Coffee House Pickup
I spent a morning this week in one of my favorite coffee houses, a sprawling place that is almost always packed. It’s a bit of a drive from where I live, but single people hang out there. (Unlike my favorite Peet’s, where I run into married mom neighbors all the time.) Meaning, it’s possible to meet women here, as long as my pick up lines are sweet and genuine (i.e. they aren’t “lines”).
I got my coffee and sat down to do some editing work. There were two women chatting at the table directly across from me. The woman with her back to me was blocking my view of the other.
Ever the curious male in heat, I pretended that my napkin was dirty and needed to be tossed. (The Green Police can cuff me now.) On my way back from the trash, I checked out the woman I hadn’t been able to see.
OMG – she was Burning Man hot! She looked artsy, earthy, grounded, sexy. You can’t multi-task all those things. You just are.
I spent the next 20 minutes craning my neck to make eye contact with Burning Hottie. And guess what? She spent those same 20 minutes craning her neck to make eye contact with me. She would lean to the side of her friend, make eye contact with me, and hold it. She did this several times. She was more than flirting, she was really checking me out. Almost as much as I was checking her. And she wasn’t giving me cute smiles. We were locking eyes. Our stares were imbued with intent.
I was in there, for sure.
They finished their chat and rose to leave. WTF! Burning Embers couldn’t just go without some contact. But then, her friend went to the bathroom, and Miss Slow Burn got in line to buy beans!
Of course, I had timed my coffee drinking perfectly so I was ready for a refill at that very moment. I headed into line to chat her up.
“Hey,” I said.
She didn’t turn. Shit. Hadn’t she expected me?
“I couldn’t help noticing you,” I said. Talk about sweet pick up lines.
She turned and looked at me. “Huh?”
“I thought I’d say ‘hi’,” I said.
“Oh, hi,” she said.
There is nothing harder for a guy than to try to make conversation when the woman doesn’t open the door. In my experience, if the man has the nerve to say something, anything, the woman is usually nice enough to say more than two words.
I started to wonder if she’d never been approached by a man in her entire life. But I pressed on, and chatted her up. The more we talked, the more she eased up. Her friend came out of the restroom and made a wide arc around us, smiling like she was happy that I was chatting Miss Burning Woman up.
“Well, I should get going,” she said.
“Can I get your number or email?” I asked.
“Oh, sorry. I have a boyfriend.”
Oh.
- Where Did My Mojo Go?
- Hot, Sexy, Confident
- Rebound Sex Coffee Date
- Meeting Women the Old Fashioned Way
- Romantic Conversation Starters for Runners
- Hot Date, Cold Approach
- Coffee House Sexy Surprise
| 
Subscribe | © 2008-09 David Mott, DadsHouseBlog.com. All rights reserved.
Comment by Mad Cartoonist
| December 12th, 2008
argggg! Crash and burn, my sympathies.
You should have asked her why she was checking you out, then. Whatta jerk.
Comment by mama llama
| December 12th, 2008
I agree…if she was *obviously* checking you out, then she wasn’t really playing fair. If there had been no eye contact and mutual “check-out” I could understand the attitude.
I don’t think I’ll ever go back into the dating game. Too intimidating. Yikes! My hat is off to you; it takes a strong soul to go and really keep up that flirt-a-day challenge. I’m impressed.
Be well, Dads. Happy Friday to you!
mama llama´s last blog post..When Life gives you lemons…
Comment by Kat Wilder
| December 12th, 2008
Just can’t trust those Burning Man types, Dad.
Better off with the cougars and MILFS; at least you know where they stand…
;-)
Kat Wilder´s last blog post..At least one part of his anatomy likes me
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| December 12th, 2008
You kill me. :)
I think you were mistaken about her checking you out. I have to say that, as a woman and as a woman who knows women, we just don’t do that. Unless… you are smoking hot. And I mean SMOKING hot! Now, I’m not saying you aren’t attractive. I’m just saying that when a woman finds a man attractive, she does not generally make that specific sort of a move. Unless she’s especially bold. And if she is bold, it won’t be that little “craning to get a look at you and I hope you notice” sort of a move. It will be more solid.
