Cat Woman
No, this is not a tribute to Eartha Kitt 
or her Batman-loving character. This is a dating dilemma of allergic proportions.
Imagine you’re single, looking for love on the modern dating scene. You meet a potential partner by your preferred method of choice – craigslist dating, match.com, chemistry.com, e-friggin-harmony, or – gasp – by flirting with a stranger, maybe even a hot bus girl or boy (take your pick).
This person (woman, in my case) is just what you’re looking for – attractive, intelligent, sexy, fun. (On paper, at least). They’re even a single parent, dating after divorce. And you know from experience that dating a single parent rocks completely.
Only one problem – she has cats. And you’re allergic.
No worries? Not so fast. What if…
She loves her cats.
She cherishes her cats.
She WORSHIPS her cats.
HER CATS ARE PART OF THE FAMILY!
What’s a single ready to mingle to do?
If you tell her about your allergy, she won’t even go on a first date with you. Your inability to coexist with her cats is a deal breaker for her, for sure.
If you don’t tell her, and you hit it off on the first date, second date, third date… She’s bound to find out your allergy during third-date sex when you sneeze your way through some convoluted tantric maneuver.
Take claritin? It might work for a while. But do you really want to pop an allergy pill every day for the rest of your relationship-with-her life?
They say all’s fair in love and war.
But is everything fair in cats and dating?
A currently-out-of-claritin single dad needs to know… (soon)
- Relationship Compatibility
- Sexy Flirty Dirty Text Messages
- Can Dating Single Parents Be Vulnerable?
- Three Great Places to Meet Women (On Paper)
- Sexy and Funny Dating Stories
- Blind Date – Ugh
- Meeting a Love Interest in My Rattiest T-Shirt
- Breastfeeding Your Man and Blind Date Sex – While Kids are in the Next Room
- Craigslist coffee date gone bad – Confessions of a Serial Online Dater, part 1
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Comment by lisaq
| January 6th, 2009
Yikes! That’s a toughie. I have 3 cats myself and they are indeed a part of the family. I can’t imagine myself parting with them and yet…ugh!
lisaq´s last blog post..Recognizing Signs of Control and Manipulation and Knowing if You Are Ripe for the Picking
Comment by debra
| January 6th, 2009
The last guy I dated was allergic to cats, we made it work, and it certainly wasn’t my cat that brought about the end of the relationship. Most of the time, we stayed at his house, and I made sure not to pick up the cat once I had gotten dressed to go meet him. On the occasions that he stayed at my house, I made sure that the bedroom was completely vaccuumed, dusted, clean linens (of course!) and that I kept the cat out of the room both before he got there, and while he was there. Same thing in the living room, I vaccuumed the couch and just let the cat play outside for the evening (I know….bad cat owner!!) Really not a big deal, but then, his allergies were not that severe. Don’t know if yours are more intense.
Comment by SingleParentDad
| January 6th, 2009
Interesting, for us I mean, not you. Difficult for you.
Can’t you get a shot, or one at the cat?
SingleParentDad´s last blog post..Best of the British Mummy Bloggers Carnival – First of 2009
Comment by Lance
| January 6th, 2009
Pets can definitely be a deal breaker. See my post about game killing dogs from a girl I dated over earlier in 2008. I’d try taking an antihistamine for a couple of dates and seeing how it goes…maybe the chemistry there would be great enough to allow you guys to make compromises. I’ve noticed a lot of single pet owners prioritize their animals over their mates, which I would never do myself, but it certainly happens.
Lance´s last blog post..Thought Leader Interview Series: Asian Rake
Comment by Kat Wilder
| January 6th, 2009
Dads — I’ve always wondered why so many women on Match, Yahoo, etc. show pictures of themselves with their cats. Now I get it; it’s a cat-allergic man filter. Maybe ….
I will tell you that most people will not give up a pet for a man/woman, and you know women and their, um, pussies.
Still, it’s worth a try; love always involves some sort of suffering, right?
Kat Wilder´s last blog post..I’m OK, but everyone else needs to try harder
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| January 6th, 2009
I am all for pets being “part of the family.” While still remembering they are not people. I adore cats. I am also allergic to them. Not seriously allergic, like life or death. But they make me sneeze. A lot. I can own a cat (or even two), but only if of the short-haired variety. And if I hold them or pet them, I must wash my hands before touching my face or eyes, or I will have an allergic reaction. Again, not a severe reaction, but certainly not fun.
I despise cat boxes. If I were to have a cat, it would have to be allowed outside. And if it comes home with an injury from a fight, it has to survive it on its own or die. I cannot be spending exorbitant (and it’s always exorbitant) amounts of money on a pet, when I would rarely even spend that much money taking my own CHILDREN to the doctor!
So there are a number of issues to consider. First of all, are you really, really, really allergic? Secondly, can you handle a person who “worships” an animal? This is definitely a personality trait. Thirdly, it is definitely worth it to take Claritin eternally if the partner in question is worth their weight in gold.
