Dirty Text Message Jokes
Every few months, I go through the address book of my cell phone and delete names and numbers that I no longer call or text. For a single parent on the dating scene, this can be quite a few. Usually, I remember some detail about every name in the list. Where we ate. What she looked like. Whether we hooked up. Whether we shared dirty text message jokes.
On a recent night of contact expunging, I came across a name I could not place. Rather than delete it, I sent a text.
Hey.
She texted back immediately: Hey.
I was tempted to ask Who are you? But I felt mischievous. (Blame it on the Tom Sawyer gene encoded in the DNA of most American boys. Sexy and funny is good.) Instead, I texted:
What r u up to?
She didn’t miss a beat: Hanging out. U?
I texted: Same.
The last thing I wanted was for her to turn the tables and ask who I was, so I wrote:
Do u remember me?
A beat passed before she replied: Give a hint?
For some reason, I suddenly remembered exactly who she was. A woman I met online, and met up with in person for a drink. It might have been a bad night for both of us then, but there wasn’t a great deal of chemistry. Still, we had fun, and for a brief time after, I had considered meeting her again. No dirty text messages though. Things just sort of drifted. I guess I just wasn’t that into her.
Still, she seemed in a playful mood this night. I texted her the name of the bar where we met.
She wrote back: R u white or asian?
Hilarious. So much for her remembering me! I decided dirty text message jokes were entirely in order. (Tom Sawyer at his funniest would be proud.) I texted:
I’m white. We SLEPT together.
A few beats passed before she wrote back: You mean slept as in sleeping?
Touché!
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Comment by lisaq
| November 19th, 2008
Haha…that’s some funny crap! God, I hate it when I come across contacts and can’t remember who the hell they are!
lisaq´s last blog post..Why Have Sex?
Comment by mama llama
| November 19th, 2008
:) Thanks for the smiles to get my day going!
Wishing you lots of fun texts in the future.
Be well, Dads.
mama llama´s last blog post..blustery beauty
Comment by truth is a weapon
| November 19th, 2008
I have the same exact problem with my IM friends list. I oft wonder who these folks are and then randomly IM them. I find it strange when they start talking to me like we know each other intimately — then of course I feel like a total ass. Which is most of the time anyway.
Comment by T
| November 19th, 2008
That’s hilarious!! I love the mischievous side of you!!
T´s last blog post..Plenty
Comment by Leah
| November 19th, 2008
Ah, guess this is a side-effect of our digital age.
Has anyone had the opposite experience where you save someone’s number (bad date or other persona non grata) in your phone’s address book on purpose, so you will make sure to screen them when they do call or text? Ick.
Leah´s last blog post..Who needs discipline?
Comment by The Girl You Don't Bring Home to Momma
| November 19th, 2008
That was great……
The Girl You Don’t Bring Home to Momma´s last blog post..Poisoned
Comment by Beth
| November 19th, 2008
Too funny! Thanks for the laugh.
Comment by Katherine (SOLO dot MOM)
| November 19th, 2008
Yes… in this case… the text messaging was so in order, and so worth the entertainment. HA.
Katherine (SOLO dot MOM)´s last blog post..Celebrating Christmas as a Single Parent
Comment by krn
| November 19th, 2008
That’s so funny! Nothing like a little adult humor during lunch break to set the tone of the afternoon. Thanks, I may be giggling about this one for a while.
Comment by Exception
| November 19th, 2008
Oh how easily we are entertained! That is great! I am sure she thought it was fun too… okay, I would have!
Exception´s last blog post..Learning to Fly
Comment by rob
| November 19th, 2008
Thanks for sharing the story. This reminds me of the seen in the movie Swingers when Jon Favrea asks Vince Vaughn when to callthe girl back at the bar after he got her number and they said 1 week. He then replied maybe I should wait 1 month, call her then and say I found your number in my wallet and I have no idea who you are, did we sleep together? Vince Vaughn replied that’s money.
rob´s last blog post..got wine? the orlando food and wine festival runs out
Comment by GG
| November 19th, 2008
LOL. But that is sooooo not a dirty text. Still, funny!
GG´s last blog post..Codependency Scale
Comment by dadshouse
| November 19th, 2008
Swingers is awesome! I love the scene where Jon Favreu calls that woman’s answering machine over and over again. He went on to direct IronMan… is there any wonder that movie rocked?
Comment by Solo-Dad
| November 19th, 2008
Very Funny!
It’s the safer version of my phone ringing and hearing..”Hey Barry, it’s Angela! How have you been?” And I have no memory of who Angela is.
At least with a text message, you have a moment to consider your options. :)
Solo-Dad´s last blog post..Ending My Suffering Over Little Elvis’ Study Habits
Comment by Angel Cuala
| November 20th, 2008
This is one of the reasons why I still don’t allow my daughter to have her own cell phone.
I read from CNN News recently that a maniac almost got a 12-year old girl who convinced her to a date using her cell phone. Fortunately, the mother accidentally saw the message and the bastard was send to jail.
Angel Cuala´s last blog post..A Parent Call: Hungry US Children are increasing
Comment by Tishia Lee
| November 20th, 2008
That is hilarious. I’m like that with my IM list. I don’t have a clue who 1/2 those people are.
Tishia Lee´s last blog post..7 Random or Weird Facts About Me
Comment by NewWrldYankee
| November 20th, 2008
Nice one! Next time, say you’re both white and asian. See what she says then. Love it!
NewWrldYankee´s last blog post..The 5 Biggest Mistakes You Make When Living Abroad.
Comment by Lance
| November 20th, 2008
That’s pretty damn funny. I’ll remember and use that!
Lance´s last blog post..Confession: I can only get off with my vibrator!
Comment by Listen To Me Bitch
| January 9th, 2009
Just out of curiosity, why do you purge your contacts? Will you run out of space otherwise? I keep mine for eternity because inevitably if I delete one I will need it, or worse they will call me and then I have no choice but to ask who it is and sound moderately incompetent / admit i didn’t care about them enough to keep their number
Listen To Me Bitch´s last blog post..Tips for Unnecessary Services: What Happened to Tipping?