Lonely Housewives
A single buddy was visiting from out of town this past week. We headed out to Palo Alto for drinks one night. Keep in mind, we’re both in our forties, and I’m a single parent, so we weren’t exactly hitting the club scene. More like drinking glasses of expensive wine in a dimly lit room.
Still – What a scene!
We got our wine, chatted a bit, then wandered around the bar. A woman pulled me aside and said, “don’t I know you?”
Um…no. (Cheesy pick-up line on her part, but it worked.)
We started talking, and she pulled us over to a table with her girlfriends. They were all attractive, in their forties.
And all of them married.
My buddy and I are both gentlemen, and these women were interesting, so we hung out and chatted for a while. Can you say, Lonely Housewives?
One of these lonely housewives said she hits the bars two to three times a week. A second lonely housewife was totally hot for another guy in the bar, but wouldn’t actually talk to him. She wants to have an affair, but doesn’t want to screw up her marriage. Still, she sent some dirty text messages while we were there. The last of the lonely housewives looked heartbroken and depressed – turns out she’s going through rough times in her marriage.
So here’s the thing – I’m divorced, I know what it’s like to be in a marriage where the love dies out. But these women weren’t looking for nooky. They were simply lonely housewives wanting company from some men. Where are their husbands?
Note to all married people: be happy and grateful you have someone to come home to, someone to sleep with, someone to vacation with, etc. (For those still single, I offer marriage advice from a single dad.) My heart goes out to lonely housewives everywhere, but that doesn’t mean I want to get involved.
If you’re a lonely housewife or out with lonely housewives in a bar, please let the singles mingle with other singles.
- Hot Bus Girl
- Gold Diggers
- Thursday Night in Palo Alto
- Date Stacking
- High Cost of Company, a Dad’s House nationally syndicated post
- Meeting Women the Old Fashioned Way
- Tis the Season to Flirt
- Sexy and Funny Dating Stories
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Comment by lisaq
| November 17th, 2008
“be happy and grateful you have someone to come home to, someone to sleep with, someone to vacation with, etc.” Amen! It’s a very sad state of affairs (pun intended) isn’t it? A peek on the other side and they might realize the grass ain’t always greener there. Then again, they keep hittin’ the bars that often and they just might find themselves living on the other side.
lisaq´s last blog post..Why Have Sex?
Comment by dadshouse
| November 17th, 2008
Kat and Cathouse – when I was married and out for a night of drinking with my buddies, we didn’t pull single women over to our table. If we had, our wives would have killed us! These lonely housewives crossed a line, imho.
Comment by Kat Wilder
| November 17th, 2008
Dad — Hey, the “lonely housewives” have as much of a right to be in a bar as anyone else, and any single man who isn’t interested in engaging them has every right not to.
Of course, all of us should love and be thankful for what we have, but you know as well as I that it’s often very easy to be hurtful to the ones we love.
Marriage isn’t perfect; neither is being single/divorced. But it’s up to each of us individually to be happy and healthy in whatever situation we’re in. Sometimes, we want a drink in a bar to get out mind right ….
Kat Wilder´s last blog post..Why raise ‘em when you can dump ‘em?
Comment by Katherine (SOLO dot MOM)
| November 17th, 2008
I agree with Lisa… it is sad state of affairs.
Great blog.
Katherine (SOLO dot MOM)´s last blog post..BF MARKET
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| November 17th, 2008
I’m with Kat. No need to be a housewives snob! Those gals are just out having fun and they must have thought you guys were fun to have fun with! You could have been flattered that they thought so.
People in bars are still just people. I see no need to deter marrieds from fraternizing with singles. That just seems mean.
Have you gotten so “single minded” that you turn your nose up at the unsingles who are lonely?
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..As You Wish
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| November 17th, 2008
Any man of mine would never be out drinking with buddies because I give him so many reasons to stay home! ;)
~Or go out drinking with me!~
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..As You Wish
Comment by T
| November 17th, 2008
Yeah, I agree with Kat. We should all be thankful for what we have. But at the same time, I do remember those lonely days… when I felt more lonely with someone to come home to than I do now.
Still, I’m thinking you guys could’ve mingled and then pardoned yourselves. Or else you could have just enjoyed the company instead of having another goal in mind.
And hey, at least they were honest with you all that they were married instead of leading you on.
T´s last blog post..Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl
Comment by Me Thinks
| November 17th, 2008
Hey DM, guess what? You just found out what its like to be a woman. Hee! Just reverse the gender roles in your tale and you could replicate that scene at most bars on a saturday night.
That said, I think its pretty pathetic. I’m surprised how many people let the spark die and just point fingers at each other, then go out looking for validation from someone else. I like to think I have learned from my divorce that its worth working hard to keep it going (even though sometimes that isn’t enough).
Comment by dadshouse
| November 17th, 2008
T – we did pardon ourselves from these lonely housewives after a while. That’s not my point. I agree, it’s no fun being lonely in a marriage. But when you were married, did you want your husband out doing that? Or maybe, did you do that? I’m not naive, I know it happens. I’ve been hit on before. But these lonely housewives weren’t trying to go home with us, they were simply desperate for male company. That was really sad that they looked for it in a bar where the social norm is for singles to hit on each other.