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..Man… Is A Giddy Thing
Comment by T
| January 6th, 2009
I love Kat’s response! Anytime we get the chance to say “pussy” is good for me.
You never know, DH. I am extremely allergic to cats and yet somehow, Rachel’s cat didn’t bother me at all…
Hmmmm….
T´s last blog post..Happy Birthday Grace!
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| January 6th, 2009
Yes, yes… we know T… Rachel’s pussy didn’t bother you a bit! :)
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..Man… Is A Giddy Thing
Comment by T
| January 6th, 2009
Oh Teri… you’re too much!
Very accurate synopsis of things though.
:P
T´s last blog post..Happy Birthday Grace!
Comment by MindyMom
| January 6th, 2009
Once again dads comments are entertaining!
I am not a pet person, and people that dote over pets like they are children just turn me off. It’s definitely a deal-breaker for me. A guy with a dog is fine, but cats – NO WAY!
Good luck with that.
MindyMom´s last blog post..The Silent Treatment
Comment by Exception
| January 6th, 2009
Ah a pussy problem… ;) I always figured you to be a man who could handle himself in this area quite purrfectly! ;)
Can you do the purring, petting, and such at your place until you know that it is time to move on or whether this in a long term entanglement?
* Purrhaps, at some point, you could get her cats some of the gel type stuff (don’t know what it is but it works amazingly well) to rub on her cats coats. It eliminates dander and allergy problems allowing people who love cats and those with allergies to cohabitate happily.
Exception´s last blog post..4X4
Comment by katherine.
| January 6th, 2009
Well…let’s say your family included a cherished dog, who slept in the house, and rode in your car. One that you and your kids loved dearly…and the new woman in your life was horribly allergic.
Would you continue to pursue her?
Would you try to de-dog the house before she came over?
Would you give her a case of Claritn for Valentines Day?
katherine.´s last blog post..friends, romans, countrymen….. lend me your
Comment by Sailingmom
| January 6th, 2009
That is a toughie!
As a single (and looking) mom, 3-kids, 2 cats and a dog,…I’d still want to give it a go. I love my pets, but truly good men that you’ve click with — I think is worth trying to find a solution.
Comment by Susanna (A Modern Mother)
| January 6th, 2009
Er, it’s the cats or you. If she can’t see that well, ummm, I mean, come on…
Comment by Dr. Leah www.singlemommyhood.com
| January 6th, 2009
Kat Wilder: Thanks! I never understood the purpose of the “cat picture”; it’s a filter!
Basic question–exactly how many cats in total? What exactly does “worshiping cats” mean? Will part of your tantric manuver include maneuvering around the cats who also share her bed?
Hmmmmm . . . .
Comment by Laura
| January 6th, 2009
How do you manage to get yourself in these dilemas?
I have no solutions though!!! Sorry DadHouse – its a toughie!
Laura´s last blog post..Uncertainty
Comment by dadshouse
| January 6th, 2009
I’m pretty darn allergic to cats. Both of my brothers have cats, and I can visit their homes for an afternoon, no problem, but stay the night and I’m sneezing like crazy.
This woman made it clear that she has multiple cats, and the last man she tried dating was allergic, and that was a dealbreaker for her. She brought up the cats with me right off the bat. I suppose the morally straight path would be to fess up and admit I’m allergic, and part ways immediately.
But like I wrote, all is fair in love and war… I suppose that’s meant as a battle cry against suitors, though, not against the suitee.
As for tantric meaneuvers – if the cats lounge on the bed when I’m not there, I will sneeze when I am there.
I pretty much know I can’t date this woman. But I’m too fascinated by the whole thing to admit I’m allergic – I mean, she’s the one missing out on me if she cuts things off from the get-go, putting her cats first. Then again, that’s a major warning sign, isn’t it. Any woman so in love with her cats might be a little nutso.
Love all the pussy jokes, btw. Fodder for next year’s version of DH Readers Rock!
Comment by Vinomom
| January 6th, 2009
Grrrreat Comments!
Anyone that puts it right out there from the get-go that the inability to co-habitate with her kitties is a deal breaker would make me nervous. Is she on match.com (or whatever her preferred dating venue)to meet a man or what? If the cats are that important, it sounds like her family is already complete!
(And crazy cat people make me nervous. If it were a dog, my opinion might differ completely, cuz ya know she might love her kitties but they really don’t give a shit about her!)
Vinomom´s last blog post..Computers, Meds and Football
Comment by mama llama
| January 6th, 2009
Wow.
Don’t really have much to add…I was about to 2nd Teri’s response but then read your allergic response…
I look forward to see how this works out. Be well, Dads.
mama llama´s last blog post..reflections on the old; resolutions in the new
Comment by Lance
| January 6th, 2009
I’m mildly allergic to cats, like I have the typical reaction for 48 hours when I stay in the same house with one. After that I get conditioned and it’s free sailing. Same with dogs, although an even milder reaction. I own a cat and she’s indoor/outdoor and I leave the catbox outside, which is awesome. I’d like to get a dog when I get a place big enough to contain the animals.
