Three Great Places to Meet Women (On Paper)
My flirt-a-day challenge is going gang-busters, which is great – if my only goal is to flirt. Which it’s not. I’m hoping to turn some innocent flirting into a hot date. For that, I need to meet single women at my same life stage. Or at least single women close enough to my age that I don’t feel like their father (or son!)
This got me thinking: where are three great places to meet women? Here’s my paper list. It’s best taken tongue in cheek, with a grain of salt.
1. Yoga class – I tried this, honest, I did. I was the only guy. And the women were either much older and married (sorry, not into affairs with cougars), or in such a Silicon Valley rush to get their workout in before tearing off to their next Blackberry-scheduled event, there was absolutely zero time to flirt. (I suppose my banyan tree pose could have shaded her sleeping lion, but I wasn’t sure if our yoga mats were allowed to touch.) Would I have better luck doing nude yoga?
2. Cooking class – a Dad’s House reader suggested this one. Seems her guy friend took one, and he was the only man in the class! Unfortunately, all the women in his class were married. But they fawned over him and made him want to return. (Fawning is good. It’s like intimacy without touching.) I hate to rain on anyone’s cake (if you don’t get that reference, click the link and sing along with the karaoke for 48 seconds… and if you happen to be sitting in your work cubicle, I dare you to do it extra loud!), but I took a cooking class at Sur La Table. And I had the exact same experience as her friend. Perhaps single women are too busy going on dinner dates to need to learn how to cook. (haha, just kidding)
3. Wine tasing class that goes for weeks – you know the ones: Taste the wines of France, or Italy, or Spain, or wherever you might go on your freakin’ honeymoon! (Doh!) Yes, practically every single woman there was in attendance with a man. Her fiance. There were a few single women who were truly single, and I definitely pounced like a lion. (I’m a Leo). No luck. Maybe I should have gently swayed like a Banyan tree.
On paper, these three spots seem like great places to meet a single woman. In practice…? Didn’t work so well for me. But my experience is only one data point, a mere speck of dust in the wind.
Maybe I should take a cue from SingleMomSeeking, and get my butt into a kickboxing class.
Can banyan trees kickbox?
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Comment by SingleParentDad
| December 10th, 2008
I can’t really see a kickboxing place being a winning environment either. Even if there are a lot of single women there. What do you do? Kick there heads in or get beat up by them, neither is sexy, is it?
Perhaps you should go on an auto-repair course, there may be loads of single women enrolled hoping that the class would be full of single guys good with their hands.
SingleParentDad´s last blog post..Cinco Questions
Comment by lisaq
| December 10th, 2008
They always look good on paper. Sadly, on paper and reality are very often two very different things.
lisaq´s last blog post..ABC’s of the G-Spot by Gina G
Comment by NewWrldYankee
| December 10th, 2008
Have you tried a Meet Up? Or the library or book store? I mill around in those for ages.
NewWrldYankee´s last blog post..Part II Europe v. America – Yankee Talks to an Expat: Christina G, An American Expat in Deutschland
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| December 10th, 2008
Quite frankly, I don’t know where to meet single women. Because if I did, I would find a store of them to introduce to my single guy friends! I would keep a list. I do know a small amount of single women but none of them is someone I would wish on a friend. There does seem to be a number of single women who comment at this blog, and who tend to be at your same life stage, but the reasons why you and some of them have not hooked up escapes me. I think perhaps it’s the distance. That seems to be commonly stated as “the problem” with finding suitable mates. But if that were really a valid argument, why the wine tasting trip? Anyway, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. You limit yourself by looking for women who are in your area and who are exactly at your life stage. You would do better to just meet women of all stages of all types, just to get to know them. You are really in no position to have a serious relationship right now. I know you know that. And I know you want to get ready for when the right time is so you won’t have to do all this then. But babe, there ain’t no way to secure such a thing. Just enjoy yourself. Have fun and BE fun. If there’s a woman for you… she’ll show up.
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..The Land of Oz
Comment by T
| December 10th, 2008
Yeah, I’d agree with the Meetup.com suggestion. I just started a local meetup.com group for single parents and already I have LOADS of single moms who want to get together… and two single dads.
They also have meetup groups for running and cycling and other fun activities.
What about book stores? Jazz clubs? There’s a club here that offers free salsa lessons before opening to the public. Then they open for the night and there are LOTS of single people. (Gonna go try it soon! My single girlfriends swear by it!)
