Loose Girl
As a single dad with a teenage daughter, I like to stay informed on modern dating trends, including hookups and casual sex. After all, I’m out there dating and relating, and my daughter is, too. So I was eager to check out a recent title, Loose Girl: A Memoir of Promiscuity
Let me just say, the book was riveting.
Loose Girl tells how, growing up, Cohen used the power of her body through sex to get attention from men. She’s the child of divorce, at first raised by her single mom, then by her single dad. Motivated by a desire to stand out, and desperately wanting to be loved, but unsure how to get either, she reaches for sex.
The book chronicles hookup after hookup, from her teen years through her twenties. Cohen writes with deep poignancy and shocking candor about experiences many would shy from even thinking about. With an MFA in creative writing and an MA in psychology, she brings self-awareness and insight to the telling of her story. It’s clear she’s confused and directionless as she is making choices and going through acts, but by explaining the psychological motivations for her hookups, she made me feel compassion for her mistakes. Over the course of the story, she shows a lot of growth, and the hookups don’t feel redundant.
Upon noticing a new boy, she writes, almost immediately I can feel the energy between us, the promise of something to come. She seduces him at a party, and they end up in bed. After having sex, We glance at each other shyly, trying to come up with things to say. There’s no way to get around the weirdness. Sure we shared bodily fluids, our most intimate places. But we’ve barely exchanged anything else.
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At another point, she writes about the bar scene hookup culture: I want a boyfriend, but if I can’t have that, I’ll take this stand-in. It’s satisfying somehow – the hopeful waiting, the flirtatious exchange, and then the rapt, sudden sexual attention. I begin to enjoy the immediacy of gratification. I still feel let down later when it is over and I am left alone, but this doesn’t keep me from going back for more.
Reading Loose Girl helped me be more aware of my own actions when I have coffee dates that turn into booty calls. It made me question my own motivations for sometimes choosing casual encounters rather than seeking real and lasting intimacy. (I’m still working that!)
It also made me feel validated as a parent, especially for the positive attention I give my daughter. My parenting style is very different than that of Cohen’s father. I feel I’m raising my daughter in a way that she won’t be so starved and desperate for male energy to the point that she’ll make the same sort of mistakes Cohen made.
Any parent with a teenager, or anyone on the modern dating scene, would do well to pick up this book.
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Comment by T
| October 29th, 2008
Wow. Very interesting… I wonder if it would scare me!! I’m still years away from the teen years with my two daughters but they are imminent. Yikes!
Great review!! I like how you learned things about yourself while reading. I’ll have to pick it up.
Thanks!
T´s last blog post..One Hot Night (part 1)
Comment by Lance
| October 29th, 2008
Looks compelling. I’ve long known that (some) young women use sex to validate themselves, and it’s certainly not a good thing.
Lance´s last blog post..He Ripped My Clothes Off!
Comment by Treemama
| October 29th, 2008
wow, scares the crap out of me, but probably a good read. prepwork!
Treemama´s last blog post..Voting With Kids?
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| October 29th, 2008
I agree.
Comment by Exception
| October 29th, 2008
It sounds as if this book provided you with a different perspective on so many things. I might have to pick it up – perhaps I will uncover something new about myself? If nothing else, such a book might help me with my daughter as she ages.
Exception´s last blog post..The Gifts of Learning and Adapting
Comment by staciesmadness
| October 29th, 2008
OOOOHHH, I am going to put this on my “must read” list. Thanks.
staciesmadness´s last blog post..Change
Comment by Vinomom
| October 29th, 2008
I will definitely be picking this book up, although I suspect it’s probably going to hit close to home for me.
Not that anyone asked, but the excerpts you included sound very much like my late teens/early twenties. While putting forth a callous attitude, deep down I know I was always hoping one of those “hook-ups” would want to delve deeper and get to know me beyond sex.
It wasn’t until I put those days behind me that I landed in a real relationship. My BF (of nearly five years) has very little knowledge of the truth behind my sexual history, and I’ve never felt it was important to share. But I don’t think he’d be thrilled to talk numbers. :)
One other point I’ve always found interesting, my best friends (who I became friends with at 19 or 20) have very similar sexual histories. I’ve always had a “Like Attracts Like” Theory. Why, before knowing those details about the other person, do you think we were attracted to eachother and became best friends?
Vinomom´s last blog post..Randomness Forthcoming….
Comment by mama llama
| October 29th, 2008
I think that would be a great book to read–I’ll look for it.
Thank you, as always, for your recommendations. Be well, Dads.
mama llama´s last blog post..The color quiz, stolen from Windy
Comment by Single Mom Seeking
| October 29th, 2008
I just finished reading this book! Interestingly, my dad gave it to me. He knows how I’ve struggled around intimacy, and still struggle.
I’ve asked you some point blank questions about booty calls… because the David I know DOES deserve lasting and genuine intimacy.
Single Mom Seeking´s last blog post..Share your good news… and win $100 gift certificate for dinner at PF Chang’s
Comment by lisaq
| October 30th, 2008
I have to say, sadly, that I can relate to Cohen. Definitely one I need to read. Thanks for the recommendation.
lisaq´s last blog post..How to Know if You’re Suffering From Dating Burnout
Comment by Jon
| October 30th, 2008
Scares me. I hope that I can set my girls asail in the right direction.
http://daddy-detective-jon.blogspot.com/
Jon´s last blog post..The Case of: "Pee in the Pod"
Comment by Honey
| October 30th, 2008
I haven’t read this book, DM, but if you like that you’d probably enjoy A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, if you haven’t read it already.
Honey´s last blog post..Falling Asleep While Having Sex?
Comment by Leah
| October 31st, 2008
Awesome. I love, love, love good memoirs so this is definitely going on my list. Thanks for the review.
Leah´s last blog post..I’ve been viewed 973 times.
Comment by Wenchy
| October 31st, 2008
Casual sex.. so not my thing.