Hot Bus Girl
My parents invited me to Happy Hour at their hotel. It was one of those cheesy banquet appetizer type things, with plenty of beer and wine. Not exactly Michelin cuisine, but hey, it was free.
Only one problem – the bus girl was hot.
Imagine sitting with your parents, making small talk about the kids, and being completely and thoroughly distracted by a hot bus girl. I was dying! (Ladies, insert an image of the hot busboy of your choice. Or just use Mama Llama’s hot waiter description.)
She had an exotic look – black hair, latina or asian or american indian or some mix, petite. Tons of earrings, not just on the lobe but also going right up Darwin’s tubercle and on the tragus. (Ah, the useless crap your learn at Dad’s House!) She wore a sparkly silver tiara headband thing that was ghetto hawt. Baggy uniform clothes that could only be hiding a slender figure (with hips! Which I love on a woman.)
I can’t tell how old women are any more. I’m pretty sure this bus girl was in her late 20s. Too young for a serious relationship with me, I suspect. But not too young for me to flirt with, or even share a drink or a date. (Full disclosure – I have dated women in their 40s, 30s, and 20s. I was married to a woman older than me. I’m not out there targeting too-young women, but I’m also not going to turn my back on one out of principle. I guess that means I have no principles. Ha!)
Hot bus girl and I immediately shared heavy eye contact. I love when women hold my gaze. One, it shows confidence. Two, a willingness to tangle. The eyes reveal a lot.
The problem is, I wasn’t in a position to act immediately. If my parents weren’t there, I would have chatted her right up. But I don’t feel comfortable approaching a woman cold with my mom and dad watching me. (Too bad I couldn’t send a flirty dirty text message. Or mental telepathy. Something.)
After a while, hot bus girl quit flirting. I was just another customer to her.
She could have lost interest for many reasons. Maybe I was too old. Maybe I didn’t act quickly enough. Maybe I was supposed to diss my mom and do the dirty pick up lines approach thing. (Or sweet talk pick up lines. Who knew?)
I didn’t give up. When my parents headed back to their room, I excused myself to the lobby restroom to avoid an immediate hotel exit. After, I headed back to see what was what with busgirl.
She was there. She saw me. She gave no flirtatious smile or wink. Just a curious look, perhaps wondering why I was still poking around. The thing is, I had a bit of the once-bitten, twice-shy in me from my coffee date pickup gone flat. I smiled and turned and left.
If you don’t strike when the iron is hot, it’s mighty hard to make a dent when things cool.
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- Just Flirt, Baby!
- Using Sweet Talk Pick Up Lines in Front of Your Son
- Scarlett Johansson Hot in a Sexy Threesome
- Flirting in Front of Your Ex
- Shirtless Runner
- At an Awkward Age When Women and Their Moms are Both Hot
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Comment by Mike
| December 19th, 2008
Been there so I can relate. Yes once it cools it’s like trying to raise Lazerus from the grave.
Mike´s last blog post..The Deed is Done
Comment by single mom seeking
| December 19th, 2008
Dang, I know the feeling! She looks like your type Dad’s House…
single mom seeking´s last blog post..Hey Facebook! Breastfeeding is Not Obscene
Comment by Mad Cartoonist
| December 19th, 2008
Sorry, Dads, but you should know better than to try to hit on service people!
Don’t make the mistake of thinking that someone who interacts with you as part of her job must therefore be all hot and heavy attracted to you.
Take note! Receptionists, hostesses, waitstaff, bus people, bartenders, baristas, anyone manning a cash register, salespeople, politicians, your psychologist, your teacher, people you are interviewing for jobs, and possibly even your doctor—-
they may smile at you, joke with you, give you complements, and remember your name. They may look deep into your eyes and ask you how you are doing.
But the vast majority are *not* hot for you!
They are trying to do/keep their jobs, or get you to hire them/give them a big tip/buy what they’re selling.
Of course, many of them enjoy interacting with other people and that’s why they do what they do and are good at it. But they’re not on the prowl. They do that with everyone.
