Nude in Chains (An Actual Date)
The buxom blonde and I met by exchanging glances in a coffee house the week before. At the time, I was chatting with a buddy and she was talking with two girlfriends. To my delight, after I left, she approached my buddy and asked for my contact info. (I might have approached her, but it seemed tough with her friends engaging her in an animated discussion. Plus, I usually go for brunettes.)
She was active and athletic, and suggested we go hiking at a nearby nature preserve. (Yes, some women are totally fine with a first-date hike. It doesn’t necessarily imply wild outside sex.)
On our hike, we talked up a storm. I learned about her family, where she grew up, what she studied in college, what she did for fun. She worked in the medical field as an EMT. She was a super healthy eater, and enjoyed lifting weights at the gym. Her rock-hard body was proof of that. I must admit, my mind was already picturing third-date sex. (Sometimes guys’ minds work like that.)
The best part? I kind of sort of liked her.
“So there’s this one medical tech I keep running into at an East Bay hospital,” she said. “He’s married, but loves to flirt. He’s a lifter, like me, so we compare workouts and healthy menu ideas.”
“I bet you have some good ones,” I said.
“Oh, I do.” She smiled. “So this married guy, who is totally in love with his wife, by the way. I mean, he flirts, but it’s just for fun. He asks if I want to go to a party that he and his wife are throwing.”
I nodded approval. I assumed she brought all this up so she could invite me along.
“He’s totally nice,” she said. “So I’m like, sure! When is it? But then he says there’s a catch.”
We were climbing a hill. The trees thinned, and the hill was exposed. There was nothing but open brush.
She looked at me forebodingly.
“What’s the catch?” I asked.
“He wants me nude, inside a cage, with my wrists chained to the top.” She raised her arms in a V, and her shirt lifted up revealing a flat tummy. “What do you make of that?”
Oh, boy. That sounded weird, and more than a little kinky. Still, I’d love to see her naked. Not chained inside a cage, or with other people around. But maybe she was into kink like that? Who was I to judge?
I sensed she was testing me.
- I didn’t want to flat out tell her being nude in a cage was crazy, in case she thought it was kinky
- I didn’t want to say that seeing her chained naked sounded hot, in case she thought it was sick.
I gave the most non-committal answer I knew: “huh.”
She studied my face, but I gave no expression. I wanted her to respond first.
“I think it’s strange,” she said. “But I’m kind of open-minded to the whole thing. Do you think that’s weird?”
Touché. She volleyed the whole thing back into my court.
“I’ve never been to something like that,” I said. I was giving a bravura performance of non-committal-ness.
“Me neither. But I’m kind of intrigued. I mean, this guy and his wife are both totally nice people. I think they really just like my body.”
I think I did, too.
“But I don’t want to go alone,” she said. “Maybe you can come with me? It’s next weekend.”
“Oh, I have my kids then,” I said. I was being honest. But at the same time, I was grateful for the excuse. I wouldn’t have been comfortable at that party. I assumed I wasn’t expected to be in an adjoining cage.
The trail crested, and we headed back into the shelter of some oaks.
“Well, maybe I won’t go,” she said. “It did sound sort of strange.”
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Comment by lisaq
| November 6th, 2008
Whoa! That’s some crazy stuff now! I’m sure I would have stammered and stuttered until I looked like a lunatic. I mean really? How do you respond to something like that?
lisaq´s last blog post..Will Obama’s Victory Affect Attitudes Toward Interracial Dating?
Comment by Me Thinks
| November 6th, 2008
Just “sort of strange”? Surely there has to be some background here that explains why she would consider being the evening’s “entertainment” at a party hosted by a flirty peer. Definitely she was testing you to see if you might be into her kind of kink which I’m assuming is some kind of swinging. Or maybe she’s a former stripper?
Personally, I say to each his own but if this stuff is not something you would even consider then I’d say drop her right then and there unless you want another FWB/FB (although she sounds really hot, maybe you do?!) and even then you’d have to set your boundaries.
Why pretend to feel “non-committal” when clearly you would have an issue with it? Its a chance to be honest and find out what is making her tick, if you truly are looking for a LTR, you can’t put on the facade – I would have probed to find out what SHE thought, why she would consider it, etc.
I have a friend who says you could open up the Sears catalog to any page it find someone’s kinky fetish. True dat!
Comment by Kat Wilder
| November 6th, 2008
Well, Dad, you truly did learn a lot about her on that hike, didn’t you?
