Hey Ann Coulter – It’s Evolution, Baby!
Ann Coulter was ripping single moms on the Today show and blaming them for every societal ill, saying single moms are guilty of raising kids who grow up to be criminals.
Ann, I have a message for you – It’s Evolution, Baby!
No, I’m not trying to say that human evolution is leading us into a criminal state. I think Ann Coulter is accusing the wrong parties and missing the point. Single moms rock for stepping up to the plate, taking responsibility for raising their child when a deadbeat dad isn’t in the picture.
I’m sure Ann Coulter could pick on two-home families and ex-spouses who coparent. (Maybe she did?) I just ignore her. I have half-time custody of my two kids, and they are happy, healthy, thriving human beings.
In fact, in some respects children of single parents are better off than children of married couples.
My kids have learned from an early age that there’s more than one way to do things.
Their mom works hard and plays hard, while I am chasing my dreams (I work and play, but my goals aren’t monetary, they’re about inner growth.) Their mom makes international travel a priority, while I’m content to hit the beach and hiking trails. (I travel, just not as much.) Their mom has a boyfriend, while I have been solo for a few years (occasionally de-evolving and chasing after something short of a sexy arrangement. Hey, I’m not perfect.)
My kids have also learned to be happy with who they are, and not let another person define them.
The Exception recently wondered if she’s sending the right message to her diva daughter by being a single mom. The diva said she never wants to get married because she sees how happy her mom is being alone. The mom admits she’d be happy with a man in her life – it’s not her relationship status that determines whether she’s happy or not.
I understand The Exception is worried that she’s not modeling an adult relationship for her child. But she’s modeling something else entirely – independence, and cultivating happiness in all you do. What a wonderful message to teach!
The Dalai Lama says the very purpose of life is to be happy, and the way to happiness is through compassion. Ann Coulter, when she judges, labels, categorizes, blames – she’s not being compassionate. She’s stuck in the muck of her own perspective.
Single parents rock because we’re outside the comfort zone of society. We’re trying to find happiness on our own terms, with whatever hand we’re dealt.
We are surviving and growing, and helping the next generation evolve.
Pearl Jam, Do The Evolution
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Comment by lisaq
| January 9th, 2009
Well said! I raised my girls virtually on my own and truly believe that they are better off than the alternative. They too have learned to be happy in their own skin and don’t need validation from a man. They are happy, healthy young women taking the world by storm! Take that Ann Coulter!
lisaq´s last blog post..Top 10 Dating Resolutions for 2009
Comment by Solo-Dad
| January 9th, 2009
Ann Coulter = Nonsense. Period.
That said, well said, Dadshouse. The solo-parent dynamic has complexities and rewards that can’t be found in a two-parent structure: teaching our kids about self-reliance independence by example. I’ve been married twice and have had one serious relationship since Little Elvis and I started over 5 years ago.
Given the choice, my solo-dad lifestyle reigns supreme. I’m not knocking two-parent families as much as defending the solo-parent choice that many of us find liberating.
Solo-Dad´s last blog post..When Bad Report Cards Happen to Good Kids
Comment by T
| January 9th, 2009
Amen!
Besides, it takes a whole person to parent a child or make a good relationship. Maybe it makes Ann feel uncomfortable because we have to find ways to go beyond our situation, find peace and (wha?!?) actually joy in our daily lives, despite not having a mate? From what Susan over at One Woman Show found out about Ann, she is perhaps feeling a bit lonely and frustrated with her own romantic situation. Maybe it frightens her a little to think that she can overcome, with forgiveness and love instead of resentment and hate/fear.
And besides, it’s much easier to blame someone else for all the hate in the world, isn’t it?
T´s last blog post..A reader asks…
Comment by MindyMom
| January 9th, 2009
Hey thanks for the link Dad’s! It’s great to see a fathers input and thoughts on this issue as well as us single moms and you couldn’t be more right on. I love this:
“we’re outside the comfort zone of society. We’re trying to find happiness on our own terms, with whatever hand we’re dealt.”