Comment by krn
| December 19th, 2008
*sigh* Mad Cartoonist is spot on, of course. Also, your nurse, accountant, insurance agent, the list goes on and *one more sigh* on. Fellow patrons, single parents of kids at school and customers are not on the list! *big smile* Get your heinie out there, Dads. Get your flirt on. Force yourself at first a bit. I promise it will help and hey, you were the one who inspired me to do this, remember? I’m having a blast, even if it’s only flirting leading nowhere, so far. *blows a sly little kiss your way to thank you*
Comment by dadshouse
| December 19th, 2008
Oh, but that’s the thing – the way the appetizer banquet was set up, this woman did not have to interact with anyone. And she didn’t interact with anyone, except for one or two people who asked for salsa or some other things like that. She smiled politely at them like a good service person should. Her eye contact with me was not professional. I know the difference.
And yes, I also know not to waste time asking out waitresses and bartenders, because they get hit on 100 times each shift.
Comment by Mad Cartoonist
| December 19th, 2008
Dads–oh, I knew you’d say that!
But her ultimate reaction has to be explained somehow, and why not use the most likely explanation? Couldn’t it be possible that your “professional/non-professional” eye contact radar was malfunctioning a little bit that day?
Sorry–I’m just giving you a hard time.
I actually give you major props for again putting your flirt out there! Why oh why don’t more men do this?
(or maybe they do, but I wouldn’t know because they only do it towards bus girls (or punked out bratz dolls) in their 20’s?)
Comment by T
| December 19th, 2008
The 23 year old I told you about? He was our waiter at Chili’s. I’m like, “He’s hot but what am I going to do with a young hot guy?” (Yes, yes, I know.)
I was with my brother who insisted I leave the waiter my phone number on a coaster. I blew it off.
Then MY BROTHER went back into the restaurant, after we were already in the car, and got his number for me. See? You need a sibling who’s a wingman!
I wasn’t going to contact the guy but my brother bugged me about for 2 weeks. Now… he’s pursuing me and I’m still thinking, “What am I going to do with a young hot guy who I now know I have nothing in common with?”
I guess to me, there’s more to attraction than just how hot they are.
T´s last blog post..Is this thing on?
Comment by mel
| December 19th, 2008
you write a lot about you eye flirting with someone, getting the vibe that they are toally into you and then when you try to approach – nothing… maybe you misinterprete the women’s looks – maybe they were looking at someone behind you or just daydreaming…
Comment by dadshouse
| December 19th, 2008
Mad Cartoonist – I’ve blogged about women in their 30s who I approached in restaurants, and I’ve also approached women in their 40s. The coffee date pickup last week was a 30-something.
T – yes, I agree that 23 is too young for anything but a fling. If that’s what you want with your waiter, go for it! This bus girl was late 20s, which is borderline dateable for me. But really, I have more in common with women in their mid-30s to 40s.
Mel – just a phase I’m in and blogging about right now. Last summer I blogged about barbecue grilling stories gone bad, when I’m actually a good cook. I have met more women in real life than online who I actually ended up dating, and I fell out of practice a bit, so I’m getting back into honing my flirt/approach skills.
Clearly I need some fine tuning. All the more reason for me to keep doing it.
Comment by QTMama
| December 19th, 2008
DH – are you smiling a lot during this eye contact?
I dunno, I think that it’s great how you’re so … what’s the word, out there with the flirting. I wish more men were like that. Some have flat out told me that I’m too intimidating. I am always left blinking a lot at that one. I’m a nice person dammit!
QTMama´s last blog post..Tis the Season for …
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| December 19th, 2008
I’m still trying to figure out, Dads, why you are going for hamburger when you really want steak.
Mad Cartoonists comments about how people are sometimes nice to everyone, so their motives may be misinterpreted reminded me of something. I once dated a man who asked if I loved him. I said, “Of course I love you!” He sighed and said, “Yeah, but you love everyone, so that doesn’t really mean anything.”
And he was right!
Hey, howcome you haven’t called me?
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..JAKE!
Comment by dadshouse
| December 19th, 2008
Teri – I did call you! Yesterday. Waiting for your call back. Maybe I have the wrong number? I’ll email you my cell number. As for hamburger vs. steak – do I want steak? You can only eat it one way. Grilled. Hamburger is so much more diverse. You have burgers, sloppy joes, tacos, spaghetti sauce, meatballs, …
QTMama – nope, I didn’t smile in this exchange or the coffee house pickup. They were more of the smoldering gaze, you have stirred something within me, I want to get to know you, sort of eye exchanges. Other times I smile. But really, I’m not the super cheery big smile slap-you-on-the-back fraternity kind of guy when meeting people. I’m more reserved.