Hey, I’m going to be in your area next week (and I use the term “area” loosely). Maybe I’ll run into you at a coffee shop! Wait… I don’t go to coffee shops. I figure if I want to fix my own coffee while standing at a counter, I can do that at home! Well maybe I’ll see you at a restaurant! ;)
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..The Land of Oz
Comment by Single Mom in New England
| December 12th, 2008
Was there a clock over your head ala the scene from “About Last Night?” ;)
Thanks for the Friday morning pick-me-up!
Comment by justrun
| December 12th, 2008
I applaud you for trying, which I know counts for almost nothing. But seriously, women get frustrated with Mr. Eye Contact Who Won’t End Up Saying Two Words To Me, too.
Also, “Ever the curious male in heat” made me LOL.
justrun´s last blog post..DOR, TMI
Comment by Holly Hoffman
| December 12th, 2008
Bummer! Oh, well. At least you gave it a shot. And why not? You probably made her day. And she *was* checking you out. So it’s not a loss. Cafes are my main hangout, and while I do a lot of flirting, rarely does a guy have the cojones to actually talk to me. Good for you!
Holly Hoffman´s last blog post..How I Found Our Voices
Comment by single mom seeking
| December 12th, 2008
I think we all give you points for the Effort with a big “E”!
single mom seeking´s last blog post..How to stay sane when you’re dating during the holidays
Comment by ditz
| December 12th, 2008
Could it be that her ‘friend’ was the one interested and she was doing the reconnaissance? Good for you for making the first move, they will be talking about it all day!
Comment by Vinomom
| December 12th, 2008
Yes, definitely you get points for effort! Small consolation, I know. I don’t know if you misconstrued the eye contact or if she’s just a jerk. I mean if you were locking gazes WTF is her problem? The human race is a mystery. We’ll never know what her REAL intent was.
Vinomom´s last blog post..Shopping – Hows Yours Going?
Comment by T
| December 12th, 2008
Aw damn!
Thanks for the insight though into the mind of the ‘curious male in heat’.
Enjoy your weekend!
T´s last blog post..16 Random Things (and then some)
Comment by Exception
| December 12th, 2008
Good on you for trying!!!
With such sizzling eye contact, I would have expected a warmer reception… but then I am the lady in the coffee shop who smiles and flirts with anyone who talks to me… and yet doesn’t have time to join anyone for coffee!
Exception´s last blog post..Stocking Stuffers
Comment by dadshouse
| December 12th, 2008
Teri – it wasn’t quick glances, it was solid eye contact with a facial expression that said she was giving me the serious once over. i.e. no cute smiles that said “oh, hi. I’m just a happy gal flirting.” No lust that said “man, you are hot!” Just some seriously hard looking.
Eye contact is rare in Silicon Valley, but I had several moments with this woman where we locked gazes and neither one of us flinched.
Then again, her being a Burning Man type, maybe that’s just how she looks at people – she examines them without attaching anything to it. Who knows?
Kat – you are right, MILFs and Cougars are easier to read!
Single Mom in NE – ha! That made me laugh. No, no clock on the wall behind me.
No worries from this experience. I’ve approached enough women in this fashion not take her rejection personally. I take a page of Lance’s approach book, and just move on to the next random experience that comes my way. (Gotta go create one of those!)
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| December 12th, 2008
Yes dear, I understood what you said to mean she wasn’t just casually glancing your way. I’m saying that whatever she was looking at, you mistook it for concerted interest. For all you know she could just need glasses, or (as mentioned) was looking past you at a clock! :)
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..The Land of Oz
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| December 12th, 2008
(Yes, I know there was no “clock” ~ I meant a figurative one. Maybe someone else was behind you? Or she was trying out her mind control tricks she recently learned?)
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..The Land of Oz
Comment by Mike
| December 12th, 2008
Way to go! You tried and there’s nothing wrong with that. We’re guys and rejection goes with the “y” chromosome.
Mike´s last blog post..Dentistry
Comment by CK
| December 12th, 2008
Wish I had something clever to add, but I don’t. Instead I thought I’d mention how much I enjoy your posts.