Great post!
MindyMom´s last blog post..Baggage or Blessing?
Comment by Leah
| January 9th, 2009
Bravo, Dad’s! This is a brilliant post. Yes, if I didn’t believe so much in free speech I’d suggest that Coulter be muzzled. I keep thinking about this, and it really comes down to this, for me: the very best thing we can do for our kids, no matter what the bigger picture might be or what other people do, is to strive to evolve, take responsibility for our lives, be happy, balanced, compassionate folk, whether we’re partnered or not.
Leah´s last blog post..Crazy random dating story…
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| January 9th, 2009
“…stuck in the muck of her own perspective.”
Excellently stated!
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..Man… Is A Giddy Thing
Comment by Gennaro
| January 9th, 2009
It’s great when someone who has never been married and has no kids becomes the authority on parenting. The last group that needs a kick in the butt is the women who work hard + raise their children. Usually with little help.
Gennaro´s last blog post..Recycled Masterpiece: Chandigarh’s Rock Garden
Comment by Wendy
| January 9th, 2009
Coulter wrote on 1/10/08 regarding her father’s passing (not sure if this was from the eulogy, or her chronicling her feelings):
“Besides being very funny, Father had an absolutely straight moral compass without ever being preachy or judgmental or even telling us in words. He just was good.”
Her parents spent their entire lives married. Coulter is a product of a two parent household.
Her father was, by her own admission, not judgemental and yet the energy she brings to the world is just the opposite.
Perhaps is it not so much the number of parents in a home as it is an individual situation.
And why would we want to listen to someone exhibiting such hypocrisy?
Wendy´s last blog post..Hollywood, here we come (until the drug addict showed up)
Comment by Laura
| January 9th, 2009
Well said Dads House!!
Definately not so much compassion happening and not really a grip on why people end up single parents!!
Laura´s last blog post..Interview with ME
Comment by Cathouse Teri
| January 9th, 2009
I think every parenting situation has its challenges. And we will find ourselves constantly falling short.
Whatever the circumstance, if we are honest with ourselves and with our children ~ and are willing to see and accept our own strengths and weaknesses, as well as theirs ~ there is no limit to the amount of overcoming we can teach them.
Cathouse Teri´s last blog post..Man… Is A Giddy Thing
Comment by single mom seeking
| January 9th, 2009
Wow, Dad’s House, thanks! I really appreciate your point of view here.
What’s most fascinating to me about this whole Ann Coulter discussion isn’t what Ann is saying — it’s the dialogue that follows about men, women, moms, dads, and family.
People have been attacking me — and other single moms — as man-haters. What the–??
You know that I’d love me a good man just as much… Oh, I’m getting off topic here.
Thanks for pointing out that single moms are not advocates of one-parent families. Children need mothers and fathers, aunts and uncles, grandparents… In no way am I proposing that we break up families.
Great post!
single mom seeking´s last blog post..A little hope?
Comment by Jorge Fitz-Gibbon
| January 9th, 2009
Well spoken, Dadshouse. I think if people just focused on being the best parent they could be, regardless of the circumstances they find themselves in, we’d all be better off.
Jorge Fitz-Gibbon´s last blog post..Men in the Mix
Comment by krn
| January 9th, 2009
Solo Dad- I love that you find single parenting liberating. I do, too. I waited to have a child until my mid thirties and had been married a couple of years prior to his birth. I never envisioned being a single parent and wouldn’t have chosen this since I was involved with a single dad for a few years before I married and saw how challenging single parenting is. But, I couldn’t be happier now! I’m following my dream of earning an advanced degree and learning another foreign language (had learned one by immersion before, classroom learning is a different experience. Single parenting has helped me to know that I can handle so much more than I thought I could. We have to be organized to get things done. Ann Coulter? Sheesh…
Comment by QTMama
| January 9th, 2009
Ann Coulter, in this single mom’s opinion, in an assclown. And she confirmed it the Today show.