Good luck! Have fun flirting!
T´s last blog post..TNT
Comment by Attainingme
| December 10th, 2008
No to kickboxing. Never met a man in class and for some reason, not interested in the somewhat attractive ones in it.
I agree with NewWrldYankee. Bookstores or Whole Foods!! . . .
I think the problem with classes such as wine tasting, cooking etc (even though I love the idea and do want to take some) is that the people who do either do so with their mate and/or for the exact reason you are doing so . . . There is something about attending something where people go looking for a mate that taints the entire situation . . .
Bookstores, grocery stores or activities/passions that you love regardless of a prospect of meeting someone.
Attainingme´s last blog post..The Shy Dance of Lovers
Comment by Exception
| December 10th, 2008
These do sound nice on paper, and in some markets they might work. I might suggest something a bit different – a hiking club, riding club/group, different classes (like writing etc), a public service or volunteer organization… or even a new activity like sky diving or rock climbing.
You are an active man and seem to enjoy being outdoors etc. The activities outdoors might be combing something you love with someone a woman invests time in doing – as these require that time investment? And, speaking as a person very involved in ballet as a volunteer and outreach coordinator… I flirt, I come in contact with men and woman from various backgrounds… and the possibilities for different interactions are endless. (Not only with the parents of the ballet but with the community at large)
(Hey, don’t single woman enjoy working for a cause or doing public service or even volunteering to support the arts???_)
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| December 10th, 2008
Here’s a funny story.
About fifteen years ago, my oldest sister was attempting to fix our youngest sister up with a guy she knew from work, whom she found to be exceptional. Oldest sister was a newly divorced single mom at the time, but the guy was ten years younger than herself so didn’t even consider him as “dating material.” (Baby sister is seven years younger than she is, so she figured it would be a much more acceptable age range.) She asked baby sis if she was interested and she said, “Sure, why not.” When big sis approached said coworker, he came back with, “But you’re the one I’m interested in!” She was a bit taken aback and had to take a week or two to consider whether this was okay ~ to date such a youngster! (hee hee) We all convinced her that she was being silly about the age thing, so she went out with him. They turned out to be the most perfect couple in the universe! They’ve been married over ten years now and a happier union you will not find. So… cut to about five years ago. Baby sis was single again (too bad I didn’t know you then, David!) and big sis came to her and said, “Hey, I know this great guy at work I think you should go out with!” Baby sis said, “Well the last guy you tried to fix me up with, you MARRIED!” hahaha
Anyway, big sis fixed baby sis up with this new guy and they’ve been together ever since! (The second most perfect couple in the universe! Um… wait… mom and dad are probably in there somewhere… )
I know you’ve mentioned before, David, how the ideal thing is to be introduced to someone by a mutual acquaintance. And this is probably true. But even in these stories, there are some slim pickins where these two women live. It’s TUFF TUFF TUFF to find any kind of partner in a Mormon-ridden land when you are not of that same ilk. Believe me. I grew up there. Not a prom date in sight! :)
But it’s also important to note that Tami (big sis) did have to reevaluate some of her “dating rules” in order to make way for this great guy. (I’m not kidding when I say he’s great. Sometimes, at family gatherings, I say, “Jim, is it okay if I spend the day worshipping you?” He blushes.)
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..The Land of Oz
Comment by Mad Cartoonist
| December 10th, 2008
“…Someone left the cake out in the raaaiiinn…….oh, NoooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
Comment by dadshouse
| December 10th, 2008
Teri – that’s a funny story!
As for “rules” – I hear this a lot from my female readers. It seems they feel I have strict dating “rules”. I don’t think I do! Please know, I have dated women of all nationalities, all ages, all body types, all over the country. So I don’t really think I have “rules” – rather, I’ve aquired certain tastes.
For instance, I’ve dated blondes and redheads, asians, indians, blacks, whites. But the ones who turn my head every time are women with dark hair and olive skin, typically latina or south american (but that’s not a rule – I was married to an Italian). It’s like it’s hardwired into me to be attracted to women with dark features. Maybe because I’m so white (dark blonde, green eyes). I MELT for brown eyes. Blue or green eyes on a woman do nothing for me.
Is it a rule I follow? Or something I’ve noticed over the years that I am intensely attracted to?
