Flirt-a-Day Update
Last week I challenged everyone to flirt with at least one person a day. Being fairly flirty myself, I figured it was no problem. I was wrong. I found myself working hard to get even one flirt a day. And I only flirted six out of seven days (pretty good, I suppose – but why even miss one day?). And most of my flirting was with women who aren’t at my same life stage! (i.e. they were too young, or too married)
It’s the environment I live in, right? I mean, I’m in a house in the suburbs, and everyone around is me married…
Um, okay. Except that I’ll be living here for several more years, until both my kids are in college. Bottom line, I have to figure out a way to make my flirts more meaningful.
RECAP:
Day One: Safeway checker asks me for my club card or phone number. I respond: “You want my phone number, eh?” Score!
Day Two: Saw a woman (okay, a hottie, at least in my book) with a toddler, and I asked: “Are you the mom or the nanny?” She was the mom (unfortunately, not single). But, major flirt points scored!
Day Three: Made hairy eyeball non-verbal contact with a mom at my preteen son’s wrestling match. I could have sworn I saw her at a previous meet with no bling on her ring finger. Check that. So why was she giving me major league intense eye-batting attention? Dunno… I should ask one of those lonely married housewives I ran into in a Silicon Valley bar.
Day Four: Told a woman in a coffee house I liked her hat. Okay, she was married, and a friend of mine. Whatever! It’s good practice, nonetheless. I’m flirting, not sleeping with these women.
Day Five: Told the cashier at a coffee house that her lip ring was hot. This led to an actual conversation. The thing is, I meant it. This woman had jet-black hair, jet-black mascara, and her lip ring was (you guessed it) – jet black. It looked hawt! With a capital and very breathy haaaaaahhhhh. I seriously would have asked her out, except she looked so edgy, like a pimped out Bratz doll, I felt too clean cut for her taste. Get me some Miami ink, quick!
Day Six: Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. I feel like such a loser. I didn’t flirt with one woman all day! What’s with that? (I worked my ass off, cycled, and didn’t feel like hitting any bars solo.)
Day Seven: I had a flirt-a-thon with a single mom friend who I met for drinks in a trey cool bar where we sat on pillows. A sublime evening. Hopefully, I flirted enough to make up for the egg I laid on day 6.
Which brings me to my introspective moment of the week: I don’t put myself in nearly enough situations where there are single women. Clearly, I need to work on that.
Love to hear how everyone else did in week one. Remember, it’s a month-long challenge! If you haven’t started, you get seven flirt grace points. Start today! It’s good for your mojo.
- Dirty Text Message Jokes
- Hot, Sexy, Confident
- Flirting in Front of Your Ex
- Meeting Women the Old Fashioned Way
- Using Sweet Talk Pick Up Lines in Front of Your Son
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Comment by lisaq
| December 8th, 2008
I’m impressed! Clearly something I need to try to do. Of course, as you said, I’m definitely going to need to change things up and actually go places where there are single men.
lisaq´s last blog post..ABC’s of the G-Spot by Gina G
Comment by Laura
| December 8th, 2008
Oh I totally sucked all week!!
There was flirting but with men I know – so that doesnt really count!
Hopefully this week shall be better!
But like you I am not in enough situations where there are single people!
Laura´s last blog post..The bad, the good and the best
Comment by debra
| December 8th, 2008
I was a little inconsistent this week, think I got 5 out of 7 days though, but nothing too promising is likely to result.
Here’s my favorite one though…there was an adorable old man at the park on Saturday when I was running with a friend. I smiled and said good morning the first time we passed, and made some silly comment about the beautiful weather on the second pass. When we finished, he smiled and walked over to the bench we were at cooling down and asked us how long we had run. My friend and I ended up talking with him for 30 minutes! Turns out he had been a runner until about 20yrs ago and was envious of our run.
So my flirt a day challenge gave me a wonderful conversation on a cold but sunny Saturday morning with a fascinating 70yr old ex-runner named Joel! A wonderful treat!
Comment by mama llama
| December 8th, 2008
I like the sound of the bar where you sit on pillows and drink. Did they have hookah pipes and all? Sounds so Indian…
Nice job with the flirting. Keep up the good work. Look at all you DID do and not at the one day off.
No flirts, not one single flirt, out of me last week…but I had a hell of a week, so my mood wasn’t exactly in it if I had even tried.
Be well, Dads.
mama llama´s last blog post..not much to say…
Comment by T
| December 8th, 2008
Hmmm, hookah bars are fun. It does sound like a hookah bar. The belly dancers always make for good eye candy too.
I love how you’re actually tracking your flirts! I didn’t even think about it!
Does it count that Friday night I flirted with about 10 men and 5 women? All of whom I didn’t know?