QTMama´s last blog post..Did You Know?
Comment by Dr.Leah@singlemommyhood.com
| January 9th, 2009
I never thought I’d be a single mom, especially so abruptly. (My husband broke up with me on the telephone . . .gee, that’s a whole different topic.) Single motherhood has been the most enriching and positive experience of my life. My “babies” are grown – happy, successful, and strong. Career opportunities have come to me as a single mother, which I never would have been offered.
Ann Coulter? . . .blogosphere buzz and nothing more.
Comment by mama llama
| January 9th, 2009
That is an extremely myopic point of view, and unfair to the greatly changing faces of families, not only in the United States but worldwide.
Be well, Dads.
mama llama´s last blog post..mistaken signals
Comment by Lindsey
| January 9th, 2009
I co-parent my 5 year old son with my ex husband, and I really appreciate this post!
Comment by justrun
| January 9th, 2009
As a product of a primarily single-parent upbringing, I can definitely agree that one is very much better than some alternatives (i.e. alcoholism, abuse, irresponsibility, etc.) but I wouldn’t go so far as to say one is better than married, emotionally healthy parents.
I know what we sign up for and what we get can be two different things, but I’d like to think that if possible, I would like my child to (at least partly) define me by the person I choose to be with. It would be a great example and upbringing to see that my mother chose a man that had many redeeming, admirable qualities and that she had the good sense to choose him– and likewise with my father. I know that sounds very idyllic, but I think it’s nonetheless something to strive for.
justrun´s last blog post..And then the part where I give things away
Comment by dadshouse
| January 9th, 2009
Justrun – excellent point! I agree with you. I’m not saying that single parenting is carte blanche better than couple parenting. But, single parents are forced to deal in a way married people aren’t. This can force intense introspection, evolvement, self awareness that would not be possible for someone who is in a couple.
The point could be made that married people are forced to deal with different issues – compromise, acceptance, forgiveness – in a way single parents aren’t forced to deal.
Of the two, I genuinely think single parenting fosters more evolvement than being married.
As for the kids – I agree that modeling a healthy adult relationship for them is healthy! But showing them confidence and independence is healthy, too.
Comment by Honey
| January 10th, 2009
Dude, if Anne Coulter got struck by lightning, I would LAUGH.
Honey´s last blog post..Snowboarding, Sickness, and a Breakdown at the Grocery Store
Comment by Dawn
| January 10th, 2009
Very well said as usual! Thanks!
Dawn´s last blog post..Blog error experts needed…
Comment by katherine.
| January 11th, 2009
as usual you make excellent points…although I think we live in a part of the USA…and the world…where it is far easier to be a single parent…Mom or Dad.
another glitch I have noticed is a small segment of men in the 25 – 30 age group who totally expect women who do it all…just like their single moms….and these young men don’t feel they have to contribute so much…
katherine.´s last blog post..wordless wednesday ~ playa del carmen alley
Comment by Exception
| January 12th, 2009
Oh… I was linked from Dad’s House… I am all aflutter! ;)
Giving our kids permission to be themselves and to find happiness is key for me… as is showing my daughter that it is okay to be herself simply by being myself and being happy as myself.
I may not be a great mom… but I do hope that I can teach her to have integrity and to be the best person she can be.
Exception´s last blog post..The Nagging Questions
Comment by Jim H.
| January 12th, 2009
Do I live in some alternate universe???
Can we stop patting each other on the back for a second?
Have none of you been through the “meltdowns” over “Why did mommy/daddy leave? Did no one here deal with their child’s declining grades after the breakup, or trouble with other kids at school? Is everyone’s relationship with their ex idyllic? Do none of you go through the “Mom said/Dad said” crap? It’s been two years for us and they still have trouble with it. Especially now that Mom is pregnant by her new boyfriend (Old family/New family issues?).