I’ve also noticed I enjoy dating women who live within a half hour (or so) drive of me. It means I can see them far more often than a woman in NYC or LA or SF or Gilroy. Is that a rule or something I’ve noticed that I enjoy?
Finally – today’s blog post was meant to be humorous, poking fun at popular class environments where women are said to hang out. I sense my readers thought it was serious. Feel free to click on the “someone left a cake out in the rain” link, sing along (it’s karaoke), and send me your webcam footage. I could use a good laugh (Teri’s story helped. thanks!)
Oh, one more final thought – why do singles have to join clubs to meet singles? I “get” the whole idea of joining a running club, but in reality the local Palo Alto running club has about a 20-1 ratio of men to women. What if I’m not a “clubby” guy? I much prefer one-on-one time to a group environment. That’s my taste. Everyone is different. School me, please – how do I embrace my personality and individuality without being forced to join a club just to meet women?
Comment by Mad Cartoonist
| December 10th, 2008
Some ideas….
My town’s bicycle sports store/shop is the organizing hub for biking clubs and groups—and you can pick the group that’s appropriate for your level of fitness/interest. It’s a small town, but there’s tons of sports bicyclists! A bigger town should have even more, I’d think. Similar for ski clubs, etc. (hint: most of the women are in the novice groups, so guys on the search for a woman should obviously join a “lower intensity level” group even if they are really buff….)
For women, join your local city’s chess club or just be a fangirl and help organize competitions! Ask your local high schools who helps with their chess clubs–it will be the guys who are also involved in your area’s adult chess club. Offer to come, bring food, and help set up tables (if you don’t want to play). He’ll faint, but he’ll probably take you up on it. The clubs are almost always totally men. Yeah, the single men in these clubs are mostly geeks of some sort, but on the plus side they’re spread across all ages and are almost always intelligent and employed.
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| December 10th, 2008
Gotta love the cake that’s left out in the rain!
It’s hard to define the term “rules.” I meant it in the sense of the parameters you seem to mention when writing about your experiences. Sure, everyone has preferences. If you melt for a woman with brown eyes, perhaps you should exclusively date women with brown eyes. I’d hate to see you wind up with a blue-eyed woman and then melting all over the place when meeting her brown-eyed girlfriends!
But the fact is that we can develop “preferences” which really turn into stumbling blocks. I can’t possibly address all of these possibilities but I would like to comment on your statement that you enjoy dating women who live within a half an hour drive. I think this is extremely unrealistic. EXTREMELY. I mean sure… who the hell wouldn’t love the person they are interested in living within a handy distance. But face the facts, man! You live in California! People drive further than that to go to work! And they don’t even really like being there!
I think rules are necessary. And so are preferences. For instance, I prefer tall men. I have known some really great guys who are not tall. But realistically speaking, I came to understand (and embrace) the fact that I just had to have a tall man. Why? Because tall men make me swoon. And again, we can’t be swooning over strangers walking by when we’re with the love of our lives, can we? ;)
I also had a rule when I met men online. They had to come to me. They were almost always looking for women within a thirty mile radius. Ha! The men I met who held fast to this rule were alone and had been for years.
This is not going to happen. Especially if you live under the circumstances you repeatedly mention ~ the lack of single women in Silicon Valley. So you have got to cross that expectation off the list. In fact, write it on a piece of paper and burn it! You will be lucky if you find a woman who lives within an hour or two of you!
I understand the desire to have someone close by so you can see them more often. You have a busy life. But I’ll wager that it’s no busier than the average person’s life. It’s going to cost you time if you want a woman in your life. A lot of time. At the very least. So you’re taking yourself out of the game before it’s even started.
There were many men in my history who wanted to get to know me better, but wouldn’t go the distance. My own rule was that if you can’t go THAT distance, then we’re in trouble already.
So… cut to a few years ago when I met my fella at an online dating site. He had virtually no body types, professional types, or desired locations listed on his profile. He had a very broad idea of the pool of women he wanted to choose from. We started dating. I lived an hour away from him. He worked (and I’m talking WORKED ~ as he is a carpenter) from 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. every day. And every day, he would make that hour long drive to see me. Without a word of complaint. Without so much as a hint that I should drive to see him because after all, he was tired and he had been working all day, much longer and much harder than I had. And that there is how this man got into the game of this woman who had no interest at all in being tied down to one man.