MeThinks – I think you’re right! It sucked being hit on by lonely housewives like that.
TwentyFour At Heart – you’re my kind of gal. That’s exactly what I’d expect from married women out for a night with the girls – enjoy each other’s company, not hit on men. Same with married men out for a night (like my married buddies and I used to do) – enjoy each other’s company, not hit on women. Lonely housewives shouldn’t screw up the singles scene. (If they’re that lonely, have a discreet affair…)
Comment by Twenty Four At Heart
| November 17th, 2008
Well, this is an interesting post. I’m married. My husband travels on business extensively. I do NOT go out to the bars several times a week. Once in awhile, I DO go out for girl’s night. No I do NOT pull random men over to the table. I’m out to have a good time with my girlfriends NOT to pick up men. Do men ever approach us (despite wedding rings) – yes. Do we sometimes enjoy the company and conversation? Yes. Do we plan on going home with any of them? No. It’s just a night out for fun.
Comment by Leah
| November 17th, 2008
Wow, that is kind of weird and sad. It is easy to idealize marriage when you’re single, but as others said, both states of being have their challenges.
I offered to babysit for a married mom friend so she and her husband could go on a date yesterday, and he initially said no when she asked him. I made her march right back down there and set him straight. They did end up going out and had a great time.
I am holding on to the belief that if and when I marry the second time around, we’ll find a way to keep that spark going. It takes effort, but the effort is well worth it. Call me a romantic idealist.
Anyway Dadshouse, way to go for being chivalrous. You guys probably made their night :) It’s always fun to flirt.
Leah´s last blog post..Mama’s night out!
Comment by mama llama
| November 17th, 2008
I am exactly with 24. Just because we might be married, no matter what the status of the marriage, does not mean we can’t go out and converse and mix with the rest of the human race. In your case, it sounds (from your perspective, which could be completely right) that there could have been ulterior motives among the ladies involved. However, that is not always the case…
…not that I would ever have any issues in that department because I’m too shy to even start a conversation with someone else, let alone look them in the eye! I have other issues, thank you very much!! :)
Be well, Dads.
mama llama´s last blog post..The Izzy Factor
Comment by CK
| November 17th, 2008
You’re awesome for being a gentleman.
Comment by Laura
| November 17th, 2008
What an interesting topic! Even more interesting responses!
I think its sad! I find it truely sad that in marriages people stop listening! They stop being kind to each other – they loose something along the way!
Thats more sad to me than the women hitting on you!
Laura´s last blog post..A true love story
Comment by debra
| November 17th, 2008
I find the fact that so many people, married and single, immediately size people up based soley on whether or not they are wearing a ring. People should socialize based on common interests, whether or not those people are single or married shouldn’t matter. I realize we’re talking about a bar in this example, but the single/married split extends beyond that into every day life sometimes too. I can be the only woman at a sports practice for my son among 10 fathers, some married, some single. Only the single ones will talk to me, despite that fact that I have much more in common (including kids who are friends) with the married Dads. It bums me out that it seems, sometimes, people decide whether or not to talk to me because I don’t have a ring on.
Comment by Exception
| November 17th, 2008
Speaking for myself – and I am not a wife in any sense of the word – I need male attention or that masculine energy just as some men do. It isn’t anything more than a desire to have a conversation with someone new and different. It doesn’t speak of anything promiscuous or smack of infidelity. It is just the desire to connect with a different person – the masculine energy that differs from mine or that of the men I know.
Your last paragraph is interesting. Should such people consider themselves lucky if they aren’t connecting with their spouse or love doesn’t exist within that relationship?
Exception´s last blog post..My Fairy Issues
Comment by Exception
| November 17th, 2008
I know exactly how debra feels!
Exception´s last blog post..My Fairy Issues
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| November 17th, 2008
I talked about this at a post over a year ago. Here’s what it said:
I’m sorry men adjust their behavior to adapt to a woman and whether she’s available or not. I’m sorry men look at a woman’s finger to see if she’s worth his trouble.
I’ll tell you this. My sons have always behaved toward the female sex as if they were equals. I didn’t teach them that. At least not to my knowledge. From the earliest age, even two years old, my oldest would treat girls as peers. He never went through the “cooties” stage of girls. I don’t know why. He just never did. And girls have SWARMED around him all of his life. Same with my youngest, although at least he didn’t seem oblivious to the fact of the sexes. (And I promise you, their father did everything he could to give them the idea that a woman was inferior and made to submit and be their “help mates.”)
Jake has been amazingly unprejudiced. I rarely see anything like it. And I rarely see women respond in such a fashion.
So what do we learn from this young man? I really don’t know. All I know is that men bend over backwards to get a woman. To get a woman in many senses of the word. Only to shoot themselves in the f@&kin’ foot. While Jake… gets any woman he wants. And he has not a penny to his name.
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..As You Wish
Comment by dadshouse
| November 17th, 2008
Debra – I go through the same thing as you. A lot of moms won’t talk to me because I am single, whether they are lonely housewives or happily married. It has gotten better over the years. After volunteering in the classroom, as a coach, in scouts, and just generally being a good guy, some moms finally started treating me as an equal and would talk to me at sports pratices and games. But it took 6 or 7 years before this change took place.