CK´s last blog post..how not to humiliate yourself while chaperoning your kid’s class trip
Comment by singleworkingmommy
| December 12th, 2008
I think her friend might have been smiling because Burning Woman was getting hit on. It’s hard not to smile when you see your friend chatting up a guy. Just a “awww… how cute” smile…
singleworkingmommy´s last blog post..You Giiirrrllllssssssssss
Comment by Leah
| December 12th, 2008
Way to go at least pressing on through the initial icy reception in line after all that smokin’ eye contact! Agreed with SMS that your effort is laudable. People indeed are mysterious and weird.
Leah´s last blog post..Daddy’s back.
Comment by Zeus
| December 12th, 2008
The good news is she didn’t say “never”. The way I see it, you two will be going out in a couple of weeks with marriage in less than two years. ;-)
It always takes kahones to try and it is so worth it when it finally works.
Zeus´s last blog post..Christmas fun
Comment by krn
| December 12th, 2008
It’s too bad that she didn’t didn’t follow through with a nice conversation after the heavy eye contact. Maybe she just chickened out?
Anyway, it sounds like you win for the best flirt of the day. Shrug it off and carry on. Just have fun with it and try not to have any expectations. Persistence will eventually pay off when some fabulous woman flirts back. Keep at it and you’ll have it perfected by then, when it’ll really count.
I smiled and raised my eyebrows at a handsome older man in bike shorts and a helmet at the library the other day. He blushed, but I could tell he was flattered and that made my day!
Comment by Laura
| December 12th, 2008
ARGH!!! Doesnt that just SUCK SO TOTALLY!!!
Its happened to me too – all the signs are there and then WHAM you get the “oh I am married/involved” line!!
Sorry DH but good on you for trying – it could have gone either way!:)
Laura´s last blog post..ITS FRIDAY
Comment by Lance
| December 12th, 2008
No worries, typical easy blowout, happens all the time. My only advice is funnel your dialogue so the blowout happens faster, like within 2′ so you don’t waste time. See if you can get the escalation or blowout within 3-5 questions or convo threads.
Lance´s last blog post..Add Randomness To Your Life To Meet People
Comment by NewWrldYankee
| December 13th, 2008
Good on for trying! Seriously, I love that you put yourself out there. Recently, I’ve been frustrated b/c European men go right for the kill *as in let’s go now* or never say anything. It would be nice to have someone just ask you out like a man. I miss American men. Sigh…
NewWrldYankee´s last blog post..Are you it? Tagged in 5 Things Meme by DeboHobo
Comment by Lori
| December 13th, 2008
She was definitely a flake. Haven’t you noticed that all of the gorgeous, hot women you meet are flakes? Much better to go for the pretty or average ones that are sane and normal! ; )
I’m always amazed at how you just go for it when you see someone you like. That never happens to me in normal every day situations. I wish more men would flirt and chat me up.
Comment by Bunk
| December 13th, 2008
I respect you for two reasons…
The first is that it sounds like you were at an actual coffeehouse and not just a flanky Starbucks. You know your coffee….kudos.
The second is that you are not afraid to be a man on the prowl. Double kudos.
Comment by Noelle
| December 14th, 2008
Sometimes guys mistake my cold hard, “What are you looking at?” glare for an excuse to come talk to me. A bit frustrating, but the confusion is understandable.
Comment by Melany
| December 14th, 2008
It must be real tough to be the man. To try and figure out if she is somewhat interested and then to have the guts to get up and start a conversation.
Melany´s last blog post..Man power
Comment by MindyMom
| December 15th, 2008
That is why I’m glad I’m not a guy!
MindyMom´s last blog post..Single Mom & the Christmas Tree
Comment by QTMama
| December 17th, 2008
I start up conversations with men all the time, it doesn’t phase me really. However, hardly any of them ask me for my number. Which makes you, unique and fabulous DH. :)
QTMama´s last blog post..I’m Alive!
Comment by Honey
| December 17th, 2008
Maybe next time…
Honey´s last blog post..I Gave My Boyfriend a Yeast Infection!