I feel so bad for my kids. They did not want or ask for this.
I see several of your comments deal with how single parenting makes you feel great, or its liberating, or something – yes, I suppose it’s been great for you. Maybe not your children. Is it possible that your kids could be hiding their pain from you?
My boys come home after being with their mom and complain to me about life at her house. I say “Well, why don’t you tell her your troubles?” Invariably, they say “Because she’ll get mad and send us to our room”. They’ve learned what issues make mom mad, and so they avoid them. Maybe they do the same with me? How would I know? How would you know?
I live in rural America and because I’ve volunteered with a kid’s group for 10 years, I see a lot of kids who have been affected by divorce. More often than not, affected in a negative way.
Maybe all you people are wonderful parents, and your relationship with your ex is wonderful, but I think you may be the exception, not the rule. Also, I think a lot of you had your breakup when your kids were toddlers, which makes it easier for them. Some of you have ex’s that are almost (if not totally) out of the picture, which also makes it easier.
By the way, I also hate Ann Coulter. Not agreeing with her, but disagreeing with a lot of the responses here.
I’m not proud to be a single parent. I just do my best with it.
Comment by dadshouse
| January 12th, 2009
Jim H – I don’t think single parenting should be a question of pride or shame. It is what it is. Like you said, you just do your best.
I think most readers commenting here have very different circumstances, none idyllic. There are people raising kids full time. There are co-parents with custody schedules. There are parents of toddlers, preteens, teens, grown adults. It’s a mix.
Divorce is very hard and painful. In a perfect world, I would have preferred to stay married. I’ve been divorced for nearly a decade, and have seen my kids go through all sorts of change. My son went through phases where he got in trouble at school. My daughter turned shy for a while. But over time, they both chose to be happy with their lives and be fine living in two homes. I notice both of them have other friends in two-home situations.
Maybe our situation is different because the kids like being at both houses. There isn’t a current of negativity running through their lives. Their mom and I don’t fight in front of them, and don’t bad-mouth each other. We remind the kids that we both love them and want to take care of them. Then we both show it.
I believe Ann Coulter’s attack was mainly against full time single moms. I think those moms should instead be defended for moving on with their lives and taking care of their kids.
As for meltdowns – we never had them here. I know they happen in some homes, perhaps when divorce occurs with older children? I’d be curious what others have to say.
Thanks for your insights – they are valued. Everyone’s situation is different, and we could all learn from what you’re going through.
Comment by Ed Babar
| January 12th, 2009
Ann is saying single parenting is bad for the kids because it puts them at risk. It’s a fact.
Laud the single parent all you want: you are putting your children at risk. Go ahead and provide all the excuses you want, call Ann all the names you want. Single parent families are bad for kids, and bad for the country.
Comment by dadshouse
| January 13th, 2009
Hey Ed – thanks for weighing in. Curious what risk you are referring to. My kids are happy and healthy, doing well in school, very social, responsible, respectful. Our president elect was raised by a single parent.
Maybe you are a conservative, and single parenting simply goes against your beliefs? If that’s the case, no worries, I’m not out to change your mind.
Comment by Ed Babar
| January 13th, 2009
I’m conservative, but not religious. I view marriage as an institution that has evolved over thousands of years in multiple cultures to accommodate our animal nature living in society.
If you are really interested, Patrick Moynihan “A Nation at Risk.” He called out the major problems with single parenting in black communities in the 1970s, only to be pilloried by the left.
Being that risk is risk, your mileage may vary. Just because you smoke doesn’t mean you will have lung cancer or heart disease, as my 80 year old mother in law can attest.
Comment by dadshouse
| January 13th, 2009
I think comparing single parent families from the 70s with today is a dangerous thing. Societal attitudes and social support has changed quite a bit. When I was growing up in the 70s, I knew maybe 2 divorced families, and they were spoken about in hushed tones. It was taboo. Now, divorce is far more prevalent. I’m not saying that’s good – I do believe marriage is a worthwhile institution – but I am saying perhaps the risks aren’t what they were 30 or 40 years ago.
