Comments on: Not All Men Are Monsters

By: Jackie

Jackie — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 04:09:24 +0000

I work at a place where children are interviewed everyday by investigators and also work with foster children who have been abused, so I see this everyday, but not all fathers are abusers my own father was the best father anyone could wish for and my mother was also the best. So I have to say that you shouldn’t characterize father as abusers, they all aren’t, there is alot of mothers that are doing far worse by putting there children in harms way by exposing these children to those kind of people. All I would like to say is watch your children carefully they are so innocent and loving, they love their parents no matter what they do to them, so protect them and keep them safe.

By: james

james — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 04:34:22 +0000

I am a 31 year old single dad. I was sexually abused by my older sister when I was 8 years old. I don’t know why she did it, I’ve often wondered if someone else did it to her first. It only happened one time.

It’s not only men that do this.

I don’t have all the answers but personally I believe that it’s better to teach our children what to do if this situation happens, than to teach them to fear every stranger they meet, or every man. Personally I think when you fear, it makes you an even bigger target. I don’t know how to explain that but I try to teach my children to be brave and fight if they get caught in a situation

By: carnal

carnal — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 17:16:26 +0000

It’s sad to see the cycle of abuse continue. I hope she gets help so she won’t raise a child with badly warped understandings of relationships.

By: Solo-Dad

Solo-Dad — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 04:40:14 +0000

I'm a single dad with a 12 year-old. My son has had sleepovers with up to three boys with me being the only adult in the house. Apparently I did something right as all three have come back for solo sleepovers. While I think every parent must evaluate the risks of any situation where their child will spend time (especially over night), I think it's unfair to characterize a single dad as a 'monstrous' risk simply because of his marital status. Could the Prop 8 folks will be coming after us next? Solo-Dad´s last blog post..Ending My Suffering Over Little Elvis’ Study Habits

By: Exception

Exception — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 00:13:53 +0000

I am raising a beautiful daughter - a daughter who dances. As a dancer, her body is on display. As a dancer, she is touched by men who she trusts. My goal, as a parent, is to teach her to use her instincts, to listen to her inner voice, to say "no" and to seek help from others. I have not known abuse myself but have known children who have been abused by men that they trusted. They took action; they fought back. In such cases, generalization damages more than it helps. There is not a single answer - a solution that applies to every situation. Do our laws need to change, yes!! For me and my daughter education is key, instincts are key, and remembering that we have a voice and a means of taking actions. I refuse to allow fear to be a motivating point. I think about her ballet and her rock climbing, (male dominated), and know that at some point trust has to come in to play. At some point I have to trust my instincts and allow her to trust hers. BUT each situation is singular in nature. Perhaps the point of this conversation is not to generalize and blame every member of a gender or parental status, but to take each situation on its own. Exception´s last blog post..Learning to Fly

By: dadshouse

dadshouse — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 18:50:04 +0000

My heart goes out to all victims of abuse, and I personally know several people who suffered abuse when they were children. And it’s partly because I know these people and see all they’ve had to deal with that my stance is what it is. Many of these friends mistrust members of the opposite sex. Some have been able to work past their fears and are finally, and happily, in healthy relationships again. Others have not. You do what’s right for you. Everyone is different.

If someone said “a black/asian/jewish/arab/hispanic/white person did something bad to me, so I won’t let my kids near any black/asian/jewish/arab/hispanic/white people ever again”, that would be an extreme reaction, I think. This is essentially the message some moms are sending about men – whether the man is a single dad or a married dad, they don’t trust men and they won’t allow their kids near men. I wonder what then happens if the kids encounter men in school, sports, band, scouts, church, etc.? They aren’t allowed to participate?

I understand some people have experienced horrible things that will take a long time to heal from, and some of those individuals will never be able to trust again. My heart goes out to those people.

By: goin-crazy

goin-crazy — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 18:12:54 +0000

I am jumping in here late because I wanted to read all the comments first. I am not calling out men in general. When I taught my kids the difference in good touch and bad touch, it was not gender specific. I told them that no one could touch them like that. My daycare is provided by a woman. I wanted to know if anyone touched them in a way that was uncomfortable. I am one of the fortunate ones who found out what was going on because my kids told me. If it had been a woman who touched them, my stance would be exactly the same. I think men are being called out because your post was in defense of men and you are a man. If you were a woman writing this post, my comment would have been the same. For me, the most important thing is the kids. Their dad does not have to carry this pain for the rest of his life, you do not have to carry it, none of these other men that are not monsters have to carry it. My 4 year, my 3 year and me...that is who is carrying it. If I refuse to let my kids go places because I have a gut instinct about it, they will not go, regardless of whose feelings get hurt. If the tables were turned and it was your son or daughter that was touched by a man or woman, I think your stance would change a little. We all measure based on our own personal experiences. That is how life works. I am not going to argue you with you because you prefer Nike over Adidas. I would assume that you have a factual, personal basis for your opinion. The same with any differing opinion. Some of us are able to put our pain and fear aside so we can do what's best for the kids, some never received help and carry it with them, some are too fearful...no one is wrong. We just handle it differently. P.S. The kids' dad would qualify under the single dad status. goin-crazy´s last blog post..Codependency-Part 2