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..The Land of Oz
Comment by Zeus
| December 10th, 2008
Hmmmm…I never thought of Yoga class. I’ll have to try that out. Although, the gym I go to is right smack downtown and by a university. Seemingly, the women there are going to be really young or they are going to be a career woman that has to hurry to her next appointment. I may have to go to a different one not too far away that has better demographics.
As for cooking class, that is a negative here in Porkland, OR. We try to get our women to quit eating as much and do a little more exercising. It is a battle we are losing.
I was out with a 22 year-old the other day and we got to talking about this. All she could think of is trying out a Bookstore. I will try that out along with the Yoga class, but I think something that might be more fruitful here is reading at a coffee shop. I have found that coffee shops are usually busier than bars, but that might be a Northwest phenomenon.
One thing I do know that works, but is limited here due to the cold weather, is a dog at the park. I borrow my friends dog, or pick up a stray (I’m kidding), and take it to the park. For this to work, the dog has to be friendly. Additionally, the cuter or more quirky the dog, the better results you will have.
Also, volunteering at the Humane Society is HUGE!!!!! There is no way to describe how many single women go there to get a dog because they just got divorced or separated from their boyfriend. It boggles the mind. Plus, the conversation is set up for you. They take the dog out to play and see if they get along, you start talking about the situation, then comes the activities she will want to do with the dog, which leads to “hey, I do that to over at Westmoreland Park” (I don’t because I don’t even own a dog). I give her my number and tell her to hit me up if she ever wants to go there together, and it is done. It might be something to try if you are up to it.
Zeus´s last blog post..Economic Downturn Leads to More Loving – The Getting Jiggy Wit’ It Edition
Comment by single mom seeking
| December 10th, 2008
I’m taking you to kick boxing! It will be you and 30+ women, in their mid-20s to early 40s. They’re hot and sweaty.
You pick the night.
And that yoga shot is amazing. Let me climb on top. Please.
single mom seeking´s last blog post..Learning how to parent 101
Comment by ditz
| December 10th, 2008
My suggestion, clothing shopping for kids clothing (teen or adolescent) on the weekends. You can ask for suggestions on size, style etc. from all the moms shopping for their kids. Then return the stuff later LOL.
Comment by dadshouse
| December 10th, 2008
Teri – I’m guessing your man didn’t have kids he was raising. I simply can’t end up at a woman’s house at 10pm every night.
Zeus – the coffee house idea is great – on paper! Here in Silicon Valley, coffee houses are for people to stare at laptops and enjoy free WiFi access. I love Portland. When I visited, people there were very friendly and approachable.
SMS – which yoga shot – the pyramid? Or the nude yoga link… (that woman is hawt!)
Ditz – great idea! It sort of worked that way for me when I bought cooking supplies. The saleswoman was so nosy, asking why I was buying cookware without a woman along. Once she learned my status, she set me up with her girlfriend.
And now you have me thinking… I should go buy more cookware, with the intent to return it later, simply to let a saleswoman set me up again.
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| December 10th, 2008
You’re so silly. No, he did not have kids. But I wasn’t trying to say you have to go visit women at 10 pm every night! Sheesh! I was just saying that he made that specific sacrifice. I have no idea what your specific sacrifices would be, but I am quite sure you could overcome them ~ if she’s worth it. And you will need to. That was my point.
I do think the Humane Society idea that Zeus offered was a great one. Another place I’ve always thought might be fun to try is a hospital cafeteria. You could meet doctors and nurses! Woo hoo!
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..The Land of Oz
Comment by Mad Cartoonist
| December 10th, 2008
Ok Dadshouse….if I want to meet a man like you in my own town, where should I look? You know, to find a nice single dad in his 40’s, fit, educated, and (did I mention this?) single.
Where would you “naturally” hang out? What’s your normal habitat? You’ve told us it’s not in yoga, cooking classes, etc. So where?
Comment by Jessica
| December 10th, 2008
If your daughter is interested in making jewelry, take her to bead stores. There are almost all women shopping there.
Comment by dadshouse
| December 10th, 2008
Mad Cartoonist – I cycle a lot, and I always chat up female cyclists when I come across them. Weekdays, I can be found in various coffee houses. Weeknights, I’ll sometimes go for a drink at the bar of an upscale restauarant – I’ve actually met quite a few women this way. It’s not a meat market pick-up scne, there are always some people eating at the bar, and I generally talk to whoever is next to me. Weekends, I might wine taste, go sailing, more cycling, hike.