That’s gotta count for something!
(And I agree. I’m not around enough single men either! Or if I am, I think they assume I’m married because I have two little tag-alongs with me.)
T´s last blog post..Happy Ending
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| December 8th, 2008
I’m just having such a hard time with this gotta-hang-out-where-the-singles-are idea. The reason I’m finding this so hard to swallow (yes, I did just say HARD and SWALLOW in corresponding sentences!) is because I’ve been single (again) for almost ten years now. I’ve lived in a number of places, many of which were supposedly overflowing with couples. (I’m not kidding. In the past ten years, I’m sure I’ve moved at least twenty times.) I’ve had married friends, single friends, and well… the list goes on. As I live my life, I do not even for one SECOND consider whether there are “singles” where I’m going. Or where I can find “singles.” Yet, I have had no trouble stumbling into opportunities.
I just see people as people. I find that labeling people as “singles” is just another way of becoming prejudiced. The problem is, people who throw that word around don’t realize they’ve become prejudiced. And even when they do realize it, they think it’s a proper kind of prejudice. A productive sort of prejudice.
But again (and I know I’ve covered this before to the point that we could safely call it a “dead horse”) the people I know who just go about living their lives with no sense of who is available and who is not available do better at finding partners. And being content in between.
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..The Land of Oz
Comment by debra
| December 8th, 2008
Teri….is this the ’stop looking for it and you’ll find it’ approach? It makes a certain amount of sense, but only if there are ANY singles in the mix. Sometimes, a lot of times, there are not. But, I think I have to agree with you, seeking out exclusively singles opportunities is limiting yourself to only meeting certain types of people. Interesting to think about, thanks.
Comment by dadshouse
| December 8th, 2008
Teri – I only talked about the lack of singles here because I would like for my flirting to help me stumble into know some new single people, and maybe even date. I don’t prejudice against marrieds or couples, in fact, most of my flirting was with married women, and most of my friends are married. I have met most of my serious girlfriends post-divorce through married friends.
But it’s not like I get invited to parties every weekend. Sometimes I have to create chances for myself. A problem with Silicon Valley is it’s not a city, it’s a sprawling area. There aren’t too many places where people simply hang out and are open to meeting someone new.
San Francisco is very different – people go to cafes and bars with the intent of striking up random conversations. It’s very European like that. Santa Barbara is the same way. In Silicon Valley, people go out with a goal to accomplish – meet someone from the internet, meet someone from work, bring a laptop and go online. Hanging out and being open to casual conversation is rare.
My flirt-d-day challenge is an effort to get me out there with a frame of mind that makes me open to meeting people who I stumble upon. I’m trying to break free from the SV mindset. It’s tough!
Comment by Single Mom in New England
| December 8th, 2008
Wow! You’ve really got your MOJO back!!! Way to go! I had an extremely flirt filled first date on Friday night that made up for all other 6 days of the week!
Comment by Leah
| December 8th, 2008
This is inspiring, Dads. I would have had a hard time asking out a pierced person, too. I totally gravitate toward that and looked the part in my teens/early 20s but now I am quite the clean cut looking girl.
I sucked this week. I am zero for zero. A totally hot guy sat next to me on the bus and I was going to ask him if he knew anything about iPods (as I was legitimately having an issue with mine), but then I chickened out and he got off the bus. I don’t know why but I just have such a hard time initiating flirts. If someone flirts with me, I flirt right back without batting an eyelash.
Sigh.
On the bright side, I just joined a new single parents group in my area so maybe I can get my flirt on with some of those single dads :)
Leah´s last blog post..My amazing date tonight…
Comment by Katherine (SOLO dot MOM)
| December 8th, 2008
Great track record… I have accepted the challenge as well… although I have found them majority of my flirts have been with older men… (much older) and most of them married… but at least I am flirting! Heh… not enough singles in my circles either… I need to work on that as well!
Katherine (SOLO dot MOM)´s last blog post..Less is More for Christmas
Comment by Wendy
| December 8th, 2008
There was no one to flirt with being horizontal on the sofa with the flu most of the week!
Wendy´s last blog post..
Comment by Mad Cartoonist
| December 8th, 2008
Dads, I think you did very well: 6/7 is commendable!
But I think you really hit the nail on the head—for many single people, it’s not them, it’s their location, location, location that prevents them from meeting a suitable date.
I tried, I really did, to do the flirt/day thing, but there just weren’t any suitable substrates.
My social encounters this week were limited to students (totally off limits), my dept chair (ditto), construction workers at my job (they tried, but I didn’t flirt back because there’s probably a HR policy about that), my babysitter (female), the on-the-street public (too young, too young, way too young, too old, way too ugly, too preoccupied (perhaps I should have tripped him?)), and more construction workers (sorry guys, catcalls will just get you the freeze-stare).