Does the fact that she might be into that stuff turn you off, or that she mentioned it so soon (a love of kink usually comes out on a first “date” for a reason; otherwise, it waits a while); or that she was so nonchalant about it? Or that perhaps her boundaries with hot flirty married guy are a bit off?
It’s good to look into your own reactions to something like that, rather than figure out why she told you or why she’s intrigued by that or whether she’s testing you.
”
That said, as interesting as she sounds, her comment, I think they really just like my body” gives me pause.
Kat Wilder´s last blog post..If she’s hot, what am I?
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| November 6th, 2008
I’m beginning to think that your taste in women sucks! I’m with Kat. A LOT to pause about there. Start to finish.
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..A Wretch Like Me
Comment by Exception
| November 6th, 2008
*Stunned* You missed an amazing opportunity to stretch yourself… to explore something new and… well, different…!! ;)
So did she go? Did you see her again?
Exception´s last blog post..Where to Find an Objective Assessment?
Comment by T
| November 6th, 2008
Ha! I’m cracking up at Exception’s comment. We just think alike, she and I!
I’m a bit of a kink myself so I would’ve TOTALLY wanted to go the party. Just as a fun thing, you know? A different experience? No?
Gosh I love open-minded people. Does that make me weird too? :)
She sounds like a blast! Maybe not as something serious but you never know…
T´s last blog post..On Flirting
Comment by Vinomom
| November 6th, 2008
WTF?? You do find some strange ones, I’ll be honest with you. I would hightail it in the other direction. Why would anyone consider being naked in a cage? That whole idea just floors me.
Vinomom´s last blog post..No Money, Mo’ Problems
Comment by Laura
| November 6th, 2008
I am pretty open minded but that would have sent me running to hide in the bushes on that hike!
Mainly cos its not really first date stuff purely because its so out there! So I would first want to get to know the person a little better before announcing that!
I suppose in a way its a compliment for her but still what would the aim of the party be once she is chained up? Just for everyone to stare at her?
Laura´s last blog post..Can you beleive it
Comment by dadshouse
| November 6th, 2008
Kat – great questions. I will think long and hard. (No pun intended)
Cathouse Teri – this says nothing about my taste in women. She asked me on the date. It was one date. And I tend to share my crazy date stories, which gives readers the impression I only date crazies, when in fact they are a small percent of the dates I go on. If you’d prefer, I can start blogging about boring coffee dates…zzzz… or meeting someone and not being able to set up a date because our schedules don’t mesh…zzzzzzzz…..
T – you should blog about those parties you go to! I’ve never been to one, and I have no desire. Maybe because all I hear about places like Power Exchange in SF are that the women are strippers and the men are old and ugly. It’s like live porn, and I’m not a fan of porn. But if you like those things, go for it. I’d learn a lot from your insights.
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| November 6th, 2008
I agree, David. Measuring your taste in women based on a few of your more bizarre stories is just silly. So I was saying that with a very large grain of salt.
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..I Don’t Know Much…
Comment by dadshouse
| November 6th, 2008
Can you salt the rim of a margarita glass with that large grain?
Comment by Susan
| November 6th, 2008
“I assumed I wasn’t expected to be in an adjoining cage.”
Ah, never assume, DH, never assume!! ;)
(That line made me laugh. Thank you.)
Susan´s last blog post..Wake me up before you BloNoGoGo
Comment by Hadley
| November 6th, 2008
I liked the way you used the terrain on the trail as a literary device…nicely written!
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| November 6th, 2008
Indeed! A very large margarita glass! ;)
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..I Don’t Know Much…
Comment by Mad Cartoonist
| November 6th, 2008
Well! That “party” sounds like as likely to be true as the emails from the Nigerian Prince!
She was either testing you about whether you’d be into some kinky games or a 3-some. But people into kink are usually more up-front about it that that.
Could she be just a total flake, liked making fun of you, or has some kind of personality disorder?
Another possibility is that she was just trying to get you to go someplace with her so you could be robbed. Sounds ridiculous, I know, but there was a case recently in Minneapolis where a man accepted an invitation for some kinky sex from a woman, went to a house with her, then some guys “jumped” her (actually her accomplices), and he got robbed and beat up (& accidentally got killed in the process because he kept trying to “rescue” the woman).
so….what happened next?
Comment by Honey
| November 6th, 2008
Well that party does not sound like something I would be comfortable with, either. It all seems a bit juvenile to me in the classic sense, from the husband wanting to stare at a naked woman in front of his wife to the date wanting to show that she’s still got the body to compete with younger girls who are just as hot.