I don’t look for rings before deciding whether to talk to a woman or not. But if I’m in a bar and I’m going to hit on a woman, then yes I check. If a woman hits on me, I sort of expect (or hope) that she’s single, and not a lonely housewife.
Comment by Honey
| November 17th, 2008
Well I’m with Cathouse Teri–if the BF wants to go out drinking, then it’s either strictly a guys’ night (which is rare) or he wants me with him!
It is a little surprising that a bunch of married women would be seeking out single male company like that. The “girl’s night out” code is much stricter than men’s…
Honey´s last blog post..The Nicest Surprise
Comment by PT-LawMom
| November 17th, 2008
I dunno. I agree with you. I think it’s kind of weird that they were seeking out single men to chat. Perhaps if one of them was single/divorced and the married women were just keeping her company. That said, my ex-husband wouldn’t even let me go to a girl’s day much less a girl’s night out so what do I know?!?!
PT-LawMom´s last blog post..Served Cold
Comment by justrun
| November 17th, 2008
Oh, I have so many theories as to how women (and their marriages ) “end up” this way. But I’ll keep them to myself, as I am not a Lonely Housewife in my 40’s– I just seem to know several hundred of them.
justrun´s last blog post..I Guess This Will Count As The Third Thing
Comment by T
| November 17th, 2008
My ex traveled all the time with work. He didn’t go out at all with the guys when he was home. He is divorced from me now and still doesn’t go out. Now… I do know that he drank heavily when he traveled and stayed out all hours. Who he talked to? I don’t know.
Me? When I was married and went out with my married girlfriends, I always hated the fact that they wanted to hang out and try to flirt with guys. I never could do that.
That’s the thing with me. When someone has my heart, and my ex did til way after the bitter end, every other man is pretty darn invisible.
T´s last blog post..Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl
Comment by Angel Cuala
| November 17th, 2008
Interesting scene. I guess these housewives are not only lonely, they’re also desperate. Loneliness makes people crazy, though.
By the way, I found you at onteenstoday.com’s post – 50 Best Dad Blogs and it’s nice to meet fellow father bloggers here.
I just included myself in your subscribers list, anyway.
Thanks!
Angel Cuala´s last blog post..How to teach your Teenage Boys to respect Women
Comment by MindyMom
| November 18th, 2008
I agree with 24 and I also used to be “one of those” moms. My (now) ex-husband traveled and ignored me when he was home so a night out with girlfriends was always welcome. As much as I like my girlfriends I have always enjoyed conversation and friendship with men too. (maybe due to growing up with brothers?) I never strayed or even thought of it on those nights out but men were drawn to me even with a ring on my finger, and not only for the “wrong” reasons; I wasn’t flirty or desperate, just receptive and open to meeting new people.(isn’t that one of the benefits of going out?) Can’t men and women chat and hang out without being suspected of other motives?
MindyMom´s last blog post..Reality Exposed: Single Mom Seeks Child Support (Part 4)
Comment by SDMktg
| November 18th, 2008
It seems to me there are different “girls night out” codes in effect. My girlfriend and I just had a conversation about this last night and she said when her and her friends get together there are “no boys allowed”. It’s just girl time.
When my ex went out on girls trips I can only imagine what went on as one of her friends was single and apparently the married ones weren’t happy.
I have mixed feelings about it now but if you can’t trust someone why be with them at all. They could just as easily cheat during lunch on a normal work day as they could on girls night out. And yes, sometimes flirting is just flirting with no expectations or intentions.
SDMktg´s last blog post..Vote Early and Often
Comment by April
| November 23rd, 2008
I couldn’t agree more!
April´s last blog post..Random Thursday
Comment by Melany
| December 6th, 2008
I can’t imagine going to a bar, looking for male company when i’m married. Even in the bad times we had
Comment by Splash!
| February 19th, 2009
Had a rough year separated (places, lost intimaacy and intolerable arguments), but friendly short business calls about 13yr old daughter mostly with wife of 16yrs. Faced with lack of friendly feminine intimacy, facing a will-we-or-won’t-we-ever-be-sweet-again situation, and being a very socialiable, cheerful, enthusiastic and brave boy, I actively sought female energy, flirty, friendly, but goodnight at the door but must admit if presented NSA, might have! I’ll never really know.
But little George Washington, faced with the cherry tree incident, cannot ever tell a lie. (Always got caught, sadly even from youth, thus I learned one story only is safest). Therefore I never lied to any or all the gals I teased and flirted shamelessly, and I could keep honor intact and keep looking wifey in the eye and with a straight face telling her no, not me, not never since you (dammit you KNOW I want you, I am dying over here!) But she sure knew I was spending time with others, suspected hanky-panky always, didn’t like the idea a bit, but I could counter with wise up girl and start being nice to me again, then I won’t! I need YOU, get over here!
And I have the Monster Flamboyant Karaoke style and repertoire to prove it.(Splash! Baby guess who just entered the room!)