I’m loving this arm-chair analysis. Someone will say something to unlock a key ingredient I’m missing right now, and have had in the past. Smiling steak? Who knows.
Comment by MindyMom
| December 19th, 2008
Timing IS Everything!
MindyMom´s last blog post..A New Look
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| December 19th, 2008
WRONG about the steak. Many ways to eat it. And it’s so much more tasty! ;)
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..JAKE!
Comment by Mad Cartoonist
| December 19th, 2008
OK Dadshouse, you asked!
When I was young and hot and I lived in an large university town, I used to get hit on all the time. And in my opinion, smoldering eye contact from a dude is a great sign of interest…*if* you already are acquainted with the guy.
But as a first sign of interest, from some random stranger at a bus stop/coffeeshop/theater? Uh, no.
A guy I don’t know trying to make intense eye contact with me in public (& especially if he’s not smiling!) would get me very worried. I’d be thinking, “Is he a stalker? A serial killer? WTF?” I might be looking back at you, I might whisper to my friend about you and point you out, but just to figure out if you’re dangerous or what.
It would go much better if you could show her *before* you turn on the love lights that you’re socially well-adjusted and mostly harmless.
Why didn’t you go up to the buffet and make a show of looking for something, and then ask her if they have any anchovies in the back or something? Then make a small joke and compliment her on her work, ask her how long she’s worked there, etc. After that you could return to eating with your parents and *then* commence staring at her (but smile!).
At least, that would have worked better with me. Back then, and also now, frankly.
Comment by ilinap
| December 19th, 2008
“A willingness to tangle” ha ha ha.
I was a waitress in college. I made eye contact and held a gaze many a time. For the tips. No sense wasting your time here.
Comment by dadshouse
| December 19th, 2008
Mad Cartoonist – I get what you’re saying, but I wasn’t at a bus stop. I was showing myself to be socially adjusted. I guess I disagree with you as to what works for me. I’ve met plenty of women using the smile approach, and been deflected plenty of times that way, too. I’m not saying I prefer one approach to the other – just that in two instances in the past week, the smoldering gaze thing happened – and it was two-sided. The women were looking back. In my coffee house pickup with Burning Woman, she initiated it.
Sometimes people rise above the noise of everyday life, and you share a look with them that says they have risen above the noise, too. I’d like to find that woman who can be conscious and aware and present with me most of the time. A smoldering gaze tinged with vulnerability is a fine start.
I feel a blog post coming on…
Teri – I may be wrong about the steak, but the thing is, I don’t eat a lot of red meat. I do mostly pasta, chicken, and fish, with the occasional sirloin.
Comment by Lance
| December 19th, 2008
I’ve actually tried a PU in front of my mom, well, sort of. I took mom to dinner for her birthday a year ago to a nice place. The hostess was smokin’ hot and I flirted with her for about 20′ as we were waiting to get seated. About 2-3 lines of dialogue, tops.
On the way out of the restaurant, I sent mom to the car and said that I had left my leftover box on the table, which I did (I planted it on purpose). I went back inside, re-opened hostess, exchanged another bit of dialogue, and got blown out. It was AWESOME. Such a rush, because I did it in front of other waiters.
Lesson: Go for it, even if you know you’re getting blown out. You only live once. Plus, getting blown out is super fun.
Lance´s last blog post..Thought Leader Interview Series: Sinn
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| December 19th, 2008
The thing is, babe ~ we ain’t talkin about what you eat! ;)
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..JAKE!
Comment by mama llama
| December 19th, 2008
Dude, you get to have dinner with Teri?!
;)
Have fun, be well!
mama llama´s last blog post..mindless meanderings
Comment by Laura
| December 19th, 2008
Sorry the moment past you by! It happens!
I am very big on eye contact – for me its a very powerful way of making contact and “talking” to someone! And apparently my eyes are very powerful! But anyway not everyone is as open to it or picks it up!