Haven’t we grown past these things? I tried everything kinky when I was younger in an I’m-young-and-hot-let’s-see-how-many-things-my-body-can-do kind of way, but now that I’m older and know what I like, I don’t see the need to do stuff just to be crazy.
If you were in the middle of nowhere on your hike I understand being non-committal–2 miles back to the car gets a lot longer if you openly judge her and she thinks you’re a stick-in-the-mud. I probably wouldn’t go on a second date or make her a FWB, but I might keep her around as a friend for her crazy stories.
And, PS–what girl asks a guy she’s known for 2 hours to go with her to this as some sort of protector? That’s very stupid.
Honey´s last blog post..Help! My BF Won’t Use a Condom!
Comment by mama llama
| November 6th, 2008
Huh?
Sorry, couldn’t resist. I really enjoyed reading, actually, the control-factor flow in the conversation; both of you knowing that there were things at stake at the slip of a word, the volleying of words or expressions. Nice.
Can’t say I’d ever go in for something like that myself either, Dads. Interesting learning what makes others tick, though.
Be well, Dads.
mama llama´s last blog post..dona nobis pacem
Comment by Phil
| November 6th, 2008
If the story is even true, it points to some serious issues. Why would any woman want to be degraded like that? It sounds like it was asked as a favor and she wouldn’t even be paid. What would she possible gain by it other than a high risk of being raped? If she’s excited about the idea of being used, stay away from her.
Comment by Attainingme
| November 6th, 2008
Until she asked you to go with her, I was convinced she was telling the story as she was flattered by it. Yes, it was kinky and perverse, but also a compliment to her. When you seemed indifferent, she even explicably said, “I think they really just like my body.” (PS. Women do this, subconsciously even. Two things: She is obsessed with the gym, her looks, her diet- she is also therefore, very elated by this story. I promise. Even if it is degrading, to her, it was a compliment.)
While, I definitely believe there is more going on here and she may be into kinky things, do consider the indirect ramblings as simply what I mentioned above. The cage, etc, etc is a little much. If I were you, I would ask her if she has had a threesome, gone to swinger parties, etc. In less than a minute, you will discover if she’s crazy and/or just open and wanting to bring your attention to her body.
(Considering you are thinking about third-date sex, that may not be a bad thing. . . . !)
Attainingme´s last blog post..Breaking in
Comment by Katherine (SOLO dot MOM)
| November 6th, 2008
OMG. Ok that is all for now…. OMG!
Katherine (SOLO dot MOM)´s last blog post..Embracing CHANGE
Comment by dadshouse
| November 6th, 2008
Phil, the story is very true. Why are some people into public displays? I don’t know. But I know that some people are. Clubs in SF exist for that very purpose.
Attainingme – I think you hit it on the head. This woman was majorly into the gym and staying fit, and I think she wanted to focus all attention on her body. Why is that? Who knows. Maybe she didn’t get enough positive attention from her dad growing up. Or maybe she has some “defect” (physical or psychological) she is trying to over-compensate for.
I did think it was weird as all get out for her to bring this party up. But she did it in a non-confrontational way. We were on a hike, and she asked my opinion, sort of like asking what I thought of rosemary chicken. Way too early after meeting her, but whatever.
Honey – everyone grows at their own rate. What you did in college, others might only do after divorce or a major relationship ends. This woman was in her 30s, and I’m guessing she is starting to be overlooked by men who are chasing after women in their 20s, and maybe that bugs her.
Mad Cartoonist – very interesting point! I should learn karate. Or stay away from parties with strangers like that.
Hadley – thanks for the props!
Comment by dadshouse
| November 6th, 2008
Of course, it could very well be her “nude in a cage at a party” story was just that – a story. i.e. maybe she was testing me to see if I was into stuff like that. But if that’s the case, all it did was make me think that she’s the one into kink and public displays, not me. So I kind of think she was being real.
Comment by Phil
| November 6th, 2008
Yes, I know of the clubs – but they are paid, it’s a job, like being a stripper. That’s my point. Being displayed in a cage for “fun” is extremely degrading.
Comment by Phil
| November 6th, 2008
I wanted to add that it’s not the nudity… it’s the being tied up in a cage.
Comment by dadshouse
| November 6th, 2008
There are women who go to Power Exchange in SF without being paid. Not that they end up in cages, but they do allow men to have sex with them in front of a crowd.
