

You want to know a man who goes long stretches without sex? Look at many men in the military. 6-12 month deployments are routine, then maybe home for 3 or 4 months, then gone again. Did that for a career. It’s hard enough just doing the job, but yes, the absence of sex and intimacy makes it more difficult, and is only one aspect. The absence of physical warmth and love is challenging too. Which says nothing of the relationship really. Many spouses find that they can’t handle that level of committment (or absence of physical love) and the relationship ends. Unfortunately, it often ends while the other person is far, far away.

By: Laura

Laura — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 10:14:43 +0000

Can I go long stretches without sex? When I am forced to yes I can! If I had to choose though I would say no! Think its simple for the buzz I get?? Right now - fear is definately driving my choices! I choose the wrong people on purpose! I know it wont work from the start so I know not to give them anything and I dont and then walk away and end up hurting them! When there are ones who stick around - I dont beleive I am good enough for them! So I self destruct and ruin things purely because of my own insecurities! So at the moment I am definately functioning more on fear than on love! Laura´s last blog post..True Wisdom

By: jc

jc — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 01:31:38 +0000

I loved this post.. and congratulations to you. I went three years without one sexual encounter - the three years after my brother passed away. I just couldn't. I had zero emotion left to offer anyone other than the pit of despair I was inhabiting. I couldn't even imagine offering an ounce of emotional anything to anyone. I just didn't feel it existed in me. I fumbled my way through the darkness of those years much as you described your last year and discovered I just didn't want to live any way but fully, completely and fearlessly - anything else would be an unfitting tribute to the life my brother lived for his 47 years. I refused to do one more thing or NOT do one more thing because of fear. Some things are hard, but I am capable of hard things. (As long as the hard thing isn't snowboarding, because I really sucked at that). It is scary sometimes, no doubt. BUT the thrill, accomplishment, and outright, 'hells yeah' feeling is worth every little tremor of doubt. jc jc´s last blog post..Junk drawers