I did throw a departmental party at my house on Sunday night with tons of people. But the only single men there were students. And I don’t flirt with married men (especially if I work with them–that’s just idiotic). So I only succeeded in flirting with someone’s 3 year old kid (cute!), and my recent ex-BF & work colleague with whom I’m trying to nevertheless maintain a friendship & working relationship (flirting’s not a good idea, there, actually). My daughter flirted with everyone, however! Oh well!
Should I join the chess club or what? Where do the normal single men hang out?
(And sorry, Teri, I agree with you in principle that singles and other people are of course equal. But the practical fact is that hanging around exclusively with students and other faculty (all married) is not going to ever get me a date.)
Comment by Vinomom
| December 8th, 2008
I was laughing my ass off at “Pimped Out Bratz Doll” it gave me such a vivid mental picture!
I’m so squeaky Clean I get intimidated by guys that look edgy like that as well.
Is there a possibility for the single mom “friend” to possibly turn into more? Or has that avenue been explored already?
Vinomom´s last blog post..Pharmaceudicals with Wine – Read with Caution
Comment by Exception
| December 8th, 2008
Flirting – do we do it with the intent for it to go farther? I flirt for the fun of it, because it is me being me, and because it is just… well, fun. I think it would throw me off big time were someone to tke it seriously. Granted, since I don’t flirt with the intent to date, it doesn’t go anywhere usually… but because I am flirting for fun there aren’t the limits that it appears others might have. I mean… the barista, the usher at the ballet, the wait staff at the cafe… isn’t it about having fun and enjoying life? I am just totally and completely lost.
Exception´s last blog post..Scattered
Comment by Honey
| December 8th, 2008
Last week I was still recovering from having my wisdom teeth removed and had a HUGE migrain all week, PLUS my period, so there was no way I was going to be in the mood to flirt. The BF is the only person I talked to all weekend, but when I told him my period was over, we had hot sex! Does that count?
Honey´s last blog post..In Sickness…
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| December 8th, 2008
Yes, I’ve no doubt that it’s hard to break out of the mold.
When I say I found plenty of opportunity, I also lived in a sprawling, bedroom community. One where people worked in L.A. or San Diego, but had moved their families inland in order to find affordable housing. But I did not find this to be a stumbling block at all. I have friends who divorced who found this to be frustrating when we went out, but I never found it so. I went out to have fun with whomever I was with and if we met some more fun people, so much the more so! But the people I met didn’t have to be “prospects.” I went out to enjoy people. Plain and simple. My frustrated friends went home frustrated and I went home happy.
I agree with Ms. Exception when she says that flirting is not really done with intent for it to go further. That’s why the element of availability is not an issue. It is completely harmless and not meant to be used as a tool. Although, there was one time when I was young (20) and I met an absolutely gorgeous man at a party. The entire evening, we were surrounded by others and never said one single word to one another. We just made intense contact with our eyes. And every word we spoke was full of innuendo meant for one another, but always directly spoken to someone else and fitting naturally in the flow of conversation. And went completely unnoticed by those around us. That is how subtle it was. And yet SO plain to each of us. This was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sexy! At the end of the evening, he wordlessly took my hand and we walked outside, down the street, into a secluded area and he had his way with me right there on the ground! And then off we went our separate ways. Still, not a word between us. Not even a “goodbye.”
Anyway… where was I… um… oh! Yes, I do not flirt when I know a man is interested in me. There’s no need for it. Also, when I am not interested in a man I do not flirt, especially if he is showing interest, as I don’t believe in giving mixed messages. But still. Flirting is just for fun. Like comic relief in the midst of the seriousness of life.
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..The Land of Oz
Comment by Mad Cartoonist
| December 8th, 2008
Ooo, Teri, that’s a pretty hot story! You are so bold–I’d never have risked it. Did you ever try to look him up afterwards?
I also feel funny about flirting with a guy if I’m not really interested. Perhaps that’s the root of why I have problems flirting. I find it hard to get interested in a man based just on how he looks–I have to know him a little bit first. A random guy on the street would have to be super gorgeous to catch my eye based on that alone—and men like that are rare.
Another reason I think that I don’t flirt much/at all is that I worry it would be misinterpreted.
Men on the street try to catch my eye too much as it is—mostly to hit me up for change or because they’re social misfits with no understanding of normal social barriers or politeness.
Honestly, I must have a sign on my forehead or something.
Why is it always the 19 yo overweight janitor with long, unwashed hair and a tattoo that tries to chat me up? Why do I attract guys with no jobs or teeth? Why couldn’t the guy at the bus stop who wants to make conversation be the public defender instead of one of his clients?