I agree it’s degrading. Other people have different psychologies, and they don’t see it that way. Doesn’t make it right. But it does elicit compassion from me that they feel they need to do that for attention, or whatever.
Comment by justrun
| November 6th, 2008
Oh, dude, I so cannot read your blog at work.
justrun´s last blog post..Sunrise
Comment by singleworkingmommy
| November 6th, 2008
She might not have been testing you. If this guy had recently asked her to be the “naked in a cage girl,” maybe she was just talking with someone who wouldn’t judge her; like a close friend possibly would. You didn’t know her; you wouldn’t go tell her mom or something. She might have just been trying to see someone else–not in her close circle of friends or family–thought about the whole situation?.
Also, I can’t imagine being friends with someone and all we talked about was healthy eating habits and our weight lifting routines. Zzzzzz
singleworkingmommy´s last blog post..A Few Good Thoughts?
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| November 6th, 2008
I do not at all feel degraded when tied up. :)
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..I Don’t Know Much…
Comment by SoloMother
| November 6th, 2008
Oh yeah, that happens to me all the time.
*snort*
damn.
SoloMother´s last blog post..things are different now
Comment by Cheery-Wise
| November 6th, 2008
Hold on, Dads: back up.
How did you get a total stranger, who isn’t even “your type”, to ask your buddy for your phone number like that? Not only hadn’t you spoken to each other, you had left the building!?!
I wish you’d share your secret to some pretty powerful “come hither” looks!! You must be some totally hot dude yourself! I think I’m gonna swoon. ;) LOL
Or perhaps… she’s a predator? A kinky weight-lifting buxom blond bondage babe just looking for her next victim. And you felt safe going on a hike in the wilderness with her on your first date?! Serves you right! hahaha
Comment by Lance
| November 6th, 2008
I occasionally have women say outlandish stuff to me…and I’ve heard a lot of weird stuff. It’s usually a shit test (she’s testing if I’m cool) and my usual response is, “that’s cool, whatever floats your boat.” In this case, I might have even said, “I have friends that are into BDSM.” Who am I to judge what your kink is?
In this case, I would have flipped it around on her and suggested a future date on a day you can attend. It sounds she you would have been at too much of a tactical disadvantage by doing her gig.
Comment by Leah
| November 6th, 2008
Fantastic story. Maybe she was building up to ask you to join her in the cage next weekend. It’s good to know one’s limits, although it’s also good to push them once in a while.
Comment by dadshouse
| November 6th, 2008
Cathouse Teri – you crack me up.
SingleWorkingMommy – very interesting theory! I like it.
CheeryWise – I didn’t get her to ask me out. She did it herself. Who knows why? I’m not Brad Pitt. I’m just a normal guy. It’s actually pretty rare for a woman to do the asking with me.
Lance – you have great comebacks. I do, sometimes. And sometimes, “huh” seems entirely appropriate.
Comment by MommytoLogan
| November 7th, 2008
I have to admit, being married and reading your posts makes me wonder about all the crazy things I’m missing! Is that bad?
Comment by Cheery-Wise
| November 7th, 2008
Damn! Not Brad Pitt? Oh my, I just got an image of Brad Pitt in chains. Wait… I think I saw that movie: Troy, right? haha
Comment by tnandga
| November 8th, 2008
This website is a recent discovery and I have been a regular reader since but I had to comment here. She is obviously bold enough to approach a man she finds attractive and felt comfortable enough with you to ask your opinion about this situation. My guess without additional info, she is proud of her body and flattered with the request but it appears this is out of her current comfort zone and the feedback she is getting from her circle isn’t solving her dilemna so outside opinion time from a nonbias party. And the request to accompany, safety net? it is hard to dial 911 chained in a cage. Then again she could be totally kinky and wanted you to join in so who knows since the conversation didn’t get that far.
Comment by Paula
| June 24th, 2009
Oh, come now you fuddy duddy, you would have looked just fine in a cage of your own wearing leather thongs and a gag ball.
Live a little!
Seriously, as someone just exploring past posts, I hope you ran like hell!
Comment by Jim Hardin
| August 20th, 2009
Sorry, bro, but if it was me…I would have TOTALLY gone with her to the party just to see her in that cage!!! You only live once and it definitely pays to be adventurous! This could have been one of those stories you’d be telling your grandkids about one day…well, maybe not, haha!
Comment by Sarah Timbers
| January 15th, 2010
That was a weird girl. Why would she take you hiking and then discuss stuff like that? Doesn’t she have friends or whatever to look after her? That was really strange.