Comment by Jim H.
| January 13th, 2009
Dadshouse: To your original thought:
If this is the “evolution” of child-rearing, we’ve blown it.
I actually can’t believe you wrote this:
“In fact, in some respects children of single parents are better off than children of married couples.”
No, I think you’re wrong. And we are teaching our children that commitment means nothing – Promises? If we can’t keep the marriage promise, then no other promise matters, either.
Comment by dadshouse
| January 13th, 2009
Jim H – I guess we should agree to disagree. I absolutely believe children of single parents are given opportunities to evolve in new directions that children of married parents do not get. Just as single parents going it solo are exposed to challenges that married parents are not exposed to.
Evolution is not a competition, and it’s not a straight line. I may be evolving in ways you have already mastered. You may be facing challenges that I have already mastered.
I stand by my statement. And note it says in some respects. Are you arguing the opposite – i.e. in no respects are they better off? That’s just silly.
Comment by Eathan
| January 13th, 2009
as always..I’m fashionably late to the party.
But Ann Coulter is a very close minded woman who writes content to and then promotes it that shocks millions. It’s just another type of shock journalism. I’ve laughed at her several times on all the news outlets over the last few days.
It appears she probably sold her soul to the Devil.. and this is the only way she can promote her books.
Eathan´s last blog post..The Ex Factor
Comment by money212
| January 13th, 2009
I think as single parents we do our best to raise our kids-It’s a hard job to do especially when you have to play both roles a mother and the father I think we need both parents in the household to raise kids -to be that role model but if the parents are not getting along what type of environment is this for the kids -I have been in this situation before and it was not a good environment I will not allow my boys to treat or talk to a woman the way they heard and saw their mother being treated.
Comment by The Exception
| January 13th, 2009
Passing judgement against any family unit is not going to help kids. The reality is that families differ. Some single parent families provide a healthier environment than a married couple family just as some same sex families are more healthy. To pass judgement is to focus on something that won’t change – we can not tell people what kind of family is required to raise kids. We can, however, focus on the kids, what we can do for the kids, how we can help kids in any family unit succeed.
As long as we continue to focus on the marriage vs single issue, we are putting our heads in the sand and ignoring the actual problem that we can work to minimize – helping our kids!!
Reality is what it is… let’s focus on helping our kids, our neighbors kids, our community children succeed in life.
The Exception´s last blog post..Do I or Don’t I
Comment by oneisenough
| February 8th, 2009
I’m just so DISGUSTED by ancient prejudices that permeate and will ultimately destroy our society, and this notion that 2-parent households are the END ALL/BE ALL is just pure crapaganda! Married couples are CLUELESS when it comes to raising children, and just look at the results. From teen pregnancies to violent crime to underage drug abuse to emotional disorders to high school dropouts–the statistics prove this out–all of this dysfunction is the DIRECT result of these Ozzie & Harriet wannabes. Talk about “too many cooks spoil the broth.” Broken home = LIBERATED HOME!
Comment by HarveyDent
| February 8th, 2009
Will Single Moms who kidnapped Men’s children through the Bias of the Family Court System ever take any responsibility for the Havoc they have wrought over the last 40 years? They’ve decimated the Black Family with their selfishness while attempting to blame Deadbeat Fathers. However there is MORE evidence (as Ann Coulter called who I’M NOT A FAN OF) that it is in fact Miscreant Mothers who have abandoned THE MEN and terrorized their children in the process much like a Hostage Taker. Patricjk Moynihan did warn of this and Black Liberals dissed him because they didn’t want the “Ladies” to look bad. The consequence is a destroyed Nuclear Black Family with BW at the Head still trying to defend a horrible mistake the still cant face decades later.