OK, next time I see guy my age in a suit, I’m going to trip him or “accidentally” run into him….!
Comment by dadshouse
| December 8th, 2008
Vinomom – we did try dating a while back, and it never really took hold. We’ve been good friends since, and I’m content with that.
Teri – you have a great attitude to just go out and have fun like that. I once had a buddy who would go to clubs, and only talk to “the” one woman who he wanted to be with. Problem is, how could he possibly know which one was the one unless he talked to more than one?
And I agree – flirting is just flirting. It doesn’t have to lead anywhere, and usually doesn’t. But flirting every day is a great social skill so that when you do meet someone you’re interested in, you can chat more easily.
Comment by single mom seeking
| December 8th, 2008
You did good, Dad’s House! (You know I mean “you did well…”)
Seriously, you’re an inspiration. I know that you’re down on online dating — but this is precisely why I’m going back online.
I have VERY few situations in which I’m with single guys. Online dating might be all a fantasy — and build up — but I need to get my mojo back, too!
single mom seeking´s last blog post..What has most surprised me about online dating so far
Comment by krn
| December 8th, 2008
Weekly score: 5/7 here
It was fun, led nowhere romantically, but something interesting did happen. Twice this week I realized that I was being flirted with and both of these flirts were so subtle that had I not been more conscious of flirting in general, I might have missed them both. I also caught one very nice prolonged gaze and returned it. I chickened out on initiating a flirt with that man, though. Too bad that, since he was really attractive.
I loved Debra’s story and agree with you dad’s, that flirting is a great social skill. My goal is to not chicken out on the next interesting mutual gaze.
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| December 8th, 2008
Single Mom may have something there. I met a lot of guys online, just not at dating sites. Mostly by way of casual chatting, much like meeting at a social gathering. (I generally avoided the cluster-f*@k of chat rooms, though.) But I will say that I can hardly keep men from chasing me down to ask me out, no matter where I go. I forget about that aspect of things until I happen to go somewhere without my boyfriend, which is rarely. The other day, I went to the grocery store and I practically had to run away to escape the throngs!
Okay, that was an exaggeration. But only a slight one. ;)
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..The Land of Oz
Comment by Kat Wilder
| December 8th, 2008
Goodness gracious — I drop out of the blogosphere for a while, and look what happens!
A missed opportunity!!
I flirt a lot because that’s part of who I am. To me, it’s very innocent and easy …. if you really aren’t expecting/wanting anything from the flirt. If you are, however, you have to know how to handle it.
I think a lot of people aren’t at easy with the daily innocent flirts. It seems a lot of people think the other person wants something, instead of just having a nice connection.
Kat Wilder´s last blog post..Time’s not on beauty’s side
Comment by mama llama
| December 8th, 2008
I suppose I just never think of “flirting” and “connection” as necessarily being one and the same. I can have a connection with another woman just as easily as I can with another man without necessarily “flirting” with either of them… I just don’t see them as synonymous.
Just a thought. Be well.
mama llama´s last blog post..A cinnamon spiced latte
Comment by Jay @ HalftimeLessons
| December 9th, 2008
fantastic idea. my wife is gonna LOVE it.
I already get regularly busted for being a slave to my male wiring…this oughta be priceless.
;-)
Jay @ HalftimeLessons´s last blog post..The Icy Hell That is Disney
Comment by SoloDad
| December 9th, 2008
I have flirted with the ’same’ woman every-other-day for the past 2 weeks. Some via text, some via email, some in person. Our second date is Saturday. :)
Comment by rdawg
| December 9th, 2008
My flirting amounted to me sitting at a stop light, pondering my next life move, when I glanced over at the car next to me, and there was this very hot much younger woman staring at me, I mustered half a smile before the light changed and off she went….oh well. Oh and I caught the cute bagger girl (most likely half my age) at the grocery store, off guard by asking how she was as she was asking her usual, “paper or plastic”. She actually stopped, perked up, and smiled.
Comment by Lori
| December 9th, 2008
You should try a cooking class to meet women. A single guy friend of mine signed up for a monthly cooking class. The first one he said he was the only guy there. He said he’s pretty sure they were all married women, but they sure pampered him, and made him feel welcome, and made sure he’d be coming back.
Comment by Lance
| December 11th, 2008
Good job DM, I think this is great. Forcing yourself to flirt can tremendously grow your game. Try going out and flirting for 30 days straight and flirting with 3-4 per day. It’s a chore, and you’ll have to set aside 1-2 hours just to accomplish this, but it’ll take your game to another level. I’m thinking about writing a post about my own experience…
Lance´s last blog post..7 Thought Leaders in the Dating & Pickup Industry