Comments on: Sexy Text Messages That Can’t Be Ignored

By: ShrimpieDad

ShrimpieDad — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 14:27:52 +0000

This is one that’s close to my heart. I suspected my wife was cheating on me for months, only to have her vehemently deny it, accuse me of being a jerk for not trusting her, and punishing me for doubting her. Ultimately we got divorced for a very angry, disfunctional relationship. [ Ed. Note: this comment in its entirety is here: discreet affair comment. ]

By: sher

sher — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 12:23:28 +0000

He clearly doesnt respect you the way that you need/deserve to be respected. Make sure you are financially stable. Pack your things and go. For every three miserable toads like him there are three better men out there.

By: Sara

Sara — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 08:27:37 +0000

Definitely I think she or he should do their best to not immediately confront the spouse, but they should collect the evidence and protect themselves financially. That does not mean they cannot also decide whether things can be worked out.
Just curious, do cheaters usually deny even when there is undeniable evidence? Do cheaters who want to continue the affair and leave the marriage ever at least apologize or acknowledge their responsibility? Either partner could have done things better I’m sure, but only one chose to go outside the marriage which pretty much dooms the marriage as far as I’m concerned. Even if they continue to successfully hide it they will compare their spouse to the other person, they may resent their spouse seeing them as an obstacle to having all they want (house, pension, custody, lover)causing them to treat their spouse worse ( unloving, cold shoulder, no sex, contemptuous, resentful, critical ) and then when their spouse reacts in a way that is not entirely pleasant – if this affair lasts a while then they come to think of their spouse as unhappy and complaining. All along there was good reason to complain. Now the cheater blames the spouse for the affair because they were not pleasant to live with. Familiar pattern. and they will treat their spouse differently and then likely blame their spouse for complaining when maybe the spouse is complaining because they sense or know the cheater is treating them poorly. If they do apologize and admit it, just possibly they wanted to get caught due to guilt and the desire to improve the marriage. More likely though they want the other to go through the work of actually filing for the divorce. In Maryland you need to have a witness or private detective see a public display of affection, and you have to show they had sufficient time for sexual intercourse (oral does not count, and neither do homosexual acts), and the text message might only help as a way to back of the PDA to show the nature of the relationship. So one needs to collect evidence and not tip their hand, or the cheater will start covering up and erasing the evidence. The faithful spouse might even be the one considered at fault if they leave the marriage without proof that will hold up in court, and their might be all kinds of ramifications if they live in a state where their are grounds for divorces as opposed to no fault states. So there is justification to snoop in this case. The cheater will love to turn that around and blame you, but thats because they want to get away with it or wait until they can make the best possible arrangements before they ask for a divorce. PROTECT YOURSELF.

By: thewildmind

thewildmind — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 21:58:53 +0000

Oh, and I would contact my attorney immediately and get my financial affairs in order, since someone obviously already took care of the emotional affairs.
thewildmind´s last blog ..Dealing With Frustration

By: thewildmind

thewildmind — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 21:57:31 +0000

I know I’m really late to the scene and probably whatever is going to be done has already been done, but…if it were me…I’d keep the phone, silence it, carry it with me or put it in a safe deposit box and watch my partner spiral out of control when they realize it’s gone missing. Hmmm, that might start some conversation now, mightn’t it? Another option, text phony responses back that cast doubt and suspicion between the two of them then step back and watch things spiral out of control. It could actually be entertaining.

I know, I know, pretty evil of me to even suggest those things, and I’m really not trying to make light of a truly heartbreaking situation, but isn’t there a saying that goes, “All’s fair in love and war?” People tend to hang themselves if given enough rope to do it.

Yes, dadhouse, I agree with the others who’ve requested an update. Please! Please! How did this story end…or has it?
thewildmind´s last blog ..Dealing With Frustration

By: April

April — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 02:56:57 +0000

I believe that there’s 2 types of cheating. One can be forgivable if not done habitually. The other is the worst kind possible and is unforgivable because a certain line was crossed.

The forgivable kind is the one just done for sex. In my opinion sex can be just sex. Someone can cheat because they’re not getting the attention or amount of sex they require from their partner. There’s usually no strings, no feelings, just sex. To me this is forgivable because the partner can always strive to provide the cheater with whatever was lacking to begin with. Then, hopefully, they can work on things and get past it in due time.

The unforgivable kind is the kind where love gets involved. Love is far more sacred than sex. Don’t get me wrong, being cheated on hurts. But having the person you love fall in love with someone else behind your back hurts far worse.

I’m reading this kind of late, as I followed the link from Hot Dads, so I do not know what happened between these two. I find it hard to give advice in situations like this because people tend to do what they want regardless. However, I hope this person has figured it out and made the decision that’s best.
April´s last blog ..What happens in the mind of April over 5 days

By: Ginger Magnolia

Ginger Magnolia — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 12:56:17 +0000

Dad, I wonder if you can share what your reader ultimately decided to do, and what the outcome was?

My ex didn’t even try to hide his sexy texts – he didn’t get a no-contract phone until after I knew about his affair…because he didn’t want the military to know about it – his career was more important than his family.

I was surprised to find comments here telling your reader not to collect the proof before revealing that he/she knew about the affair. By some act of God, I had enough wherewithal to do just that, and I am very thankful that I did. I don’t feel as if that was “stooping to his level.” Every dirty picture, every sexy text was simply handed over to my lawyer (there were a lot). I only saw one, and that was one too many.

If I hadn’t investigated what was happening, I would have been taken completely advatage of (more than I already had been)when we got divorced. There’s using investigation to keep you and your children protected, and there’s using it to exact revenge – and nothing good would come of that, for anyone involved.
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