Comments on: How to Ask a Teacher Out

By: Cathouse Teri

Cathouse Teri — Thu, 07 May 2009 19:31:55 +0000

Well, clearly ~ it's been six months. :) Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..Amazing Grace

By: Zeet

Zeet — Thu, 07 May 2009 19:26:26 +0000

Update:
I have been laying low. Our emails have been much less, and only to discuss my daughter. I saw her last night at the school conference, I stopped to say hello to her and realized that I am still very attracted to this woman. Not a knockout by any means, not the best looking girl I have dated, but she has something that just does it for me.
I had emailed her the other day discussing my daughter changing schools. My son is in the challenge program which is being held at a different school next year, and I want my daughter to be in the same school as him. I learned of a program being offered there called the explorer program that I thought might be great for my daughter. I asked my daughters teacher if she would recommend her for the program in the email.
She walked with me out of the auditorium after the concert and to the parking lot across the street. It was raining and we had no umbrella. As we walked our talk was only of the program and my daughter. At one point she got to close to the curb and almost slipped off and I put my hand around her waist to catch her. “I didn’t want you to fall ”
she looked at me and said thank you.
she said she would talk with me more about it and we said goodbye and have a good day and went to our separate cars.
I don’t know if she has any interest in me, but I can’t wait till school is over so I can try asking her out again :)

By: Cathouse Teri

Cathouse Teri — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 20:17:35 +0000

Zeet ~ I do agree that asking her in email was very thoughtful, as it made it easy for her to answer honestly. And I can sit over here and respect that. She doesn't know this side of it over here where you are struggling to understand and not overstep boundaries. If she did have a little more insight into where you are coming from, no doubt she would be warmed by it. The trick is figuring out how to come across as interested and not overzealous. And if we had a broadbrush answer to that, we'd be millionaires, eh? ;) Six months is indeed a long time to "wait." But you wouldn't be waiting. I would still pursue her but much more carefully. The harm that was done was only in that you must hold back and tread more lightly now. In other words, whatever headway was made is gone. That doesn't mean it's not able to be recovered. To continue with the dance analogy ~ you have stepped on her toes. It doesn't mean she won't ever dance with you again, it just means it will take more on your part to convince her that you're not just another dancer who wants to hold her close. :) Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..Love? LORD ABOVE!! Now You're Tryin' To Trick Me In Love!

By: zeet

zeet — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 20:09:44 +0000

I do agree with a lot of what you say, show interest but not jump all over her. But, Ah! In this situation how is that done? I thought about it. And I didn’t jump on it either. The day we were working in the class room together, there was a moment when we were by ourselves, but I did not want to be hasty. I waited till what I felt was a better oppurtunity.
Sadly, I wish it had been in person, or perhapse I should have asked her for a late morning coffe on the day we both had off. But I also feel my mistake with women has always been, not acting. And not being up front with my intentions. I always seem to make girl “friends”. Not girlfriends.
So, I felt, ask her in a way that recognizes the sensitivity of the circumstance, but lets her know I am interested.
I don’t think harm was done, maybe slightly to my chances with her, but 6 months is a long time to wait. I will act like a gentlemen from here on, and let her know I am interested later if the same circumstances are there.
I am far from an expert on this, and will always listen to advice. Thank you for yours.

By: Cathouse Teri

Cathouse Teri — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 17:29:03 +0000

David ~ I was not projecting my perspective of a fast-moving man as being horny or desperate. I was saying that women, in general, will likely perceive a man who moves too quickly (especially in certain situations) as being horny or desperate. As for complaints about a man not acting on the eye contact, of course I think a man should respond to eye contact! HOW he responds is what is in question here. You may notice that I (and others) said Zeet should have showed interest and remained in contact with this teacher. The recommendation was never to just ignore her and hope she's still available at the end of the year. A man in a coffee shop who notices a woman should definitely respond with interest. Just not OVER interest. It does take two to tango, and the steps are definitely necessary to learn in order to do it well. That's what we're talking about here. Not just flirting, but doing it well. Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..Love? LORD ABOVE!! Now You're Tryin' To Trick Me In Love!

By: dadshouse

dadshouse — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 17:15:50 +0000

Teri – I think you are very wise about the ways of men and woman. However, it’s not fair to judge every man who moves quickly as being horny or desperate. Those labels show your perspective, but aren’t necessarily the truth of what’s going on in Zeet’s or any other man’s mind.

Think of it this way – I hear women all the time complain that they make eye contact with a man in a coffee house, or a bar, or in line somewhere, and he doesn’t act. He hesitates. Lance will tell you that hesitation is a killer. If a guy takes too long to come say something, then she starts thinking his approach isn’t genuine, that he’s thinking too much.

I’m just saying that flirting is a dance between two people, and the steps are different every time.

By: Cathouse Teri

Cathouse Teri — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 14:40:36 +0000

I really do think harm was done. I think Zeet f*#ked up. Women don't like men who behave too hastily. (I think I mentioned this when David was relating his story about the teacher.) Women appreciate men who think about what they are doing. If Zeet had approached her on a more cautious level, while remaining interested, she would have appreciated that much more. You see, women get hit on all the time. A man must make himself appear different than the average hitter-onner. Often, when a woman shows any amount of interest in a man, he will start running with it. Then she'll back off. Especially in a case like this, where there is definitely a precarious situation. As I said, women don't appreciate this. They see it as a man who is pretty much horny or desperate. Neither one of these being attractive. Regardless of the fact that inside, this man isn't after her just for sex. Unfortunately, many a man has done the very same thing when he does want just sex. A man who wisely weighs the situation and presents himself as exceptional is the one who gets the date. There is never ever ever ever a reason to think you must hurry and take an opportunity. Sure, there are plenty of stories of "missed opportunities," but I can almost guarantee you that most of those were never really opportunities anywhere but in your minds. And you could now say, "Shut up Teri, what makes you an expert? You don't even know these people!" This is true. But I know men and I certainly know women. And if a man isn't interested in hearing about the working of a woman's mind then he's pretty much in the boat he deserves to be in. *Side Note ~ there are SOME men who don't have to follow any of these rules because they are drop dead gorgeous and make a woman swoon and forget everything and anything reasonable. This is not a common man either. And unless you are that sort of man, I'd be trying to get points elsewhere. Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..Love? LORD ABOVE!! Now You're Tryin' To Trick Me In Love!