Laura´s last blog post..To Kill a Mockingbird
Comment by NewWrldYankee
| December 20th, 2008
Sometimes it is fun to flirt, just like that, and not expect or do a follow up. Why has no one said that she might have just done it to flirt and make her self feel good that someone found her attractive. Like you said, sometime you flirt with someone you’d never date, just because of the fun factor.
But, kudos to you for the follow up. It’s nice when a man makes a move. Ditto to Lance.
NewWrldYankee´s last blog post..You want to hear something awesome?
Comment by banquet manager
| December 20th, 2008
I’ve been in the banquet business for 20 years and almost never have had a hot busgirl or waiter. Poor me.
So You Want To Be a Banquet Manager
banquet manager´s last blog post..World’s First Zero Star Hotel
Comment by Leah
| December 20th, 2008
Dang you people are a tough crowd! :)
This is my thought – effort is important, whether you desire hamburger or steak. Yet when the grill is just the right temperature, the meat will cook to perfection.
Just a random thought.
Leah´s last blog post..Making friends with what is.
Comment by dadshouse
| December 20th, 2008
I don’t mind a tough crowd. It makes the blog commenting more interesting. I figure no one but me was there, and I can’t possibly report every pertinent detail, so who’s to say the “right” or “proper” thing to do? At the end of the day, we each create our own realities, and have our own perspectives. But trying to understand others allows us to take a deeper look at ourselves.
Comment by krn
| December 20th, 2008
While we do create our own realities, there is a rare kind of eye contact that is always significant, memorable and takes two willing people. If this is what happened, then she meant for it to in that moment. Even without any follow up, it is worth taking in for what is was and enjoying it. Analyze it as much as it has value to you. Maybe explore what you’d like for it to mean next time it happens with someone you do know and know what you will do when that time comes.
I had this kind of eye contact with someone for close to a year once, several days a week at the same place where we both went to study. Even if one of us had a classmate or friend with us, it still happened. On Valentine’s Day he approached me and handed me a note. We met, had nothing in common but a soul connection that neither of us could explain. Nothing happened between us except great conversation and one of the best hugs of my life, but I’ll never forget him and am so grateful to have spent time gazing into his eyes instead of reading a textbook. His lesson for me was one the one that really mattered later on. The take away for me was that when two people’s feelings simultaneously and often rest on a similar energy level it makes for easier access to deep feelings and understanding between them, regardless of what is happening or not on other levels between the two.
We can choose to keep it light even when the connection happens, but a unique opportunity exists nonetheless. When we are vulnerable, sometimes we simply cannot remain open. The opportunity slips past, but neither person can honestly deny that it happened because full presence is necessary for it’s existence. You are the only one that can decide what the right or proper thing to do is in that moment.
Sheesh! Where did this come from?
Comment by Becky
| December 21st, 2008
Why would a man who professes to be searching for someone in his “same life stage” spend any amount of time or effort on a woman who obviously did not meet that qualification? Call me curious…
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| December 21st, 2008
Hence, the steak vs hamburger discussion. ;)
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..JAKE!
Comment by dadshouse
| December 21st, 2008
Becky – first of all, how do you know this woman didn’t meet the same life stage qualification? For all we know, she was a single mom, looking for stability. But even if that wasn’t the case, or I didn’t suspect it, I am human. I need contact with poeple. I need intimacy with women. If I sit back and pre-qualify every woman I come across as fitting my pre-conceived notion of an ideal partner – I might as well sit home alone and browse match.com all day. Been there, done that. Didn’t work for me. These days I’d rather see who I meet in real life.
And why do you all think this woman wasn’t steak? Because she had earrings? A shiny headband? Worked in a service industry job? You can’t judge a book by its cover.
Comment by loriann
| December 21st, 2008
Hello David,
Here we are with the hamburger/steak debate. The other night I was out, taking my own mom to a birthday dinner. I had a filet that melted in my mouth. Scrumptious! As the year comes to a close I’m looking ahead to the New Year. I’m working on putting my intentions in order and being mindful to let go of relationships that are no longer healthy.
Hamburger, steak or Prime Rib ~ it’s all good when seasoned with the right stuff. My best to you, David, during this holiday season and in the New Year!