Thus BM must avoid Children/Marriage/Sharing of Residences/Finances and all Long Term relationships to compensate for BW’s lack of Humility in admitting the error of their ways. Strange there are no laws enforcing a man’s right to Visitation and Reproductive Rights, Hmmm.
One has only to look at the inane comments of the women to see why. They dont like the Traditinal Family? Dont give em’ its Bricks.
MGTOW.
Comment by saynotosinglemoms
| February 8th, 2009
@oneisenough:
I don’t know where to begin with this one.
“this notion that 2-parent households are the END ALL/BE ALL”
It may not be the end all/be all, but it should be.
“is just pure crapaganda!”
Only to some single mothers.
“Married couples are CLUELESS when it comes to raising children”
The only ones who are CLUELESS are the irresponsible single mothers who can’t be bothered to raise their children properly and who don’t respect the importance of a two parent/mother and father traditional household.
“just look at the results”
What results? You mean things like the child growing up in a stable environment, being less likely to have mental and behavioral problems, and, overall, being able to successfully function in society. Those kinds of results? Married couples really are clueless. *rolls eyes*
“From teen pregnancies to violent crime to underage drug abuse to emotional disorders to high school dropouts–the statistics prove this out–all of this dysfunction is the DIRECT result of these Ozzie & Harriet wannabes.”
Wrong. Those are all mostly the direct results of single mother households. Also, I doubt that you can provide the “statistics” to back up your argument. One statistic that has been proven is that 70 to 80% of all violent criminals came from single mother households.
“Broken home = LIBERATED HOME!”
Only in a delusional, feminist’s mind. It does seem that anything that american modern women do these days is considered liberating no matter what the negative consequences are.
Broken home = DYSFUNCTIONAL home and that’s that.
Comment by oneisenough
| February 9th, 2009
@saynotosinglemoms
“Wrong. Those are all mostly the direct results of single mother households. Also, I doubt that you can provide the “statistics” to back up your argument. One statistic that has been proven is that 70 to 80% of all violent criminals came from single mother households.”
ARE YOU HIGH??? Do you SERIOUSLY expect us to believe that these carjackers aren’t the product of the overbearing nature of TWO PARENTS telling them what to do??? GIVE ME A BREAK!
Don’t you realize that single mothers, exp. the younger ones, have great wisdom to impart to their children? Get you head out of the sand, sayno! They’ve lived life, they’ve seen things! Which is more than you could say about a 30-40 something, financially stable, happily married couples; what could THEY possibly offer of value to a growing child. NOTHING but chaos and confusion; look at these carjackers and gangbangers, this is EXACTLY what happens when the father and mother live together! Meanwhile, teen single moms are birthing the leaders of tomorrow and they get so much flak, I just don’t get it.
Comment by dadshouse
| February 9th, 2009
Hey SayNo – didn’t Sarah Palin’s teen daughter get pregnant and have a baby? Sarah Palin is married. Teen pregnancy can happen wherever.
All you commentators who are enjoying an ALL-CAPS rant on this blog. Um, do you have blogs of your own where we can come read and rant, too? I encourage debate, but I don’t care to host a name-calling shouting match. Thanks for understanding.
Comment by Robert
| January 4th, 2010
You say that fathers are like dinosaurs, lumbering behemoths who’s time is over.
You believe that single motherhood is the next phase in human evolution? Perhaps in the future even mothers will not be needed. Perhaps a world consciousness, by then genderless, will monitor the development of all children in magnetically sealed spheres 20 miles beneath the ocean. Evolution is cruel that way.
Comment by dadshouse
| January 4th, 2010
Robert – sounds like the Matrix! I’ll skip that world. And no, I didn’t say fathers are dinosaurs or behemoths. Hell, I’m a father, and I happen to think I matter quite a bit to the raising of my kids. Just as they matter to me. But I do agree that increased consciousness and awareness is a good thing.