That’s my general routine.
On top of that – dinners, parties, and BBBs with friends are a great way to meet. That’s how I’ve met several women who I ended up dating.
Comment by krn
| December 10th, 2008
I second the hospital cafeteria idea. Make sure it’s a hospital where the staff eat in the regular dining area though, or you’ll be sure to meet lots of very friendly ladies– mostly over 65! The hour right before the hot food line closes is a good time to go to meet staff, since many of us dash down to eat at the last minute.
You could always fake choke or feign a coughing spell if a particularly attractive woman in scrubs happens to be walking past. I’ve fallen for that lots of times and if he’s cute, I’ll play along.
Happy flirting!
Comment by Exception
| December 10th, 2008
MC – You can also meet them via their blogs… but only IF you live within their self identified distance perimeter! ;)
Face it – DH is one of a kind! (but then, aren’t we all)
I have mentioned varioius times throughout the years an interst in meeting men friends know etc… it just never works out. And yet, while just living life… the flirting and the possibilities sometimes seem endless.
Exception´s last blog post..On a Lighter Note
Comment by justrun
| December 10th, 2008
Dear god, I hope doing nude yoga is not a good way to meet people. I’m frightened.
justrun´s last blog post..A Plan By Any Other Name
Comment by Leah
| December 10th, 2008
This post totally cracked me up. We can follow all the tips to meet singles and then…we meet our future partner at line in the DMV. I haven’t had that experience but it’s just a for-instance. Goes to show that there is an important balance between trying too hard and giving up :) Guess we just live our lives, eh?
Leah´s last blog post..Shout out to Sami G on Birthday #3
Comment by Jimmy
| December 10th, 2008
Hey DH- Don’t rule out Gilroy-if the dating doesn’t work out you can alwayd get fresh garlic for your aglio, olio e peperoncino macaroni.
Comment by Lance
| December 11th, 2008
Here’s my take: I think taking classes and whatnot with the goal of PU’ing chicks sets yourself up for failure. I always had much more success just going about my daily routine (running errands, hanging out in public places, going with friends) and meeting people than taking a class and looking for love. Meeting cool new people always seem to happen unexpectedly and randomly, so try to generate randomness every day, even if it’s something as simple as going to 2-3 different stores to browse.
Lance´s last blog post..7 Thought Leaders in the Dating & Pickup Industry
Comment by Mad Cartoonist
| December 11th, 2008
Thanks, dads, for the inside info!
Guess I’ll have to get off my lazy rear and join a cycling club (I’ll wait a few months, though–there’s snow all over the ground out here now in flyover country).
Hanging out in the bar of a restaurant is not something that I’ve tried very much. I’ll have to try it!
Unfortunately, there’s no coffeehouses here (I know, it’s hardly civilized). There’s a B&N at the mall that that tends to be frequented mainly by retired people and suburban moms with kids (I already tried hanging out there looking for men).
But great tips, thanks!
Comment by Vinomom
| December 11th, 2008
What is it about your posts that inspires comments akin to Novels Dad? I wish my blog were so blessed with conversation!
Ask everyone you know (if you don’t already know) where they met. You’ll see it’s probably not at Yoga or Cooking classes. It’s by chance usually. Although in my case we met on Match.com
I had high hopes for the woman you met in her dreams, though. That seemed too good not to be Meant to Be!
The meetup thing that was mentioned seems like a decent idea. But when someone is really ready to find a relationship, I think match.com and eharmony and such are good because they tend to be other people who are in that frame of mind and you can weed out people not in your same life stage. Good luck!
Vinomom´s last blog post..Shopping – Hows Yours Going?
Comment by Laura
| December 12th, 2008
I met my current boyfriend from one of the meetup.com groups I joined (Bay Area Social Meetup) at a sake tasting.
Most of the people that go to these events are single, LOOKING and ready for a relationship; so you do not even need to join a singles meetup.com group.
Comment by gabby - dog health problems
| December 20th, 2009
I am a art of living member, and it makes me really feel good, eating a vegetables and having a yoga everyday before work makes my body in a good condition and so for my working performance. thanks for sharing =)
gabby – dog health problems´s last blog ..Two Common Symptoms Of Dog Skin Problems