Luckily my ex and I have a great holiday arrangement; his family’s high holiday has always been Thanksgiving so he gets the kids then every year while I always get Christmas through the 28th when they go to his place. The kids love having “two Christmas’” so everyone is happy.

I can’t imagine having Christmas without my kids but at least you have extended family and friends as alternatives.

MindyMom´s last blog post..Keeping the Peace is Overrated

I love to celebrate with lots of people. Family sometimes, but always friends and friends-of-friends. Sometimes I host a big dinner, just as often we’re at a friend’s place. I can’t remember the last time there weren’t stragglers around the table.

The first year we separated, my kids and I were the orphans at a colleagues’ home. It was a merciful, and lovely last minute invite. There were 25 people around the picnic tables in their backyard – 3 stragglers were thankfully welcomed.

I’m fortunate that my ex isn’t keen on Thanksgiving. He’s Canadian and our November holiday never really made a difference to him, so he always yields to letting the kids be with me, since he knows how much it means to me.

The problem is Christmas: 3 out of the last 4 years he has taken them to Toronto to be with his extended family. Like David, practically speaking, its a long week of ‘alone time’ to deal with. Not just the morning, and the day.. but all the time around the Christmas break.

The first time it happened, I was dreading the day… why bother to decorate, if no one will be home on Christmas morning? First time in 22 years I would be childless, no Santa cookies half eaten, no stockings to open (which I stuffed, granted). I couldn’t figure out what I was going to do with myself.

But I determined right off the bat, I wasn’t going to let the kids know I was anticipating melancholy at their departure. So I put on a happy face, encouraging them to enjoy their holiday with their grandfather.

In fact, I pretended so effectively, that I actually had a wonderful holiday weekend: I spontaneously accepted an invite to spend two nights in a fantastic hotel suite, complete with hot tub, breakfast, overpriced dinner in the only place open on Christmas, evening strolls, and a visit to the historic movie theatre downtown to see It’s A Wonderful Life.

No feeling sorry for myself, I truly enjoyed my time sans kids. I had an indulgent, very adult romantic weekend. A blessing in many ways, with a struggling single dad who was ecstatic at finding a companion for the holiday.

Oh yeah, I vote for #5 on solo dad’s blog (above). Find yourself some good company for the holidays if you don’t have your kids.

jess´s last blog post..The crux of it (aka She Nailed My Emotion)

I totally know how you’re feeling. My son will spend Thanksgiving morning with his dad and then I’ll pick him up for dinner.

This year, both my parents and my ex’s mom and sister will be in town and will want to spend Christmas day with their grandson. We’ll have to figure out (aka argue about) where he will be when he wakes up Christmas morning.

For me, it’s lonely without my son on holidays, but I have to think about his needs and the fact that he’ll be spending time with those who love him, which is truly a blessing. He’ll have the time of his life, no matter where he is so as parents, I hate to say this, but we’ve gotta just suck it up and deal.

Now, New Year’s Eve is another story altogether. My parents have already volunteered to stay with my son and it’s going to be the first time – in years – that I’ll have the opportunity to celebrate with adults! Woo-hoo – watch out!

Hip_M0M´s last blog post..The Magic of Macy’s

1. If you are the custodial parent, you are not obligated to give in to visitation requests that are anything outside of the specific document agreed to in your divorce decree. i.e., Dad gets the kids on Friday at 6pm and returns on Sunday at 6pm does not mean he can just take them for 4 hours on a Saturday during that window. Either he abides by the agreement or you CHOOSE to allow something alternative.

2. On the flip side: even if the other parent spends only 5 minutes a week with the kids, that 5 minutes is just as valuable to your kid as the other 6 days, 23 hours and 55 minutes you spent. You don’t get extra credit for doing all the hard work. That is a rough one to take but true (although your kids may change their opinions when they get older).

Add up the two above and you at least have what it takes to negotiate something reasonable. When I first got divorced, my ex was the “4 hours on a Saturday” guy. Over time, we have an arrangement similar to DM’s but its more like 30/60% and I would agree to 50/50 if he wanted (even though I’d miss my kids it would be good for them). Patience and negotiating skills are probably the two most important things as a divorced parent.

Now with holidays, usually I share since his family is here but it I wanted to take the kids out of town, I’d negotiate alternating Thanksgiving and Christmas and try to do something on my own. The only real problem now is that my ex won’t take vacation days to spend with the kids so if he wants them on a holiday, he expects I take them back on the next workday, that means I really can’t do ANYTHING, ugh.

But we’ll work through that one day too – maybe when they hit 18 but it’ll happen!

If you don’t want to travel, are there friends/acquaintances/students that may similarly be at loose ends that you could invite over & cook for? Almost everyone likes to eat, and these people might actually be happier if you don’t have up all the trappings of a traditional family-oriented holiday–either because they’re missing it themselves or maybe they’re Muslim or something like that.

I’ve done it before for international students who often don’t go home for the holidays because it’s too expensive. It does make me feel like everyone’s old Mom to host such a party, but it’s really fun. And bonus! They almost always bring some food to share from their own tradition.