Lance´s last blog post..Happy New Year: Best Of Honey and Lance 2008
Comment by Honey
| January 6th, 2009
First, as some people have mentioned, it’s very possible to get acclimated to a particular cat or dog if you’re allergic. I had a roommate once who was allergic to cats upon moving in with me, but then she ended up overcoming it and adopting three of her own. You can’t expect someone to give up an animal for you because it is a lifelong committment and there are so many unwanted pets out there.
That said, I can see the dilemma. I have three cats and it definitely inhibited my dating life (though I think most guys are lying when they say they’re allergic). One of the things I liked best about the BF was that he loved cats but didn’t have any, and hated dogs. I almost broke up with him when he adopted a stray dog because I hate them (and hate the dog to this day, over a year and a half later). But I wouldn’t make him get rid of her.
Here are some solutions:
1.Ban the pet from the bedroom
2.bathe the animal (professionally or at home) on a regular basis (say, every six weeks)
3.vacuum and dust twice weekly with a high-quality vacuum cleaner with a HEPA filter
4.get a HEPA filter/air purifier
5.install filters in your air conditioning/heating systems
6.live in a home with tile and/or wood, rather than carpeting
7.Wet mop all linoleum and hard wood floors very regularly
8.use blinds rather than curtains
9.apply Allerpet, a spray available from veterinarians which can be directly applied to the pets’ fur and which neutralizes the allergen
10.Put your pet on Acepromazine . Acepromazine is an animal tranquilizer, available only by prescription from a veterinarian. The amount given for allergies is such a small dosage that there are no tranquilizing effects, but a chemical change does take place in the cat’s saliva (which is what people react to in cat allergies). About 75 percent of those using this formula report at least some improvement, and about half say their allergies improve dramatically.
11.limit the furniture the cat is allowed on
12.Buy bags of zeolite: Zeolite has a positive charge and a honeycomb structure, so when used in conjunction with a good HEPA air filter, it can cut down on airborne cat dander.
13.Spray tannic acid: A 3 percent tannic acid solution sprayed on carpets, upholstery and bedding (NOT THE CAT) kills many allergens and is not toxic.
Also, regarding treatments that you can take, pills are not your only option:
1.allergy medications are available as pills, nose sprays, and eye drops
2.allergy shots can also be used to decrease the allergic response; they are given weekly for several months and then monthly after that. The full series of allergy shots may take 3 – 4 years to complete, but it may not take that long for you to be more comfortable. Cat-related allergies are particularly responsive to allergy shots.
Honey´s last blog post..Happy New Year: Best Of Honey and Lance 2008
Comment by ck
| January 6th, 2009
I think you should go for it anyway.
But that’s selfish on my part because 1) I know I’d enjoy the blogs that would inevitably follow and 2) I don’t like cats unless they’re as tiny and cute as the kitten at the top of your blog.
And is sex generally a third-date activity now? I had no idea it got bumped up…
ck´s last blog post..the top 10 things that piss me off
Comment by single mom seeking
| January 6th, 2009
I was just getting ready to prescribe “T’s” homeopathic remedy — which she didn’t need, by the way — and I paused to read the comments.
Oh my god, you are all TOO much!! Cathouse Teri, I’m practically on the floor, and my dad just walked into my home with the kid…
single mom seeking´s last blog post..Is “The Bachelor” a double standard?
Comment by Jo Beaufoix
| January 6th, 2009
Now that’s a difficult one. But maybe she’s after a cat fancier. You know, a cat FANCIER… I’d avoid her. she may be looking for a feline threesome. Scary.
Jo Beaufoix´s last blog post..Bedroom Gymnastics
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| January 7th, 2009
All of Honey’s advice was excellent. Anyone finding themselves in this situation should take note.
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..Man… Is A Giddy Thing
Comment by ilinap
| January 7th, 2009
When I was single my cats ruled. Plus they were good indicators of a guy. I knew there would be no second date if they hissed and growled.
Comment by Lori
| January 7th, 2009
I have the exact problem, but not only am I allergic, my twins are also, and cats send them into an asthma attack. Cats are absolute deal breakers for me. If the person can’t part with their cats for love, then adios.
Comment by Lori
| January 7th, 2009
Reading your comment Dads, I agree if a woman would give up love for her cats, she’s nuts. I’d give up my Chihuahua IF I had to. Love is so much more important than a pet.
Comment by Charles
| January 7th, 2009
That is a tough call. Perhaps a compromise could be reached and there could be some “cat free” areas you both could enjoy. Other than that, frequent bathing of the little buggers will help, along with a good air purifier.
Charles´s last blog post..The Cosmopolitan beats the Odds
Comment by Listen To Me Bitch
| January 9th, 2009
If she has A cat no big deal, but it sounds to me like she has CATS and may even be a CAT LADY so my advice to you as an experienced dater and fellow cat allergy sufferer is this:
Screw the allergies, that’s the least of your concern. If she’s a cat lady then shes CRAZY…run before it gets worse.
Listen To Me Bitch´s last blog post..How much was it? From Watches and Cars to Strippers and Adam West, What’s it to you!?!?